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RE: Honesty in a relationship - 11/8/2006 2:46:20 PM   
jesskitty


Posts: 185
Joined: 9/4/2006
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i try my best to be as open and honest as i can in a relationship and i expect and hope my partner to be the same. i belive the more you practice communication with your partner, be it good or bad news, that it strengthens the relationship, your future relationship endevaors, and also makes sure everyone is on the same grounds. i know i can be an extremly daft person at times, if i'm not told directly about some things i will not know there is a problem and i think this could also be a problem. one person might be worried or upset about something and belive their signals are making it obvious to the other that something's up, but the other person could be completly oblivious.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Honesty in a relationship - 11/23/2006 10:57:02 AM   
VixenSara


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For me, honesty is important, if you are in any kind of relationship being your best freind, your lover, husband, sub whomever if you care and trust the other person for me being dishonest would hurt and make me loose some trust. 

VixenSara

(in reply to Bearlee)
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RE: Honesty in a relationship - 11/23/2006 4:54:05 PM   
sleazy


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From: UK
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Having been lied to in the past, I would much rather deal with an honest truth I did not like than be decieved, even about something as big as infidelity. On the flip side, I give complete honesty back, although I do try to temper it with what little tact and diplomacy I have :)

This is of course within the confines of a relationship - I will swear I was only doing a fraction over the speed-limit to a cop, and I will never tell a new mother their baby is little more than a red, smelly, noisy blob :)

(in reply to VixenSara)
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RE: Honesty in a relationship - 11/23/2006 5:40:23 PM   
VixenSara


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Joined: 11/22/2006
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I totally agree I  stressed that to my ex husband i stress that to my kids to people i am in any kind of relationship with, you tell me the truth yeah i may get hurt but i rather be hurt for a minute then feel like i can't trust anyone at all.  I thought a ex boyfreind of mine was awful for cheating on me, but when i asked him point blank if he had he told me the truth.  Did it take a while to trust him again sure, but i respected him for the fact that when asked he did tell the truth.

(in reply to sleazy)
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RE: Honesty in a relationship - 11/24/2006 9:36:11 AM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira
For myself; honesty is extremely important. Trying to cover up a mistake does nothing more than cause MORE mistakes; not to mention the guilt I would feel by keeping something from Master.

As for white lies; I will be honest. It depends. If I plan a surprise and don't want him to know, I may tell a small white lie to keep him from discovering the surprise; and then hope that he would understand and forgive me afterwards.


I personally have no poker face and can't seem to tell a lie.  If I attempt to, it clearly shows on my face to anyone who knows me well.  Plus, later, I can never seem to recall what it was that I said to cover the lie.  Consequently, I find that it's much easier to simply tell the truth.  Like Kalira, I will tell a white lie (as best I can), in order to cover up a surprise.  To me, an omission of the complete truth is the same as telling a lie.


quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Of course I tell him.  How else can he truly know me and run me effectively if he is using false data?  He needs to know where my head is at all times.  He needs to know where I struggle and what I breeze through.  He needs to know me inside and out, thoroughly, and this prevents HIM from making a mistake.  He relies on his knowledge of me to predict me, to push me, to pull me back, to ease up, to use me effectively without mentally/emotionally/physically harming me.  If I am covering up information, I am skewing the data he is depending on, and that could be detrimental.


On this I totally agree!  Communication is essential between sub and Dom/me.  It needs to go both ways if one is to serve and the other to Dom/me and do it well. 

I have also found that some do not like it when I need to work out my feelings with their help.  Talking with them as I sort them out seems to confuse and bother some.  They prefer me to be concise and to have it figured out before I share my thoughts with them.  I find that unfortunate in they don't get the opportunity to understand how my brain processes my thoughts and the events which I experience.  But that is just my experience and has only happened once or twice with women who are no longer in my life.

I also agree with others that being honest doesn't mean one has to be blunt; that it can be done with tact as to avoid unneccessarily hurting feelings.  To me, that is the way I would prefer to be treated when it is appropriate.  When I don't get the message, then it is only appropriate for the one delivering the message to be blunt.  But unless that is required, there is no need to be cruel when being honest.

