Noah
Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kalira
Safe words occur AFTER the fact. They do not occur before, or during; but after.
Well the premiss just doesn't hold, for starters.
In the midst of some spirited and sweaty mutual exercise, T opens drawer, lifts out 9mm semi-automatic, partially drops clip to verify payload status. Slaps clip back in, releases safety, shoves B's mouth open with fingers of other hand and (all the while still pumping away) begins to move the 9's muzzle into position between B's upper and lower incisors.
B says the safeword.
What's the fact that this is after? What is the damage that has been done and can't be undone?
Safe words are indeed used before, duing and after. The premiss of this thread is BALONEY.
This gun scene is one clear instance. I can give you more, continuously, until I have to pause for a sandwich and then I could go on for a few more hours yet.
To frame a discussion of safewords with a premiss like "they occur after the fact" is simply to ignore vast quantities of plain-as-the-nose-on-your-face facts. Which of course will lead to a pretty useless discussion unless someone points out the error.
Glad I could help.
Sure, it is possible to safeword after a given fact is instantiated. I'm sure it happens a lot. As others have said it may be because the victim is unwilling or feels unable to endure another instantiation of that fact. In such cases the safeword isn't "about" what just happened but about what is about to happen if the rhythm keeps up.
Way back when I found out that other people liked some of the same things I did and the term safe-word entered my vocabulary, its meaning was given as simple and very cut and dried. Not magical at all.
Lots of victims (let it stand for subs and slaves and bottoms and masochists and all sorts of do-ees as opposed to do-ers) enjoy sometimes to have the liberty to scream (or whisper for that matter) the word "No." the word "stop" and all sorts of similar sentiments when in fact their bottom line desire is for events to continue. The typical rape fantasy enactment is a fine sort of example. So "no"'s are to be--well not ignored, exactly, enjoyed to the fullest by all parties is what they should be. But "no"'s by mutual understanding shouldn't signal an end to the proceedings, as such.
And the "no"'s can be as creative as you like. Maybe the "victim" knows the perpetrator is allergic to stings and yell's "Stop! There is a swarm of bees behind you." The bad guy can plough away serene in the knowledge
that this is but another a cunning "no" and is not to be heeded.
If the victim actually sees a hornet on the bad guy's horn-rims, headed for his anaphylactic ear, and wants compassionately to alert him, she says "Safeword" or a facsimile thereof--followed by the key facts--and hopefully no one has to jump off the roof.
The primary use of a safeword as it was taught to me so long ago is to liberate a lot of other language for quite impassioned and maybe cathartic use, use which may be disingenuous in terms of face value but which allows exploration of deeper truths--or just facilitates fun. And that--as teh kids used to say, is all good. The accent was not on "safe". That's just something to call this scening device.
Do some people invest nearly magical power in the availability of safewords? I think some do. This is an indictment of poor judgement on the part of the individual at issue rather than in ant way being an indictment of safewords. What device in this whole round world do you know of that can't be mis-used or mis-relied upon?
Safewords aren't to my personal taste. Having been around the block a few times I have experience with them. I don't swear never to employ them again, in fact I can envision situations in which I would find it appropriate. But in fact it has been along time and I may expire before ever agreeing to one again.
As it happens neither do I subscribe to the tenets of SSC.
More important than either of those preferences is the fact that I don't presume to call my expression of myself through WIITWD Realer And Truer than your expression of yourself just because you may hold closer with safewords and/or SSC than I do--or reject them even more thoroughly than I do.
As for claims that D/s is not Weal and Twue if the inferior person has access to a safeword, all I can say is maybe that's the case in someone's tiny little black and white, ignorant-of-the-complexities-of-human-interaction world. That's a pity for you but if you're making your way in the world on those terms I have no interest in converting you. Rock your monkey to the moon.
Some people have much subtler and richer notions of D and s and have more ways of finding meaning in these activities and more meanings to find than are available in space in which you choose to operate. This fact is demonstrated by their ability to have fulfilling BDSM experiences under conditions which by your own account would make this impossible for you.
That is to say: with a safeword.
Sputter and fume if you like. It is kind of fun to watch. But know that your claims that This Is Impossible are proved wrong every day by the shared experience of thousands of people who do agree on a safeword before proceeding.
They can do something you can't. Why you think that entitles you to a sense of superiority is a mildly amusing conundrum but not an important one in my view.
By coming here and calling anyone who uses a safeword inauthentic you make yourself look like some ren-faire freake who waltzes into a university history department and announces to the faculty that they don't REALLY understand history because they aren't wearing merkins and misusing obsolete syntax.
No I'm not suggesting that safeworders are more better than non-safe-worders. I'm a non-safe-worder ferchrissakes. I'm suggesting that bullshit is bullshit.
This posts addresses whomever may read it and fit the description(s) given, notjust the person indicated at lower right. If you have never claimed your kink was more authetic than that of safe-worders then that complaint does not target you. My remaining complaints are targetted in the same manner.
If you have claimed that since you don't use safewords your kink is indeed more authentic than someone else's: Get the fuck over yourself. There is more than one way to do WIITWD and the fact that some of those ways aren't to your taste, or are beyond your understanding, does not disqualify them nor make your shit smell like roses.
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RE: The use of safewords - 
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