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Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 11:09:51 AM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

This is my first time posting a new thread so please be gentle! LOL I have been in this lifestyle
about 3 years. I consider myself a Dominant woman who is mainly into the D/s aspect, and not
much into S/m. I am in no way a heavy player, which is fine. I am also a Female Supremacist.
I have been thinking about mental domination, and mental submission for a long time.
Being a Dominant woman, I find it VERY, VERY, easy to find someone willing to participate in the physical aspects of submission.
To ME, real submission is MORE mental than physical.
When I am in your head, constantly in your thoughts wherever you go and whatever you are doing.
THAT IS REAL DOMINATION.
Physical submission? So easy to find. LOL
Mental submission? Almost impossible to find.
I am posting this thread to get the opinions of other people. Especially people that have been in LONG TERM LIFESTYLE
BASED relationships.
I will repeat, that I am speaking about SERIOUS ongoing, long term relationships . Not short term, fly by night or play partner type relationships.
Thanks in advance!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

Post #: 1

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 11:29:55 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

I think you'll find that many people prefer to get beyond terms like "real" and "true". That having been said, I think you're describing the difference between Dominant/submissive and Top/bottom, or power exchange relationship dynamic and sensation play.

And I would agree, while although I know of no statistics to support my assertion, it has been my experience that the greater majority of lifestylers are sensation players.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 2

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 11:50:41 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

Well, yes, they are different animals; like having a meaningless fuck with someone, with no attachment and nothing more than the fuck involved.

In a successful long term relationship based on D/s, there's an incredible amount of work involved.....it's not at all surprising that it's hard to find.

agirl

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 3

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 12:09:57 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear MzMia, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In my mind's eyes I see, the 'lifestyle' is very fluid and cause and effect/affect based, which is a relationship that is always living.

At times it has nothing to do with physical but, a lot to do with a state of well being, state of happiness/bliss, state of security, state of appreciation and respect and or a state of 'self.' The mind is the dispatcher point for so many things mental, emotional, spiritual and or physical; to where the mind may make it easy to enter into the world of domination, catharsis, healing, learning and so much more. But, it all has to do with 'the intent' and the will of individuals involved. And, it takes commitment to make any relationship to work by both parties and or more if poly minded.

In my mind's eyes I see--a healthy relationship as M/s and or D/s; is fluid and living. There will be times when it is rough to maintain and sometimes it will be extremely easy. It is only as good as what you invest into it.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 4

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 12:29:05 PM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

To me, if you don't have the mental then you never actually have submission but rather just a mutual agreement for physical activity.

K

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 5

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 1:56:01 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

M. Mia-

I must confess that this sort of distinction often escapes me...

I do seek the sort of imminence you describe, but having neither the equipment or training to start putting electrodes in her head, I am force to resort to using her body as the handle by which I may steer her spirit.

quote:

Man, If this stuff was all about leather hitting flesh, there wouldn’t be a scene- we’d all get dogs, and go home and kick ‘em-‘Major’ Thom Sheeny 1952-1996

Likewise, even the purest of SM interations has a component beyond the physical.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 6

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 2:11:17 PM

LadyHugs

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Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear PlayfulOne, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I agree, you have to have mental but, you have to have physical also.
The power of touch is as much as the power of a word. Both must be there and fluidly so as a relationship as well as energy is alive.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 7

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 2:28:12 PM

DomintheSun

Posts: 11
Joined: 11/1/2006
Status: offline

I must agree that the supreme control is thhrough the mental aspects as oppossed to the physical...Control someone across the room and that is fine..Control someone across the city and that is awesome.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 8

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 2:57:02 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Relationships take time to build up, take energy to create and maintain.

A hot physical scene may also take time and energy, but it's usually much more short term.

Hot physical scenes between people who just met are also very different than hot physical scene between people who've known eachother for years.

Hope you find whatever it is you're looking for.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 9

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 3:14:47 PM

midniteReign

Posts: 13
Joined: 11/30/2006
Status: offline

I am a firm believer in the mental over physical aspect that I think you are trying to find out about. I feel there are a couple of different ways to get the mental part. Mind fucks being one of course. The other, in my opinion, doesn't require touch, it's the ability to be in their head. To take them places mentally so that you are stimulating the mind into making the body believe it is being touched. (Did that make sense?) I had a collared submissive for 3 years, and now I have served under my Mistress for over a year. I've dealt with both sides of this matter. The most important thing to me is having Her in my head. Her breath warm upon my ear as She whispers to me...oh my!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 10

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 3:28:16 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

MzMia,

I agree with your OP. The only difference is that I do not amuse myself with thoughts of "female supremacy". The moment when , male or female, fancies themselves above the other, they negate any supremacy issues if that power is achieved by suppressing another. IMO.

"Choose your 'enemies' wisely lest you will become like them".

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 12/2/2006 3:30:17 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 11

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 3:33:17 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Mental works better with smarter subs after you get to know each other...(ha, assumes I made at least C-minus in college). But the first couple of times with anyone, neither of you knows anything about the other, so not much matters past the 5 senses.

< Message edited by ExSteelAgain -- 12/2/2006 3:34:00 PM >

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to midniteReign)

Post #: 12

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 3:48:58 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Well obviously the average female is not strong enough to physically dominate the average male so she must use mental only domination. But this begs the question of how you know about physical domination when you can never have done it.

