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Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/16/2006 3:35:38 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		OK folks... in the great spirit of the rise of stupidity and the decline of human decency here is a thread to place the laws that we wished existed but do not. This may apply to everyone and everything. Your only limits are your imagination and your rage factor.

Here is the way I would like this to work... call it my first law. Post your law and then, to make it a little more fun, give us a little background on why you want this as a law. If you see fit to declare a suitable punishment for violation of your law then do so but it is not required... but actually might be fun to think about.
OK... I am going to start off with a law just to get the ball rolling.

* Last night I went out to see a bar band. On the way home we decided to stop at a donut shop to get some goodies. Since there was a big sign on the door that the drive through was only open at that hour we elected to order that way. We pull in to the drive through and this Indian gentleman (now don't jump my ass because I single some nationality out... this is not that type of thread) comes on the speaker (which is tough enough to understand to begin with) and with a thick Indian accent he says something to the effect of, "We have coffee, may I help you buddy?" I thought he might not have donuts so I asked him to repeat himself. He did. The second time was not better. I asked a third time and there was no improvement. I got aggravated because ordering a tasty treat should not be frustrating and I told the guy to forget it and we went elsewhere.

My law: In order to do business in America your speaking must be understood by 90% of the people you do business with or you must close your place of business.

For Violation of the Above Law: Anyone violating the above law will have to sit in a similar drive through under the same conditions and will be given a list of things that they must order.

OK... have at it!

Here is your chance to change the world in which we live!

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.
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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/16/2006 3:44:08 PM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		My Law....  There will be no automated calls, when the phone rings a person will answer it!!!
 
Violation.... Anyone violating this law, will have their tongues cut out!!!!!!!!!

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Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.


(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/16/2006 3:49:01 PM   
fergus


Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50

My Law....  There will be no automated calls, when the phone rings a person will answer it!!!
 
Violation.... Anyone violating this law, will have their tongues cut out!!!!!!!!!


Very extreme!  Yet, somehow very justified.

My law is not born out of rage.

My law: Whipped Cream bikinis will be required corporate attire.

Violation of the law: you must lick off the whipped cream bikinis of three or more co-workers.

I reckon if that went into effect, I would give up trade work and get a corporate job. ;)

fergus

(in reply to cuddleheart50)
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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/16/2006 3:49:22 PM   
JerseyKrissi72


Posts: 10238
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Reed City, Michigan
Status: offline 		My Law:: There will be no more annoying commercials that keep me singing those annoying  jingles in my head for days....ban all commercials!!
 
Violation:: Being caught trying to make a commercial and be forced to listen to me sing for hours off key ....la la la la

(in reply to cuddleheart50)
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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/16/2006 4:29:10 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

My law: Whipped Cream bikinis will be required corporate attire.

Er,,,fergus, you may want to rethink this one. An awful lot of corporate types are very out of shape old men.
I am all for equality, but believe me, you don't want to see my fat hairy self in a whipped cream bikini.


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Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/16/2006 5:31:04 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		On the way to work this morning, I was behind what I thought was a drunk driver.  He kept veering out of his lane, then over-correcting when he realized what he did.  Cautiously, I passed him...then saw the real culprit--a cell phone.  I have noticed this a lot recently.  Some folks simply cannot multi-task and are a danger on the road when they try to talk on the phone and drive at the same time.  Some states have passed a law banning cell phone usage when driving, and I would like to see the state of Texas do the same. 
 
Punishment for any infraction:  I would imagine the other states impose a stiff fine and Texas should do the same.  I am always hearing how the state is short of money for education, and I advocate that all money collected from these fines be devoted to that cause.

(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/16/2006 7:06:19 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		I have a neighbor that lives in an upstairs apartment. She is loony. I mean full goose Bozo. She is the bane of anyone that lives in the apartment below her. Thankfully, I do not. Any little noise, I mean, a mouse with a gastric problem would be reason enough to involve the police. She looks in people's windows and one evening on one of my late night walks around the block with my oldest son, we came around the corner to observe her (what only could appear to have been) her pissing on the apartment front lawn. So, I have a law:

My Law: Anyone that is too immature, irritable, or otherwise crotchety to endure the few noises that others make in the privacy of their own apartment should have to be forced to live in a glass apartment.

Punishment for Violation: If the person refuses to live in the glass apartment, then their apartment front door will be removed and the others in the building will be allowed to go watch TV or play their stereo in the offenders apartment at any hour that they see fit. The "guests" will also be allowed to randomly wake up the offender to ask where the bathroom is or if they have any beer or soda.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/16/2006 8:33:19 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		Just to keep it short and sweet...

If you annoy me, make me feel small or uncomfortable, or make me feel bad, I get to dole out whatever punishment I desire at that time...

It can be as minor as taping your mouth shut to using my bare hands to fucking kill you...  slowly and oh so painfully...  just because it's my law and I'm the judge, jury, and executioner...  and I can do what I want.

(I'm having a bit of an attitude problem tonight...  sorry.) 

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/16/2006 8:37:58 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		That all stupid, narrow minded individuals should have to all live together. So they can irritate themselves instead of me.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/16/2006 8:39:42 PM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		i wish it were a law that someone that qualified people would always be hired for the jobs they apply for.

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Are we having fun, yet?

