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RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 1:57:20 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I never expected the Spanish Inquistion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Stay calm.. answer the questions lest they put you in the comfy chair and poke you with the soft cushions again!

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 2:14:31 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Well, I came into this lifestyle both because of the SM and because of the opportunity to be obedient. That sounds like a really nice answer doesn't it?

Except that under it all...the real reason I came into this lifestyle (or whatever you choose to call it) was because for the first time I could see the chance to find someone who just might see things in approximately the same way that I do.

I came because I didn't want to pretend; didn't want to be someone I wasn't. I wanted to be exactly who I was and find someone who knew exactly who he was and wasn't afraid to live in that manner. I wanted to find someone that I could accept, warts and all and I wanted to be accepted in the same manner. And I wanted to find someone who would value me - warts and all, because I knew that eventually, the person I ended up deciding on would be valued - warts and all - by me.

I knew ahead of time that that would never include everyone, but I knew as surely as I breathed that eventually, if I waited long enough, treated myself as if I was valuable enough and looked for value in someone else, that he would come along.

I turned down a lot of people on the way. I didn't give them ultimatums, or conditions. If there was a condition that I felt needed to be established, I walked away. I refused to compromise on what I imagined would be important to me - even if it was unimportant to 98% of the other people out there. I never thought they were wrong, they were just wrong for me. All I was looking for was the 2%. And I was half of that number.

And yes, I have done things that I really didn't want to do. Difference was, I never did it out of fear that I would lose him or that he would be upset with me. I did it out of the adventure of exploration, the awareness that unless I tried it, contrary to what my mother might say, I couldn't really KNOW that I'd love or hate it, and I did it because when I didn't like it, the obedience made me hot.

I came here because I wanted someone who would have power over me - not the illusion of power, but real power - the kind where I never have to be punished and atone, because if I do something that bad, I won't HAVE a relationship. I liked the nth degree when it came to responsibility, and I liked that when I risk, I risk everything I have and everything I am.

So yep...he has power over me. I do the things he wants me to do - even if I would rather not (although, so far, there's not been one darn thing on that list that I'm able to say "oh, no, never again!!" to.)

And if he cheats - we'll figure it out. If he has multiple partners even when I'd rather he not, I look at what I'm really upset about and generally find that multiple partners or not, I have him and I'm not going to lose him - and even if I do...I'll have learned a LOT about me along the way. So, I don't get all worked up over things like that.  And amazingly, I'm not normally shocked by his behavior - even when he does do things that would shock me.

juliet




(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 2:22:52 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I don't *expect* anything much at all...........certainly nothing more than anywhere else in life.

I see people misleading people, I see people that don't wish to know themselves that well.......... I haven't seen any bias toward the genders in that.

agirl



(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 2:53:22 PM   
NControlofU


Posts: 204
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		People are people, regardless of the type of activities (BDSM or otherwise) they might pursue in their personal relationships.  Some people are liars, some people are cheaters, some people are selfish, some are complainers, and some are full of self-pity and look for pity from others, the "wo is me", "poor, poor, pitiful me" ones. 

BDSM relationships are no better or worse than any other type.  There are going to be some who are jerks and those who are drawn to jerks, just like in every fraction of society.  In every type of relationship, it boils down to what each individual expects from it, whether it is BDSM or not.  Some of those expectations are expressed and some are not.  When expectations are not met or there is a miscommunication of those expectations between the people within the relationship, there is going to be some dissatisfaction by one or more of them.  It's a matter of "My perception is My reality."  Sometimes, someone is going to feel hurt or betrayed and might want to express it in a seemingly safe place, like the CM message boards.

People often look for validation of their feelings from others and will post their issues on these forums in the hope of getting some validation from people they see as their peers.  This is considered to be a safe place to vent or seek advice or just a friendly shoulder to cry on.  Good luck with that.  Some people are going to "feel their pain" and try to offer some empathy and/or constructive advice and some are going to rip them apart.  Anyone who chooses to open themself up on here takes the risk of being put down, ridiculed or labeled this or that by anyone else.  Everyone has a voice and a choice to exercise it or not, as they see fit, and then take whatever reaction comes from doing so.  It can be a harsh place.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 2:56:38 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Lotus, while i agree with most of what you said and disagree with some of what you said i really do think its all what you make of it. 

