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RE: Uh Oh!...What would you do? - 12/19/2006 12:35:03 PM

RedSavageSlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

So...the question is...What would you do if you found out that your Dom was not exactly what you thought?

and....When ending a relationship, do you think it's smart to set yourself up in the next one before you end the one you're in?

I am actually in this situation where the relationship is not what was originally agreed upon and we are ending the relationship. I have been up front and honest about where my headspace is at this point. He is a good man (one of the reasons I chose him) and wants what is best for me. He wants me to stay here until the new person and I are settled and sure at which time my current owner will release me to the new one. He has even talked with the new gentleman (wanting to make sure he is not a psychopath LOL)

For me, I always believed that people needed to act like adults if they felt they were mature enough for a relationship with another. This means being mature enough to end it like adults as well. We advocate honesty and communication in our lifestyle. What she is doing is selfish, childish, and I certainly hope that the next person who comes into her life is well aware of the deceit she is playing on the first man. After all..what she will do WITH the new guy, she could just as easily do TO him, regardless of her reasons why.

< Message edited by RedSavageSlave -- 12/19/2006 12:42:31 PM >

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Post #: 41

RE: Uh Oh!...What would you do? - 12/19/2006 12:49:46 PM

pixelslave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

<< I also tend to be rather indiscriminate genderwise when choosing my own clothes, and wear a lot of guy clothes, so I figure if I can dress like a guy, guys ought to be able to dress like women. >>

... but do you alter your speaking voice, pack a prosthetic penis and change your name to Bubba and insist on being addressed as a male? THAT's THE DIFFERENCE.

I have no issue with guys enjoying the silky things..but come on now.. it takes WAY more than a pair of fake boobies and a lisp to be a female :/

LotusSong,
I think you've gotten confused someplace or otherwise off-track. The OP made no mention of the Dom in question apparently being a TV or possible TG/TS candidate! Lets compare apples to apples please without confusing the issues!

I didn't interpret anything gypsygrl said as implying that she was ready to wear a prosthetic penis or "act like a male" with a Dom. I simply understood her post as saying that she wouldn't judge a Dom for also being into some form of crossdressing without characterizing it in any form as you seem to have done. It sounded like an open-minded and non-judgemental post to me as one of accepting people for who they are.

- pixel

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Post #: 42

RE: Uh Oh!...What would you do? - 12/19/2006 1:17:08 PM

agirl

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In regard to your questions.........

If my dom wasn't quite what I thought I'd probably be rather upset.

When ending a relationship I've found the process too consuming and upsetting to even have the wherewithall to focus on beginning another. It's frankly devastating.

Anyhow.........if she can't function without a man and gets depressed without constant male attention, she has bigger hills to haul herself over than a cross-dressing dom .

agirl

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Post #: 43

RE: Uh Oh!...What would you do? - 12/19/2006 1:27:11 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

<< I also tend to be rather indiscriminate genderwise when choosing my own clothes, and wear a lot of guy clothes, so I figure if I can dress like a guy, guys ought to be able to dress like women. >>

... but do you alter your speaking voice, pack a prosthetic penis and change your name to Bubba and insist on being addressed as a male? THAT's THE DIFFERENCE.

I have no issue with guys enjoying the silky things..but come on now.. it takes WAY more than a pair of fake boobies and a lisp to be a female :/

LotusSong,
I think you've gotten confused someplace or otherwise off-track. The OP made no mention of the Dom in question apparently being a TV or possible TG/TS candidate! Lets compare apples to apples please without confusing the issues!

I didn't interpret anything gypsygrl said as implying that she was ready to wear a prosthetic penis or "act like a male" with a Dom. I simply understood her post as saying that she wouldn't judge a Dom for also being into some form of crossdressing without characterizing it in any form as you seem to have done. It sounded like an open-minded and non-judgemental post to me as one of accepting people for who they are.

- pixel

Well, yup, pixelslave.

