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RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/22/2006 8:29:19 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		It IS all about a power struggle.  It's very difficult to combine households.  Your sub has worked for and earned that "space".  You coming in and being "Dominant" there is probably sufficating, even though you are welcomed.

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-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
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(in reply to LeatherBentOne)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/22/2006 9:18:07 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		My dominant is going to be moving in with me soon as a temporary thing. He wants to relocate to where I am living as he thinks he will be able to find a better job here. So in order for him to look for both apartments and a job at the same time, he is staying with me. That way he will have an address and a phone number from the start. Also, this way he can save up his paychecks and get a nice apartment instead of a creepy scary one that will leave me begging "Can't we please spend the night at my house? The roachs scare me..."

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/23/2006 6:27:08 AM   
RedSavageSlave


Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

My dominant is going to be moving in with me soon as a temporary thing. He wants to relocate to where I am living as he thinks he will be able to find a better job here. So in order for him to look for both apartments and a job at the same time, he is staying with me. That way he will have an address and a phone number from the start. Also, this way he can save up his paychecks and get a nice apartment instead of a creepy scary one that will leave me begging "Can't we please spend the night at my house? The roachs scare me..."


OK.. who is fooling who on this one??

He is your dominant. He is relocating to be with you but has no residence arranged or job. He is going to be staying with you "temporarily" until he gets situated and then will find another place to live.....

If you dont want him to live with you permanently, then why are you allowing him to "move in" and why are you talking about "Cant we please spend the night at my house?"...sounds like you DO want him to be with you in your home..so why not just say..move in and stay?  I dont really see the reality in this one..

just my opinion though.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/23/2006 7:57:37 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well first off I'd have to look at the different situations, but I really don't see any difference between the Dominant moving in with the sub or the sub moving in with the Dominant.

Situation 1: The couple is in a long distance relationship. So they work out the details and see what the most logical point of action is if they want to live together. No one is less or more important. If the situation shows that there is more benefit for the Dominant to move to the location of the submissive, what is wrong with them living in the sub's place of residence? If it is an issue then they should find a new place to live together. But sometimes that doesn't make sense either. For example, right now my rent where i live is on average $600 less then it would be to go out and rent the exact same thing today, so to move would just be plain foolish. Not to mention the fact there is a 5 month waiting list to find a place to rent.

Situation 2: Both live in the same area. But you still have to look at what the most beneficial for the couple. Who has the more suitable residence? Is communting to and from work going to be an issue from either, etc etc etc. Again it might be beneficial to sell or give up (if renting) both places and get aplace together.

What people have to realize, not only is moving in together going to be a large adjustment but when doing so you have to make sure the home is made welcoming to the person coming in. I mean really if you have pictures of your ex all over the place then you probably shouldn't be at the moving in together stage yet anyway.

A good way to make things an easier transistion no matter if it is Dom or sub doing the moving in is to suggest that you redecorate together, or make sure their items have a place. Joining two households is a compromise, everyone has to get rid of somethings or at least put them in storage until you can decide what to do with the extra stuff.

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(in reply to RedSavageSlave)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/23/2006 8:00:53 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin

It IS all about a power struggle.  It's very difficult to combine households.  Your sub has worked for and earned that "space".  You coming in and being "Dominant" there is probably sufficating, even though you are welcomed.

But Babysburnin, why does it HAVE to be a power struggle? Just trying to understand is all.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to babysburnin)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/23/2006 8:04:38 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin

It IS all about a power struggle.  It's very difficult to combine households.  Your sub has worked for and earned that "space".  You coming in and being "Dominant" there is probably sufficating, even though you are welcomed.

But Babysburnin, why does it HAVE to be a power struggle? Just trying to understand is all.


It doesn't, but it is an adjustment because everyones schedules and rituals have to be slightly altered.

Realize you have more ppl getting ready in the morning for work now *S*

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/23/2006 8:09:22 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

It doesn't, but it is an adjustment because everyones schedules and rituals have to be slightly altered.

Realize you have more ppl getting ready in the morning for work now *S*


That I understand; the adjusting of schedules to suit everyone.

I was questioning why it would have to be such a huge power struggle though. ( I think I responded to her post thinking that she means 'its my house not yours" )

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/23/2006 8:36:18 AM   
VampX


Posts: 23
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline 		I think it greatly depends also on how submissive feels about it before you both agree on what to do...if you manage to set all the rules prior to the move and to set them the way thoserules satisfy both, I see no problem with moving into a submissives home.

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/23/2006 9:13:47 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

That I understand; the adjusting of schedules to suit everyone.

