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RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/18/2005 11:12:38 AM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

Maybe there's a simpler answer? People must do what they must do.

Without heaping piles of objectives and action plans (some of which are absolutely necessary to find where you want to go, and get there) people usually have some sort of sense of direction. People don't come with a tag saying wash warm, tumbly dry low, but it doesn't take much to figure out what it is we want, need, and like.

Some submissives feel a need to be rigidly controlled from waking up to going to bed. Some submissives would gag at the prospect - so naturally a Dominant with a need to exert rigid controll would be better with sub A then sub B. Ds isn't simple, because there are so many... many variables involved, just like vanilla relationships. My mother lost her leg in an accident as a teenager, so helping her carry groceries is far more important then helping my sister carry hers. They are different people with different needs, and as a family member, my job would be to help them in the way that they need. Some subs are this way - they are extremely active, and need only be pointed in the direction of the yard to spend the next few hours happily doing the gardening, mowing the lawn, arranging a rock garden, etc etc. Others would groan and instead make for the kitchen to do dishes - and even some would beg and plead to just be locked in a cage. As the needs of different people vary so widely, broad generalizations about 'all they must do' becomes a bit futile.

Good post though, iwill - even if I don't agree.

Stephan

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to sting516)

Post #: 41

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/18/2005 4:25:08 PM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sting516

so much for agreeing to disagree i guess...spin it any way you want to, LOD, i care not what your opinion is of me, as i doubt you really care what my opinion is of you...knock yourself out and respond to this, but i will not be responding to you, at least on this thread again...not worth the aggravation to me.

sting

Then let us simply agree that you did not read what I wrote.

Although, I appreciate the imagination you exhibit.

~J

(in reply to sting516)

Post #: 42

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/18/2005 7:58:11 PM

Darthbetta

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline

3 pages later and I still have not the foggiest fucken' clue what this thread is all about.

_____________________________

Some of us have an inane knack for calling people on their Bullshit... I just choose to retort with bitter dry Sarcasm, and occasionaly it sinks in. Mostly, I just look like an ass.

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Post #: 43

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/18/2005 8:37:20 PM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darthbetta

3 pages later and I still have not the foggiest fucken' clue what this thread is all about.

Well -

It started as commentary about what a dominant "must do" -

And, has degenerated into a situational comedy, based about one person's inability to read, and another's grand amusement about the situation while he tweaks the situation - film at 11!

~J

(in reply to Darthbetta)

Post #: 44

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/18/2005 9:48:34 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline

And, has degenerated into a situational comedy, based about one person's inability to read, and another's grand amusement about the situation while he tweaks the situation - film at 11!

~J

Actually, some of us did manage to stay on topic.

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Post #: 45

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/19/2005 5:29:17 AM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

Actually, some of us did manage to stay on topic.

You are absolutely correct.
~J

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 46

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/19/2005 6:00:13 AM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

Access Denied

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 10:30:49 PM >

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 47

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/22/2005 5:03:20 PM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

First:
No one can ‘make’ you feel anything.

OK if you want to play semantics, MadameBette, you are right. One can not make another person feel anything.

The dominant should provide an enviroment where the sub can feel owned.

Yes, if two days journey with sleeping on a bus results in playing scrabble and if ten seconds to tie my hands and leave the room is too much to ask, then I am a do - me sub. Funny thing is I bet I have a lot of company.

And, yes, we communicated before hand. These board are littered with it as well as private correspondance.

Let me ask you something as a reader. I write stories. Would you say you ever read a story where the highlight was a four year old taking a band aid off a hairy knee?

In that correspondance I don't recall if we ever discussed bondage. I did not think she needed me to explain what the "B" was for in BDSM.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to MadameBette)

Post #: 48

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/22/2005 5:07:26 PM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

The only things a Dominant must do is to protect themselves and the submissive from any forseeable harm. Other than that, a Dominant does what they want within hard limits. If it makes a sub feel dominated, great. If not, they can move on and catch the next dominant bus.

And they should catch that bus, assuming in six friggin months of correspondance they get told that. Would you tell someone that hey you might do everything vanilla and they can hang?

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 49

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/22/2005 5:08:33 PM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moleculor

*writes "Owned" on a Post-It and slaps it on the forehead of the nearest sub*

Lookit that! I'm a dom now!

