RE: Happiness

RE: Happiness (Full Version)

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kyraofMists -> RE: Happiness (10/27/2006 6:13:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie Hee hee Yes, but you used less words than I to make the same point. There's a surprise... Are you saying that I am terse or that you are just wordy? w

BitaTruble -> RE: Happiness (10/27/2006 6:13:17 PM)
Well, Kyra and Ownedgirlie have the exact same thoughts as I do, so I'll just add this little piece and be done. As soon as someone else becomes responsible for 'my' happiness, I'm pretty much screwed, because then what am I supposed to do when they are no longer a force in my life? Never be happy again? T'aint my style. [8D] Celeste

ownedgirlie -> RE: Happiness (10/27/2006 6:15:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie Hee hee Yes, but you used less words than I to make the same point. There's a surprise... Are you saying that I am terse or that you are just wordy? w LOL I was coughing up to being wordy but since you mentioned it....heh

eruditegirl1 -> RE: Happiness (10/27/2006 6:19:13 PM)
When I read this post...the first thing that came to mind was a conversation with my Grandmother many years back...."Someday you'll get married again and then you will be happy" she told me....."Grandma...I am happy"....I replied.... I like the majority on this post take resposibilty for my own happiness....but if I am with someone, I find that I am happier, not so much in general, but in another form of happiness/enhancement.....kind of like watching my son grow up makes me happy.....it adds to of my happiness...and I would expect to certain degree that a Dom would fall into a similar category.....not responsible for my happiness...but to a certain degree...yes ...he is responsible...just as I would be responsible for his happiness.....

LaTigresse -> RE: Happiness (10/27/2006 6:35:53 PM)
I suppose my opinion will reflect what has already been said/written. We are all responsible for ourselves. In a good relationship we can enhance the other but not "make".....if that makes any sense. In the past I have even made a concentrated effort to avoid relationships until I knew I was really happy with myself.

ClassAct2006 -> RE: Happiness (10/28/2006 10:47:57 AM)
Both people in relationships need to try to ensure if the other isn't happy they aim to fix that if they can but far too many people think a relationship will make them "happy" and depend too much on it for that feeling which is always a mistake.

Level -> RE: Happiness (10/28/2006 11:01:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Dominants, do you feel as though it is your responsibility to make a submissive happy? Really curious to see some of the responses Excellent thread, julia. The answer is no. *Now, other people certainly can* make us happy... but it behooves us to find our own joy in life. As you say, "own" your feelings.**

juliaoceania -> RE: Happiness (10/28/2006 11:17:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Dominants, do you feel as though it is your responsibility to make a submissive happy? Really curious to see some of the responses Excellent thread, julia. The answer is no. *Now, other people certainly can* make us happy... but it behooves us to find our own joy in life. As you say, "own" your feelings.** I think there are things that people can do to that will bring us unhappiness, but it is up to us to change that situation, in other words, don't like something, change it! Eventually one has to leave a situation in which their needs are consistently unmet and they are suffering as a result... so even if someone is doing their damnedest to make us unhappy it is an individual choice of how long to tolerate that and whether to remain in that situation (I hope that made sense[:D])

onlyone48 -> RE: Happiness (10/28/2006 11:23:48 AM)
That is a trap for all DOMINANTS! The only way a sub can be happy is if they serve and please their DOM. So let them do it! If that doesn't make them happy, well I would argue they are not a true submissive.

juliaoceania -> RE: Happiness (10/28/2006 11:24:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onlyone48 That is a trap for all DOMINANTS! The only way a sub can be happy is if they serve and please their DOM. So let them do it! If that doesn't make them happy, well I would argue they are not a true submissive. How would you argue that twuly? I really want to know[:D]

Mavis -> RE: Happiness (10/28/2006 11:29:03 AM)
i don't know about "happy" it reminds me of birthdays and mood, moreso than an overall condition. i prefer to go for "content". i find my contentment waxes and wanes, and it's always about something i need to do. If i'm not content, is there something in my situation or viewpoint making me so? Can i change it or is there a lesson in acceptance? So no, my partners or friends or children don't "make me" content, although they are definately part of what creates my arena.. and i ultimately control my arena.

Mavis -> RE: Happiness (10/28/2006 11:38:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onlyone48 That is a trap for all DOMINANTS! The only way a sub can be happy is if they serve and please their DOM. So let them do it! If that doesn't make them happy, well I would argue they are not a true submissive. Welcome to the boards. Ok, so let's look a little deeper at what you've said here. if we grant that a sub will get happiness by serving their Dom.. where is the trap for a Dominant in that? i'd also like to note that sometimes a "true submissive" has served one, and been unhappy, but perhaps found another that is a better match, and was happy ever after. At what stage of this timeline was she not a "true submissive"?

vield -> RE: Happiness (10/28/2006 11:42:27 AM)
As usual we try to make points and may divert the question into different questions. As a dominant I very much enjoy forcing my submissive to do things she LOVES to do. I want her healthy, happy and hot. I do not agree it is my obligation to do this, my obligation is to enjoy her the most I can, within her limits. Sometimes she has to do things that do not make her happy but which please me. Everything is mutually consensual. Sometimes I do things I am not totally fond of which she loves, to reward her for bringing me such joy. I do not currently have a Mistress, but when I am submissive to someone, I know that their side of the agreement is to enjoy me the most that they wish, within my limits. This may or may not involve me getting any of the things on my favorites list, as Pleasing the dominant is my greatest need as a sub. In point of fact I know that unless there is a good degree of mutually enjoyed times, a dominant and a submissive are not very compatible. That can be fine for teaching or for occasional play but is not a solid base for a relationship. As usual, your mileage may vary! vield

