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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 10:02:11 AM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		Wow, this has been a great thread.
 
Master and I are just under a year together. We never planned this, but we fell in love and have a romantic relationship that works hand-in-hand with the power exchange. I agree with julietsierra that no matter how "vanilla" seeming the activity, we are still Master and sub- i know my place and He controls at all times. But the love relationship has complicated things on occasion. Once Master told me he would still love me and be with me if we didn't have or continue the BDSM aspects of the relationship. He said this to emphasis how much me loves me- not just my submission. And I realized how generous and loving the comment was at the time, but later, as it resonated, it really upset my balance because my whole self image has changed since being owned by Him. I am a collared submissive- i will never be anything but His ever again and I wouldn't ever want a relationship that was not TPE. Not even with Master- i wouldn't know how to relate to Him.
 
I expect the relationship to change- I have seen it changing in the year we've been together. But we have a committment and we will grow together and Master will address any and all issues that arise (as they will). We are realistic and have discussed these things. Master has given me guidelines to air any issues or unhappiness I may have so that we can deal straight on. Bearlee had it right- communication is paramount in all relationships, but the thing that sets BDSM apart is that it doesn't exist at all without communication and true intimacy. And I know that for me, that is one of the most precious gifts of of being owned.

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
MoGa's IN-Crowd

"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 10:10:45 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

thetammyjo

I don't think I've been driven by passion or "chemicals" in any of my successful relationships in fact. My father asked me something that I thought was odd when I became engaged to Tom: "Are you sure? You don't seem terribly passionate about each other." This from the man who asked mom to marry him on their first date. True they are approaching their 60th anniversary but I can't say their relationship has been very healthy for either of them or for their offspring. I prefer a solid relationship of mutual compatibility -- passion has developed in each but it hasn't clouded the relationships


Life is a very odd thing. People hook up under all sorts of conditions and they are happy or they are not. Perhaps it is luck, perhaps it is the mutual work that is done, perhaps it is expectations... perhaps it is all of the above. That is why I get so much from reading about other people's experiences, thanks for sharing yours. I find I agree about mutual compatibility being extremely important and something I deeply value myself.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 10:34:56 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

So I ask those who have had a power exchange relationship for multiple years, did you or do you expect there to be  change within the relationship, do you try to stop that or embrace it as the unique thing the relationship dynamic is? What is more important, the relationship or the power exchange?

For those of you starting out, do you expect there to be change in your relationship as time goes by? How do you plan to handle the changes that might impact your power exchange, and what is more important, the power exchange or your partner?
   A main cause of this IMO is that so many online posters get into long distance relationships, and/or relationships in which their primary time together is spent as "kinky vacations" ie, they spend a weekend together without any life priorities interfering, they just hang loose, get kinky all the time and go with it.

They base the commitment of their relationship on that time spent together- which is NOT indicative of everyday life together.  In LDRS, experience gets dilated- weeks or months of emotions get squeezed into a weekend or maybe a week of actual time together.  People fool themselves into thinking that because they've been talking "for a year" that they actually have a "years life experience together."  They really don't.

I'm just pointing out two of the main causes I think for people's unrealistic expectations getting built up which leads to their downfall.

Now, onto the topic at hand- I fell for it also.  I, too, wondered why life didn't turn into the kinky vacation we'd had in the beginning.  I, too, felt frustrated when orders became a far majority more of the orders became about house cleaning and domestics, and far minority of them became about kinky performances.

For me, I worked through it by working through it- essentially exactly how vanillas do (because we all should know that vanilla relationships have this same problem of honeymoon aftershock, too).  When I found a relationship that was right for me, intimacy grew on ALL levels.  I found that the quiet intimacy of sitting around doing nothing together was JUST as profound as the intimacy of doing hot kinky stuff. 

I learned that it wasn't about the "act"- it was about the motivation and time together.

