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Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 8:37:09 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Lots of times people will post about something that their Master/Dom, sub/slave....someone...did. They post to ask a question, get advice, information or just kind of sound it off of others....often times with very little or incomplete information.It then gets answered by a chorus of "Run, the sky is falling!", "Danger! Danger!", "Abuse!", "Fake! Poser!, Wannabe!" "Loser!", "Leave", "Don't trust!".

Are those answers overused or come to too quickly? Do some just usually see impending doom?

Sometimes mistakes are made. We all screw up sometimes. Sometimes things can be worked through. Sometimes we learn lessons.

Does the answer so often have to be Run or Leave?

I agree that there ARE times when those ARE the appropriate answers....but do you think that we sometimes rush to them and over use them?

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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 8:44:48 AM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		I think alot of it comes from too little information being posted. We don't get both sides of the issue, so we react to what we are handed.
 
But then, alot of times too, some of the posts are just BS; a way for some to get attention.
 
It's hard on a public board to reman objective at times.

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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 8:45:45 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I strongly agree that people are too often prone to word comments, opinions and suggestions too strongly when responding to people who, no matter how expansive the information was given, relate an issue.

I think many times it is usually two things or a combination of both. People who have had something similar or think they have had something similar reacting on their own experience and personality as fact and gospel instead of just one instance. Then there is the fact we are in cyber world where ego and need for attention can always be fed by saying something in strong words.


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I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 8:49:24 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I am always aghast at how often I see the masses telling someone to leave a relationship after reading only a paragraph about it.  Such responses always seem reckless to me.

Rather than jumping to worst possible case solutions, asking more questions about the situation seems to be the way to go in my book.

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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 8:54:29 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		Given the context for the questions, I'd say no.

First, I think the circumstances for the questions usually go beyond simple mistakes -- if they could be explained that way, the poster wouldn't ask the question.

Second, the posters are usually upset and so emphasize the negatives of the situation without mentioning any of the positives that led them in that direction.

So although the consensus advice to run or dump his/her sorry ass could be indeed be wrong because we're only seeing an incomplete and biased view, I believe those instances are in the minority. Usually what we're getting are tales of just fucked up and weird behaviors that "normal" folks would probably want to avoid.


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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 8:56:05 AM   
drawntothedark


Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline 		I think sometimes we feel that we are the be all and end all of advice. I know I can feel that way sometimes. I think we type before we think or more importantly  before we get the full story.

Example : Master wanted to try breath play and I got really scared and passed out. I hit my head on the cross and I had to go to the ER. Help what do I do.

Some people would probably say that Master should have went slower, blah blah blah......your not ready for such play etc. etc.

Full story: Subsally wanted to try breath play. It was talked about before hand. He was just doing what they had already discussed.

This was a terriable example. But I hope I made some sort of point.


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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 8:57:22 AM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		I too see way too often the loudly emphasized "RUN, GET OUT NOW, HE'S JUST A PLAYER, USER, FAKE, etc, etc, etc" Granted you can only base your reply on what info is given, but asking questions to try and get a fuller view of the situation before jumping in with get out now, seems to me to be the more sensible action. I know I've been guilty a time or two of posting a knee jerk reaction to a thread that pushes warning buttons for me, but I try not to do that and instead read more in the thread and/or ask questions to better understand what the situation is.

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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 8:59:15 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		(FR)

i could be wrong, but sometimes it seems like the advise to dump or leave one's Dom coming from other Doms is given in a self-serving manner. Like, if you are not with Him, then I have a shot at you, type of thing. i know i'm going to sound like Sinergy, but that is the way it strikes me, i could be wrong.

**Editted to say i wasn't directing this at any particular person.

(in reply to happypervert)
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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 9:00:48 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin


Are those answers overused or come to too quickly? Do some just usually see impending doom?

Sometimes mistakes are made. We all screw up sometimes. Sometimes things can be worked through. Sometimes we learn lessons.

Does the answer so often have to be Run or Leave?

I agree that there ARE times when those ARE the appropriate answers....but do you think that we sometimes rush to them and over use them?


More often than not people don't know how to properly choose a mate.  It is the appropriate answer.  However, as someone stated you only get one side of the story on the boards as well.  In many instances not even one full side.
More often than not when a person asks a question they are asking about someone so abusive everyone knows the signs.  Problem is the person who done the choosing to begin with didn't know the signs or they would'nt have chosen the way they did to begin with.  It is extremely hard for an abused person to leave an abusive relationship.  Often they are no longer strong enough to stand by themselves let alone the stand off that would more than likely ensue. 

How do we help these people?  Do our comments help or are they strictly negative to the person?

In any event the current divorce rates are:
According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America:
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%
http://www.divorcerate.org/

Few know how to choose a mate properly it is a fact.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 9:03:21 AM   
drawntothedark


Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

Few know how to choose a mate properly it is a fact.



Exactly.

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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 9:05:17 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
Are those answers overused or come to too quickly? Do some just usually see impending doom?

It's a mix.  For the majority, it's just a knee-jerk over reaction.

But I've been accused of giving people advice to end it too often as well when I think I'm just giving them advice to work things out, but may ultimately have to accept they won't fulfill eachother.

quote:

I agree that there ARE times when those ARE the appropriate answers....but do you think that we sometimes rush to them and over use them?

