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RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/7/2006 5:25:09 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		i agree gardenblue bird.....i am shocked at how may people are asking how short your skirt was before the rape...
 
LAM, i really hope it does not happen to you, but if it does i am sure you will really appreciate some one responding to you with how easy it is to pick on you.
 
Sinergy: there are just no words to describe the levels that my respect has plummeted.
 
 
Dynomar:
 
Gardenbleuebird : This is not a typical cross section of this lifestyle, there are some good people, really good people, i am not sure why the folks here are so mean, maybe they have been wounded and have not healed and there fore show no compassion: the kick the dog theory of abuse, maybe the feel insulated because that are behind a screen and therefore there is no accountability, or maybe they are just grouchy pants. the thing is it does not matter, none of us matter, what matters is you, go heal, more then one person benefited from the risk you took and the pain you shared on this thread...know that it was not all in vain.
 
and if you can :try to forgive them....its better for you, better for the world and it will help you heal faster.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to ChaOz)
Profile   Post #: 161
RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/7/2006 5:42:33 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		How is reading some stupid pickup book going to help you. All you can do is to try to use some common sense. Sometimes it works and sometimes not. Trying to give good advise on here is a waste of breath. 99% of the women ignore it and come back bitching on how they were mislead.  If correcting someones English on here makes your day be my guest.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 162
RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/7/2006 5:47:09 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

How is reading some stupid pickup book going to help you. All you can do is to try to use some common sense. Sometimes it works and sometimes not. Trying to give good advise on here is a waste of breath. 99% of the women ignore it and come back bitching on how they were mislead.  If correcting someones English on here makes your day be my guest.


_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 163
RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/7/2006 7:52:00 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		I'm gonna go out on a limb here.  I can sympathize with the op's feelings of vulnerability and sense of being a target.  I'm a single mom in difficult circumstances, and don't always make the best decisions.  I'm often driven by necessity and that, in itself, places me in a prcarious situation.  So, I can't help but read the op's story through the lens of my own experience. I don't know if what I have to say is  gonna make sense, but I do want to share my thought process.

My biggest point of vulnerability is my own need.  Thus far, I've always gotten what I needed, even if it hasn't always been what I wanted.  Its here that I look at the op's story and think to myself, she got what she needed.  It wasn't what she wanted, but, well, life's like that sometimes. 

And, if there's any truth to his being a thoughtless philanderer who impregnates women then abandons them, I'm gonna guess he gave a lot of other women what they needed at the time they needed it.  Maybe he didn't give them what they wanted, or maybe he gave them something that they didn't want, but well, is there any rule in life that says we get everything we want and only what we want?  If there were a rule like that my life would be very different. All I can say of the philander with the information that I have is that he was a player and he played well.  He won, they lost.  Game over. 

So, what was it that the op needed?  As she said herself, she needed a safe haven, she wanted someone to lean on and someone who supported her.   And he gave her all that. 

She also had wants.  Again, in her words, she wanted to be seen as a wonderful, desirable woman, attributing this want to "most" submissives.   Perhaps she needed to believe she was special in his eyes.  And, then what happened?  Well, she found out that he provided the same service to a lot of other women.

It's here that I have to think to myself, oh oh.  Again, drawing on my own experience, I know that as soon as I get to thinking that submission is some kind of investment in which I'm exchangeing submission for something external to the power exchange, I'm in trouble.  Basically, I'm using the dynamic for my own purposes and those that have nothing to do with D/s.  D/s become a cover for an implicit bargain: I submit to you, and you love/ support me/ keep me company or something else.  The moment I start thinking that, I enter a manipulative game.  I become a player and a user and cease to be a submissive.

For me at least, its very hard to stay away from this tendency.  Its the premise on which many vanilla relationships are based and is usually functional for most parties involved in such relationships. 

Basically, my point is, as I think the logic involved in the op's story, and I think about the times I've involved myself in a similar logic, I lose track of who's using who.  All I can see is predator and prey locked in a fatal embrace.

Again, I don't know if this is gonna make any sense, but it is hard for me to make a simple and clear cut distinction between predator and victim then blame one and absolve the other. 









(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 164
RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/7/2006 8:02:09 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

So the op has a Mensa level IQ. Big deal did it help her.



My take on IQ is that a good metaphor is a bowl.

A person can have a huge bowl with nothing in it.

A person can have a tiny bowl that is full.

The person with the tiny bowl is probably more capable in life than the one with the big empty bowl.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy


Funny, I heard these words from Sinergy about two days ago, it was not an insult to the OP, it was an observation that IQ is not an indicator of being happy or having more going on than another person, it is just a test. Now people can infer all they like that it was a slam on someone, but that is not what it is...

