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ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave
I would have to ask why you need to be harsh at all? And what prompts you to decide who "need" it and who dont? You catch way more flies with honey than vingar.

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Not at all, I believe trying to use the same voice with everyoone is showing or attempting to show the same respect to everyone.

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Certainly sometimes it is neccessary to be more direct when repsonding to some people, but that can be done without bein harsh.

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I dont think being harsh with people who are obviously upset about something and are posting about what they are upset about is a very good ay of communicating. A simple "talk to him sweetie" goes a lot further than some of your responses.

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but recall you a number of times asking people why they are getting upset over internet stuff when its not real life or smetthing similar,

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 I took poetics license in exaggerating your POV, cos frankly your lack of compassion at times to people who post when they are obviously upset irks me.

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For someone criticising me on not understandin the process of comunication or dicussion you seem to do badly when you respond with the harshness you do, showing maybe you dont understand how to communicate at times?

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As I think I have said, I'd probably be more inclined to listen to what you have to say if you said it without the superior, harsh, critical tone you often use, regardless of your reasons/excuses for using it. Oh and the following post made me feel you were telling me that although I felt I was having a "real" relationship it couldnt be cos its online;
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=672970

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 Yeah, I got it, just proves again my point that you feeel the need to use sarcasm, harshness and a superior tone when its really not neccesary.

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Why? So I can better know you? You have made no effort to better know or understand me, so I really see no point in putting myself out when you have not shown you are willing to do the same.

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Well again I will say that doesnt surprise me. Its obviously your trait to act superior, harsh and show lack of compassion.

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Maybe its because you have so many posts that you feel you can be this way? I dont know.

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Well I am sorry, I find it hard to respect someone who shows lack of compassion (in fact you dont even have to show compassion, just not be harsh) to someone who is obviously upset, regardless of whether or not you feel they should be is immaterial.

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It shouldnt have to take harshness, for Gods sake unless you are trying to be everyone Domme here on the boards, there just isnt a need for it. I have friends who wouldnt hesitate in telling me I'm crazy either, but there didnt have to be a "lot of harshness and time to get to that point".

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They do not have to be like that. They are what members make them to be. Yes there will always be the ones who never seem to fit in with anyone. There will be and always are the 'cliches' of people who band together and side with one group and not another. But regardless of this being the internet and/or a forum or not I do not see why the normal social standards of politeness can be abolished and harshness can become an acceptable thing.

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ORIGINAL: emdoub

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ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Well maybe thats why you felt sick when he called you... Your in 24/7 TPE he cant just say "I dont feel like beeing Masterfull right now" just like you cant say I dont feel like beeing a sub right now

In some 24/7 relationships, it's the dominant's call - always.  If the dom is required to act masterful whenever the sub wants them to, then who's in charge?

Midnight Writer

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ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

FWIW, LA sometimes jumps to conclusions too quickly and with too little data, and maybe her statement that the OP and her Dom had serious communication issues was one of those times.   But she is a rational person who usually expresses herself clearly and well.  That said, sometimes she pisses me off beyond belief.  But I still respect her.  She can be harsh (so can I) but I don't believe she has ever been malicious.  If you don't know the difference, look it up.

I have found her to jump the gun with me and she also admitted to having been wrong about at least 4 online relationships that she said she openly criticised only to find they turned out fine. She made her comment of me without reading the info provided correctly. Look I think its great if everyone thinks she is wonderful and her posts are enlightening, but unlike you I cant respect someone who repeated harsh to people looking for solace or help.
I dont believe I ever said she was malicious 
And thanks but I am well aware of the difference without having to look it up.

SamKeithsslave, in fact you do come off as angry (and that's from someone with no dog in this fight). 

I didnt realise this was a fight? I'm not angry, I of course can not communicate that to make you believe, so will have to allow you to continue to have your own beliefs on that.
 
You have a very noticeable habit of shifting a thread on CollarMe from "here I am, look at me" to I'M GONNA YELL AT EVERYONE WHO SAYS ANYTHING I REMOTELY DISAGREE WITH in about 0.4 seconds. 

