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Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 10:34:55 AM

SlaveAkasha

Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I am not really sure how I want to write this, it's just coming from thoughts in my head, so please excuse if they are jumbled.

As a sub/slave do you find yourself being used sexually more than being made love to? I guess I would define this in the most practical terms, but I am sure we all probably still differ to a degree in our meaning for either one.

Do you not expect that type of thing anymore (making love) and know that your use is only for his pleasure? Did you ever expect it at all? Do find full sexual satisfaction in just knowing that he has pleasure (every time)?

Akasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

Post #: 1

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 10:40:17 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

As a sub/slave do you find yourself being used sexually more than being made love to

Of course. That's what I am there for; for Master to use in any way he sees fit.

quote:

Do you not expect that type of thing anymore (making love) and know that your use is only for his pleasure? Did you ever expect it at all?

I never expected, nor do I ever expect Master to change his ways now.

quote:

Do find full sexual satisfaction in just knowing that he has pleasure (every time)?

Of course not. But I am extremely happy that Master was pleased with me.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)

Post #: 2

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 10:46:01 AM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

if we're talking about sex, then it's always about use and service. but i've never been one to think of sex as "making love", even in my vanilla life. as far as the last question...do i find full sexual satisfaction in just knowing that he has pleasure...honestly i'm not sure what you mean by that. it fulfills me completely to please him, yes. i know that i have served my purpose and done a good thing. that always feels good. but does that equate to a drippy pussy or orgasm, no. do i WANT a drippy pussy or orgasm, no.

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 3

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 10:47:23 AM

teachme75

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

why do the two have to be exclusive of one another? one of the ways He shows His love for me is with His dominance, His use of me. it shows me He values me to provide me with His contact.. if He loves me and i love Him, no matter what the specifics, We are always "making love". just my opinion.

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 4

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 10:48:51 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

Greetings,

This one has come to understand a difference , well in her mind*grins*when she is cuffed,hooded,and bound and Master is using toys or tens ,that is play time(being used) and extremely fun however
Master is softer and gentler when it is His hands and personal touch so this one guesses she would equate that to lovemaking even though Master is still using her for His pleasure(does this make sense?) so then again the bottom line is no different
she is serving under Masters control however He chooses and often times thinks the term lovemaking is more for vanillas than Goreans even tho she loves Master and He her. He loves all his girls and uses all his girls however and whenever He sees fit and we love it

she hopes she made sense
wishing you well

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 5

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 11:04:07 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

I'm an idiot, and probably need to go back and learn some important life lessons, but I've never understood the whole love making thing.

I've just always assumed "making love" was pretty rhetoric or a euphemism and whenever I've been involved with someone who used that kind of vocabulary, its been kind of squicky. I just don't like it. Whenever I've had slow, gentle sex (is that making love?) I always got kind of bored, no matter how many orgasms I have. Its like, I start thinking of something else in the middle of it and kind of wish he would be done. I call it "going to Montana," because my body's there, having sex, but mentally, I might as well be in Montana.

I'd much rather be used without the fluffy stuff. Is it sexually satisfying? That depends on who I'm with. It can be. But, even when its not, I can take a different kind of satisfaction in knowing at least one of us is getting off and if I like the person that makes me happy.

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)

Post #: 6

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 11:06:01 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

I understand very well what you're saying, although my relationship is new and I can't offer my opinion based on experiences yet. But I can say that, at this point, I would hate to think there would never be tender lovemaking, and can't imagine life without that. So I suppose this is another issue I should discuss with Him. *adds to the list*

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)

Post #: 7

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 11:09:28 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I was about to say the same thing...

quote:

ORIGINAL: teachme75

why do the two have to be exclusive of one another?

(in reply to teachme75)

Post #: 8

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 11:12:30 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

I am not really sure how I want to write this, it's just coming from thoughts in my head, so please excuse if they are jumbled.

As a sub/slave do you find yourself being used sexually more than being made love to? I guess I would define this in the most practical terms, but I am sure we all probably still differ to a degree in our meaning for either one.

Do you not expect that type of thing anymore (making love) and know that your use is only for his pleasure? Did you ever expect it at all? Do find full sexual satisfaction in just knowing that he has pleasure (every time)?

Akasha

I don't think either takes place, for me. I don't ever feel that I'm *made love to* ....but nor do I feel *used* either.