My $.02 for the day!

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to Kalira)
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RE: Honesty in a relationship - 11/24/2006 3:23:57 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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1. People usually get the amount of honesty they can handle.

2. As I've gotten older, I think honesty is oftentimes synonomous with poor judgmnent and social skills.

3. In economic theory, planners often engage in a cost-benefit analysis. Generally, such thinking is well applied in day to day living as well.

4. In the end, you have to learn how to make your own decisions.

5. Nothing more to add, but I thought "5" was a good number to close out on.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Honesty in a relationship - 11/25/2006 4:43:47 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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i recently IMed with a Dom i thought from His profile would be perfect except for the distance.  There was nothing at all in His profile that would have even hinted at being married, but He in fact is married.  He didn't see this as being dishonest at all, just information omitted and was miffed at my being miffed. 

i don't think full disclosure needs to happen in a profile or an initial chat but i do think marital status, age, location, should be fully disclosed up front.  Little things like "I have an unfortunate birthmark on my inner thigh that looks just like Mother Teresa, so while you're down there expect her to be staring at you" can be disclosed at a much later date.

i once had a muse tell me that it's not up to me to decide how much truth another person can handle.  With that advice i am confident that i can tell the truth always, yet kindly.



_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Honesty in a relationship - 11/25/2006 6:40:26 AM   
mountainpet


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Joined: 6/24/2005
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I don't look on honesty as being the same thing as full disclosure.  Nothing in a relationship requires you to tell the other person/people everything you know, unless that information is vital to their interests.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Honesty in a relationship - 11/25/2006 1:31:48 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

i recently IMed with a Dom i thought from His profile would be perfect except for the distance. There was nothing at all in His profile that would have even hinted at being married, but He in fact is married. He didn't see this as being dishonest at all, just information omitted and was miffed at my being miffed.

i don't think full disclosure needs to happen in a profile or an initial chat but i do think marital status, age, location, should be fully disclosed up front. Little things like "I have an unfortunate birthmark on my inner thigh that looks just like Mother Teresa, so while you're down there expect her to be staring at you" can be disclosed at a much later date.

i once had a muse tell me that it's not up to me to decide how much truth another person can handle. With that advice i am confident that i can tell the truth always, yet kindly.


No argument. I took this thead as more concentrating on the "white lies" and "grey areas" of relationships as opposed to fundamental truths which would require big lies and ongoing deception to maintain.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Honesty in a relationship - 11/25/2006 1:41:47 PM   
rimbaud


Posts: 14
Joined: 4/8/2006
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[in reply to Mountain Pet]
Must beg to differ. Honesty is more than just telling the truth and should involve full disclosure. Full disclosure should mean not only telling what has happened to the writer but also how it affects him/her. Saying "I'm married, but my wife doesn't understand me" is trite, but at least it gives the interlocutor the option of pursuing the inquiry further. I don't care to imagine any M/s relationship without honesty on both sides.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Honesty in a relationship - 11/25/2006 2:13:42 PM   
slaverose442


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/25/2006
Status: offline
no lies are ok. It happens too much. And I am not sure but I think Doms believe they can keep any secrets they want.
and either the sub/slave is to stupid to figure it out our they just don't care if they lie to them or not.

rose442

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Honesty in a relationship - 11/25/2006 3:04:40 PM   
MmakeMme


Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
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The truth can be subjective, however.

Here is the truth: I do not want to hurt you / get hurt by you, and so I am going to tell you this version of events.

(If anyone says that he has been 100% honest for all of 2006, he's lying.)

_____________________________

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

(in reply to slaverose442)
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RE: Honesty in a relationship - 11/25/2006 3:06:16 PM   
MmakeMme


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Joined: 7/29/2006
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And, most likely, friendless.

_____________________________

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

(in reply to MmakeMme)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Honesty in a relationship - 11/25/2006 3:37:15 PM   
untamedshysub


Posts: 220
Joined: 2/26/2005
Status: offline
what is honesty: I went to webster and asked: Honesty-fairness and straightforwardness of conduct adherence to the facts.

how imporant is it to you? only you can answer. But lies and half truths only hurt in the end.

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 74
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