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appreciation in lifestyle - 12/10/2006 2:11:23 AM   
patina


Posts: 493
Joined: 9/14/2006
From: no
Status: offline 		This may be a silly topic and may have been discussed to death already.  Please bear with me if I do not explain it right.  I was talking to a sub on a different site, we were interrupted by her Master asking about dinner.  She commented on that he helps her at times and takes a big interest in the fixing of it and of telling her how good it is and how pleased he is with her effort. 

I remarked to her that it seems that Masters and Mistresses are more willing to thank and appreciate a sub/slave effort in the cooking and/or cleaning areas than a man does in a vanilla household. 

Are there any feelings toward this observation or am I off base, is there little difference between them.  Or does the lifestyle seem to have more appreciation among its partners.  Any comments on this or have I totally confused everyone.


Patina

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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/10/2006 4:06:17 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		No questions are silly ones, just the ones unasked. ;) It may be that due to the dynamics of the relationship and the confidence and security of the indivduals they may feel no need to harbor facades but rather instill in each other the willingness to openly communicate regardless of the interpretation of wether it is dom or sub.

Ross

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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/10/2006 6:25:13 AM   
RedSavageSlave


Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline 		Personally, I believe it has to do with the focus of "paying attention to the details".  Its one of the things that THEORETICALLY attracts me to this lifestyle...but I have yet to find in real time.

<sigh> Someday maybe :)

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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/10/2006 7:10:25 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I always show my sub appreciation for the things that he does for Me. I believe in all relationships people should at least try to be that way to some degree. After all, no one likes the feeling of being taken advantage of, or unappreciated. A little appreciation goes a long way.

~Lashra


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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/10/2006 7:23:06 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..~smiles~

While I do agree that living M/s versus (vanilla-hate this word but can't find a better one yet) tends to put more emphysis on attention to one another by thought and action..I think as far as expressing appreciation of things it's more often related to how a person was raised with mannerisms.

The ex-husband, though a dominant man..did not apply it to our dynamic but he would verbalize often a thankyou or you did a good job for something miniscule, mundane or routine in just everyday life. Though it was appreciated that he noticed and said something..the fact that the dynamic was not what it was suppose to have been (he lost/never truely had interest/complacency/lied) the words or praise just did not hold the same impact and "worth" for a lack of a better word as they do now with Master, who also has no troubles relaying his appreciation for things often seen as unimportant to most. Why there is such a difference in how it affects me I can not say for sure other than maybe it just hinges on the fact that all the elements that I felt were needed in order to be as true and live as closely as slave (as I had come to understand what that was since the days of history books in school) were/are present, and that was the exact thing of vital importance (to me) that had been missing for a extremely long time (hence lot of trial and errors till now).

Well Wishes

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

< Message edited by starshineowned -- 12/10/2006 7:24:21 AM >

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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/10/2006 7:34:03 AM   
MmakeMme


Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline 		In my experience, the D/s dynamic is more intense in most ways than that of a vanilla relationship, so your statement does not seem odd to me at all. I have known vanillas who were really into each other and headed toward the same goals, and reached a high state of intensity, but they seem fewer and farther between. Perhaps it is in the power exchange and in the appreciation of it from both sides.

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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/10/2006 7:57:57 AM   
FrankAr


Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: patina

This may be a silly topic and may have been discussed to death already.  Please bear with me if I do not explain it right.  I was talking to a sub on a different site, we were interrupted by her Master asking about dinner. 


Patina


Greetings patina,

Now let me get this right, HE interupted your conversation and asked about dinner.  Now how pathetic of you to even think of that line, let us face it, she is slave, owned, this is not a Dom/subby relationship where near equality exists.  It is a slave relationship where she is owned, she pleases her Owner the best way that she can and everyone else SHOULD go second.  For even while she was talking with you, SHE should have noticed the time and exused herself to make sure HIS dinner was ready and heated. 

There is a major difference in a slave relationship, there is not even a remote equality in it.  You, patina do have to think in the back of your mind that she has to live by His rules, and so thus that is why she became collared to Him, and you should ( whether you are sub or slave or Domme ) adhere to His household rules as a means of respect.  Remember YOUR friend lives there, and she is there 24/7.  Where you can turn the computer off and say have a nice day, she might have to suffer the consequences of you talking with her while she should have been making the dinner, simple.

Be well and take care.

Master Frank Ar.


< Message edited by FrankAr -- 12/10/2006 7:58:44 AM >

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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/10/2006 8:19:45 AM   
darksdesire


Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

quote:

ORIGINAL: patina

This may be a silly topic and may have been discussed to death already.  Please bear with me if I do not explain it right.  I was talking to a sub on a different site, we were interrupted by her Master asking about dinner. 


