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RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/7/2006 11:54:53 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Not to mention thinking of how hard and difficult it is for many slaves to openly question and worry about their doms.  They want to be please and be found pleasing- and here they are with all these doubts and questions and to ADMIT them to their dom is something they KNOW the dom won't like and will cause him to be unhappy.

And then a lot of doms make it even worse by actually punishing when a slave presents doubts and honest issues- either purposefully or through their reactions.

There's a lot of imperfect Ms and Ds relationships out there- even the ones that seem wonderful and long lasting and with "respected elders in the scene" have their issues and insecurities.  It's extremely taboo for a slave to openly state that their dom has problems...but I'd prefer someone be brave enough to take the fall for that rather than perpetuate the silence that if a slave has an issue, it's a problem with HER and something she needs to keep quiet and ignore.


I agree with LA here.  Personally I wouldn't talk that frankly about my owner in public - whether it was at a bdsm social or on a public board - but to be honest there always comes a point where you see your dominant/master/etc with very clear eyes and depending on the person it can be dissapointing.  I think the key is really just accepting that the dominant/master/owner is a human being and will fail and will fuck up as a human being.  It doesn't mean that disobedience is the cure, just that you are submitting to a fallible human being, not a god.\

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/7/2006 1:38:10 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I agree. When getting to know someone in relationship there is always that honeymoon period where you see everything with rose colored glasses..its when that period is over and you start seeing the person with all their faults etc that the solidness of the relationship and the foundation for the relationship has a chance to settle in towards the possibility of a long term relationship.

Re sharing with other people negative aspects of  an intimate relationship:

I don't think personally I would do it, unless it was somehow anonymous...even then I would think twice. Probably sound a bit whacky to some people, but I believe there is more to life and communication than meets the eye. I think everything we think and share with other people goes out into the world as some invisible force, if something I think or say is recieved by someone else, how they process that information is then projected back to me...if I was talking about our relationship, whoever I was talking to would project their thoughts back towards our relationship and is an invisible energy our relationship would have to deal with and process.

An old lady said to me once..never talk about how good you have things, people will curse you and will have an effect. 

So I guess the same applies whether the thoughts are good or bad we are sharing, we always have to deal with the repercussion in some way or another that may not be obvious to us.

So that being said....dang....we should all stop posting and go sit in a cave  hehe

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to Wildfleurs)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/7/2006 3:29:21 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

quote:

Look I saw it as disrespctfull is all it rubed me the wrong way. heck i wouldnt want someone comeing here and pointing out my foults to a bunch of stangers

   If you didn't know it was you being spoken about why would it matter?  She protected his idenity and hers as well.   Disrepectfully would be if she put his name on the boards and hers as well.   Then we could talk about disrepect.   What if the situation was different.   What if it was something that her Dom did that you actually thought was 'pathetic', such as Master takes all of my money or beats me in front of my children---would have been disrepectful then.   Christ we have people asking for help about a Master cheating on them, or not contacting them, or calling them fat or not having sex with them---all sort of pathetic in my book and some of them could care less if they are protecting idenities or not.  
    The real issue was how should she handle it.   Ask to speak freely to your Master.   Offer your assistance when looking for play partners and ask to speak freely when you are looking.   Simply say---ummm Master, I think this gal won't work for us because....


you are speaking of toataly different things. If she was beeing beaten or what have you well then the man doesnt deserver respect and isnt a Master.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/7/2006 3:52:06 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

quote:

Look I saw it as disrespctfull is all it rubed me the wrong way. heck i wouldnt want someone comeing here and pointing out my foults to a bunch of stangers

  If you didn't know it was you being spoken about why would it matter?  She protected his idenity and hers as well.   Disrepectfully would be if she put his name on the boards and hers as well.   Then we could talk about disrepect.   What if the situation was different.   What if it was something that her Dom did that you actually thought was 'pathetic', such as Master takes all of my money or beats me in front of my children---would have been disrepectful then.   Christ we have people asking for help about a Master cheating on them, or not contacting them, or calling them fat or not having sex with them---all sort of pathetic in my book and some of them could care less if they are protecting idenities or not.  
   The real issue was how should she handle it.   Ask to speak freely to your Master.   Offer your assistance when looking for play partners and ask to speak freely when you are looking.   Simply say---ummm Master, I think this gal won't work for us because....


you are speaking of toataly different things. If she was beeing beaten or what have you well then the man doesnt deserver respect and isnt a Master.

