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RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 2:07:20 PM

TrueCalling

Posts: 97
Joined: 1/28/2005
Status: offline

Seven hours and nearing a year later? It took me six months to get to Arizona to meet the man who is now my late Master. I hadn't been 'looking' to begin with so the time was fine..it helped enable me to be comfortable, and trust to an extent. If you're calling this man "Master' and you've not met him yet, ah...I'd say the stinking fish hole is way beyond ripe (chorus of 'ewww' resounding in my head!)

cc

(in reply to Imsosly4u)

Post #: 21

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 2:08:23 PM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

try waiting 10 years, that's a long time to go without r/l

< Message edited by michaelGA2 -- 10/29/2006 2:09:40 PM >

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Post #: 22

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 2:10:56 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

There is another thing to consider. After this long of an o/l relationship, you have undoubtedly built up expectations. If there's no other reason for his trepidation (he's not who he said he is) then he may be concerned about falling short of your expectations. That would be especially true for him if this would be his first real time experience. That's just some food for thought.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

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(in reply to Imsosly4u)

Post #: 23

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 2:11:58 PM

jdtallfem

Posts: 180
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline

I can't answer for a Dom, but as a Domme I like to meet as soon as possible to see if there's even chemestry or not and see if we're even on the same page regarding vanilla interests and lifestyle. Certainly it takes more time if there's distance involved, but he sounds like a player to me.

(in reply to Imsosly4u)

Post #: 24

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 2:36:10 PM

DOM33416

Posts: 61
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline

How long is too long? Certainly a year is. Forget driving , get on a plane.

_____________________________

"Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait. The truth is, there are only two things in life, reasons and results, and reasons simply don't count."

(in reply to MistressCamille)

Post #: 25

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 2:36:37 PM

emdoub

Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline

A year?

Yup - you already know, you're just looking for support on your decision.

Personally, I don't do online at all if it can be avoided, and I avoid LDR's, too - there's just not enough calories in the relationship if I can't reach out and grab her by the hair middlin' frequent. Another large part of why I like to go RL as soon as possible is that it weeds out the fakers very quickly.

Midnight Writer

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(in reply to jdtallfem)

Post #: 26

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 3:09:32 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Imsosly4u

How long is to long?

why is it you can't seem to answer this question yourself?... it really is a simple answer..

How long is to long? When you tired of waiting!

But maybe the proper question and a question you need to ask yourself is "am I tired of waiting?"

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 10/29/2006 4:07:44 PM >

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Imsosly4u)

Post #: 27

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 3:10:39 PM

charismagirrl

Posts: 297
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline

Good luck to you and you haven't been outta your friggin mind! you were just new and hopeful.

It does seem VERY odd (much more than odd) that he would be trying to make you jump through a year's worth of hoops to get to meet him....i could understand if you were more cautious (maybe not a yr's worth but i can't judge what is right for someone else), being a woman and all, but a man doing that for so long is simply bizzare (unless of course he's married, a fake or something else similar).

It took me 3 months before i met my Master/Daddy in person and another 2 months before i gave him my phone number or told him my last name (and he basically had the patience of Job for dealing w/ that).

No one can say what the magic ammount of time is, it's different for everyone and in every situation.

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(in reply to MistressCamille)

Post #: 28

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 3:30:49 PM

Caitriona

Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

While I can understand your hesitation at waiting some time to meet up since your relationship started online...it appears to me that you want this relationship to exist offline. A year seems a long wait if you're only a few hours apart. In my experience, the nature of a D/s relationship demands that the right chemistry exist between the persons.

I hope that his reasons for waiting are not anything that would be bad for your relationship, but I suggest that you speak to him about this ASAP. Best of luck to you.

_____________________________

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Serving alongside ciarra

(in reply to charismagirrl)

Post #: 29

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 3:42:13 PM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

i think a lot of us have been through with this. While there are times it feels like the dom is pushing me to meet/play too quickly, i think waiting too long is the same. i think you have your own answer, hon...

good luck
jimini

quote:

ORIGINAL: Imsosly4u

yep but its time

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When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to Imsosly4u)

Post #: 30

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 3:43:59 PM

SirStephan55

Posts: 69
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

We waited months to meet with one and will have a period of 5 months when we on't be able to meet because of other commitments - so I don't think there can be a hard and fast rule.

(in reply to Imsosly4u)

Post #: 31

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 3:49:52 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Imsosly4u

it has been almost a year and i've yet to see my Master face to face.
when i have talked to Him about this, He says that i have to earn it,
okay, i have completed every task and am still waiting. How long is to
long? i never was seeking an internet Dom, and that was not supposed to
be how would be.

First time I met a Domme from online meeting, it ran probably close to 10 months, maybe longer. We talked every night online, usually at least 4 or more times a week on the phone, but there was always something in my schedule that precluded me from being able to get out there (I'm West coast, she was East coast).

Initially it was normal basic fear that she wouldn't like me, but eventually it was truly that various things just kept on cropping up in business that interfered with the plans to do so.

(But I gotta tell ya...when we finally met...I was totally beffudled lol...even though she and I aren't a couple anymore...she still makes me stutter).

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to Imsosly4u)

Post #: 32

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 3:53:38 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

I'm more into the 'days to weeks' category. Some people I have met the very same day I was contacted, if they were close and it seemed worth it.

I'm guessing my next relationship would involve some distance, but if it can't be driven to, there's still frequent flyer miles to spend.