As a female sub to a male dom, I like both. I wouldn't be in a long term relationship if I didn't feel comfortable submitting to him without being tackled every three minutes. However the occasional physical scene is wonderful. I'm shallow enough to admit that being picked up and carried off to where he wants makes me wet. I love it when we're lying in bed talking and I say something that inspires him to flip me over and spank me, and me wiggling my best to escape can't possibly work.

I'm greedy, I like it all.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 13

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 4:15:43 PM

Lady Alaria

Posts: 160
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline

Well MzMia,
You seem to be in the right place. This seems to be the home of the 24/7 D/s/M/s choir. Seems to be all anyone is looking for here. Exactly opposed to your experience of mental submission being hard to find, I have difficulty finding egalitarian friendships with an S/M element.

Not that there is anything wrong with 24/7 D/s. It's a wonderful ideal. I just think all the stressing of it lately could possibly be unhealthy. Despite what popular opinion seems to say, it's really not for everyone. And not every bdsm relationship has to, or should end up with a collaring involved.

I've seen a few folk come in and talk about their otherwise equal, but kinky in the bedroom, relationships(or FWB), and get railed for not including a D/s element in day to day life. Like their relationship is less real or special. Which is complete and total nonsense.

There is no right way. There is no best way. There is only what works for you, and what doesn't. Happily, what it seems you are looking for is quite in vogue these days. Snatch it up before the next big fad.

No offense intended here, Just blowin smoke.

< Message edited by Lady Alaria -- 12/2/2006 4:18:21 PM >

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 14

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 4:40:00 PM

tallsubmissive1

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/20/2005
Status: offline

very good description Mz Mia. You make a very good point However, mental Domination is the only Domination that leads to fufillment for the sub.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 15

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 4:42:37 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Physical submission? So easy to find. LOL
Mental submission? Almost impossible to find.

I'm not sure that is completely true. I can't submit full physically unless i have a deep connection so maybe not quite so easy as you'd think.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 16

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 4:50:51 PM

Lady Alaria

Posts: 160
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tallsubmissive1

very good description Mz Mia. You make a very good point However, mental Domination is the only Domination that leads to fufillment for the sub.

Somewhat boggled by this.
Depends on what you mean by mental submission.

By the definition MzMia is using, it pertains to submission that exists/is independent from a scene, and the physical aspects of bdsm. To say that this os the only thing that can lead to fulfillment for a sub is patently false. Physical submission(scening) can, and does quite often. It all depends on your needs.

When I, rarely, switch to submissive, this is exactly how I get satisfaction. A really intense scene, major sensation play, of course some mental aspects(everything I do has mental aspects), but primarily focused on the physical and the motion away from mental activity. After the scene, and aftercare, once my feet are back on the ground, I return to a more or less equal power state with whoever was dominating me. It works nicely.

Just because it doesn't work for you, doesn't mean it's not valid.

(in reply to tallsubmissive1)

Post #: 17

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 7:46:06 PM

ClayTumold

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/12/2006
Status: offline

I have never been involved in the type of long term BDSM relationship you refer to but, if I may, …
I wonder if it might help to consider two analogies: that of a subbie being physically submissive while he is with a domme to a “just dating” boy trying to see how far (physically) he can get on a date and that of a boy who is in love with his beloved and is thinking of her all the time and a subbie who is, to use MzMia’s term, mentally dominated and constantly thinks of his Lady.
I think they’re different situations and its tempting to say that they’re different stages in the evolution of a relationship.
But, which one is REAL?
I don’t think it matters. I think perhaps the question which matters is “What are you looking for?”.
A note of caution, however:
If there is any Lady out there who does not already know this - I’m sorry to be the one to enlighten you - unfortunately you can’t just ask.
I may be drummed out of the gender for revealing this but, any male with an erection (or even hoping for one) will tell a Lady what he thinks she wants to hear. So, if a boy thinks he can get to third base if he says, “Of course I love you” or a subbie thinks pledging eternal devotion and service will get him whatever attention he is seeking, they’re both going to say whatever they think will get him laid.
Cynical?
Not me!
The vanilla literature is filled with women who are moaning because he didn’t call in the morning and on CollerMe I think I’ve read one or two (okay, maybe three) dommes complain of subbies who don’t follow through on promises or who disappear when you try to hold them to their words.
In short. I agree with the previous posts, particularly Lady Alaria, which opine that what matters is what is “real domination” is to you.
I also think that an ongoing relationship is better than a one-night-stand and that feeling a Lady with me all the time is more exciting than only feeling her presence when I’m in her presence.
But, there are lots of people who will tell you I’m not very smart and don’t know much of anything so why should you listen to me?
Clay Tumold
P.S. I've never posted to a message board before so if I have violated any conventions, protocols or proprieties please forgive me - after you tell me what I did wrong.

(in reply to Lady Alaria)

Post #: 18

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 7:53:47 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

I think you'll find that many people prefer to get beyond terms like "real" and "true". That having been said, I think you're describing the difference between Dominant/submissive and Top/bottom, or power exchange relationship dynamic and sensation play.

And I would agree, while although I know of no statistics to support my assertion, it has been my experience that the greater majority of lifestylers are sensation players.

John

I agree totally with what you are saying john, it does appear many more lifestylers are sensations players!
Thank you!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 19

RE: Mental Domination Vs. Physical Domination - 12/2/2006 7:54:54 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

Well, yes, they are different animals; like having a meaningless fuck with someone, with no attachment and nothing more than the fuck involved.

In a successful long term relationship based on D/s, there's an incredible amount of work involved.....it's not at all surprising that it's hard to find.

agirl

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!! Its not all in my head if someone else agrees with me!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 20

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