Everything that takes place is like a language of it's own that's developed. I don't think conciously about his pleasure nor do I think about mine.......... those things just seem to *happen* or not. I've never thought, *now he's making love to me* or * now he's using me*, in fact, I don't *think* much at all. If I'm being held down on the table with my face in my lunch and fucked, I experience many feelings but I'm not sure how I'd go about deciding whether it was *for him, for us or for me* or whether it was *making love* or *being used*.

I don't expect anything at all and never have.

I am not sure what you mean about finding *full sexual satisfaction in just knowing he has pleasure* I suppose it might depend on what each person thinks *full sexual satisfaction* is. Do you mean, that without orgasming yourself are you still satisfied, knowing he's satisfied?

It'll be interesting to hear other people's experiences and thoughts on this.

Regards, agirl

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)

Post #: 9

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 11:30:39 AM

SlaveAkasha

Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I appreciate all of the answers thus far. Like I said, it's stuff in my head and I don't really expect it to make sense to everyone else...lol

They don't have to be exclusive, I mean.. I see him loving me in play and in softer times. I think what I am saying, (but not sure)..is that there are times when the full satisfaction comes to me from being used in a number of ways.. feeling like property, and object..etc..then there are times when after that, I feel sort of empty. I still have the satisfaction that he is pleased, and that does feel good..it's just that I have a part of me that is a bit sad.

I know that he loves me with either way, so I guess making love wasn't exactly the right term. It always feels like he loves me, and loves being with me.. it's only that I don't want to feel like I am too needy in what I expect or want.

ugh! I am not even making sense to myself now.. nevermind

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 10

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 11:41:33 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

To be quite honest, it matters not one way or another if I am sexually satisfied after Master uses me or not. If I get that kind of pleasure, then it's nothing more than an extra for me. My whole focus is making sure that Master is pleased.

You seem to be saying that afterwards, you are not sexually satisfied? And that is why you feel empty? Or am I off the mark here?

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)

Post #: 11

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 11:50:41 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

This is a part definition question, but I am one that does believe in the difference between making love, sex and fucking. That is not to say I need one over the other or when something is happening I am classifying it in my mind though, but I do find a difference in long buildup, foreplay and cuddles afterwards and grab my hair push my head into his crotch and throat fuck him.

For my definitions I would say it was my experience that when I have been owned it was more just sex then making love or just fucking. If I was to ever ask which type I prefer people have done more of to me I would prefer the more of the just get used sexually without regard to my physical pleasure but that is a chicken and egg thing with me because my favorite kinks lie in that type of use. So yes to me I find it very satisfactory both mentally and sexually to get used by my owner without consideration. In fact, done right it is nirvana.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)

Post #: 12

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 11:51:00 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

I can only speak for myself obviously, but yes, I understand the emptiness. I've felt it in vanilla relationships, not because they were vanilla, but because I needed something more. For me, all of the BDSM stuff aside, I need to touch and be touched in a loving, intimate way - and no I'm not saying that BDSM activities are not loving or intimate. Without that tender intimacy, ~I~ would become a shell of the woman I can be, and yes, I listed this in my list of 'needs' I sent him early on.

I guess you could say I want/need my cake and to eat it too. I'm not talking orgasms here, but a different form of physically emotional intimacy for me. Hope that made sense.

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)

Post #: 13

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 12:10:14 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

He uses me the way he wants to. I take pleasure in that. There are times when we "discard" the roles of d/s and "make love", bt it's rather rare now.

There are times when for whatever reason, he was done before I was. In these times, because he feels I am good and deserve it, he will use his fingers or a toy to provide me with a finishing orgasm. However, if he chose not to finish me, then while I would be unhappy with the situation I would have to accept it. And I would probably get some Ben and Jerrys.

That said, I really don't see why there has to be a difference between "bondage sex" and "love sex". If he didn't love me, he wouldn't be here with me.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 14

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 12:19:01 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

I appreciate all of the answers thus far. Like I said, it's stuff in my head and I don't really expect it to make sense to everyone else...lol

They don't have to be exclusive, I mean.. I see him loving me in play and in softer times. I think what I am saying, (but not sure)..is that there are times when the full satisfaction comes to me from being used in a number of ways.. feeling like property, and object..etc..then there are times when after that, I feel sort of empty. I still have the satisfaction that he is pleased, and that does feel good..it's just that I have a part of me that is a bit sad.

