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Written Permission - 11/29/2006 4:33:58 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Talked with a submissive who said that she had written permission to talk with other peole. She says that she has written permission to do other things also. This seems extreme to me. My thought is if you have to go that far then get it over with and shoot yourself. But that is their thing then so be it. What do you think? 
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 4:47:07 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Talked with a submissive who said that she had written permission to talk with other peole. She says that she has written permission to do other things also. This seems extreme to me. My thought is if you have to go that far then get it over with and shoot yourself. But that is their thing then so be it. What do you think? 

Hmm, well, Master gave me the go ahead very early on in our relationship to talk to anyone that I wanted. His saying go ahead though came about because I asked him about it.

In addition to this, he never asks me for copies of my conversations; though I make it clear to anyone I talk to that I always offer him the copies. Sometimes he takes them, sometimes he does not.

Being ordered to though; I might have reacted differently than I did with the way that Master approached it. Hard to tell.





_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 4:51:04 AM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Talked with a submissive who said that she had written permission to talk with other peole. She says that she has written permission to do other things also. This seems extreme to me. My thought is if you have to go that far then get it over with and shoot yourself. But that is their thing then so be it. What do you think? 


I assume you are saying this sub is owned? And she is saying she has got permission from her Dom in writing to be able to talk and/or play with other Doms? Extreme? Well maybe not. If she is a 24/7 slave then it wouldnt be that uncommon (I wouldnt have thought) for her to need it in writing. It might also be a case of some sort of BDSM pre-nup thing? As for what I think, well its not for me, but as you say if its their thing so be it.

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Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 4:53:18 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Pretty much what you said, Dnomyar, it's their thing.

My girl has oral and understood permission to do things. I did toy with the idea of giving her written instructions for when I'm out of the house, but haven't actually done it yet.

Sure, there's a place for it if that's what lights their fire.


_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to Kalira)
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 5:03:34 AM   
LW3


Posts: 59
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline 		having to ask for permision is one thing buty needing writen permision is excesive.
at least that's what I think.
and yes. my slave has permision to talk to other people (being an online slave it will be really hard for her if she wasn't)

(in reply to Kalira)
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 5:41:37 AM   
blushingflower


Posts: 144
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		It may be that it excites her to be able to actually look at the physical list and read what she is and isn't allowed to do.  It may be that they've found that be actually writing down what she has permission to do, there can be no later argument or misunderstanding or misremembering about what the rules were.  It may be that she has written permission so that she can show it to anyone who doubts that she is, in fact, following her rules. 
It may seem a touch excessive to you, but I can see any number of practical reasons for wanting things in writing, and I also can see how it would be arousing for a sub to be able to look at that when she's missing her Dom.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 5:58:02 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Talked with a submissive who said that she had written permission to talk with other peole. She says that she has written permission to do other things also. This seems extreme to me. My thought is if you have to go that far then get it over with and shoot yourself. But that is their thing then so be it. What do you think?


I think that having anything written can help clarify what is and is not allowed plus it takes time to write which hopefully means you've thought a bit more about it. It helps the memory as well especially if you are in a relationship with many rules or rituals or simply one that has changed quite a bit over time as trust is earned.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 6:27:14 AM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		You know, compared to some of the more bizzare aspects of kink related lifestyles, I don't find the 'written permission' kink particularly strange.  To me, infantilism, diaper play, brown showers, and fart domination - scoring 10 out of 10 on the 'strange' scale, I see written permission sitting more around a 4.

It would seem that for this couple, the focus is more on ritualistic, 'by the book' interaction.  More than a few people in the lifestyle are anal rententive, and prefer to have everything spelled out in black and white - that craving for strict rules, with clear punishments is exactly what appeals to some. 


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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 6:56:25 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		I was involved in a relationship with a Dominant and, looking back, there's a lot of things I wish I had gotten in writing because he'd give me permission to do things then get upset when I did them.  So, personally, I can see the logic to it.  And, I have heard of subs having their Dominants written permission to play with other Dominants.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 7:00:21 AM   
LW3


Posts: 59
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline 		ok. now I understand it better. thanks for explaining me.
I still find excesive to require written permision but now I understand it can be useful.

(in reply to gypsygrl)
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 7:12:24 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar
Talked with a submissive who said that she had written permission to talk with other peole. She says that she has written permission to do other things also. This seems extreme to me. My thought is if you have to go that far then get it over with and shoot yourself. But that is their thing then so be it. What do you think? 