Patina


Greetings patina,

Now let me get this right, HE interupted your conversation and asked about dinner.  Now how pathetic of you to even think of that line, let us face it, she is slave, owned, this is not a Dom/subby relationship where near equality exists.  It is a slave relationship where she is owned, she pleases her Owner the best way that she can and everyone else SHOULD go second.  For even while she was talking with you, SHE should have noticed the time and exused herself to make sure HIS dinner was ready and heated. 

There is a major difference in a slave relationship, there is not even a remote equality in it.  You, patina do have to think in the back of your mind that she has to live by His rules, and so thus that is why she became collared to Him, and you should ( whether you are sub or slave or Domme ) adhere to His household rules as a means of respect.  Remember YOUR friend lives there, and she is there 24/7.  Where you can turn the computer off and say have a nice day, she might have to suffer the consequences of you talking with her while she should have been making the dinner, simple.

Be well and take care.

Master Frank Ar.




WHAT?  I am missing something or are you scolding Patina about her apparant lack of respect for the other Dom's rules?   It seems that the only thing she was doing was commenting on the manner in which the Master expressed appreciation toward his sub and was wondering if this expressed appreciation is more common in D/s relationship. 

In response to the question, Patina, I've only had one Master in my life, but he expresses far more gratitude and appreciation for my service than has been expressed in vanilla relationships.  It's funny isn't it...the one who could take it for granted (a Master) often doesn't.

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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/10/2006 8:39:58 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		I certainly don't subscribe to any of the "BDSM is deeper, more intense than blah, blah, blah".  Those are simply statements of personal preference which have been (erroneously) extrapolated to have (false) meaning for everyone.
 
However, I will say that most (certainly not all) Dominants in power exchange relationship exert control over their slaves/submissives to accomplish certain tasks that they desire to have completed.  Of these Dominants, a fairly high percentage are in relationships in which positive reinforcement is valuable and effective in the completion of those tasks (often more effective than negative reinforcement).  That is not to say that praise is given when undeserved, but given genuinely for a job well done and appreciated.
 
My point is, are these Dominants simply nicer guys?  I suppose some may be, though some are probably not (since there's nothing particularly special about any of us on the macro level).  I believe that it's more likely that what can be observed is one example of what can be termed the "Mastering" of a slave/submissive (ie: the process by which a desired outcome is achieved... a completed task and fulfilled slave/submissive).
 
There are those that would say positive reinforcement isn't necessary... that a slave/submissive should be fulfilled simply by serving.  And at times that's the case.  Though I believe the number of relationships in which that is ALWAYS the case are exceptionally more numerous online, than off.
 
John

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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/10/2006 8:50:14 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

Now let me get this right, HE interupted your conversation and asked about dinner.  Now how pathetic of you to even think of that line, let us face it, she is slave, owned, this is not a Dom/subby relationship where near equality exists.  It is a slave relationship where she is owned, she pleases her Owner the best way that she can and everyone else SHOULD go second. 



To begin, you're misunderstanding her usage of the term "interrupt" as if it were prejorative.  Grab a dictionary, it's nothing more than a factual rendering of events that transpired.  There is no negative denotation, simply a negative connotation that exists in your own mind.
 
Second, if anyone is "pathetic" in this thread, I'm looking in your direction.  Lashing out at someone, calling them names, demonstrating your ignorance (another denotatively non-prejorative term, simply stating what you do not know rather than your intelligence), and topping it off with statements of what everyone else "should" do in their personal relationships.  That's quite a litany of miscues in my opinion.
 
John
 
 

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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/10/2006 8:59:26 AM   
dskittyn22


Posts: 29
Joined: 11/5/2006
Status: offline 		I've found that the attention to details and careful eye for appreciative comments is what makes a D/s or M/s relationship good.

I've never encountered it in a vanilla relationship... but that's just me.  I think that was one of the attractive features of D/s... though far from the main appeal. *shrug*

-kittyn


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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/10/2006 9:03:32 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Hello?  Pathetic...please!

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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/10/2006 3:44:09 PM   
patina


Posts: 493
Joined: 9/14/2006
From: no
Status: offline
You sir show your arrogance by putting things in a perspective that you choose to assume.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

Greetings patina,
 
" SHE should have noticed the time and exused herself to make sure HIS dinner was ready and heated." 

end quote

The time was 1140pm --- this dinner was being cooked  in a crock pot for the next day.

quote
There is a major difference in a slave relationship, there is not even a remote equality in it.  You, patina do have to think in the back of your mind that she has to live by His rules, and so thus that is why she became collared to Him, and you should ( whether you are sub or slave or Domme ) adhere to His household rules as a means of respect.  Remember YOUR friend lives there, and she is there 24/7.  Where you can turn the computer off and say have a nice day, she might have to suffer the consequences of you talking with her while she should have been making the dinner, simple.

end quote

Again another arrogant assumption and a wrong one that I would ever endanger a friend to her Masters wrath.  In first place I would ensure my friend never got into trouble because of me.  If such a thing did happen, I would make sure it was known I was to blame. 
 