Not that the act has NO meaning.  If you build a relationship based on expectations that there will be kinky play as part of that relationship, and then one partner NEVER wants it, then you've got a real issue.  However, building relationships on the idea that there will be as much kinky play or as overt kinky play as there is in the honeymoon period is what leads to the frustration.  People need to learn that a relationship is about what you build together- not what you do together.  High intense emotions like that will come and go, and they are always great to experience and I don't think any relationship should ever LOSE that experience.  But expecting a relationship to be what it was in the beginning as it is in the years past is unrealistic.

It needs to deepen into what it will become.  Think of it as the "hot impetuousness of youth" versus the "strong milder temper of middle age"- you really haven't LOST anything, you're still who you are.  You simply go about things in a way that suits you better.

But it's a hard realization to have, and breaking up is never easy.  As we've said so many times, don't rush into a commitment.  Let time and experience together show you what it will. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 11:05:29 AM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

For those of you starting out, do you expect there to be change in your relationship as time goes by? How do you plan to handle the changes that might impact your power exchange, and what is more important, the power exchange or your partner?


Of course we expect to change. Like one person said if we don't change then we become stagnant. That is not an option for us. Nor is becoming complacent or lazy in nurturing our relationship.

We have been living together now a little over 10 months. In that time we have seen our relationship grow and change. We talk about it frequently and every three months we go over our contract and really evaluate what is we are doing. This week has been one of those times where lots of soul searching has been going on. I have been tasked with journaling and other writing assignments that have challenged my submission and refocused exactly what it is that we want out of our D/s.

For my Dom the most important thing is the power exchange. Because I love him so very much I will say that is the most important thing for me as well. Without the power exchange we cease being the couple that we have become and neither of us want that.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 11:22:53 AM   
SlaveAkasha


Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I am not sure why, but I never thought about our relationship NOT changing.  I have learned that it's part of things, be they vanilla or M/s related.
 
Ours really isn't based on the M/s part.  We are a couple first, then a Master and slave.  What I mean is, the M/s part could go away tomorrow, but what we have would still be there.
 
We have talked of the future, of getting married, a family..etc. so the changes are already happening in the few months we have been together.  I know that things won't be perfect, so I don't see there has been a "honeymoon" phase to it.  I am pretty much past the stage in my life where I looked at things that way.
 
There are going to be issues, laughter, tears, fights..it's the communication that the two people have that gets them thru it.
 
I look forward to all of the changes ahead.  To me, it means we are growing more as a couple, and as people in general.
 
Kasha
 
PS..good question, Julia

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 11:26:35 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline 		For Master and I; no, I do not expect anything to change. He is the owner, I am just property; if the dynamics were to change, we would no longer be together.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 12:01:06 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		Maybe this is why I'm taking so long to find a Dom....

You said: For those of you starting out, do you expect there to be change in your relationship as time goes by? How do you plan to handle the changes that might impact your power exchange, and what is more important, the power exchange or your partner?


I am much more interested in a life partner than someone to play with. I view each Dom who contacts me from the perspective of "will I be able to live with this person forever?" It gets difficult sometimes to be patient and wait, but I'm hoping it's worth the time and effort I'm putting in to this process.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 12:13:52 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Where's your shame
You've left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can't trace time

Strange fascination, fascinating me
Changes are taking the pace I'm going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Oh, look out you rock 'n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Pretty soon you're gonna get a little older
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can't trace time


Changes---- David Bowie


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 12:13:56 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I didn't expect my relationship to change and it hasn't significantly....certainly not in the ways that are mentioned in the quotes you have used above.

There never was a honeymoon period.....Whatever it was all those years ago is still what it is now. I didn't have a time when I was * all moony eyes* or a submissive goo.

Yes, he's just as *domly* as he always was and little impacts on the relationship. I had no preconcieved notions of what it could be/would be/ought to be like. I just *took it as it came*.

