Honesty in a relationship

Honesty in a relationship (Full Version)

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Dnomyar -> Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 8:55:36 AM)
How much honesty should there be in a relationship. If you make a mistake that your partner dosent know about should you tell them. Is a little white lie ok.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 8:56:28 AM)
Depends on the type of relationship. When it comes to my personal intimate long term partners- honesty is constant and complete.

Kalira -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:06:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar How much honesty should there be in a relationship. If you make a mistake that your partner dosent know about should you tell them. Is a little white lie ok. For myself; honesty is extremely important. Trying to cover up a mistake does nothing more than cause MORE mistakes; not to mention the guilt I would feel by keeping something from Master. As for white lies; I will be honest. It depends. If I plan a surprise and don't want him to know, I may tell a small white lie to keep him from discovering the surprise; and then hope that he would understand and forgive me afterwards.

Dnomyar -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:07:23 AM)
Are you a politician???

juliaoceania -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:07:51 AM)
quote: How much honesty should there be in a relationship. I strive for complete honesty quote: If you make a mistake that your partner dosent know about should you tell them. Depends on the mistake and your role in the relationship. I would say that submissive types are more accountable than dominant ones to answer for mistakes often, especially if it is in the course of obeying an order that these mistakes were made. Sometimes one can cover mistakes that they do not want their partner to know about, it depends... If I over spend at the grocery store, yet find 20 dollars on the ground that covered it, am I going to tell him? Perhaps, perhaps not... it would depend on if he really wanted to know. He probably wouldn't care knowing him...lol. If I covered it up because he would care, that is a different story quote: Is a little white lie ok. Depends on the white lie. Not everyone was taught blunt force honesty growing up. My Daddy was not taught this as a child, honesty was something he learned as a teenager, and the lessen was probably more poignant as a result. Truth telling is something that is a consious decision on his part from what he has told me. For me it comes more automatically because I was taught honesty at home. I think that the intent of the lie is everything to me as far as if it became a deal breaker. I have never detected my Daddy being anything less than 100% honest with me. If he told me a white lie to spare my feelings i would not be upset perhaps, but that has not occurred... never and always and forever are words I do not use much anymore.. so to say a white lie is never ok is not something I am prepared to say

MsOpal -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:08:22 AM)
How much honesty should there be in a relationship. If you make a mistake that your partner dosent know about should you tell them. Is a little white lie ok. How long do you want the relationship to last? How important is the relationship to you? How important is the other person(s) to you? How do YOU feel when you find out someone you love/trust has been dishonest with you? A lie is a lie is a lie and there are lies of commission and lies of omission. You can tell an outright lie, you can mislead or you can not say anything at all - but if it dishonest it is dishonest, Now, I am not talking about telling Great Aunt Matilda that she looks great at a family gathering when she looks like death warmed over. I am talking about the one person whom you re supposed to value about all others. Why would you even want to lie to them? There have been times I did or did not do something I was supposed to do (or not supposed to do) and I wanted to not be honest, but after a day (even just a few hours sometimes) I had to go talk to Daddy and tell him. It hurt ME inside more to be dishonest with him than whatever was going to come of just telling him. As a parent it was always more important that my children be honest, and at times their honesty even got them out of a punishment over whatever had happened, because I valued their honesty much more than knowing who broke a vase (or,yes that she drove her father's car with out permission and was in an accident!). Lies hurt, they hurt the other person involved, they hurt the relationship, but most of all they hurt you. The danger of "the little white lie" when it is in a marriage, D/s, M/s relationship is that it breeds a casual thought process about the truth and those "little white lies" begin to be bigger ones. Just my 2% of a $. Opal

gypsygrl -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:09:34 AM)
Oh gosh, this would depend on my partner, how much patience he has and how much he wants to know. I'm kind of a screw up, and make a lot of mistakes.

Dnomyar -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:13:35 AM)
But are there some things better left unsaid?