I was questioning why it would have to be such a huge power struggle though. ( I think I responded to her post thinking that she means 'its my house not yours" )


Because too many people want to hold on to what they conceive as soley theirs instead of thinking that when you move in together everything is now "ours" I don't know about the US but in Canada once you cohabitate for 6 months if you split up you pretty much have to go through the whole divorce process. Trust me, I've done it.

If i owned my own home and my Dominant moved in with me, the house would still legally be mine and in my name. But it would be his home just as much as it is mine.

It's when people start having the attitude that "this is my house and you are only living here by my generosity" is when you are going to run into a huge problem. Once you take that step to cohabitate everything has to be viewed as ours, not mine and yours.

I'm not saying if the person moves in and then 6 weeks later moves out they get half LOL but you have to go into the relationship with the mindset that you are a partnership and everything is there for the two (or three or four) of you.


_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/23/2006 4:44:15 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		I was thinking about this today because of a friend whose boyfriend is moving in with her.  She was talking about all of his "guy stuff".

In the vanilla world, if your boyfriend moved in with you and decided to "personalize" your home, you'd likely try to accomodate him, depending on what he wanted to do.

Now imagine having your home all personalized with your stuff, sentimental items, etc and decorated in a manner that expresses your personality and style...... then along comes Master, who replaces your lovely floral wreath over the fireplace with a big moose head,  and your lovely wall sconces with a Billy Big Mouth Bass?  

Yikes!    LOL!

Sorry, I'm no help.... I'm full of turkey and pie, and a lil' touch of silliness.

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/23/2006 5:37:01 PM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

In the vanilla world, if your boyfriend moved in with you and decided to "personalize" your home, you'd likely try to accomodate him, depending on what he wanted to do.

Hmm, and why would it be different in a D/s or M/s sense?

When my late master moved in with me, he decided that the house was too small to accomadate us all. So, he added on to it. Did he ask me if he could tear up part of the house and build on? Not directly, no. He told me what he wanted to do, and then he went about doing it.

Up until the time we moved south, the house remained with my name on it. Yet from the moment he moved in, I never thought of it as mine; and I never tried to 'accomadate' him in any way. There were some things he would have liked to have done, that I disagreed with that never got done. And then there were things that I disagreed with that he changed anyway because, well...because he wanted to lol.

I would like to think that in any sense; vanilla, M/s, D/s; one would try and accomadate EACH other in this sense and not turn it into some kind of a power struggle.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/23/2006 5:48:19 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

My dominant is going to be moving in with me soon as a temporary thing. He wants to relocate to where I am living as he thinks he will be able to find a better job here. So in order for him to look for both apartments and a job at the same time, he is staying with me. That way he will have an address and a phone number from the start. Also, this way he can save up his paychecks and get a nice apartment instead of a creepy scary one that will leave me begging "Can't we please spend the night at my house? The roachs scare me..."


OK.. who is fooling who on this one??

He is your dominant. He is relocating to be with you but has no residence arranged or job. He is going to be staying with you "temporarily" until he gets situated and then will find another place to live.....

If you dont want him to live with you permanently, then why are you allowing him to "move in" and why are you talking about "Cant we please spend the night at my house?"...sounds like you DO want him to be with you in your home..so why not just say..move in and stay?  I dont really see the reality in this one..

just my opinion though.


Who said I was the one who says he has to  go?

Number 1.  He is not ready to live together full time. He wants us to continue us living in seperate houses until we are a bit older and have been together longer.

Number 2: He isn't relocating just to be with me. Like I said he is relocating to where I happen to be because he thinks he can find a better job. He is moving back to the area because of this and because all his friends are here and, as he puts it "My heart is there." I am certainly a large reason, but I am not the only reason he is moving back.

Number 3: I want him to move in permantely. Like I said, this is his choice and because he is my dominant I made my opinion known and then I shut up and started looking for possible apartments for him. He would probably be moving in with a friend first if we had a friend with an open space.

Edited to Add: This is doesn't mean we are going to be apart much. We used to live together in all but name when we were both going to college together, always sleeping in the same dorm room together and such. He just wants to take things slow and while we will be living together practically, we will have two places. I agree with him honestly, even though I want us to be living together permantly. It's a big step but hopefully he won't be in the seperate apartment long. Who knows, he may never move out. But that is his plan and I don't feel it's my place to argue with him about it.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 11/23/2006 5:55:47 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/23/2006 5:54:08 PM   
onlythewindknows


Posts: 259
Joined: 10/22/2006
Status: offline 		what akisha points out gets me thinking there is a lot more to this than what goes where and whose space is whose...
it actually goes into the tricky area of whether a sub and a Dom want to be legally recognized (by the outside world) as domestic partners/significant others (read "boyfriend and girlfriend" eek - ok i am using het as an example because legal recognition of non-het couples is complicated already.)

i would not want to be my Dominant's significant other, legally.  not by any chance.

that is just me, though.