Excuse me? ROFL!!!!! I have?? Perhaps you need to read the 152 of my posts and please lead me to where I have done this. I have not YELLED at anyone, believe me, you would know if I have. I tend to use capitals when I YELL and bold and italics to empathise. The only person I have had an issue with (prior to others like yourself attacking me on this thread) has been LA, who IMO was rude, condescending and harsh with me in my first thread here, not a good first impression - again though, I know she could care less, as could I.
 
You might slow it down and tone it down. 

And as much as I appreciate the advice (no not being sarcastic) I dont believe its up in order to need to be toned down, and again I'd like to see all the posts (the ones not directed at LA) in which I have done what you have accused me off above.
 
And anyone who posts emotional thoughts while having a panic attack might be looking for trouble, yes? 

Maybe, LOL, ya think?
There is sooooooooooo much that none of you here know about me, and to be honest (and not meaning to be rude) I doubt I would ever confide what that is, cos well I just dont think it would be accepted here, as it isnt in a number of other places. But if it were common knowledge, believe me, it would explain a lot, LOL.


E.

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ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave
Perhaps you need to read the 152 of my posts and please lead me to where I have done this.

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 (prior to others like yourself attacking me on this thread)

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I know she could care less, as could I.

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There is sooooooooooo much that none of you here know about me, and to be honest (and not meaning to be rude) I doubt I would ever confide what that is, cos well I just dont think it would be accepted here, as it isnt in a number of other places. But if it were common knowledge, believe me, it would explain a lot, LOL.

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I think the point is that if the master isn't feeling masterful, then what is the sub supposed to do? Stop being subbly? I don't think most 24/7 TPE relationships have a built in clause for "Sorry, I'm just not feeling like a dom/sub today."

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I will note that I could very well be wrong as I don't know a thing about TPEs from personal experience.

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

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ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave
I would have to ask why you need to be harsh at all? And what prompts you to decide who "need" it and who dont? You catch way more flies with honey than vingar.

If my endeavors were to catch flies, you'd be absolutely right.

I do not endeavor to catch flies, I endeavor to help people work beyond themselves, I endeavor to help them see beyond their illusions and blindsides.  In the long term, harshness is occasionally required for this purpose.

You are, of course, entitled to that belief. I usually find regardless of whether or not your catching flies or not a lot more people might see beyond their "illusions and blindsides" a lot quicker with being lead gently that being pushed from behind.

And I think I "catch" quite a few flies...as you yourself have noted.  Obviously who I am doesn't incite what it seems to within you in everyone. 

No, but like I have said before, we may be a lot more similar than either of us is willing to admit and that very similarity may be what causes the clash? As for the flies you do catch. I think if I were the self preserving type and in for a quiet peaceful ride, I might allow myself to be caught too. Unfortunately, as I have learnt through life, way too many people go along with the crowd and dont like to stand up for themselves. And lets face it, from what I am getting thrown at me now from a few people, why would they want to?

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Not at all, I believe trying to use the same voice with everyoone is showing or attempting to show the same respect to everyone.

Well you've already admitted in this thread that you don't really believe that. 

I did say trying and attempting obviously its not always going to work that way, but we can at least, as human try?

Secondly, I don't respect everyone in the same way. 

Yes, I have noticed, and no thats not sarcasm, thats what I have observed.

We can all be who we are and help as many as possible.  It does not have to be harsh...but to be right for me, it often is.

Which is your right, just as it is my right not to accept it or like it, yet the flame throwers I predicted would come out have.

Ah, so it's not ok for me to be harsh, but it's ok for you to over exagerrate how you perceive me in this way?  You set yourself up to look like you're seeking a vendetta here.

Vendetta? Nah, your first impression you left on me just left a lot to be desired.

Specially doing it just because I happen to irk you.

No, I responded to wench, she was obviously upset and all your post seemed to do was upset her further. I merely agreed with her and expressed that I too found you harsh etc I even went to go as far in that post to explain I was not attacking you and that I have a couple times agreed with your POV on some matters.

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For someone criticising me on not understandin the process of comunication or dicussion you seem to do badly when you respond with the harshness you do, showing maybe you dont understand how to communicate at times?

Again, depends on who you talk to.  Lots of people say I come across clear as crystal, praise me for my logic, thank me for my processing and efforts...are they syncophants to my word?  are they blind?  are you?