Kalira -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:14:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar But are there some things better left unsaid? it really depends on what those things are, and the relationship that you have with your parner... give some examples

toservez -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:16:49 AM)
I think honesty is crucial for anything of significance so being completely honest in everything is very important. It goes to good communication, trust and being able to depend on your significant other which are part of the foundation of a healthy relationship. White lies are something to me different. I will use them sometimes and I assume my other will or has as well. To me the line gets crossed if you use them without thought and fequently. To me a few here and there is just human nature. More than that my be a big problem or going down a very wrong path.

Bearlee -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:25:55 AM)
Honesty. Well, with my partner I hope for complete honesty on both our parts so that communication and trust will always continue to grow. Having said that, I agree with LA that perhaps Radical Honesty depends on the relationship. I have not so much interest in being radically honest with every person who speaks to me. Regarding 'some things are better left unsaid': Once there is a question...the topic is no longer 'unsaid'. Once my Sir asks a question, he will get complete honesty. I'm confident he would do the same for me. just my two cents worth... beverly

MsKatHouston -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:30:14 AM)
I find that whenever one deals with absolutes, you are bound to come across some exceptions. It is difficult to answer what I think you are looking for without some specifics. Mostly, honesty is the best policy. However, I also think there are things one does not necessarily have to tell the other person. It also depends on the dynamic. If a submissive did something against my wishes and I would not know about it otherwise, I want them to tell me. If I find out after the fact, he's going to be in worse shape. Did you have a specific example in mind?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:33:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar Are you a politician??? Worse- a wannabe philosopher

Elegant -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:35:32 AM)
Things better left unsaid? My kidlets think that getting in trouble in school is better left unsaid. My postman thinks that it's better left unsaid if he tosses away sales flyers instead of delivering them. My ex lost his wedding ring and thought it was better left unsaid. If I burn Master's potatos and then make new ones I think it's better left unsaid. A matter of perception and individual relationships.

Archer -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:38:51 AM)
Ignored so far are those times when confession is more about clearing your own conciounse than anything that benifits them. Sometimes confession will hurt them and help you. This has to be considered with the honesty issue.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:42:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar But are there some things better left unsaid? Such as....? Of course I tell him. How else can he truly know me and run me effectively if he is using false data? He needs to know where my head is at all times. He needs to know where I struggle and what I breeze through. He needs to know me inside and out, thoroughly, and this prevents HIM from making a mistake. He relies on his knowledge of me to predict me, to push me, to pull me back, to ease up, to use me effectively without mentally/emotionally/physically harming me. If I am covering up information, I am skewing the data he is depending on, and that could be detrimental.

Dnomyar -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:42:53 AM)
I have no examples. The question just came to me from reading another post. As for me I would tell the truth MOST of the time when asked a question. There are places that I would not go and would lie.

juliaoceania -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:48:50 AM)
I just noticed that you are no longer looking Bearlee.. congrats and he is a lucky man!

juliaoceania -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:52:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar I have no examples. The question just came to me from reading another post. As for me I would tell the truth MOST of the time when asked a question. There are places that I would not go and would lie. My Daddy always says we do not owe everyone the complete truth. It does depend on the situation. If there is something he does not want to answer, he does not answer me. He tells me "Im not answering that at this time". It is a lot better than being dishonest with me.

Bearlee -> RE: Honesty in a relationship (11/6/2006 9:55:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar But are there some things better left unsaid? Such as....? Of course I tell him. How else can he truly know me and run me effectively if he is using false data? He needs to know where my head is at all times. He needs to know where I struggle and what I breeze through. He needs to know me inside and out, thoroughly, and this prevents HIM from making a mistake. He relies on his knowledge of me to predict me, to push me, to pull me back, to ease up, to use me effectively without mentally/emotionally/physically harming me. If I am covering up information, I am skewing the data he is depending on, and that could be detrimental. Yummmmmmm... WELL SAID, owned. A while ago, I was playing with a dear friend; a Dom who I trust completely. In the scene he did something he is quite comfortable with, but which completely freaked me out (when I came to after passing out). I appologized later for not having given him ALL the information he needed about me; that breath play might not such a good idea for a 58 yr old woman with HBP and who's mother died of a stroke when she was 42.

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