FirmhandKY
Posts: 8948
Joined: 9/21/2004 Status: offline
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fireflyred, Very good post, with some very specific examples. I like your thinking. However, I wanted to also give a little more leeway to the way you might interpret some of the responses you may receive. quote:
ORIGINAL: fireflyred well. you know, you remember why I told you I was scared of (knife play/suspension/something that you aren't actually scared of and/or haven't made any reference to yet...) Red flag response: Yes, of course, and I will respect your limits and move you past them as I judge your readiness. I totally felt for you as you shared that with me ...(Why: because,...he doesn't know what the fuck your talking about, and responds like he does, because he's never really listening to you and he thinks that you may have mentioned it but who cares.) oK response: I'm sorry, no I don't remember you saying that... Your "bad" response may well be correct in any one case. Or totally incorrect. You've never told someone a story or about an event, and then forgot you told them? And then told them again? You've never had someone tell you about an event, and then, when they refer to it, have a "blonde" moment about it because it has slipped your mind? quote:
ORIGINAL: fireflyred another quiz question, throw something like this into the mix, You: i was thinking about that time you were telling me about -- (leading me with a leash/gagging me/sharing me with your friends/wanting to include another slave in our play...something that he's never actually mentioned) -- and i was reading up more about it and it sounds (fun/scary/etc) red flag response: yeah, okay well i think it's fun too --- ( again acting like he knows what the fuck you were talking about) And, perhaps, he is just being polite, and not attempting to challenge you? Perhaps he is thinking "hmmm, she must have told that to one of her other doms ... but, I won't play "gotcha" with her over it. I really like her, and we'll work it out. And, hey, now I know something: she is comfortable enough with me that she's starting to think of me as "the" person she confided in." quote:
ORIGINAL: fireflyred if you've talked at length enough to know details pretty decently such as YOUR childrens names that have come up several times in conversation, say...one of my kids...the older one, and see if he says, "brian or ricky..." showing that he has listened in the past and shows interest..but only if you've really mentioned the subject matter a lot not if you mentioned once that you love tim cruise. ya know I have problems, sometimes, remembering the correct names of my brothers and sisters, and of my own kids and grand kids. Often times, I'm listening to the emotional content and context. The details about a person's name, or exactly when something happened, or what exactly was said, aren't things that stick out in my mind. For example, my submissive has three sons, and talks about them occasionally, using their names. I'm bad because I can't always remember which son did what, or because I occasionally get their birth order confused? quote:
ORIGINAL: fireflyred only real red flag distinguishable online is people who aren't listening to you. and don't play this little quiz game more than twice, and only do it twice if the first answer is super vague, mind-fucking constantly is an obsessive/paranoid/unhealthy behavior and there is a margin or error in doing dumb shit like this... don't make your final decision based on the result if you do this at all Now, generally this is good information, but I'd take except in the "only twice". "Only twice" if you are attempting to "set them up" for failure and are afraid of getting caught, maybe. I think you should always be processing the reactions, and the facts of a relationship. And, especially at first, when what you are doing is determining if the other person has the integrity and honesty that might make them worth establishing a relationship. What you are trying to do is build up a picture of the other person's personality, and you do that by always comparing and contrasting, and by asking questions and asking for clarification when something doesn't seem to mesh well with other things you may be been told. I think that very few "gotcha" questions show the asker in a good light, and if I thought someone was playing that game with me ... it wouldn't improve my impression of them. That's not to say that you shouldn't question, quiz and dig. It isn't that you shouldn't compare, contrast and analyze. But the attitude you have when you do so, can reflect right back at you. FirmKY
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Some people are just idiots.
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