I have recieved similar accolades on other boards I have belonged to, but then most of those people knew my "dark secret" lol.
As someone pointed out to me you are CM librarian, now at the time I thought it odd for her to bring it up, but now see that maybe she did this as some sort of way "see she's important"?? I dont know her well enough to know and certainly wouldnt want to second guess her. On yet another forum I belong to the "owner" of the forum, the guy who set it up has his ass kissed by everyone (except me - and I only get away with it cos I slept with him once lol - thats how it works LOL), because he is the owner, and no, I am not trying to say thats what is happening here.

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As I think I have said, I'd probably be more inclined to listen to what you have to say if you said it without the superior, harsh, critical tone you often use, regardless of your reasons/excuses for using it. Oh and the following post made me feel you were telling me that although I felt I was having a "real" relationship it couldnt be cos its online;
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=672970

No, I was telling you that you should not have the same expectations of the cyber relationship as an offline relationship.

Well because of the overtones, thats not the way I percieved it.

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 Yeah, I got it, just proves again my point that you feeel the need to use sarcasm, harshness and a superior tone when its really not neccesary.

I don't feel the need for it, I just really enjoy it and usually use it as a way to break the ice and get people thinking.

LOL, well all it gets me thinking is "what a smart ass" - and I say that with a smile and jokingly

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Why? So I can better know you? You have made no effort to better know or understand me, so I really see no point in putting myself out when you have not shown you are willing to do the same.

And if the whole world operated under that principle, what a mature world we'd be.  The thing is- you took issue with MY judgements of you straight off.  Thus, you have the responsibility yourself to make the effort to get to know me and make an informed judgement.  I have no problems with my judgement of you, so why would I actively seek to know more?

I took issue because you are wrong about me, and so as far as I am concerned its your responsibility to prove you are right, which you wont be able to do ever without knowing me. I also have no problems with my judgement of you, so why would I seek to know more?

Otherwise, all you're doing is saying "You suck, and I don't care that I'm ignoring everything out there which might bring light to the situation that I don't want to know."

I have read some of your posts, most I do skim when I start to find them too harsh, rude, etc whatever, as I have said there have been a couple of points you have made I do agree with, I just dont agree with how you feel you have to present them.

I think, as always, time will clarify everything.

Yep, probably, I shall probably just stop posting and slink off like many others probably have in the past and will in the future. That will clarify everything perfectly.

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The issue was his pissiness and making her feel bad over HIS random change in feelings TWICE for no reason at all.

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First off, 93% of all communication between people is non-verbal.  On an internet message board, we only see 7% of the communication. 

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

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ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave
Perhaps you need to read the 152 of my posts and please lead me to where I have done this.

Oh the irony.  Now you're doing what I told you to do.  And yet you refuse for so many reasons not to...

Well DUH!!! That was my point! It was supposed to be ironic. I was trying to show how ridiculous it is to expect someone to do this.

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 (prior to others like yourself attacking me on this thread)

I think the fact that you feel attacked says a lot to begin with.

There you go again with your pyscho-analytic general statement.

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I know she could care less, as could I.

If I didn't care, I wouldn't be posting.  Of course I care how I'm perceived- how ELSE could I tailor my responses to my audience?  How ELSE could I cultivate the respect that I do over time?  How ELSE could I grow in who I am without gaining social knowledge and perspective?

I care a lot.

I guess I will just have to take that as being true, personally I dont always see it.

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There is sooooooooooo much that none of you here know about me, and to be honest (and not meaning to be rude) I doubt I would ever confide what that is, cos well I just dont think it would be accepted here, as it isnt in a number of other places. But if it were common knowledge, believe me, it would explain a lot, LOL.

Then you really shouldn't have started a thread to ask for advice to begin with. 

Ummm............. er................. I didnt start this thread and the only other thread I started wasnt asking for advice, as I explained a number of times, it was supposed to be a general question not a specific "please make an opinion on me" post.
 
If all you're going to do is ask for advice,

Which I havent done........... yet.
 
and then when someone says something you don't think fits, simply dangle "You don't KNOW, and I'm not gonna TELL you, so you're just wrong" and somehow expect that to result in anyone coming out the better...I think you've got it wrong.

