RE: Negative postings

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LaTigresse -> RE: Negative postings (10/31/2006 8:00:03 AM)
Julia, I am glad that you do. I honestly do hate hurting someone's feelings when it was not intended to be taken negatively. I know I do hold back alot more than I would in person. In person, with body language and facial expressions it is easy to convey the intention of the words. Not so much so here.

mnottertail -> RE: Negative postings (10/31/2006 8:28:54 AM)
Exactly, thats why I try and post in the negative, to kinda balance out the posts by that happy ass wench of a smiley......... LOL, Ron (smilezz: (observe cybercommand that will prolly be obeyed, LOLOLOL, or not) post me a note on the other side and tell me how that guy that signs his name with the funny norse p like thing (called a thorn) is doing, K?)

yaqeta -> RE: Negative postings (10/31/2006 8:54:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx You can be direct, you can be PC. I don't see where ignorance is served in choosing the latter. I don't see where ignorance is served in choosing either, if you interpret "direct" to mean pointing out that someone's a moron. What about being thoughtful, respectful and honest - direct and pc at the same time? You can get your message across, and do it in a way that people may actually listen to without getting defensive. Yes, they may still be defensive. Yes, they may still be morons. But sometimes they won't, and you will have acheived what you were apparently trying to. Before I go on, note that I'm not trying to say that this necessarily applies to you personally, Jeff. I just think that what you've put so succinctly is a thought that quite a few people share, for a variety of reasons, and I wanted to respond to that approach generally, as a common theme on these boards. You just happened to be the one who put it in a way that was straightforward enough for me to reply to. A lot of the time, it seems to me that when people blatantly criticise others for their ignorance, then justify it with the idea that they are doing that person a service, by trying to educate or enlighten them..... deep down, the real reason is simply for their own self-gratification - maybe because the OP annoyed them, and they want the satisfaction of retaliating instead of asking themselves why they felt annoyed in the first place and dealing with that as their own problem... or maybe just to make themselves feel superior. If a person of maturity and intelligence is genuinely trying to help someone understand something, they are capable of putting it in a way that doesn't belittle or sound offensive. I'd be willing to bet that the majority of people here have a relatively useful amount of maturity and intelligence. And yet some of them still get critical and rude. I'm not expecting them to stop, it comes with the territory. But I wonder what some of those people would see if they stopped finding fault with everyone else and asked themselves why it was so important to them to do that? xxx yaq

juliaoceania -> RE: Negative postings (10/31/2006 9:15:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail Exactly, thats why I try and post in the negative, to kinda balance out the posts by that happy ass wench of a smiley......... LOL, Ron (smilezz: (observe cybercommand that will prolly be obeyed, LOLOLOL, or not) post me a note on the other side and tell me how that guy that signs his name with the funny norse p like thing (called a thorn) is doing, K?) Well it is important to be consistent isn't it....lol quote: LaTigresse: Julia, I am glad that you do. I honestly do hate hurting someone's feelings when it was not intended to be taken negatively. I know I do hold back alot more than I would in person. In person, with body language and facial expressions it is easy to convey the intention of the words. Not so much so here. That is why it is important to realize there will be misunderstandings, and people will read our words the way they want to.I could say the sky was blue and someone out of the millions that use the internet would take that as a personal slam unfortunately (not that I am not above the occasional flame or two, but I can take as good as I dish out, in fact I can take more than I dish out being a masochist and all... weg) I keep thinking this one thing, the we see the world as we are, not as it truly exists... I become more and more convinced of this the older I get.

LadyOunce -> RE: Negative postings (10/31/2006 11:44:09 PM)
In the end, it's the nature of the beast. Man, used generically here, is a combative beast. In the past it was hand to hand but now it is with our words, both spoken and in writing/text. Not a happy answer, I know.