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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/16/2006 10:12:26 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		My aunt's cat says: All people would be required to serve their cats in whatever capacity the cat wants & needs. To violate this means instant & certain death followed by reincarnation as a mouse.

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You know that I am a sexy penguin.

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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/16/2006 10:25:31 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

Any little noise, I mean, a mouse with a gastric problem would be reason enough to involve the police.

Damn Gauge! I didn't know you lived in my building! I am the one who lives downstairs from her, and guess what...the noises don't even have to be real. Twice we have been awakened by the police knocking on the door to make sure nobody was in pain or trouble...sheesh, I know I snore, but if it doesn't wake the girl next to me it really shouldn't wake somebody upstairs!


_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/16/2006 11:27:34 PM   
Saraheli


Posts: 178
Joined: 1/2/2006
Status: offline 		I should be allowed to smack people for being stupid.  Someone should be allowed to at any rate.  I'd prefer it was me.

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Lay with me, I'll take you for a ride
Look so sweet I wanna cry
Here in this bed we have nothing to hide
Come on, don't you want to try
MvD

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/17/2006 12:01:00 AM   
RubberWitch


Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline 		Anybody found producing, purchasing or otherwise employing Burberry style material for any purpose other than garment LINING, will be shot. On sight.

All video rental and retail stores shall store all Paul Verhoven, Paul Anderson and Ewe Bol films behind locked grating, and administer an IQ test to anyone wishing to see them. Access shall be limited to those who fail. Anyone failing to concur will be forced to watch these titles themselves.


J

_____________________________

Lets roleplay - I'll get the D20s
"Freud was...sorry if this is an over-generalisation...A coke addled kiddy-fiddler" Alan Moore
"A Lady must always remember her station in life - and be prepared to change at Acton Town"

(in reply to Saraheli)
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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/17/2006 12:10:32 AM   
RazorJAK


Posts: 821
Joined: 8/5/2006
From: Manistee
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RubberWitch
All video rental and retail stores shall store all ... Uwe Bol films behind locked grating, and administer an IQ test to anyone wishing to see them. Access shall be limited to those who fail. Anyone failing to concur will be forced to watch these titles themselves.


I love you.  And fixed the spelling for you. ;-)

Looking at the new Spiderman trailer makes me think Sam Raimi has had his brain replaced with Herr Bol's


_____________________________

"Are all men from Michigan such loud-mouthed braggarts?"
"Just me baby. Just me."
~ Evil Dead - the musical ~

(in reply to RubberWitch)
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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/17/2006 12:16:43 AM   
RubberWitch


Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline 		Nope, the studios just understood the purchacing power of emo/scene kiddies. *le sigh*
And don't expect good spelling, not this early.

_____________________________

Lets roleplay - I'll get the D20s
"Freud was...sorry if this is an over-generalisation...A coke addled kiddy-fiddler" Alan Moore
"A Lady must always remember her station in life - and be prepared to change at Acton Town"

(in reply to RazorJAK)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/17/2006 12:26:33 AM   
RazorJAK


Posts: 821
Joined: 8/5/2006
From: Manistee
Status: offline 		Oh wasn't referring to the whole black suit storyline.  I was referring to the raping of canon portrayed in the trailer which makes SP2 seem like it was written and directed by Stan the Man himself.

Sandman killed Uncle Ben?  Ummm what?
Harry Osborn becomes Night Surfer?  Again,  WTF?  (- I could see him becoming another Green Goblin as he did in the mainstream Spiderman continuity.  I could see him becoming Hobgoblin as he does in the Ultimate Spiderman continuity.  But what the fuck is NIGHT SURFER?  Sounds about as stupid as when they put Morbius in the cartoon and had him draining peoples life energy with his hands. -)

Yes,  I'm a geek.

My law?  Any movie director pulling a Uwe Boll or Joel Schumacher shall be put in stocks in the village square for a fortnight.


_____________________________

"Are all men from Michigan such loud-mouthed braggarts?"
"Just me baby. Just me."
~ Evil Dead - the musical ~

(in reply to RubberWitch)
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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/17/2006 6:17:25 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mikal
My aunt's cat says: All people would be required to serve their cats in whatever capacity the cat wants & needs. To violate this means instant & certain death followed by reincarnation as a mouse.


My cats totally agree!
 
Lady Topaz.

(in reply to Mikal)
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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/18/2006 2:18:03 PM   
SohCahToa


Posts: 563
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline 		Public transportation ordinances 25102 subsection B: All bus drivers should meet a certain driving standard and realise their passengers are not boxes of crap on a back or a truck.

A bus driver failing to comply with the above law should be punished in accordance with the stated law: The bus driver will be placed in a gigantic barrel and rolled down a very steep hill with shear drop at the end. If the bus driver survives it is a sign from God he may still drive a bus.


_____________________________

ڪ০મ໒คमՇՕΔ
- Pax vobiscum -

"Come ride with me through the veins of history. I'll show you a God who falls asleep on the job." - Muse

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
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RE: Laws That We Wish Existed - 11/18/2006 4:21:27 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		I shall be legally entitled to own a large calibre machine gun, for use in public places.

It shall be made illegal to maraud up my road from midnight until 3 am, shouting, screaming, vandalising and fighting due to intoxication.

The penalty for such drunken behaviour shall be, to experience my ability to hack legs off with a large calibre machine gun, even in low light conditions.

E

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In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to SohCahToa)
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