It is important to get some 'face time' early to ensure a greater sense of compatibility and 'real'-ness.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Imsosly4u)

Post #: 33

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 4:00:55 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

What this guy said up there..(points up to Jeff)...When first started this journey I too fell for the long distance thing,hoping soon for that face to face..finally plans were made vacation time off he was coming all was set...poof!..blew up in my face all of a sudden he cant get away from work after all due to some boss who insisted he could not give him his vacation..then I knew ....never gonna happen..I was being played....end of that debacle...kinda embarassed by my gullability now, thought I was smarter than that..but...I wasnt..

......Tempting

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 34

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 4:53:46 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Id say after a year, he is doing one of two things. Number one is testing you, to se if you wil stay loyal even if he pulls the carrot out from in front of your nose all the time. Number two is he is playing wth you and he never actualy plans on meeting you realtime.
After this long, I would have to lean toward number two, especially if he is that close by and stil refuses to meet. 7 hours trip is NOT too much to ask for someone who plans on keeping you. I traveled farmore than that for Angel. By now, if you are no longer happy wit th eway things are going, then its time to tel him that you need to move to realtime or you are going to have to find someone who can give you the realtime you seek. It wont be easy, since you do seem attached to him, but you have to put your needs first in a situation like this.

My opinion of course.
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

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VampiresLair

(in reply to MistressCamille)

Post #: 35

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 6:09:15 PM

greeneyesub65

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/29/2006
Status: offline

Sounds to me like he's a fake. There are a lot of people on this site that are pretenders and live fantasy lives from their computers. Communication should of been set up months ago about R/T. A lot of new submissives get suckered this way. Me included. Tell him to take a hike.

(in reply to Imsosly4u)

Post #: 36

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 6:56:36 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I’ve had subs tell me about Doms who kept putting them off forever. I can tell you that when I was actively meeting others from online, I always wanted to meet soon as possible and never once stood anyone up. The fact I was ready to meet doesn’t make me a superior Dom, but only one of many out there who would be willing to take things real time. I’ll add here that although I met more than a few, I was always looking to begin a relationship if things were right although that was rare.

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(in reply to Imsosly4u)

Post #: 37

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 7:57:25 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Imsosly4u

it has been almost a year and i've yet to see my Master face to face.
when i have talked to Him about this, He says that i have to earn it,
okay, i have completed every task and am still waiting. How long is to
long? i never was seeking an internet Dom, and that was not supposed to
be how would be.

I scanned through the other replies... I waited a long time to meet my former dominant, longer than a year. He was not married, but it did not work out anyways, he was not just economically able to go there, and it ended up with me hurt even though we managed to take it into the real world.

My thoughts echo some others here, and knowing what I went through in my situation I would guess that perhaps you are very attached. I would tell him that I no longer considered him my master and was looking for others because it is taking too long and you need someone who will be in the real world with you. If he rejects you for that then he is not even your friend. If he accepts this as what you need and remains your friend perhaps in the future when he gets his own affairs in order it could be more.

What I learned from my situation is this: If someone is not meeting my needs it is up to me to find a situation in which my needs are met. If someone is not commiting to me then they have no right to expect a commitment in return, to call him your master infers ownership, how can someone who owns you not have even met you or fill even your most basic human needs? I do not think you want to give yourself so cheaply to someone you have never met, I did the same thing, so no I do not think you are crazy, but in the future you will not let yourself get this attached to someone who has not even seen your face or touched you.. it is just too painful

The feelings I felt for this person in my past were real feelings, I felt that way when we were together in the real world too, but my needs were still not met. I let go of that relationship and embraced a new one in which my needs are being met and I feel loved and cared for. This is a real life thing, not an internet thing, so there are men that will be appropriate for you. I would just advise you not to put all your eggs in one virtual basket again, and date many men until the right person comes along that is willing to be there for you.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Imsosly4u)

Post #: 38

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 8:14:19 PM

Ava82

Posts: 55
Joined: 1/2/2006
Status: offline

I'd send him a link to this thread and give an ultimatimum. If that doesn't pan out, it's time to go. That could at least be your last ditch effort, and you could walk away knowing you did what you could.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 39

RE: How long is to long to wait to meet r/t? - 10/29/2006 8:41:59 PM

SolitarySoul

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Imsosly4u

i have come to hate the computer now too...
He told me certain things that i was to do to prove myself to Him
i have done them.
i am not a fool but have chosen to take Him at His word.
i have tried to speak to Him about this and i get very frustrated.
and it seems that when i get real honest about my feelings
it doesn't make Him too happy, and then i end up saying something i regret,
thus being punished by His silence.
i am new at this all so i am not really sure how to handle it.
any thoughts, suggestions, or opinions are very welcome.
thank You all

Am I seeing this right? You tell him about your feelings on this, and he "punishes you with silence"?

IMO, communication is the cornerstone of ANY relationship, especially bdsm. Silence does not help anything. Silence is only to be used when the immediate reply would be hotheaded, lashing out and damaging. THEN when you've cooled down, resume the discussion. Not stonewalling it.

It doesn't sound like he has any plans to meet IRL. (And if he doesn't, but is genuinely into you, then giving him an ultimatum might be the kick in the pants he needs--if a subbe can give a dom an ultimatum or a kick in the pants, anyway.)

It seems like you've been putting up with this for a bit because you're afraid to be alone. Most people stay with someone who is really not good for them, because the alternative (being alone) is so much worse, in their mind.

You just have to decide which is worse.

I wish you the best, with whichever you choose.

(in reply to Imsosly4u)

Post #: 40

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