adaddysgirl -> RE: Negative postings (11/1/2006 6:22:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PiercedDaz The thing that really grits my shit (no, its not a BDSM practice. Is it?) though is when people jump into a thread having a go at the OP when all they were requesting was advise. Please people (well, argumentative people) read the thread and see what it is being sought. If it's advise, then its being asked for a reason. Someone obviously values the advise of others. Don't just wade in with you senior experience and give them what for. If you don't like what you're reading, click on something else (Reality check: it is only a computer screen after all!) In summary...thanks everyone. You lot are great on here and at times inspirational to us newbies. But please, lets try to be positive with each other. 'Construictive' critisism is good. Slating people is a numpties trick! Daz, When i first started posting here, i thought the same as you do above. But after some time, i have come to the conclusion that this forum is like a big classroom. First you have the 'cliques'....the ones who have 'known' each other for some time and will back each other come hell or high water....even when they don't really agree! [sm=rolleyes.gif] Then you have the bullies....the ones that just for the heck of it, like to pick on others and start shit. Kind of like a bully at school...really just trying to get attention. And of course you have his/her followers....the ones that go along just so the bully won't pick on them and who are generally too weak to take a stand on their own. Of course you have the class clown who has to make a joke out of everything (just for attention) and really thinks he's funny, when he/she really just sounds like an idiot [:-] Then of course there are the 'know it alls'....i probably don't have to explain that one [8\|] Then you actually really have intelligent people contributing intersting and helpful stuff here. And you have the ones who want to learn from them. Those are the ones i respect and whose posts i look forward to reading. i myself like to ask a lot of questions, mainly so i understand exactly what is being asked/said. i really don't know why people go on a thread and post just to mock or denigrate the OP. If you find a thread foolish or don't have something positive to offer, why not just pass it by? i copied what i said on another thread: i think what people on these boards fail to realize is that when they denigrate another in a post, they really say more about their character than that of the one they post against. People try to make others look like fools but in the end, they are the ones that look foolish, and end up losing the respect of those that read. my conclusion is that most who have to somehow put others down to make their point are probably the same in RL and as a result, live a very lonely, unfulfilled, unhappy life. How sad for them [sm=river.gif] DG

Dnomyar -> RE: Negative postings (11/1/2006 6:25:51 AM)
yaq is it because they know not what they do. Some people can't see beyond their nose. Mmmm probably why I wear glasses.

mnottertail -> RE: Negative postings (11/1/2006 6:30:03 AM)
Then you have people who analyze it and say this person is either: unrealistic, self absorbed, profoundly disturbed, attention whore, or any number of things that are really at there core very self serving and seeking self-aggrandizement or pity or justification or grudge help or........... and so you blast them, for coming up with puerile crap after having seen this ilk many thousands of times. But that ain't me, I am the class clown.....the impudent ass as it were, so that's why I do it. Just to be funny (or not, in deference to adg) I have wrote my heart out on these forums with great passion in the olden days, and will still talk to someone pretty earnestly (if not toughly) when it is obvious that they are listening to bad self-talk............but............ Ron

adaddysgirl -> RE: Negative postings (11/1/2006 6:55:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail Then you have people who analyze it and say this person is either: unrealistic, self absorbed, profoundly disturbed, attention whore, or any number of things that are really at there core very self serving and seeking self-aggrandizement or pity or justification or grudge help or........... and so you blast them, for coming up with puerile crap after having seen this ilk many thousands of times. And i do know what you are saying here Ron. In the short time i have been here, i have seen these same types of threads. i imagine you have seen many more. But i will read the OP, shake my head, and move on if that's how i feel, rather than jump in just to add something derogatory. Replying, even negatively, only keeps those types coming back for more. But that ain't me, I am the class clown.....the impudent ass as it were, so that's why I do it. Just to be funny (or not, in deference to adg) I have wrote my heart out on these forums with great passion in the olden days, and will still talk to someone pretty earnestly (if not toughly) when it is obvious that they are listening to bad self-talk............but............ i really don't mind jokes. As a matter of fact, i really have a good sense of humor (believe that or not...lol). But when jokes are made just to pick on or belittle another, then i really can't see the humor there. *i don't know....do people just become jaded* when being on here so long?** DG

subjected2006 -> RE: Negative postings (11/1/2006 7:05:32 AM)
hmmm if the recent bit of squirmish on the boards from the self proclaimed Dom last night(the one that declared all Dominant females null and void) is what triggered this thread ..then I feel the need to say this..I was not being sarcastic when I mentioned his mom..men who have these anger issues are usually judging every woman through their issues with their mom's .. I try to be fair. I'm not really concerned if I come off as a bitch here,because labels dont bother me anymore (unless they say Heinz..just sayin'...)

SassySue -> RE: Negative postings (11/1/2006 7:20:49 AM)
I keep thinking this one thing, the we see the world as we are, not as it truly exists... I become more and more convinced of this the older I get. [/quote] It's all perception.