ownedgirlie -> RE: Happiness (10/28/2006 11:45:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: onlyone48 That is a trap for all DOMINANTS! The only way a sub can be happy is if they serve and please their DOM. So let them do it! If that doesn't make them happy, well I would argue they are not a true submissive. How would you argue that twuly? I really want to know[:D] I can take a stab at this. I am, by nature, a submissive woman. I need to be enslaved to someone, as it gives me purpose. I am a slave, and I am being true to myself when I give myself over to him entirely. When I hold back, I am not being true to myself. Denying who and what I am is not being true to myself. If I did not gain happiness from being who I am, then I would have to question if that really is what I am. If I say I am submissive, but I am not happy submitting to my Master, then I would question if I am really submissive. Mind you, I have submitted to assholes before and therefore was not happy. But in realizing and understanding my unhappiness, I did question if I was truly what I thought I was.

Level -> RE: Happiness (10/28/2006 11:47:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: Level quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Dominants, do you feel as though it is your responsibility to make a submissive happy? Really curious to see some of the responses Excellent thread, julia. The answer is no. *Now, other people certainly can* make us happy... but it behooves us to find our own joy in life. As you say, "own" your feelings.** I think there are things that people can do to that will bring us unhappiness, but it is up to us to change that situation, in other words, don't like something, change it! Eventually one has to leave a situation in which their needs are consistently unmet and they are suffering as a result... so even if someone is doing their damnedest to make us unhappy it is an individual choice of how long to tolerate that and whether to remain in that situation (I hope that made sense[:D]) Sure it makes sense [;)]. Of course, the more Dalai Lama-ish we can be, that helps greatly. I'm dealing with a situation at work now, where I'm going back and forth between getting a co-worker fired, or being more accepting of her annoying self.

Caitriona -> RE: Happiness (10/28/2006 11:53:01 AM)
It is not My Lord's "job" to make sure I am happy. That's my responsibility - and it's something I can do on my own. I've been happy with just myself, my books and my cats. However, his role in my life brings me joy. I do not depend soley on Him to be happy, however, he is part of what makes me happy. I think it works both ways. Sometimes things I do make him happy, sometimes it's things he does on his own (video games, ect). But it's a combination of all those things that make us both happy and content in our life together.

sublizzie -> RE: Happiness (10/28/2006 11:59:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mavis i don't know about "happy" it reminds me of birthdays and mood, moreso than an overall condition. i prefer to go for "content". I tend to use the word "joy" for my base emotional status. Happiness is like bubbles in root beer. They are fun but fleeting. Happiness is a birthday gift being unwrapped. Joy is the constant inner awareness that life is worth living regardless of what my day has been like. I can tap into my joy to bring myself out of a mild depression, if needed. I am responsible for my basic emotional well-being. Others can make me happy or unhappy, but they cannot change my basic emotional status unless I allow them to.

GrizzlyBear -> RE: Happiness (10/28/2006 12:14:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I have been reading some threads about who has it easier and who has it harder in Ds relationships. This thread is not directly about that, it is about happiness, peace, and contentment. This came to my mind because several people seemed to think that the dominant in the relationship is responsible for the happiness, peace, and contentment of the submissive... Dominants, do you feel as though it is your responsibility to make a submissive happy? I don't feel that it possible, let alone a responsibility, for anyone to make another person happy. A person is ultimately responsible for their own happiness, and much of that is simply the decision to be happy instead of deciding to be miserable, discontented, unsatisfied. However it is certainly possible to make another person UNhappy, and I do feel that the dominant bears some responsibilty for that. Some, not all. If I cannot be happy without a submissive, what suggests the simple addition of a suitably pliable masochistic slut will suddenly make me so? And what suggests that a submissive who cannot be happy without the dominant of her dreams won't remain unhappy, if he is not doing her just exactly as she wanted. Or even if he is! If we are already happy, a suitable relationship just increases our enjoyment. If we are not happy then no relationship is by itself going to solve that. Ultimately I am happy because I choose to be. And if some person is trying to make me unhappy it is my own responsibility to remove them from my life, or alter the relationship in some way that eliminates their ability to affect me. I see no reason that it should be any different for any one else. I do believe that two people who have pledged a commitment have a responsibility to not do things they know will make the other unhappy. That is not the same as always doing what makes them happy, nor is it the same as only requiring that a submissve do things she wants to do.

KnightofMists -> RE: Happiness (10/28/2006 12:16:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble Well, Kyra and Ownedgirlie have the exact same thoughts as I do, so I'll just add this little piece and be done. As soon as someone else becomes responsible for 'my' happiness, I'm pretty much screwed, because then what am I supposed to do when they are no longer a force in my life? Never be happy again? T'aint my style. [8D] Celeste well advances in science and technology is pretty incredible these days... what you got to do is have a computer program designed to replicate the person that you happiness is dependent on.... then install this software and all the computer type stuff into a lifelike doll that feels and and moves just like the real thing this is so much better than the wax dolls and tape recordings of the past... or even the blow up dolls G

gypsygrl -> RE: Happiness (10/28/2006 1:38:37 PM)
Yeah, I kind of agree with Mavis. I don't really do happiness and its just not a goal that interests me. I've learned, through various techniques, to be content in varied circumstances and take my own peace of mind seriously. If I can't feel the joy, then I can appreciate the sublime or take pride in my ability to endure. I do this with or without a domlyman in my life. Being a masochist-and I dont just mean in the sense of converting physical pain into pleasure, but more broadly-has certainly been a factor in this.

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