Edited to add, it is funny I did not feel insulted when he said this to me... *shrugs*

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 11/7/2006 8:03:34 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 165
RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/7/2006 8:03:01 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I know some of my opinions aren't so humble. But is'nt the purpose of this board to solicit different opinions.

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 166
RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/7/2006 8:03:05 AM   
gardenbluebird


Posts: 131
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		I needed to be lied to like I needed a hole in my head.

All I ever asked him for was fun, friendship, domination, and honesty.  What I got was someone who systematically took down my defenses and manipulated my emotions for his own amusement and pleasure.


(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 167
RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/7/2006 8:06:39 AM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gardenbluebird

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

So the op has a Mensa level IQ. Big deal did it help her.



My take on IQ is that a good metaphor is a bowl.

A person can have a huge bowl with nothing in it.

A person can have a tiny bowl that is full.

The person with the tiny bowl is probably more capable in life than the one with the big empty bowl.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy


I cannot express how delighted I am to see myself described in such positive terms.  This has been such a warm and supportive atmostphere that it truly makes me proud to belong to this community. 

Please keep it coming.  Make sure I really learn my lesson.  It's wonderful - really.

Do you pull the wings of flies and torture small animals for fun too, or do you just like to kick people when they are down?  Inquiring minds want to know.


Hello A/all,

I apologize for the way my comments about IQ were taken.  I was talking about a theoretical construct used to attempt to evaluate a murky concept known as intelligence.  Not about any poster or person in particular.

As far as the comment I was quoting, I disagree that IQ has any relevance at all to a person being stalked or beset by a predator.  As I have stated numerous times, under limbic system stress, higher reasoning functions (that would include IQ) are not available to the individual.  So what IQ a person has under adrenalin or endorphins or whatever is not relevant to the situation at hand.

Respectful apologies to all who were offended by my words.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to gardenbluebird)
Profile   Post #: 168
RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/7/2006 8:13:32 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gardenbluebird

I needed to be lied to like I needed a hole in my head.

All I ever asked him for was fun, friendship, domination, and honesty.  What I got was someone who systematically took down my defenses and manipulated my emotions for his own amusement and pleasure.




Of course, you didn't need to be lied to.  I didn't mean to imply that you did. 

(in reply to gardenbluebird)
Profile   Post #: 169
RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/7/2006 8:16:10 AM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		She never asked why she was selected.  All she was simply stating was and I quote, "Why I was selected as a target for a predator".  Regardless of his being a predator, or simply an assshole, or whatever term one wishes to use, does not really matter in the scheme of things.  Cautionary tale is all.  

There were some sympathetic posts gardenbluebird.  Hope you noticed those from others amongst all the drivel here. 

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 170
RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/7/2006 8:20:39 AM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		Now off topic a brief second....imtempting, I have actually heard many men and Dominants from this site and others, that complain like heck about being taken advantage of.  Though usually it is because they can't find someone, or a so called submissive took advantage of their pocketbook.  Also, they complain when a submissive says sorry, but I am not interested in you.    They whine and complain like little old grannies.  This is not a gender specific trait. 

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 171
RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/7/2006 8:21:10 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		My point with the IQ was no matter how smart you think you are you can be duped.

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 172
RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/7/2006 8:36:25 AM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		I understood who your post was referring to Dnomyar as far as the ego part....and I don't think it referred to the OP. 

The OP already stated in her own words, that smart people can be duped as well as others.  So I got her point from her first post.  She was simply stating again, that anyone can be duped and to be careful. 

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 173
RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/7/2006 8:45:09 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		off topic hello cutie.

(in reply to texancutie)
Profile   Post #: 174
RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/7/2006 11:14:16 AM   
TreSwank


Posts: 1165
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline 		Why I was selected as a target for a predator

                            

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 175
RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/7/2006 4:15:59 PM   
ChaOz


Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

How is reading some stupid pickup book going to help you. All you can do is to try to use some common sense. Sometimes it works and sometimes not. Trying to give good advise on here is a waste of breath. 99% of the women ignore it and come back bitching on how they were mislead.  If correcting someones English on here makes your day be my guest.


Once you know the format of how its done you can spot it miles away and filter out the newage asshole. The whole point of it is to get past a girls common sense and appear like Mr. Right, its not like these guys have a big sign saying they are incapable for an emotional connection and something real.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 176
RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/8/2006 9:16:19 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Thats the problem with not haveing a place to post the bad apples. I know there are 2 sides to every story. When you keep hearing the same thing from different sources then a red flag should appear to you. But even if you do warn some people it goes in one ear and out the other.

(in reply to ChaOz)
Profile   Post #: 177
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