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Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/16/2005 3:51:15 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		When I go to a munch I go there to co-mingle with like minded individuals, share thoughts and ideas, develop friendships and relax a bit.

When I go to a play party I go there for pretty much all of the same reasons above with the added bonus of play.

When I sign on to a message board I do so to share in thoughts and ideas, gain knowledge from those more(and even in some cases less) experience than myself. I also do so in the hopes that my thoughts and experiences may be helpful to others.

I have sometimes witnessed at different functions that I have attended a fair amount of grandstanding and posturing. In recent days I have certainly seen a large share of that happening on the boards here also.
I see no purpose for this whatsoever and I have to wonder what the motivations of the individuals involved could possibly be.

Do they not realize that they portray themselves in a very negative light? Do they not realize that they alienate not only long standing participants but also perspective new folks just coming in?

Personally, if I wanted to see that type of behavior I would tune in to the WWF or turn on the latest episode of Jerry Springer. I am glad that I am not brand new and trying to figure out if this was for me as certainly what I have seen recently would have scared me straight vanilla. I for one would like to see alot less grandstanding, posturing and downright obnoxious, antagonistic behavior. I mean we are all adults, are we not?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/16/2005 4:05:36 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Some ppl like being nice. Others like being assholes. Then you have those who don't talk to you untill after you do something to prove yourself.

I know there are other type of people but I'll keep it simple.
What I'm basicly saying is that every group is going to have it's Good, Bad, and Ugly.

Not everyone joins a group to be best buds with everyone and encourage more to join. They may not even participate in any charity events or never volunteer to help with a fetish night. They are just going to suck up all the fun they can get and never give anything back. Yet they'll tell everyone what to do and how to do it or just bitch all the time about how nothing works but never leave.

These ppl are out there and it's up to you to figure out how much you can tolerate them.






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_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/16/2005 4:14:54 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
In recent days I have certainly seen a large share of that happening on the boards here also.
I see no purpose for this whatsoever and I have to wonder what the motivations of the individuals involved could possibly be.

Personally, if I wanted to see that type of behavior I would tune in to the WWF or turn on the latest episode of Jerry Springer.
I for one would like to see alot less grandstanding, posturing and downright obnoxious, antagonistic behavior. I mean we are all adults, are we not?

You are absolutely right, it's childish/attention begging behavior...
Where I've come up short is in ignoring that behavior (the proper way to deal with it), and I need to try that a lot more these days, since this behavior you describe is increasing here. M

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/16/2005 4:25:18 PM   
NATI


Posts: 177
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Where I've come up short is in ignoring that behavior (the proper way to deal with it), and I need to try that a lot more these days


It stops real quick when the anticipated response never happens, doesn't it? I'm with you on that one. The best response is no response.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/16/2005 4:35:35 PM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		I can see several reasons for it:

1. They are trying to make themselves appear to be more than they are.
2. They are dealing with someone who insists on behaving poorly in and of themself.
3. They are flaming a**holes and are proving it.
4. They do not care what anyone thinks about them because they have nothing to prove.
5. They are having a bad day, week, year....
6. They are tired of canned answers that require no more thought that a reading of Castlerealm, the Steel Door, or (fill in another sundry site).

These are the reasons I can think of from the 'top of my head'.

As for myself, I am a lot of 3, much of 4, some of 2 and a smattering of 6 in my repose.

On a personal note - I also occasionally have a minor issue with people who snipe at others through third hand questions. It seem less than honest.

~J

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/16/2005 4:43:57 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

As for myself, I am a lot of 3, much of 4, some of 2 and a smattering of 6 in my repose.


LOL....well at least you know who you are and are honest about it. That does count for something. My ex told me the day I met him that I really didn't want to have anything to do with him because he was an a**hole.....we lasted 11 years. You know what, he was right....He was. But at least I always knew exactly where I stood with him because he never sugar coated anything. I just didn't realize anyone could be so brutally honest about themselves.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LordODiscipline)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/16/2005 4:57:57 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Just one more thought.

Let's remember that when out on your own time you aren't being paid to be nice nor mean. So what's there to gain when you just want to be yourself? I remember at one munch where I said "Excuse me" as I was passing by. The girl that I politely ask to move took it as me being a Submissive and proceeded to try and Top me. But I corrected her assumpting that Politeness means submission in a politely manner.

Not everyone likes being nice all the time or mean all the time. I myself am ussally and Ass when I need to be but I will pick from time to time and others take it as me being rude every now and then.







_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/16/2005 6:01:46 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		How about they may think they are joking around and don't realize how other's are actually taking it?

I usually give people the benefit of the doubt, until of course it even gets old for me.

Of course I'm sure at times I've been just as guilty as they are.

(in reply to LordODiscipline)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/16/2005 6:33:30 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Access Denied

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 10:27:51 PM >

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/16/2005 7:23:01 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Why should the pretend otherwise?