Absolutely.  There's a LOT of fear in the scene, a LOT of paranoia, and a LOT of frenzied chicks.  Instead of just staying chill, letting time reveal things, working on the long term picture, people let their fears take control and run with it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 9:19:39 AM   
Argentopal


Posts: 379
Joined: 12/12/2005
From: Central Texas / Hill Country
Status: offline 		I was in a situation a while ago involving the lifestyle, my Daddy, me, and someone else it was something that could have turned very very bad with us having no way to prevent it.  I asked a trusted friend for advice and the ONLY advice he gave me was to leave the relationship.  That sucked.  Needless to say, I did not leave, we got through the crap together, it chnaged us some but life always does, and we are still together.  There are a few, very few, things that would make me consider leaving this relationship.  But I would never leave permanently without a lot of long talks, soul searching, and maybe even professional help.  Of course we have been a couple for a long long time.  I think people do run too fast, but divorce IMHO, stems from a lot of factors not just choosing the wrong mate or giving up too easily - but that would be another thread!
Opal

(in reply to sub4hire)
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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 9:38:38 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
I am always aghast at how often I see the masses telling someone to leave a relationship after reading only a paragraph about it.  Such responses always seem reckless to me.

I, on the other hand, have read tons of paragraphs about your relationship and definitely thing you need to leave it...or at least come see me about it.


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 9:43:05 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I think that by the time most people post, the relationship is usually past the expiration date. We don't like to shame ourselves in public, so admitting something that is really bothering you takes an overwhelming need. Unfortunately, repairs and trust rebuilding is damn hard to do after a certain point, if doable at all.

Drama queens aside of course.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 9:54:21 AM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Lots of times people will post about something that their Master/Dom, sub/slave....someone...did. They post to ask a question, get advice, information or just kind of sound it off of others....often times with very little or incomplete information.It then gets answered by a chorus of "Run, the sky is falling!", "Danger! Danger!", "Abuse!", "Fake! Poser!, Wannabe!" "Loser!", "Leave", "Don't trust!".

Are those answers overused or come to too quickly? Do some just usually see impending doom?

Sometimes mistakes are made. We all screw up sometimes. Sometimes things can be worked through. Sometimes we learn lessons.

Does the answer so often have to be Run or Leave?

I agree that there ARE times when those ARE the appropriate answers....but do you think that we sometimes rush to them and over use them?


(I actually have never made a mistake, so I'm at a loss as to fully understanding this question)

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Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 10:11:27 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Maybe answers are over cautious sometimes but i guess we just play on the safe side.

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 10:54:29 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Knee jerk answers, pop-psychology, and over-reactions on CM?  I don't believe it, and I will have no part of it.

Sadly, it's not the number of people that are willing to throw out advice without first hand knowledge of the situation that amazes me, but the number of people that might follow advice regarding their relationships given to them on an internet message board. 


_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 11:15:35 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Lots of times people will post about something that their Master/Dom, sub/slave....someone...did. They post to ask a question, get advice, information or just kind of sound it off of others....often times with very little or incomplete information.It then gets answered by a chorus of "Run, the sky is falling!", "Danger! Danger!", "Abuse!", "Fake! Poser!, Wannabe!" "Loser!", "Leave", "Don't trust!".

Are those answers overused or come to too quickly? Do some just usually see impending doom?

Sometimes mistakes are made. We all screw up sometimes. Sometimes things can be worked through. Sometimes we learn lessons.

Does the answer so often have to be Run or Leave?

I agree that there ARE times when those ARE the appropriate answers....but do you think that we sometimes rush to them and over use them?


I think that the tone of the post and the information given is often what leads to a majority of these responses. We have no choice but to take the OP at their word...and we are assuming that we're getting an accurate description of what happened. In most cases, this isn't quite right.

A lot of people post when they are hurt, angry or lonely. When we're like that, we're much more apt to create a tone for the post that leads people to tell us what we want to hear...thereby justifying to ourselves what we really want to do but are afraid to take responsibility for. It doesn't happen all the time, but those of us that have been around a while see the new people come, post about some terrible incident, get a bunch of opinions that make them happy, refute the opinions that don't and then leave.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 11:41:40 AM   
MasterWilliam55


Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline 		I have enough problems managing my own relationships without directly commenting on someone elses. We have a tendency to dramatize our reponses to those looking for advice. Sometimes the answer is as simple as saying "put it behind you honey and get on with things". We all make mistakes, even Dom's.

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RE: Mistakes, Screw-ups and the Sky is Falling! - 12/7/2006 2:55:51 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		~FR~

First off: If someone is willing to leave a relationship just because a bunch of other people on a website told them to, well they were just looking for a reason to leave anyway.

There are many posts on here that when I read them I go" why the hell would anyone come here with something like that?" well I know there are many reasons, and just because i would not come to an open forum to air such things does not mean others shouldn't. I just know i would not be comfortable doing so.

For me, and this is only me...  I tend to just bypass the threads I feel i have nothing at least semi positive to contribute. Seeing as usually my "knee jerk" response is " oh for christ sake get a clue" this is not a productive thing to say most of the time so I try and just remain silent. Yes I know there have been a few times where my irritation does come forth lol but i'm only human.



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