I really dont need a whole load of people accusing me of fishing for pity or the like when thats not the type of person I am. I've read and seen what happens to people who express their problems and lifes woes etc Some guy called Michael on another thread got bashed for asking about sub-space, he was jumped on and people were going on about it becoming a "pity party" etc. Now obviously there is some history there I am not aware of, but from what I could assertain he apparently complains that no-one ever gets him etc and thats the result? Anyway whatever, I dont need the crap. I am happy to share with genuinely interested people who I feel are not going to take advantage of the information. Anyway as we have already nutted out - no-one really knows anyone on the internet anyway, do they?

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Be proud that your posts number in the low hundreds as opposed to the high thousands.  I hope to not make it to the thousands so I don't have to eat crow with that last statement of course...lol. 

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ORIGINAL: texancutie

Another thread once again has taken a sharp turn towards absurdity....sigh.  Can I be the next person to scold you or get on my high horse...lol. 

No problem, lol, I do have my asbestos undies on!
 
Just joking of course SamKeithsslave.  Your initial posts to this thread were not angry posts at all, and that is obvious to people who do take the time to read things unbiasedly.  The ones that don't...I would not get concerned over.

Anyway, the forums are not about who is the most popular person in the class so to speak, or the most respected for that matter.  Though they sometimes get aggravating with some of the smugness floating around in the air.

I guess I would look at it this way....this is a place for people to get up on their soapboxes for a time.  Be proud that your posts number in the low hundreds as opposed to the high thousands.  I hope to not make it to the thousands so I don't have to eat crow with that last statement of course...lol. 

I will probably be around for a while, how frequently will obviously vary. Next year I start University, so my time will be very limited. Soon my kids start their summer holidays, then Christmas, then I am to be visited by Master  dont expect even ONE post during that 2 weeks LOL

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I am not angry at you, I do not allow other people to tell me where to post or how to post or when to post, there is only one person that does this, and it is not you.

Well I wasnt and am not angry either, yet was also accused of it.

You see the problem with attacking someone for attacking people is that it always ends up making the person tossing the accusations look rather foolish.

I really do wish you would read the post, just one, not expecting you to read all mine, that I wrote to wench (http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=695443) re  LA. I made the point quite clear for anyone willing not to read more into my posts than isnt there that a) I was NOT attacking her and b) I admitted to agreeing with her on a number of issues. And I dont believe LA herself views me as attacking her, so why would you?
 
Your flaming of LA shows that you read way more into her posts than is there, you have judged her methods as invalid, you have insulted her, denigrated her, and you did it in an indirect way... by making a comment to another poster instead of directing it at her... something I find petty personally.

The point of my post was to make wench feel less alone and better about what was happening, she was obviousrly down and felt even worse after having read LA's post. As you can see I have no problem at all in replying directly to LA. I shared with wench that I too had felt she had been harsh to me. I fail to see how telling it how I see it is insulting her or denigrating her, and if she were to say thats how I have made her feel then I'd apologise, because that is not my intention. You seem to find the ability for LA to say it as it is as being a good quality in her, but an insulting, denigrating quality in me. Like I have said - I accept there are those in the LA 'cliche' (seeing as you dont like the word camp) and those not.

Now instead of looking at this with the possibility that you may have misjudged someone, you insist that your subjective opinion is correct and anyone that does not see it the same way, even though they have been posting here and reading LA for much longer than you, has to be ass kissing her. In a way you are bullying people that might come up to her defense over your flame before they even do.

I wonder, have you entertained the idea that YOU are misjudging me? I doubt it. Like LA I have no issue with my judgement of her, just as she has no issue with her judgement of me. Why is it you seem to be insisting that I must be wrong? I have been around forums and newsgroups long enough to know there are always going to be the "in crowd" and the outers, thats ok, thats life. Bullying people? Again you seem to have misjudged me, not that you will entertain that possibility. I am the ultimate doormat! LOL

By the way, I would never post in the midst of a panic attack and think myself a paragon of objective reasoning.. and btw I have had more than my share of those evil little things.

Fun suckers aint they? LOL

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ORIGINAL: texancutie

I had a feeling this would happen.  Not that it really matters.  I do assume people are prideful of their posts.  I actually think people getting this worked up over online posts is just getting really silly is all.  Apparently people can't really come here to just let off steam anymore without being jumped on by others...that was my point.  And I was trying to make that point...so thank you.   I was making a joke, but I did expect some to take it personally....and that happened.