RiotGirl it would seem that you and I are actually in agreement. That is exactly my point, why do they pretend to be something they are not.

According to Webster's:

Posture: to assume an artificial or pretended attitude
Grandstand: to play or act so as to impress onlookers

And according to your profile:

Not interested in rude, obscene, attitude filled ppl.

So you see, I think we are really on the same page, even if it didn't outwardly appear to be so.




_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/16/2005 7:25:21 PM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline 		I'm one of those who comes here for stimulating and, hopefully, intelligent conversation. I don't, however, make the mistake of assuming everyone else is here for the same purpose. Those who have little or nothing of value to contribute generally make this known fairly quickly. I would think a newbie who had the intelligence to find her way here would be smart enough to figure out the difference between those who want to share and those who want to show their asses.
Timothy

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/16/2005 7:31:44 PM   
Tangwystal


Posts: 121
Joined: 8/18/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

People are who they are. Why should the pretend otherwise? Its actually quite nice


When I saw this response I said to myself this is a young person. Then I checked the profile and see 25. You are product of the society you were raised in, that is a fact.

Why should they act otherwise? Because in polite society you do. I realize, however, that polite society died sometime in the *me 80's*. It does not change my sadness at it's passing. It does make me want to be a hermit tho.


_____________________________

non mihi, non tibi, sed nobis

Tangwystal

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/16/2005 11:25:25 PM   
pandoravampire


Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline 		Exactly what fangsnfeet said.

and he's taught me more about tolerating people than most lol

(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/17/2005 4:52:17 AM   
Stern1960


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline 		These forums are an excellent way for those exploring this lifestyle to learn and exchange ideas.

One idea repeated over and over is that with the raw power that is unleashed in the activites discussed here comes a strong measure of responsibility, and acceptance of the rules and standards set by mutual agreement.

When someone highjacks a situation (here or in R/L), it is incumbent on everyone to take the action necessary to redirect that energy, by whatever means are required, regardless if the person is a "newbie" or the "leading poser on the internet".

Those "in charge" must be trusted to do the correcting and the others must be sure they are not encouraging or contributing to the inappropriate behavior.


(in reply to pandoravampire)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/17/2005 6:24:39 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Access Denied

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 10:28:14 PM >

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/17/2005 6:36:46 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Are you implying i am rude, obscene and filled with attitude?


Lol.....I am absolutely NOT implying that. When I read your profile I saw that we in fact do agree that we both have little use for rude, obscene and attitude filled people. I certainly did not mean to imply that you are one of them!

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/17/2005 6:53:24 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Access Denied

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 10:28:26 PM >

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/17/2005 7:17:20 AM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:


Polite society died when us "young people" had to worry about surviving out there. Polite society died when we lost hope that it's actually a good world to live in. Polite society died when people forgot how to stand up for whats right. Polite society died when everyone looked the other way. Polite society died when fear was brough into the schools. Polite society died when you realise the cops are to fear. (cops? oh yeah the ones who are supposed to protect and uphold the law) Polite society died when the justice system became about money and not justice.

i dont know when it died. i am not particularly a child of the 80's Would you like to know what i was doing in the 80's? i was trying to make sure my mother's life wasnt a complete disapointment, dogding my stepfather as much as i could, hiding out in my room when my mother was away, drowning in depression, and being as responsible as i could. During the 90's i went out and met the world. What a disapointment it was. Just like the 80's were you "older" generation cared more about being polite then giving a damn about us younger generation and forgeting that we will grow up too.



It also died when children were expected to raise their siblings while their parent were incapable. When we were forced to "grow up" at the age of 12 or younger. When full searches, drug sniffing dogs, metal detectors, and security officers with guns were put into the public high schools. When we had to start working at the age of 14 because the high school was no longer providing books and the money sure wasn't going to come from the parents. I could go on and on.
Assuming that young people are the cause of everything bad in society just makes me angry. It's one of the few things that will make me explode.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
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RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/17/2005 7:39:23 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Access Denied

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 10:28:39 PM >

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Grandstanding and Posturing - 2/17/2005 7:44:17 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
Do they not realize that they portray themselves in a very negative light? Do they not realize that they alienate not only long standing participants but also perspective new folks just coming in?


I call those people "rock stars" because they act like they are ALL THAT, usually are play sluts (which isn't a bad thing, I'm one too I think), and have a cadre of adoring fans around them.

Which is the issue- they wouldn't do it if people didn't fawn over them for it. But if you notice, their fawning crowd changes every 6 months or so. Eventually these people end up with more people disliking them than fawning, but that takes time and the person ends up confused about their behavior instead of realizing how they contributed to it.

Until then, you leave them be, don't get into the drama, and enjoy what you can.



(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 20
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