I know that he loves me with either way, so I guess making love wasn't exactly the right term. It always feels like he loves me, and loves being with me.. it's only that I don't want to feel like I am too needy in what I expect or want.

ugh! I am not even making sense to myself now.. nevermind

Do you think that, though it satisfies something in you, to be used *feeling like property, and object*...still there's a little part of you that might like more, or a different kind of reassurance that you're valued and loved, afterwards?

I'm just thinking outloud myself here.

Regards, agirl

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)

Post #: 15

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 12:22:47 PM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

I'm an idiot, and probably need to go back and learn some important life lessons, but I've never understood the whole love making thing.

I've just always assumed "making love" was pretty rhetoric or a euphemism and whenever I've been involved with someone who used that kind of vocabulary, its been kind of squicky. I just don't like it. Whenever I've had slow, gentle sex (is that making love?) I always got kind of bored, no matter how many orgasms I have. Its like, I start thinking of something else in the middle of it and kind of wish he would be done. I call it "going to Montana," because my body's there, having sex, but mentally, I might as well be in Montana.

I'd much rather be used without the fluffy stuff. Is it sexually satisfying? That depends on who I'm with. It can be. But, even when its not, I can take a different kind of satisfaction in knowing at least one of us is getting off and if I like the person that makes me happy.

Oh god.. and here I thought I was the only one who felt this way..

I also dont get "making love" ...if it isnt pretty deep sensation or mind fuck..my body cant really get into it.

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 16

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 12:23:04 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha
As a sub/slave do you find yourself being used sexually more than being made love to?

Depends on the relationship. In the past, I was used almost exclusively as a sex toy and rarely ever allowed to have vaginal/penis intercourse with the owner.

Now, I get both the love and the being used pretty much whenever I want.

quote:

[Do you not expect that type of thing anymore (making love) and know that your use is only for his pleasure?

Yes- because he made it clear that that was how it would be.

quote:

Do find full sexual satisfaction in just knowing that he has pleasure (every time)?

No, I did not find full sexual satisfaction in being used like that and not being allowed my pleasure.

But I was encouraged to have relationships with others to get whatever else I needed and I was fulfilled as his slave.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)

Post #: 17

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 12:23:53 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

This question seems to have stirred a response from female subs more than that of men, but here's my view on it as a male who is a sub. For me, it is a matter of a connection between the minds and the emotions that are involved at any particular time. I don't think I could have a relationship that did not include what I call love. Even the sense of "being used" or "serving her for only her pleasure" could only be done with a woman with whom I felt a feeling of love that was mutual. Being used or serving her would be satisfying to me as well and something that would ring my bells, provided of course it happened in the context of the mental and emotional connection I mentioned above.

I would expect there would be times when there would be touch and other things that would clearly be an expression and exchange of love. Without the element of love, or the potential thereof, I would not even consider starting a relationship with any Domme that I would meet.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 18

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 12:40:15 PM

ladychatterley

Posts: 132
Joined: 3/10/2006
Status: offline

I struggle with this a great deal. I think of myself more as a pet; he wants property. I know my pleasure comes at his discretion--I just wish he honestly wanted my pleasure more. Whenever I bring it up (as long as I bring it up well), he is really careful for a bit, but then he forgets. It just kinda bores him, I think. I don't get satisfied only by knowing I'm pleasing. It is an important part, but not the only piece. And if he doesn't worry about my release for 4 or 5 times in a row (or for some reason, plays really hard with me in the morning without a release for me before work), I start to get fragile and lose resiliance and little things set me off at work, commuting, whatever. It is one area I know I'm not a 'good' submissive and haven't figured the whole thing out yet.

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)

Post #: 19

RE: Use or Making love - 12/8/2006 12:42:55 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: teachme75

why do the two have to be exclusive of one another? one of the ways He shows His love for me is with His dominance, His use of me. it shows me He values me to provide me with His contact.. if He loves me and i love Him, no matter what the specifics, We are always "making love". just my opinion.

I have to agree. However the dynamics are played out, his use of me or whatever. Our love is shared during all activities.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to teachme75)

Post #: 20

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