I have a cross-dressing friend......He's simply a bloke that likes getting garbed up in female gear.... he doesn't want to BE female. He likes DRESSING as a female.

agirl

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Post #: 44

RE: Uh Oh!...What would you do? - 12/19/2006 3:00:25 PM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

My advice to her was to take some time and live alone and forget men until she can do some real soul searching and discover who she is and what she wants. Of course....her response was "No way...I'm not meant to live alone".

erin,
Want to know why she can't and isn't meant to live alone? Read this:

quote:

She has decided that she is not going to tell him that she is going to leave. She is going to pretend all is okay until she can get herself set up in another relationship. Yes...she is going to cheat. This seems to be a pattern of hers and something she does whenever a relationship is ending. I asked her about it and she said that it's not really cheating because technically the relationship is over whether he knows it or not. Then she said...."It's what SMART women do! SMART women don't leave themselves out in the cold with nowhere to go...they bide their time and get themselves set up".

When the lights are off and its time to go to sleep that's the person she's stuck living with - herself. A pretty disgusting picture of a person wouldn't you say? Manipulative, controlling, self absorbed, egocentric; not to mention a opportunistic fraud with no morals that can't be compromised for the sake of personal comfort. When that's the only personality in the room you tend to avoid wanting to spend any more time with it than you have to. In her case she just needs to wait for the next unsuspecting soul to come into range.

Do you think she'll wait long enough to know the person beyond to superficial in order to determine the new person's private kink?

Bringing in another thread. Would she list him as a reference? Would he list her? Wonder what kind of reference would you get from him, if he knew her intentions? To get her out-what wouldn't he say? Here are two people with 'real' experiece ready to move on. Who is starting the line?

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RE: Uh Oh!...What would you do? - 12/19/2006 7:06:11 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

A friend is in a fairly new relationship (6 months) with "the man of her dreams". She's been telling me how unbelievably happy she is. I met the guy a few times and indeed he seems like a pretty great guy.

All was wonderful until one day she got sick at work and came home early. When she walked in, there was her new Dom dressed in a skirt, fishnet stockings, heels and makeup. It was not something that he had shared with her and she was quite shocked by it.

She called and we had a long talk. She was worried that it meant he was gay. She wasn't sure if she could handle this "kink" and it made her view him in a different light. I told her that they needed to sit down and communicate with each other.

Well, ultimately she has decided that she can't deal with it. I don't knock her for that, I honestly don't think I could either. Not that I think that there is anything wrong with crossdressing, it's just not something that I could get comfortable with in my Dominant partner. She said she feels like she can no longer see him as the strong, masculine man who she could go to when she needed to. For her, the issue is big enough that she has decided to end the relationship.

Now for the part of her story that I have an issue with...

She has decided that she is not going to tell him that she is going to leave. She is going to pretend all is okay until she can get herself set up in another relationship. Yes...she is going to cheat. This seems to be a pattern of hers and something she does whenever a relationship is ending. I asked her about it and she said that it's not really cheating because technically the relationship is over whether he knows it or not. Then she said...."It's what SMART women do! SMART women don't leave themselves out in the cold with nowhere to go...they bide their time and get themselves set up".

Well, that led to a fairly heated conversation between us. I told her that I can't agree with that and that I won't support her in deceit. We are very good friends and she does understand where I am coming from and respects that....but says she "has to do what she has to do".

So...the question is...What would you do if you found out that your Dom was not exactly what you thought?

and....When ending a relationship, do you think it's smart to set yourself up in the next one before you end the one you're in?

Got nuttin nice to say about this chic, so I'll just shut my yap (and feel sorry for the next 11 suckers that buy her a drink).

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Post #: 46

RE: Uh Oh!...What would you do? - 12/19/2006 7:16:31 PM

DiurnalVampire

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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

So...the question is...What would you do if you found out that your Dom was not exactly what you thought?

and....When ending a relationship, do you think it's smart to set yourself up in the next one before you end the one you're in?