I find it pointless and overly complicated and the sign of someone whose life is great majority spent online- it's just completely impractical and unnecessary offline.

But a lot of subs get off on feeling protected and happy that they don't have the "burden of telling someone no."  As long as everyone's open and polite about it, then there's no real issue.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 7:24:41 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		What's one person's need is excessive to another, and so on.  How many times have I heard that my Master was an over-extreme micro manager (in the most insulting ways, too)....stated by people who had no clue who I was, what my ghosts were, or what was best for me.  Such instructions might be considered unnecessary for me now, but when he first found me, they were quite necessary (not necessarily the instructions you mentioned in your OP, but those I had which others thought "extreme".}

I'm not sure why written instructions seem extreme, yet written contracts are not.  Whatever works for a situation is what woks for the situation, for those involved.  Suggesting that people shoot themselves over instructions is a bit extreme in my opinion, however!

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 7:28:59 AM   
nortons


Posts: 23
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		"there can be no later argument or misunderstanding or misremembering about what the rules were. "

That's true.  On a first date it may be a little tacky but I have found that writing something down clarifys my thinking. 

   We all hope for the perfect partner who will understand us and have a perfect concept of who and what we are.  Not happening.  Writing down our thoughts makes it clear to both of us what we mean.

Swiped from the humor forum.   "Consent"

http://www.glumbert.com/media/consent

Snort!

George

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 7:37:37 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Talked with a submissive who said that she had written permission to talk with other peole. She says that she has written permission to do other things also. This seems extreme to me. My thought is if you have to go that far then get it over with and shoot yourself. But that is their thing then so be it. What do you think? 


I think it depends on the context of the relationship.

I can honestly say that I wish there had been specific things written down by me and agreed to with her signature in my last relationship.  I am not sure that it would have made one whit of difference but there is something to be said for someone being able to go back and look at what they've agreed to and not agreed to and see in what areas they excelled..............and in what areas they fell short.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 7:44:37 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		But if you wished that they had written it down what difference would that have made. Would you have shown it to them and made a big deal out of it. Would you have shown it to them and discussed it. If your relationship has gone bad enought for you to part then all the writing in the world isnt going to save it. We sign a Marriage Liscense and still get divorced.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 7:48:27 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		If I'm going to be involved in some way with an owned or otherwise obligated submissive (either they have an owner, a mentor, or are vanilla committed/married), I require interaction with the other partner. If it's a D/s thing, the dominant and I are having at least an email conversation (and I don't play with occupied submissives unless engaged with on the part of the dominant anyhow, so that's requisite....)  If it's a 'nilla partner, I've had coffee, lunch and dinner meetings with girlfriends and a wife to discuss the ins and outs of the negotiation (and have gained two really nice friends over it.)  I don't think having it in writing is excessive, as I don't take the submissive's word for it.  However, if it's going to be in writing, I want it directly from the top/parnter and not forwarded.  It's my anal retentive nature....

But, the bottom line is that unless you're directly involved with either party, it's none of your business what they do in their relationship, so who really cares what they do.....smoke signals, writing it in the sand or sky, or tattooing permission on their asses.  Whatever floats their boat.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 7:56:47 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		The question was'nt posted with the intention of getting into anybodys busniess. It is to gather different points of view and learn from them. I think thats what most post on here are for and about.

(in reply to MisPandora)
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 8:32:02 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

The question was'nt posted with the intention of getting into anybodys busniess. It is to gather different points of view and learn from them. I think thats what most post on here are for and about.

Your question really had no context, so it was hard to figure out why (or even what) you were asking. 

My "who cares anyway" reply was in response to the feeling like you were indirectly asking us to judge this individual's situation.  But then again, I'm like that with alot of "I heard of this person that did this...." sort of posts.  If it flipped your skirt up, well, by all means, go for it.  If it didn't, shrug your shoulders and roll on with life.  It's far too short to waste time hashing it out with strangers.  Oh shit, that's what we're doing here, isn't it? LOL

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 8:41:05 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I think it's silly.  Some people require a high level of oversight and she seems to have found someone to offer it to her.  To each their own.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Written Permission - 11/29/2006 8:45:53 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Seems most peole understood what I was asking. I suppose I should post a question asking how can you post something without someone getting nitpicky about it. Should only English majors be allowed to post questions. I try to keep my post simple and short. Mabey I asumed wrong when I thought this was an open form for everyone.

(in reply to MisPandora)
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