LAMPedge -> RE: Negative postings (11/1/2006 7:36:51 AM)
Not entirely accurate, but certainly close. Reality is perceived through the lens of perception, which is why children are more open and accepting. Their realities have not become bounded as the vast majority of ours have. Perhaps this is why I feel compelled to call people on their bullshit. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reality_tunnel

adaddysgirl -> RE: Negative postings (11/1/2006 10:01:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LAMPedge Not entirely accurate, but certainly close. Reality is perceived through the lens of perception, which is why children are more open and accepting. Their realities have not become bounded as the vast majority of ours have. Perhaps this is why I feel compelled to call people on their bullshit. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reality_tunnel That's an interesting link LAM. i wouldn't mind seeing a thread on that some time (under off-topic of course [&:] ) DG

CrappyDom -> RE: Negative postings (11/1/2006 10:19:19 AM)
adaddysgirl, quote: i really don't know why people go on a thread and post just to mock or denigrate the OP. If you find a thread foolish or don't have something positive to offer, why not just pass it by? Why do you think criticism isn't positive? Does a coach only speak to an athlete when they do something well? Does a parent only speak to their child when they are being good? I am one of the knowitalls you speak of. Because of my vast years of therapy dealing with issue after issue and of my short time in the scene, patterns and issues leap out of posts for me. When someone new sub complains about how all these doms treat her like shit, I don't hug her and sympathize, I hit her over the head with reality and ask her "why do YOU pick such shitty men" You can choose to see that as horrible criticism, or you can see that if she finds the answer to that she might be able to change the pattern. Criticism isn't in and of itself bad and just because you judge it to be negative (which is in essence what you complain people like me are doing) doesn't mean it is. You want to give a starving person food and I want to teach them to feed themselves. Both are valid goals but I believe mine is better in the long run.

crouchingtigress -> RE: Negative postings (11/1/2006 10:39:54 AM)
well said adaddysgirl..... to the OP, at the end of it all all any one ever has really ever have is their character.... oh and one more thing...the folks that are grumpy pants 'bullies' ?.....think about how painful their lives must have been to feel the need to be always pushing people away, hurting and endlessly judging people.... even baby monkeys wither and die with out nurturing contact.... grumpy pants bullies are withering and dying too, and we, (well i can only speak for myself) i, am doing nothing to ease their pain for fear of getting my head bit off...which is precisely what they have convinced themselves and the world that is what they want... when we all know they'd rather be loved if they could just figure out how. quote: ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl quote: ORIGINAL: PiercedDaz The thing that really grits my shit (no, its not a BDSM practice. Is it?) though is when people jump into a thread having a go at the OP when all they were requesting was advise. Please people (well, argumentative people) read the thread and see what it is being sought. If it's advise, then its being asked for a reason. Someone obviously values the advise of others. Don't just wade in with you senior experience and give them what for. If you don't like what you're reading, click on something else (Reality check: it is only a computer screen after all!) In summary...thanks everyone. You lot are great on here and at times inspirational to us newbies. But please, lets try to be positive with each other. 'Construictive' critisism is good. Slating people is a numpties trick! Daz, When i first started posting here, i thought the same as you do above. But after some time, i have come to the conclusion that this forum is like a big classroom. First you have the 'cliques'....the ones who have 'known' each other for some time and will back each other come hell or high water....even when they don't really agree! [sm=rolleyes.gif] Then you have the bullies....the ones that just for the heck of it, like to pick on others and start shit. Kind of like a bully at school...really just trying to get attention. And of course you have his/her followers....the ones that go along just so the bully won't pick on them and who are generally too weak to take a stand on their own. Of course you have the class clown who has to make a joke out of everything (just for attention) and really thinks he's funny, when he/she really just sounds like an idiot [:-] Then of course there are the 'know it alls'....i probably don't have to explain that one [8\|] Then you actually really have intelligent people contributing intersting and helpful stuff here. And you have the ones who want to learn from them. Those are the ones i respect and whose posts i look forward to reading. i myself like to ask a lot of questions, mainly so i understand exactly what is being asked/said. i really don't know why people go on a thread and post just to mock or denigrate the OP. If you find a thread foolish or don't have something positive to offer, why not just pass it by? i copied what i said on another thread: i think what people on these boards fail to realize is that when they denigrate another in a post, they really say more about their character than that of the one they post against. People try to make others look like fools but in the end, they are the ones that look foolish, and end up losing the respect of those that read. my conclusion is that most who have to somehow put others down to make their point are probably the same in RL and as a result, live a very lonely, unfulfilled, unhappy life. How sad for them [sm=river.gif] DG