Magik's slave


Are you saying that we only get to have negative opinions about a particular behavior of our dominant if the behavior is something extremely abusive? And that other it being extremely abusive we aren't allowed to mention it and ask for advice from other submissives before discussing it with our dominant?

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/7/2006 4:48:57 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Nope didnt say that people cant have negative opinions about their Masters or their slaves I did say it was disrespictfull to bring it to an open forum!!!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/7/2006 5:58:57 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave
Nope didnt say that people cant have negative opinions about their Masters or their slaves I did say it was disrespictfull to bring it to an open forum!!!!

Magik's slave


I normally don't harp on spelling, but if you're going to call something disrespectful (a very harsh accusation) you should know how to spell it.  Please take that in the spirit it was given and not as a low blow distraction to the topic at hand.

Since you feel the course of action taken was inappropriate, what would you advise this particular sub to do then so that future mistakes can be avoided??

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/7/2006 6:35:40 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Nope didnt say that people cant have negative opinions about their Masters or their slaves I did say it was disrespictfull to bring it to an open forum!!!!

Magik's slave


Then where, exactly, do you suggest she bring it? I certainly could not call my mother and go "Hey, Moma I've got this issue with how my dominant is looking to bring another person into our relationship." And while I am fortunate to have close friends who are in the lifestyle, please don't delude yourself into thinking everyone does. In fact I would venture to say, most people don't. I'm willing to bet that since you don't approve of such frank and blunt speech on an internet forum, you also would disaprove of her talking to people about this who might actually know her master. So then just where can she go for advice?

And for that matter, why is it that we submissives must crouch everything behind every so careful terms, lest we offend anyone? I know what would offend my dominant and what wouldn't. I suspect she knows as well. How can you assume to know what he will find offense to? My dominant doesn't care if I tell him to fuck off when he is driving me nuts and I need to be alone. Other masters would take great offense to that. Everyone's relationship is different and you can not pretend to assume that you would know that her master would find offensive. You have to trust her to know that.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/7/2006 6:51:33 PM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline 		No one is perfect, we all know that.
I must wonder  -
OP - why are you with him?  Sounds like you don't even like the "dude"!

Could it be time to move on?

PS I must add:  Many couples have a hard time finding an extra play toy girl. If some women don't answer, take days to answer ( people have their own lives), or are not sure if they want to be involved, especially with your vision of them as "flakes" please don't be surprised.




< Message edited by Fawne -- 11/7/2006 7:48:21 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/7/2006 8:04:14 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		stands up an applauds. 

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/7/2006 8:08:46 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		i have to say, i find this thread refreshing.  Wow who would have thought that we are all human with human failings.

darkclouds, i do not have an answer or even an idea as to how to help your situation, but i do want to thank you for your honesty and openness and maybe reminding some that  Masters/Doms are not Gods and most of the slaves/subs are not stepford women.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to darkclouds)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/7/2006 10:57:16 PM   
ChaOz


Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkclouds

And the fact that I am his slave makes me think that if he is pathetic, then what exactly does that make me??
 
Does anyone else ever have to deal with this? How do you handle it? There are times, when I turn out to be right about the flaky woman on the other end of the emails, that I have to bite my tongue so that 'I told you so' doesnt come out of my mouth.  Also, I dont particularly like thinking of Master as pathetic, doesnt do well for my head or for my adoration of him. How do  I make it better?



Your his property today just as you were when he first took you. He is dealing with others and he isnt their Dom so maybe he just isnt behaving as a Dom to them for that reason, its not like they have given their consent. Was he all Dommy with you from the start? He might not realise they are flaky and blames himself for not getting someone yet or maybe worried about scaring someone away by being too hard. There's tonnes of reasons why it could be like that but essentially, who cares, he is still your Master and you need to look at him with your eyes and not your head. He is flawed just like everyone else, but he is still there for you isnt he? Doesnt he take good care of his toy? So he has faults, dont matter. Your still collared. Maybe you should take over the screening process and deal with these women yourself. You could interview them, see how the pleasure you, then present them to Master if they are acceptable. Would save him a lot of time and effort and could be fun. Suggest that to him, rather then going at his faults present him with a solution. I can already think of several tests and inspections they would have to perform lol

< Message edited by ChaOz -- 11/7/2006 10:59:42 PM >

(in reply to darkclouds)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/8/2006 2:59:03 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Not to mention thinking of how hard and difficult it is for many slaves to openly question and worry about their doms.  They want to be please and be found pleasing- and here they are with all these doubts and questions and to ADMIT them to their dom is something they KNOW the dom won't like and will cause him to be unhappy.