Actually that would have worked.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to Moleculor)

Post #: 50

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/22/2005 5:12:16 PM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I beg to differ. As a dominant, my sole responsibility is to be completely honest with myself and my submissive. If I accurately communicate who and what I am and what I am willing and able to provide, it is the submissive's responsibility to decide if she wants what I'm offering. If she finds that she's not satisfied with what she agreed to accept I can't be blamed for not exceeding what I offered.
Timothy

If she had been honest with me about there being nothing when she was capable and we'd just hang out together, I would not have traveled and tried to sleep next to the farting fat guy on the bus.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to domtimothy46176)

Post #: 51

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/22/2005 5:23:54 PM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NATI

If you are not feeling that fulfillment or sense of submission by doing the dishes, you need to talk to your domme. Your ability to communicate is integral to the process, and if you neglect to tell her that you are unhappy because you feel more like you are at mom's house - where is the failure? She can't know through osmossis what it is that you find dissatisfying. If you expect her to just divine this, you are going to be unhappy for a very long time.

Good point. Unfortunately we are talking about a weekend FTF after about six months on-line. We talked before hand. On Friday I was thinking "maybe tomorrow". On Saturday I was thinking "Definitely Sunday". On Sunday things got screwed up and her granddaughter had to sleep over. On Monday I had to catch the bus an the farting fat guy.

Then you run into the "is this topping from the bottom" bit.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to NATI)

Post #: 52

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/22/2005 5:26:48 PM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darthbetta

3 pages later and I still have not the foggiest fucken' clue what this thread is all about.

It started with me bitching and whining then as usual the topic drifted.:)

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to Darthbetta)

Post #: 53

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/22/2005 5:28:51 PM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

My apologies to anyone else who responded I did not answer. Chalk it up to I'm lazy.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to Voltare)

Post #: 54

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/22/2005 5:30:46 PM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu

My apologies to anyone else who responded I did not answer. Chalk it up to I'm lazy.

Fast reply makes it look like I replied to Voltare. Althoughh you are one of those I did not reply to, this was not for you specifically.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 55

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/22/2005 9:58:39 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu
If she had been honest with me about there being nothing when she was capable and we'd just hang out together, I would not have traveled and tried to sleep next to the farting fat guy on the bus.

Then that was HER failing ... not Dominants in general. Some people just suck (in bad ways) and there isn't anything that the rest of us can do about it.

Oh yeah, and it still comes down to the only thing a Dom/me must do is be honest and be him/herself - which the Domme that you went to visit obviously was not.

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 2/24/2005 12:30:18 AM >

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 56

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 3/2/2005 10:11:09 PM

outlawrider

Posts: 17
Joined: 3/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

OK, call me a do me” sub, but I think I have a point.

A dominant has one responsibilty.

I was wrong. I assumed a dominant had no responsibility and a sub who insisted otherwise was not really being submissive. Assuming the dominant “must” do anything was absurd.

Unfortunately I was proved wrong.

“To Dominate” is a transitive verb. A Domina (or Dom) must dominate.

Telling me to do something I would do for my mother, sister, brother, or ex-wife doesn’t cut it. Yes, I would help my mother with the ironing; I would help my sister with doing dishes; I would help my brother with grocery shopping.

I would even play Scrabble with a complete stranger.

The one responsibility of a Dom/ina. Make the sub feel owned. My mother, sister, brother, ex-wife does not own me.

Call me a “do-me” sub for demanding a Dom/ina actually do something that calls for the sub to do something he/she would not do with his/her mother.

here here........"i" feel the EXACT same way. make me feel owned...not just a piece of furniture!

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 57

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 3/8/2005 10:34:42 AM

InfiniteFires

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/8/2005
Status: offline

I am a bit unsettled that the need to be owned ( if I understood the topic correctly), is because this person didn't feel owned 24/7? I'm unsure it's the "job" of the Dominant to assure 24/7 the emotional needs of a submissive that should be sure of his/her role in the Dominants life. I was certain I became a Domme because this is what my mind and heart yearned to become, to be all to someone. It is a requirement to be the one the submissive follows faithfully and trust wholeheartedly.....but it doesnt mean that this submissive doesn't have a wonderful mind and they could use it. I am to be honest, straight forward with my submissive, and to help her gift of submission flourish.

On the other hand if I am dumb enough to wal out in front of a car and get hit, I m sure my sub wold have enough on top to think, I'm just not following you there" and call 911

InfiniteFires

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 58

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 3/16/2005 4:35:03 AM

cassandra214

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline

A Domina "must" do something? I think not. If you are a submissive then you submit. The Dominant, the ultimate arbiter of activities in the relationship, has a wide degree of discretion: to command; to ignore; to punish; to tease; to play vigorously and test limits. This spans the range from everything to nothing.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 59

RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 3/16/2005 4:50:09 AM

domlenka

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/15/2005
From: Slovakia
Status: offline

Well, at first i think, Domina must trust herself...

(in reply to cassandra214)

Post #: 60

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