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kinkiminx -> RE: A lot about nothing ... (11/17/2006 2:23:41 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: slavejali
Submitting your authority to another totally does not add up to stupidity in my book. I do it and I'm not stupid. My IQ is quite high on a good day, combine that with the fact my common sense is finely tuned, my intuitive capabilities pretty amazing, my creativeness is awesome and on top of all that I have a pretty good handle on who I am. (I'm also very modest)
There is a difference between playing at submission and actually submitting....there is a difference between how far you are willing to submit or not....and whatever choice people make is absolutely fine in that regard.
Submitting does not equal stupidity, yet time and time again I see it inferred to as that. It's enough to drive a submissive/slave batty if they didn't have a good handle on themselves!
In my opinion, our initial choice of Master/Dominant is where a submissives/slaves major personal responsibility lays. After that decision has been made, the dominant has the responsibility as he/she has the authority. That just seems logical to me.
It's just like at work, if I'm in charge of someone, I take personal responsibility for my actions and commands regarding that person. If they thought I was a bad boss they shouldn't be in my employ in the first place. I'm not going to blame them for acting on my commands, in fact on the contrary, if they do as I say, I’m going to really appreciate it as the work environment will flow smoothly, each person accepting their role. I’m certainly not going to think they are stupid. I am going to fire them if they do not do what I say, they can go look elsewhere for work. This does not make me abusive, it may perhaps make them stupid or incapable of performing the role of their position. Why is this so different for dominant and submissive relationships?
Good to see another modest sub, there are not enough of us around ;)
I don’t think its right or wrong, and certainly doesn't come down to stupidity; (Providing orders given are all sane,) I’d say it has a lot more to do with personality and what works for each person.
I can see some of the logic in what you’ve said, but to me it’s a lot more complicated than that. The initial choice is mutual, though a sub has the responsibility towards him/herself to choose carefully, giving up control, to me doesn’t automatically mean giving up responsibility.
Authority and responsibility are not necessarily the same things; if I’m in charge of someone, I will go out of my way to make sure I act responsibly for the best interests of my company, me, and my employee, but if that employee were to fail to do their job repeatedly despite my best efforts… you could say that I might be a bad boss, or it might be that the person is in the wrong job, or with the wrong people, even that they aren’t suited to the way that I run the company.. it might be something which can be solved, or they might need to go. When it comes down to it, it’s the responsibility of the employee to get themselves to work on time, possibly take initiative in their work -depending on the nature of the job- make their best effort and communicate. If they have questions, problems with their work, need more resources, any personal issues which might interfere etc the boss needs to know, otherwise without knowledge the authority that person has can’t really be used to full effect.
With D/s relationships it gets even more complicated, because it isn’t a job which people get a break from, but something between two people who are likely to be the most important people in each other’s lives and involves a lot more than making a living. A Dom has many responsibilities to his sub, but having been a sub in a D/s relationship, I feel a relationship where the sub has no responsibility could be slightly unrealistic in most cases. A sub can take orders, but when it comes down to it, any Dom, despite being a Dom is only human and it might be in their nature to both Dominate and take responsibility, but everyone needs a break, and taking full responsibilty for another person (rather than just at work.) is a big job to take on.
I’m not talking about trust, (though trust is essential) about right and wrong in obeying orders, (what is right for one person is totally wrong for another) but two people relating to each other as (dominant and submissive) adults. If one partner has no responsibility (which to me is not the same as no authority) then that partner is taking on a childlike role which could be an incredible burden on the Dominant partner. I’m not saying this is wrong; only that it isn’t compulsory, and lack of responsibility doesn’t necessarily go with lack of authority…
Personally, I’d feel giving up responsibility would be a burden on my partner, and the last thing I’d want to be would be a burden. Also, if taking responsibility is part of someone’s nature, being in a situation where they have none could be more damaging to their self esteem than the possible positive for a relationship it might add to a differnet one where it works for that couple.
Giving up control and authority is the one which appealed to me and has worked very well in the past…
I have to agree with a lot of the common sense advice about choosing carefully.
Very responsible of you to put all that in! :D lol
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