And then a lot of doms make it even worse by actually punishing when a slave presents doubts and honest issues- either purposefully or through their reactions.

There's a lot of imperfect Ms and Ds relationships out there- even the ones that seem wonderful and long lasting and with "respected elders in the scene" have their issues and insecurities.  It's extremely taboo for a slave to openly state that their dom has problems...but I'd prefer someone be brave enough to take the fall for that rather than perpetuate the silence that if a slave has an issue, it's a problem with HER and something she needs to keep quiet and ignore.


Add to that the fact that so many people only present the perfect face of their relationship to the world.

Good heavens, it's a man and woman and a small blot on the domly landscape for her.....It's not some hideous blasphemous behaviour to talk about it.

It's refreshing to see such frankness and reality.

agirl

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/8/2006 3:31:37 AM   
darkclouds


Posts: 29
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you so much to all who have answered, who would have thought this topic would bring out so many people. I appreciate those who are applauding my frankness, it makes me feel better to know that I am not the only one who finds fault with their Master/Sir/Dom, etc. at times. I am hoping to bring all of this up to him this evening.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/8/2006 3:38:12 AM   
darkclouds


Posts: 29
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fawne

No one is perfect, we all know that.
I must wonder  -
OP - why are you with him?  Sounds like you don't even like the "dude"!

Could it be time to move on?

PS I must add:  Many couples have a hard time finding an extra play toy girl. If some women don't answer, take days to answer ( people have their own lives), or are not sure if they want to be involved, especially with your vision of them as "flakes" please don't be surprised.





In some of the other responses that I made I went through many reasons why I am with him. I made a commitment to stay, I love him, and in all others ways, he is a very good Master for me.
 
 Why, if I have a problem with things that he does in one area of our relationship, does that mean that I dont like him or want to be with him? Do you always like every bit of the person you are with? Are they not allowed to have faults or quirks that you, eventually, find irksome?
 
And I am not talking about the ones who dont respond or who take days to respond, people are busy... I know I am. And, often, I am not the one talking with them in the beginning, Master is, so how would my view of them effect them responding in any way, shape or form?

(in reply to Fawne)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/8/2006 4:22:24 AM   
yaqeta


Posts: 59
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkclouds

quote:

ORIGINAL: yaqeta

quote:

he is an idiot and kinda pathetic

 
They are strong words for someone you respect and admire.  It must be unpleasant to watch him judge so poorly with women.... but what is it about that, that makes you so angry?

My instinct would be that figuring that out would clear your head enough to really help him.


Maybe cause it is Election Day here, but I am bothered that you took my words out of context. I only find him to be an idiot and kinda pathetic in one situation. In everything else he is smart, decisive, on the ball, etc.  I look up to him as someone who inspires me and motivates me, who only wants the best for me.  Your quote is not the overall feel of our relationship.
 
And I guess that is the reason that it does bother me so much, because in every other way he is brilliant.


I didn't mean to imply that you find him "an idiot" and "pathetic" in general - I do understand that you only meant in one aspect - and as I said, I do understand that you also respect and admire him.  I quoted that part of your post to illustrate what words I was referring to.

For example you might have chosen to say he was "foolish" or "prone to bad choices" or "not very smart" but instead the words that came out in your post were stronger than that, which implies that the whole situation is more than just unpleasant, it really gets up your nose.  I was just wondering if you had considered why the strong feelings about it, thats all...

Just to make 100% sure I'm being clear - I'm not saying you generally think of him negatively and I'm also not picking on your choice of words.  I'm only saying it stands out to me as something potentially significant that it might help to consider.

xxx
yaq

(in reply to darkclouds)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/8/2006 5:51:49 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

but it is often that I find the women whom he chooses to email with are either fake profiles or just dumb as a stump. They wont email him for days, or be wishy-washy about meeting or talking and he gives them chance after chance after chance.


Have you ever emailed someone only to find yourself in the same situation of them Not being what you were hoping or find yourself hoping they will be so you give that time because they after all are human to and want to be sure?

