juliaoceania
Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006 From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: greeneyes1962 Wow! I haven't read any responses yet. but this subject really speaks to me at this moment. I have been dealing with issues of depression, poor self esteem, codependance. Sometimes, this makes me want to push away those closest to me. My Dom puts a stop to it immediately, and does accept me with all my faults, pushes me to get outside help when needed, and loves me through all of it. He has earned my full trust and love with his patience and kindness. I think that this is what I am talking about when feeling accepted for who and what I am in my relationship. I find myself encouraging the same thing from him, to tell me his hidden things that other people have not been able to accept about him. It makes me feel closer to him to know I can say things to him that I can not say to others.. he will accept me anyways.. it takes time to know this.... but that leads to the other aspect of acceptance that MasterFirMaam stated which I can also relate to... quote:
won’t lie. The situation hurts, because there’s that 4 year old wondering why she’s not good enough. But, I’ve looked at WHY it hurts and have learned some things about myself and have grown. It is unfair of me to expect him to change because change is unlikely and it only adds to his struggle. I don’t go and visit the families of a lot of my friends. I care for him and so, I offer acceptance of his struggle. In the end, his struggle really has nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. I'm just the catalyst for his lesson. If he doesn't learn to live in integrity because of me, the lesson will simply keep coming around. My struggle is looking at the piece that wonders why I’m not good enough. That has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. He is simply the catalyst and the lesson will keep coming around until I deal with it. Master Fire The feeling that someone cannot accept themselves, and therefore cannot accept that aspect of you that brought you together.. it is "his stuff" as you stated so well, and yet it affects you because his lack of self acceptance impacts you. In the final analysis it is not his family's acceptance he needs, but his own self acceptance. We do not choose our family, they are the people that bring the "stuff" into our lives that we must deal with... we choose our lovers and our friends... their acceptance becomes all the more poignant as a result (at least for me). It is fine if my family accepts me, but it is my self acceptance that matters more. Our sexuality is so important to the core of who we are, and that we can expose ourselves to another person that fulfills our needs in such a deep way speaks very much of deep acceptance. Perhaps your friend will find that in other aspects of his life one day. quote:
Kalira In my opinion, acceptance has nothing to do with communication, honesty and trust. You can trust someone explicitly, and still not accept their stand on certain issues within their own life. You can communicate with someone till you are blue in the face; that does not mean that it will guarantee you acceptance. You can be as honest as you want, and the same thing will apply; it will not guarantee you acceptance. There are levels of acceptance. It is my ultimate goal to become a more accepting person, but the kind of acceptance I seek in my dynamic is of a different source or a different depth perhaps. I do not need someone to agree with me and all my opinions, but i do need them to accept my inner being regardless, not seek to change the core of my being, and as MasterFireMaam put it, love me unconditionally.. the unconditional love part comes after the acceptance part in my mind.. others think differently about their relationships I suppose and that is what makes the world go round.. I am speaking of a specific type of relationship, which is an intimate one.. not of friends and family and our children. I thought I was explicit about that in the opening post in regard to WIITWD. quote:
Without acceptance at least on a significant level there's going to be dischord. Part of the reason people try to change each other is that they didn't fully accept or understand their partner initially. Hearts rule heads and they can *air-brush* things out for quite a while until they reel around and bite you on the arse. It's difficult to accept someone fully until you actually know what you're accepting, therefore you have to know someone pretty well, in relationship terms. If I can't accept someone as a whole person then it's not a lot of use integrating them into my life in any major way. Bingo! This is so true, it takes time to know what we are truly accepting, warts and all! We grow together with each little acceptance of each other. Accepting good and bad.
< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 11/7/2006 12:02:49 PM >
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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt
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