Who cares what anyone expects, aye?  A 10 year period is generally a good enough one to expect ppl to drop off the face of the planet.  Usually its 2 for me, but i'm currently in a 2 y/r r/s.  heh.  People come on this board and grammar matters, T/t matters, the way you present yourself matters, what you say matters, what others say about you matters, what others think matter.  Called judgemental, a bigot, wrong = it MATTERS - because all of these people here are going to be there 10 years down the line, eh?  They all impact our lives to a great and devasting degree.  People think i'm nuts for bringing my relationship here, ive been called all sorts of things.  Think it matters?  Hell no.  In 10 years - everyone here will most likely be a memory for me.  What they think of me, what they call me, ect - doesnt really matter.  I expect in atleast 20 years this forum will be shut down.  Everything is just a memory waiting to happen.  Things are what you make it.  I personally choose to make all of this a personal growth experience - how i GOT my personal growth,  in 10 years wont really matter one whit.  Its what i take from it and whether or not its a fond memory or not. 

Same goes for the lifestyle and Doms/sub/slaves.  Sall the same thing.  I do my life my way, because i'm the one that has to live it.  Everything is growth.  This forum is a MAJOR learning tool, even if you just lurk.  If i want to learn how to obey unquestioningly, accept everything, and have multiple partners - then i do it for me.  i have been lucky to find a Dom who has patience and tons of understanding and is willing to work with me.  I only travel at the speed of me.  We also have the SAME goal so my growth and his desires sort of mesh for the most part. 

Think i answered your other question too.  I came into the lifestyle because i found something in myself that said "head in that direction"  Didnt know if it was the right direction, if it was for me, or if i was shooting blanks.  I headed in this direction because it felt right. 


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 3:08:48 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I put it to the male doms as it seems the angst on here is directed at them.. "oh my..he wants to go poly!  Oh my.. he expects me to do WHAT?!"  That sort of thing.  Yup.. it happens on both sides.. but it seems to me the male subs just move on.

Have you ever had occasion to notice the numbers of lesbian and bi women who continue to LIVE WITH the spouse/SO once the relationship is no longer a romantic partnership of any kind? Normally I don't dig gender generalizations, but I think it's just that and no more - relating styles.  Women assume that if we just change something about them or about us it'll all go swimmingly well again instead of cutting losses, I know I've done this.



(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 3:12:44 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
[/quote]


How many female submissives have written brokenheartedly about what their big, bad male dominant wanted to do with them for 5 or 6 paragraphs and then mentioned in a 2-line blip that they knew the offending "thing" was there and an interest of his that going in but thought he would change his mind when he saw how 'perfect' they were all by themselves? 
[/quote]


I've experienced this without being an MDom - dating women who seem to hear very selectively when I describe the kind of relationship they are getting into with me.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 3:27:51 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		not the comfy chair!!!!

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 3:47:48 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

What brought YOU into this lifestyle?



i have always been attracted to Dominant Men, usually older ones but, always Dominant.  i have always been a masochist, so i needed to be with a sadist in order to satisfy my desire for the sting and the "ouch" that brings me sexual pleasure and i have always been adventurous and curious and looking to explore the "darker side" of my sexuality.  So, how could i ever feel really comfortable and content in any other "lifestyle"?  i couldn't.  i tried.  it just isn't for me. 

What i get out of being a slave is the order and discipline that i need to function at my best.  i suck at being in charge of anything, even my own money and time.  i'm quite good at following directions, especially when they come from a man i trust and believe in.  This is where i belong and where i fit best in this world.  i have no problem with sharing the man in my life with anyone else.  i do have a problem with dishonesty.  It was very important that the fact that my Master would have mulitple partners, whenever He wanted, was clearly stated up front by Him and fully understood by me, right from the start, so that there would be no misunderstanding about that issue.  Luckily, since i also enjoy being used by other women and my Master loves to share me that way, i am not being left out and it's good all the way around.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 4:32:25 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		What else? A Man!!! LOL (That's the short answer)

The longer answer is like agirl, i don't really expect much anymore, it means less heartbreak, less self-condemnation, and fewer "surprises" of the icky kind.