Master and this girl talks with others, and often He does give them time or chance after chance as you call it. Why not? It's not harming anything is it? They either continue to respond with interest or they do not. Such is life. Master is a people person, and a fixer type. Often times He ends up having conversations turn from interest in joining our family to them just seeking advice or needing a listening ear, and yes even playing games for their daily amusement. Honestly though..where does this affect you in a negative way?

Looks at this from His ability to be that grounding spot for this girl to not so easily or quickly pre-judge others, and He takes from this girl her ability to know more quickly other peoples actual motives. We balance one another but never in her wildest of thoughts ever thinks of Him as an idiot or pathetic no matter what He may fail on or muck up. He's a human but sorry agree's with magiksslave on this as far as bringing those words about your Master to a open forum (anomymous or not). If you've those types of feelings about the person you love and respect above all others then first step would of been to speak with him because there is more than just the issue of his finding not the right "play mates". 

Well Wishes

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

(in reply to darkclouds)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/8/2006 6:17:14 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

We balance one another but never in her wildest of thoughts ever thinks of Him as an idiot or pathetic no matter what He may fail on or muck up. He's a human but sorry agree's with magiksslave on this as far as bringing those words about your Master to a open forum (anomymous or not). If you've those types of feelings about the person you love and respect above all others then first step would of been to speak with him because there is more than just the issue of his finding not the right "play mates". 

Well Wishes

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin


To be fair, there are times when loving someone means dealing with their flaws and many words that you might find offensive in reference to your or master others don't. Frankly it's nice to see someone being blunt on the forums. Most of the posts made by submissives are so polite and careful about the behaviors in question that we don't get enough about what is going on and we have to guess.

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/8/2006 6:47:04 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..~smiles~

Glad you feel that way...finds it not right period. They brought it to the forums so should expect to get all sorts of outlooks on the situation. Didn't post this girls outlook to get advice from you but thankyou anyways.


Have a good day

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/8/2006 10:00:50 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave
Nope didnt say that people cant have negative opinions about their Masters or their slaves I did say it was disrespictfull to bring it to an open forum!!!!

Magik's slave


I normally don't harp on spelling, but if you're going to call something disrespectful (a very harsh accusation) you should know how to spell it.  Please take that in the spirit it was given and not as a low blow distraction to the topic at hand.

Since you feel the course of action taken was inappropriate, what would you advise this particular sub to do then so that future mistakes can be avoided??


Sorry about my bad spelling I know I cant spell for beans thank you for the correction.

my own advise at least what I would do if I harboured those feelings to my Master I would talk to him about it and if i couldnt talk to him about it (though i can talk to him about anything so this hasnt really happend) I have a few trusted personal friends in the lifestyle that I would talk personaly too, but i wouldnt bring my Masters short comeings to an open board.

Im sorry if what I have said has upset people but this all just rubed me the wrong way. At least in how I feel loved ones (not just Masters or slaves) should be treated. I dont know I just didnt like it. Ill shut up now!!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: When Master seems pathetic... - 11/8/2006 10:03:48 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Nope didnt say that people cant have negative opinions about their Masters or their slaves I did say it was disrespictfull to bring it to an open forum!!!!

Magik's slave


Then where, exactly, do you suggest she bring it? I certainly could not call my mother and go "Hey, Moma I've got this issue with how my dominant is looking to bring another person into our relationship." And while I am fortunate to have close friends who are in the lifestyle, please don't delude yourself into thinking everyone does. In fact I would venture to say, most people don't. I'm willing to bet that since you don't approve of such frank and blunt speech on an internet forum, you also would disaprove of her talking to people about this who might actually know her master. So then just where can she go for advice?

And for that matter, why is it that we submissives must crouch everything behind every so careful terms, lest we offend anyone? I know what would offend my dominant and what wouldn't. I suspect she knows as well. How can you assume to know what he will find offense to? My dominant doesn't care if I tell him to fuck off when he is driving me nuts and I need to be alone. Other masters would take great offense to that. Everyone's relationship is different and you can not pretend to assume that you would know that her master would find offensive. You have to trust her to know that.


Honestly I dont care to go back and forth with you I have said all that I wish to say on the matter with you. You wish to nit pick have fun but please do it with someone els, Im no longer going to defent my opinion I have done so all I care to, just know it is my opinion and thats all you feel free to have yours and Ill feel free to have mine!!!
I really dont wish to argue further!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 60
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