But for this incident we both were on computers she is an online friend of which I have many.  When she did state her Master wanted her attention I immediately said bye and closed down the site. 
 
 Before you put somedown make sure YOU have all the facts straight, ask questions.  My whole post was lost complete on arrogant Doms like YOU.  I may be a slave but I am not a
doormat.   
 
Even just now I am waiting for my friend to come on line to talk.  My friends Sir came on and said she is busy now be on in a bit, I thanked him and said at his convenience, he answered back he would release her to talk soon.  I thanked him again he replied back you are welcome.  That to me is a True Dom. He could take time to acknowledge her friends and not hold her longer to prove his control.


quote
Be well and take care.

Master Frank Ar.
end quote



Patina


.   

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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/10/2006 3:52:40 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I have not seen any difference in how dominant people act versus vanilla people in terms of courtesy and recognition of attentiveness.

To add to what Rover said, the dom may have not done anything inappropriate in terms of his slave, but interrupting a conversation someone ELSE is having with the slave can certainly be considered rude and inappropriate.

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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/10/2006 6:23:39 PM   
darksdesire


Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Ah Patina.  Your intention in your original post was quite clear.  Don't need to explain yourself merely because someone failed to read what you wrote.

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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/10/2006 6:26:31 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I do not expect a thank you but he will often give one. I think it is just the type of person the Dominant is. Some pay attention to small detail like that some don't.

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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/10/2006 6:42:58 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

quote:

ORIGINAL: patina



Patina


Greetings patina,

Now let me get this right, HE interupted your conversation and asked about dinner.  Now how pathetic of you to even think of that line, let us face it, she is slave, owned, this is not a Dom/subby relationship where near equality exists.  It is 

Be well and take care.

Master Frank Ar.




So I guess you aren't one of the appreciative type Masters then? I wouldn't call someone pathetic for asking a question and seeking advice.  

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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/11/2006 1:49:57 AM   
FrankAr


Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings patina,

First...I replied to your first post, so my guidance was from that....in your second post did you go into more details....is this not right...and thus with MORE details I can give a better explanation upon matters.....is this not right.

The time was 11.40.....so it was not really dinner time...because I usually go about 6 or 7 for dinner.  Now without the nitpicking...ok...a slave is usually owned....now being owned she has a Master, but you informed me with some knowledge that she has a Dom,a Sir, and thus she should be classed as a sub, in my mind.  Now not being to indulgant, I can actually give a better advice with this extra information about the scanario, would you not think so.   Giving information about the whole scenario would not have people giving misleading guidance upon matters, let us be realistic.  If a person can only get 1/2 knowledge about matters, then what type of reply can they really give.

What ever time you speak with your friend, and if it is that late, then go for it, you both are adults.  Why ask questions thought upon matters that you would recieve 100 different answers?  Would you not?  If Dom/Sirs help out, then why not.  if they dont', well could be that type of person and the other knew about it before getting into the relationship.  If Masters help out, then so be it, some don't, some do, it does depend upon the situation, and the people.  You really can't decide without ALL facts now, can you....grins and chuckles.

Like when I inform people when they take snippets out of my replies...I let them know to reply to the whole message and not what suits them.  If you give the full version, then a reply is given upon the full facts...and not little snippets...simple.

Even the softest voice is heard over crowds, and not yelling by one.  So yelling at me, does not make any difference, it just makes you smaller in my eyes, simple.

Be well and take care.

Master Frank Ar.



< Message edited by FrankAr -- 12/11/2006 1:55:36 AM >

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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/11/2006 3:23:08 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think your second post helped you out any
reply to Frank
not patina

< Message edited by swtnsparkling -- 12/11/2006 3:24:05 AM >

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RE: appreciation in lifestyle - 12/11/2006 4:53:12 AM   
Caitriona


Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		I don't think that a M/s or D/s relationship is all that different in terms of appreciation, at least in my experiences.  My past boyfriends (vanilla) often said thank you for dinner, ect.  My Lord is very good about expressing his thanks for the things that I do around the house.  He is aware that it's beneficial to our relationship to do that so that I don't start to feel like what I do is not noticed.  I think that's just something that we should do out of consideration for each other - not because we're in a power exchange.

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