adaddysgirl -> RE: Negative postings (11/1/2006 10:53:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom Why do you think criticism isn't positive? i never said criticism can't be positive CD....but there's a big difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism....i can recognize the difference and that is not what i see in many cases here. i used the term 'mocking' in my post. Do you see mocking as a positive thing? If you're looking to introduce a positive change to someone, does mocking the person make that goal work? Or does trying to make them look like a fool? Maybe sometimes a 'bonk on the head' (or a kick in the ass) might just be a wake up call for someone....but again, that is not the type of interaction i was referring to here on the board. i really don't think you get very good results by belittling someone (as opposed to pointing something out to someone so that they might learn something new). i think they would like to learn something new...but not be made to look like a fool in the process. DG

Aine -> RE: Negative postings (11/1/2006 12:17:40 PM)
I'm betting that this one might escalate at least two more pages by the time I get back from work tonight. :) Though so far things are still in the realm of constructive debate. It'll be interesting to see where it might go in 10 hours.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Negative postings (11/1/2006 12:20:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SassySue I keep thinking this one thing, the we see the world as we are, not as it truly exists... I become more and more convinced of this the older I get. It's all perception. Yes...and our perceptions are based on past experiences and our thinking processes and our ability/inability to sort things out and put each incident and person in our lives into an honest place in our heart/soul/mind. However, sometimes the perception is incorrect not because of all the colors that we bring to it but because the crayons held by the one giving themselves over for perception are plentiful and used in an extremely talented fashion. A submissive meets a dominant. He is charming and easy to talk to. She finds herself revealing more and more about herself, especially about how all the dominants she has met who have seemed to be too gentlemanly and too cautious with little provided to her in the way of intellectual stimulation and she craves that. After their conversation...which seems to become even more wonderful as the night wears one, they part and plan to meet again soon. This time, he seems a little more coarse, a little more dominating of her, discusses great philosphies with her...even more of a fit. This happens each time they see each other. Now...is he truly this way and revealing himself slowly? Or is he a chameleon able to change what he appears to be in order to draw her in? Is he faking it in order to get in good with her but he really is making an honest attempt to become this way because he really likes her OR is he presenting himself this way because he wants her for awhile and she'll do til someone from the past/present/future who is a better fit for what he is right now comes along?

toservez -> RE: Negative postings (11/1/2006 12:51:05 PM)
We are who we are. We can try to change/put on an act but it can be done only for so long. Eventually the more you spend time with someone the more difficult it is to pretend. In CreativeDominant's example, the reasons matter little it is either who he is or not in the long run. Some people have chameleon ability naturally and of course some do it consciously but in the end their true colors are revealed. This is the same way with negative posts. A person on a few threads might be negative and rude but on the whole they are positive and polite then it would be tough to paint them with one brush stroke. At the same time though if a person is always negative or always positive then the odds are, at least to me, that you are getting a true representation of who they are. For most of us we are in the middle somewhere. Being negative is being negative. It is not an attractive quality in any of us. Whether it is blunt and coarse or razor sharp intellect, whether it is done on whatever the pretense is of keeping it real, poking holes in absurdity or logic and anything else, the language and tact we use reflects who we are and our personality. Some may like it and others may hate it but there it is. I am often fascinated though by people in the cyber land who talk so bluntly negative to other people on the pretense of being honest and say they are that way in real life. In my real life experience that type of tact is only seen done on people you hate or are stuck with you. I just think most of that type of talk is reserved for cyber world where etiquette is merely a word and not a soical behavior.

crouchingtigress -> RE: Negative postings (11/1/2006 1:10:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: toservez I am often fascinated though by people in the cyber land who talk so bluntly negative to other people on the pretense of being honest and say they are that way in real life. i have been guilty of that.[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] quote: Being negative is being negative. It is not an attractive quality in any of us. Whether it is blunt and coarse or razor sharp intellect, whether it is done on whatever the pretense is of keeping it real, poking holes in absurdity or logic and anything else, the language and tact we use reflects who we are and our personality. . aint that the truth.[;)]

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