_____________________________

As Darth once said: "you are beaten. It is useless to resist."

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/23/2006 7:49:28 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onlythewindknows


i would not want to be my Dominant's significant other, legally.  not by any chance.

that is just me, though.



Why not?


_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to onlythewindknows)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/23/2006 10:13:56 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		For us at this point, any relocation will be to here, not from here.  I have a job, and it's the best paying of the three of us currently living together, not to mention the fact that we own a house and a small zoo now.  However, in the past, we have considered moving to a boy (when we were in the process of looking for jobs after graduation). 

The only reason it would be a problem is if the two involved let it become a problem.  If it had worked out with us and any of the boys we were talking to at the time, we would have moved to him/them.  It just made sense because we were just out of college and the boys in question all had jobs established.  One of them had a house of his own (small, but workable) and the other was in a small apartment.  The one in the house - we would have moved in with him, the one in the apartment would have been required to find a new apartment that we could lease together and all fit (with our animals). 

To us, it would have been no big deal - although obviously, there are some who would have made it a big deal ... those we didn't waste our time with.  If they were going to "let" us live in there house, and "allow" us to stay home all day while they supported us ... well, that wasn't what we were looking for.  We wanted someone who would be comfortable living with us, whether the home was originally his or ours, or if we got a new one for all of us.  It shouldn't matter one bit ... although we know that it does to some.

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 11/23/2006 10:15:30 PM >

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/23/2006 10:26:40 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		That makes sense but I would imagine that either party having the attitude of "I'm going to allow you to stay with me" would cause problems for a long term. Depending on how much it was lorded over the other's head.

Edited because it's late and again... I can't type. Grr...

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 11/23/2006 10:27:25 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/24/2006 12:07:17 AM   
emdoub


Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline 		From the dom's POV, even if this is the wrong forum for that:

I moved into her house - long before we were 24/7.  Hell, I moved in as an employee - I was the Evil Nanny, there to do child care while I worked my small business at home.  We were "in collar" 2 nights a week or thereabouts.

It eventually grew into a 24/7, and sometimes, I made more money, other times, she did.  It grew into a 'Master/Slave' relationship, in which I 'owned' everything. 

However, she constantly referred to the house as hers, the car was never 'ours', but 'hers'.  It got to be an annoyance, particularly during those times when I was paying all the bills.

That annoyance was probably a contributing factor to the blowup that caused us to separate.  This Should Be Avoided.

Just a data point from left field....

Midnight Writer


_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)
Profile   Post #: 37
's hoRE: Dominants moKalo their subse - 11/24/2006 4:07:20 AM   
MiladyElaine


Posts: 1086
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline 		Kalira says:
Hmm, and why would it be different in a D/s or M/s sense?
When my late master moved in with me, he decided that the house was too small to accomadate us all. So, he added on to it. Did he ask me if he could tear up part of the house and build on? Not directly, no. He told me what he wanted to do, and then he went about doing it.

you just answered your own question....


_____________________________

A crazy quilt is warm but oddly put together.

Milady

(in reply to emdoub)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Dominants moving into their sub's house - 11/24/2006 5:25:33 AM   
onlythewindknows


Posts: 259
Joined: 10/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

quote:

ORIGINAL: onlythewindknows


i would not want to be my Dominant's significant other, legally.  not by any chance.

that is just me, though.



Why not?


i don't want to even have legal claim to his property - even though i would never take it - if we parted .
legally it makes us more like equals. i would want to be more like an expendable employee than a wife who gets to take 50% of his property.
i want less power in the relationship - which includes the legal/social "perk" of being recognized as someone's "girlfriend."


_____________________________

As Darth once said: "you are beaten. It is useless to resist."

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: 's hoRE: Dominants moKalo their subse - 11/24/2006 6:18:54 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MiladyElaine

Kalira says:
Hmm, and why would it be different in a D/s or M/s sense?
When my late master moved in with me, he decided that the house was too small to accomadate us all. So, he added on to it. Did he ask me if he could tear up part of the house and build on? Not directly, no. He told me what he wanted to do, and then he went about doing it.

you just answered your own question....


LOL I was not asking me

I was asking that in response to what Brnaughtyangel had said.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to MiladyElaine)
Profile   Post #: 40
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