Well, I cant say I know what would happen on the Dom side, but I do know I have ended relationships when my subs have not been what I had wanted. While sometimes, I have not waited long to be involved again, I never began the search before ending the relationship I was in.
However, there are a lot of people who simply cannot be on their own. My exhusband is one of them. He was in a relationship with me before the divorce from his first exwife was final (which I didnt know until after I moved in with him) and he had his current girlfriend well before I moved out and our divorce was finalized. I think its a horrible way to live, being completely dependant on having someone else in your life. I know I couldnt do it, but he cant do without it. Actually, that was the first thing I thought of when I read the post.
I do feel bad for people who get involved with others that are like this. The relationshops they are in are usually doomed, becasue they will find a fault somewhere and then go looking for someone new before they try and fix what they have. While I admit not all relationships can be fixed, at least in my case, there wasnt even a chance to reconsile becasue as soon as we had problems he was on the hunt.
AS for setting myself up in a new relationship BEFORE ending a current one.. no. I think its a recipe for disaster. Its better known as rebound. More often than not, you arent interested in the new person for who they are, you are with them so you can be away from the first one. That isnt fair to person number 2, who might not even realize that you are looking at them while person number one hasnt been clued in that they are single yet.
I cant feel bad for someone like that, since they go around in and out of relationships without really considered other peoples feelings as long as their needs are being met. I would hate to see how she would react, though, if she got involved with a man that did the same thing to her.

DV

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RE: Uh Oh!...What would you do? - 12/19/2006 7:22:32 PM

mnottertail

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quote:

and....When ending a relationship, do you think it's smart to set yourself up in the next one before you end the one you're in?

This is what I refer to as the monkey syndrome............

Having a firm grasp on the branch before you, before you let the one behind you go (very womanly, to show MY ass).......this is arm and arm with the LuckyAlbatross Correlary of waiting six months before you frenzy.............

You will swing from branch to branch, always in the same forest in the same kind of trees.................take a walk and see the forest floor a bit before you aspire to the tops of the trees and fall just as far as you always have...............

MonkeyBone

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Post #: 48

RE: Uh Oh!...What would you do? - 12/19/2006 11:16:19 PM

MistressSassy66

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Personally I would tell the guy so he could dump her first.
She deserves it if she playing games with a persons life.And boy would I love to see the look on her face..lmfao

WTF is wrong with her...cant stand to be alone?Money issues as in looking for someone with it?What drives a person to act this way....

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RE: Uh Oh!...What would you do? - 12/20/2006 12:21:14 AM

SweetDommes

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In terms of the whole "can't submit to a crossdresser" issue (which I know is off topic, but ... oh well

) - we happen to have a very good friend who is very Dominant - whether he is in his every day clothes or in his 5" heeled thigh boots, stockings, mini-skirt, and corset. I know multiple people who felt the same way as others in this thread (about not being able to see a male crossdresser as Dominant) and after meeting him while he was dressed in Fem-mode, changed their minds.

To the OP - I could never live deceitfully like that and can't have that kind of negativity around me. I have enough negativity in my life as it is (working in the prison system will do that). It is disrespectful, not only to the partner, but to myself. I end a relationship and recover from it before moving on to the next. The one and only exception to this was when we were waiting for a boy to move to us - we told him that we were going to start looking again because he kept pushing off the date that he was moving, but we hadn't officially ended the relationship before we started looking again (however, we WERE honest about it).
As for finding out something about a partner - relationships are based on trust or there is no relationship. There would have to be multiple steps back and a lot of conversations between us for a relationship to continue, depending on the severity of the ommission/lie. If he had lied to us about something or left out something important about himself, there had better be a really good reason for it.

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RE: Uh Oh!...What would you do? - 12/20/2006 2:01:26 AM

littlesubjess

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My first Dom wasnt what I thought .. he told me he was 54 but in actual fact, he was 59.
My second Dom told me he was 45 but he was 59 too (must be something about reaching the age of 59 that suddenly turns you into a liar lol).

I know that my experience is not on a par with crossdressing but it still shocked me and made me feel differently. I worried (both times) that if a Dom could conceal something so simple as his age, then what on earth else was he hiding ? My trust waivered and we all know that lack of trust in a D/s relationship is a baaaad idea. Its not very nice when things like that happen. You wonder if you actually know anything at all about the person you are with. However, in both circumstances I stayed with the Dom and built up my trust again but it isnt an easy thing to do.

Submissively,
Jess xxx

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RE: Uh Oh!...What would you do? - 12/20/2006 2:09:39 AM

KatyLied

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quote:

This is what I refer to as the monkey syndrome............
Having a firm grasp on the branch before you, before you let the one behind you go

I knew you'd check in with tales of monkeys and branches.