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ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

vision mapping is becoming very clear on paper, on the goals and dreams you and your partner with to achieve, and then define the steps you need to take to get there.
Great question ct.  I have learned that successful people do this, not only in relationships but every area of their life.  It allows us to keep our minds clear and focus on what is actually going on, giving us a cleared avenue to the correct answers or solutions because we have a GOAL.

ideally folks who use this process set up time to recapitulate and assess their relationship every so often and see if they are on the right track or if they need to shift gears somewhere.

Exactly!  That is where I feel it can even be like renegotiation of the relationship.  So many people are so quick to end a relationship without consideration of all other options that might be there to move the relationship in a positive direction.  Ending is sometimes just easier and so it is the more chosen path.  Where as if they would choose to look at it from a gear changing or minor shift they could have their happiness right in front of them.  I think the map perspective makes it very clean, clear and simple to understand.  Unfortunately they aren’t listing all the construction zones and road blocks that may lie ahead ;). 
I am often puzzled at how people look to solve their problems.  There is so much wisdom out there and yet people often seek the wrong resource to find their forward movement.  In so doing they find themselves going in reverse and are wondering WTF!!!

do you have a plan for your relationship? did you write it down? do you hold yourself accountable to it with you partner?
I do and it is very helpful.  The first week of each year it is our policy to review all of the preceding year and see what is good in our life and relationships and see what is not working.  Analyze both and then adjust our course.
I have also heard people refer to this as being the captain of your life and keeping your ship on course.
 
Don’t you think the world would be a better place if we were taught these simple and yet logical techniques when we were children?  Life is simple, it is people who complicate it.
 
The Guiding Goddess
 

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

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ORIGINAL: MercnbethCT,
Yes, we did all that back in the beginning. And yes we very much hold each other accountable to the document that was created to be a reference point.

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How else will we know we've succeeded, or at minimum know we are on the right path?" If there is a question of behavior, it really helps as an authoritative reference point.

if i ever find some one i could be serious about, i will surly use reference points...and i will make a point to celebrate milestones as we go along...after all, my philosophy you can never have too many days of recognition and celebration in life!

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ORIGINAL: theGuideGoddess

Great question ct.  I have learned that successful people do this, not only in relationships but every area of their life.  It allows us to keep our minds clear and focus on what is actually going on, giving us a cleared avenue to the correct answers or solutions because we have a GOAL.
 

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Exactly!  That is where I feel it can even be like renegotiation of the relationship.  So many people are so quick to end a relationship without consideration of all other options that might be there to move the relationship in a positive direction.  Ending is sometimes just easier and so it is the more chosen path.  Where as if they would choose to look at it from a gear changing or minor shift they could have their happiness right in front of them

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I think the map perspective makes it very clean, clear and simple to understand.  Unfortunately they arent’t listing all the construction zones and road blocks that may lie ahead ;). 
I am often puzzled at how people look to solve their problems.  There is so much wisdom out there and yet people often seek the wrong resource to find their forward movement.  In so doing they find themselves going in reverse and are wondering WTF!!![

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do you have a plan for your relationship? did you write it down? do you hold yourself accountable to it with you partner?

I do and it is very helpful.  The first week of each year it is our policy to review all of the preceding year and see what is good in our life and relationships and see what is not working.  Analyze both and then adjust our course.
I have also heard people refer to this as being the captain of your life and keeping your ship on course.

Don’t you think the world would be a better place if we were taught these simple and yet logical techniques when we were children?  
 

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do you have a plan for your relationship? did you write it down? do you hold yourself accountable to it with you partner?

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ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

do you have a plan for your relationship? did you write it down? do you hold yourself accountable to it with you partner?  

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cassandra; wow i relate, i had a very hard adjustment to slavery, so hard in fact i realized i could only do it for a couple of years...but i wanted to ask you if you are finding any tools helpful?...i know anchoring was helpful and isolation was not so much....i also liked the tool of journaling, and weekly check ins where i could say anything on my mind with out fear of reproach....but my most useful tool in shifting into the slave mindset was hanging out with other long term slaves

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ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

Julia's post on arguments got me thinking about vision mapping.
 
vision mapping is becoming very clear on paper, on the goals and dreams you and your partner with to achieve, and then define the steps you need to take to get there.
 
ideally folks who use this process set up time to recapitulate and assess their relationship every so often and see if they are on the right track or if they need to shift gears somewhere.
 
the way it has been described to me was like using a map, and how with out a map you can find yourself off course, asking strangers that dont know the answers, and maybe eventually you get there but its a bumpy road.
 
i never knew of this technique when i was in a serious relationship but i think it would have been a good idea...
 
do you have a plan for your relationship? did you write it down? do you hold yourself accountable to it with you partner?