Hope, however, does spring eternal....(i'd love to proved wrong).

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

A damned woman!


_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 4:39:34 PM   
sophia37


Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		The cool clothes.

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 5:10:48 PM   
MmakeMme


Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline 		Because I met a wonderful man who was also a Dom, although I didn't know he was a Dom for several months. When I found out why I was so attracted to him (he was loving ~and~ dominant) it all fell into place. I get tired of being the strong one, the dominant one, in my regular life. It is very fulfilling to surrender.

_____________________________

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 6:21:39 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

We are sort of  missing my intent here.. I probably didn't  state it clearly enough.
 
We claim communication, honesty, consentuality and obedience.  It seems one side of the equation always considers it a bit  more than the other.

Hmm well my Master communicates, he is honest, our dynamic does not require him or even expect him to consent to my wishes, and he is certainly not obedient to me. 

As for him wanting poly, that is his right.  I knew it going in. 

Anyway, what brought me to submitting was my need to submit. 

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 6:34:24 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline 		I guess that people need different things at different times in their lives.  A dom who refused monogamy would definitely not be a deal breaker for me, but if I was a younger woman with kids and all - it might make a big difference.  If my means of sustaining life were tied to a dom - that would make a huge difference.  Monogamy might not even be desirable now since I'm not looking for a hubby (been there, done that).  Monogamy is sort of a misnomer anyway, unless two people are truely attached for life - which is an incredibly rare thing even in the 'nila world, let alone in the rougher waters where we swim.   

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 6:44:22 PM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

What brought YOU into this lifestyle?

A desire for pain; pure and simple.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 6:54:03 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

not the comfy chair!!!!


i'm lost.....  what did i miss? 

the comfie chair is comfie and i wouldnt mind having one right now... can i borrow yours?


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 6:57:15 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

When I read the cheating and the shocked at a behavior threads.. I just have to shake my head and ask.. "what do people expect here?!"
 
You have come into a situation.. aka 'lifestyle'.. where men expect women to obey unquestioningly,  accept EVERYTHING because "it's ALL good",  be expected to have multiple partners even if it's not your sexual preference, be accepted warts and all unless you are just going to be totally uncool and <gasp> judgmental!  And not to mention.. it's based on KINK or novels!  What do people expect??!!
 
The dominants probably, for the first time in their lives..have SOME kind of power and control over another person and that person is to be obedient and loving and accepting. Somebody.. SOMEWHERE, somehow, SOME TIME is going to be weird.  No wait..you CAN'T be considered weird in this lifestyle..but you can be considered wrong, bigoted, judgmental and a fake if you don't buy into all of it.
 
What brought YOU into this lifestyle?


It was my sister (but unlike me, she was a slut).

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 12/19/2006 6:59:07 PM >

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 7:07:35 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister
i'm lost.....  what did i miss? 
the comfie chair is comfie and i wouldnt mind having one right now... can i borrow yours?


Yes.  The soft pillow poking sounded nice too.

MaryT

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 7:12:39 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

not the comfy chair!!!!


i'm lost.....  what did i miss? 

the comfie chair is comfie and i wouldnt mind having one right now... can i borrow yours?

The comments are alluding to the Monty Python Skit called the "Spanish Inquisition".  circa 1971.. a tad before you were born :) 
The reference to "The Comfy Chair":
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F56ZZzz4meU&mode=related&search=

This is the skit in it's totality :) 
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zO68fUMWx3g

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 12/19/2006 7:39:28 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 7:36:19 PM   
MstrssScarlet


Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

not the comfy chair!!!!


i'm lost.....  what did i miss? 

the comfie chair is comfie and i wouldnt mind having one right now... can i borrow yours?


The comments are alluding to  Monty Python Skit called the "Spanish Inquisition".  circa 1971.. a tad before you were born :) 
The reference to "The Comfy Chair":
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F56ZZzz4meU&mode=related&search=

This is the skit in it's totality :) 
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zO68fUMWx3g



OMG!  The comfy chair!!!I suppose those of us who still remember Monty Python and the Flying Circus are from a different era.  Thank you SOOO much for posting this!
Mistress Scarlet

< Message edited by MstrssScarlet -- 12/19/2006 7:40:59 PM >

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 40
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