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RE: Give or Take? - 2/21/2005 5:16:44 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleLady
If what you are and the way you (and those living with you) are living adds enjoyment to you or increases the satisfaction you feel being alive then does it matter if it is role playing or not?

For short term play, no. For a more involved affair, yes, it does matter to me.

I know we all perform different roles at different moments of our days and/or lives. One of my favorite theorists Judith Butler would call this the "performativity" of our identities (follow link to understand the concept).

But beyond that, there is something to be said about authenticity.

I get the feeling sometimes when I get approached by submissives that I'm a service Domme here to fulfill their fantasies. I am getting real good at spotting them a mile away now. The boys I have now are genuine in their desire to be dominated by me, and yes we do a certain amount of role-play when we play, but the desire to submit to me is authentic.

- LA

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RE: Give or Take? - 2/21/2005 10:33:41 PM

GentleLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

For short term play, no. For a more involved affair, yes, it does matter to me.

I know we all perform different roles at different moments of our days and/or lives. One of my favorite theorists Judith Butler would call this the "performativity" of our identities (follow link to understand the concept).

But beyond that, there is something to be said about authenticity.

I get the feeling sometimes when I get approached by submissives that I'm a service Domme here to fulfill their fantasies. I am getting real good at spotting them a mile away now. The boys I have now are genuine in their desire to be dominated by me, and yes we do a certain amount of role-play when we play, but the desire to submit to me is authentic.

- LA

I knew I was going to word that statement wrong if I kept it too short. Please let Me back up and try a longer version of what I meant.

I did not mean to use the word 'role-play' in its usual meaning of people 'acting out'. For a long term relationship this would not do for Me. One of the sweetest submissives I have met was a 'do-me' submissive and it broke My heart to let him go. A favourite submissive that I was playing with suddenly started leaving Me feeling used after each session. he was also handed his walking papers.

Roles also refers to the various segments of our lives and Your link is to a very good article. The question My mind had been pondering was: if I feel like I am in an assigned role when I step from one facet of My life to another, is the fact that I identify Myself as a Dominant also a role or is it more like a basic characteristic? There was a time in My life when who I was...the inside core....had gotten lost among all the roles society had shoved onto Me. I had to separate each part to discover who I really was. Most of it had been socially constructed and was not Me at all.

I have come to believe that being Dominant is an integral part of who I am. But I am also aware that this was not the case for many years. I had tried to fulfill My assigned role of submissive wife (unsuccessfully) and had to re-learn how to view Myself as Dominant. For some period of time I was 'role-playing' as I re-discovered who I was and gave it the freedom to grow. It felt odd at the start to insist on certain rights even though I could clearly remember doing so as a child and early teenager.

I hope this clarifies what I meant the first time.

Gentle Lady

< Message edited by GentleLady -- 2/21/2005 10:38:30 PM >

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RE: Give or Take? - 2/22/2005 6:47:44 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleLady

The question My mind had been pondering was: if I feel like I am in an assigned role when I step from one facet of My life to another, is the fact that I identify Myself as a Dominant also a role or is it more like a basic characteristic? There was a time in My life when who I was...the inside core....had gotten lost among all the roles society had shoved onto Me. I had to separate each part to discover who I really was. Most of it had been socially constructed and was not Me at all.

I completely understand where you are coming from. When it comes down to it, I often say I'm not a Domme, I'm just dominant by nature. That is how I am in the way I conduct my research and studies, in the way I go about my job and handle my career, in the way I am in my relationships with my friends. It is a natural extension for me to be dominant sexually. But like you, I had to deconstruct myself in order to understand myself. And yes, role-playing as sub did help bring this to the surface, especially when I realised I could only role-play as sub.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 2/22/2005 6:48:05 PM >

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RE: Give or Take? - 2/22/2005 8:26:53 PM

Darthbetta

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I do not have to take.

I am more than confident in my prowess to simply ask for submission, and it is given if the person so deems me worthy for it.

SUBMISSION IS A GIFT.

noff' said

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RE: Give or Take? - 2/23/2005 1:15:23 AM

GentleLady

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I agree on a personal level Darthbetta. I do not force submission....for Me it has to be freely offered and the ramifications clearly understood. It is a gift to be cherished.

Gentle Lady

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RE: Give or Take? - 2/23/2005 4:37:02 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darthbetta

SUBMISSION IS A GIFT.

noff' said

Not to me.

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RE: Give or Take? - 2/23/2005 5:10:41 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darthbetta
SUBMISSION IS A GIFT.

And by the same token, (in your opinion of course because I don't necessarily share your opinion that submission is a gift), dominance is a ________________.

- LA

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Post #: 27