The intensity has increased, not diminished.....I haven't had to develop any tolerance for him, nor have I had to overlook anything and nothing troubles me. If anything, I've had to develop a *resistance* to him....lol

I relate to him the way I do.......the way I always have ......the only part that could change is the agreement that he could *enforce* what always was there.

agirl















(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 12:18:04 PM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline 		i am really glad you all are talking about this.  Just today, i was thinking about the newbs coming on and having some complaint about their new found relationship.  And i was thinking that listening to you all (all of you and others) talk about how your relationships are handled, and the fulfilment that i have seen here (on the boards), could make it sound to a newbie that this is how it should be for her too. 
 
But i don't think she's realizing that where you all are has taken time, patience, communication, commitment, getting to know each other....and a whole lot of other things.  i sometimes think that a newbie thinks that this should happen right away....and she might not be looking at the 'journey' involved. 
 
And i think most of you have mentioned the importance of finding a compatible partner to start with.  That sure helps!
 
i know that even at my age, i could not start a relationship tomorrow and expect the depth most of you have found so far.  Yes, i can realize that but i think many just starting out think there is some magic that goes on that will hold the relationship together.  i guess i am just glad that it's kind of being brought out here that relationships do take work...and they go through changes....and where you all have reached will not happen overnight.
 
Well, i'm sure this is not very clear only because i just finished the last of my Xmas shopping and my brain is truly fried....but i hope you all got the gist 
 
DG

< Message edited by adaddysgirl -- 12/23/2006 12:22:41 PM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 12:30:27 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

thetammyjo


This does not mean that we haven't changed or that how we live out our owner-slave dynamic hasn't changed just that the authority structure has not and will not change unless the relationship ends.


Do you think that yours is a romantic relationship? If it is not, do you think this helps with false expectations once the "new" wears off the power exchange? They say when people first "fall in love" this chemically alters their perceptions of the other person, perhaps this is why some people come here with so much dissatisfaction, perhaps the chemicals are wearing off?


 Maybe people wish for and hope for the *falling in love* thing....If you're *looking* for someone, it's likely you have an amount of *expectations*.

I didn't *fall in love* with my Master....I don't even know if I *love* him now, in the way I recognise.

There's something very odd about being owned, for sure.

agirl

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 12:35:33 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

For those of you starting out, do you expect there to be change in your relationship as time goes by? How do you plan to handle the changes that might impact your power exchange, and what is more important, the power exchange or your partner?

We expect tons of changes.  We are moving from an extended LD relationship to one where we will be 10 minutes apart but still living separately. The entire dynamic will lkely be turned on its ear as we adjust to having one another ACTUALLY there and spend time involved in the activities we have discussed so often. We wil be finding new limits and new interests.  I am sure he will challenge my authority a few times once he is actually under it, since until now he has had relative freedom as long as he stuck to my rules.
And in a year, we get to turn everything upside down again and move to 24/7 after he graduates. Then we redefine constant interaction instead of whenever we can find time. We figure out who does what around the house, and set schedules and things for him rather than fit our relationship into his schedule.  
I make no predictions about how these changes wil affect our relationship.  The relationship, however, is key.  I am not going to be rid of him just becasue he gets a bratty streak for a while while he adjusts to actualy haveing a physically close mistress to cater to. We wil butt heads a few times, until we find what works for us. Will it work out perfectly... probably not.  Nothing ever does. I am only concerned with finding a happy and mutually enjoyable spot where we can spend our time together having the times of our lives.

Hope that helps
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 12:44:22 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		 When you're *looking*..... so many encounters seem like a *potential* something or other........ even subconciously.

Getting to know people as friends is vastly under-rated.

If you find a chap you can be yourself with, confide in, respect, look up to and be comfortable with....as YOURSELF.......... leaving aside any orientation....who better to control you?

agirl

(in reply to adaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 12:57:23 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Since joining CM I have read many threads with this common theme:

1) Dominant does not dominate as much as he used to, submissive upset.

2) Submissive is not submitting like she used to, dominant unhappy

3) People ending relationships because the power exchange is not what it used to be

4) People stating that the trust was not deep enough to sustain the power exchange, as if it would be enough in a vanilla relationship.

5) Those who state that if their relationship changed into something more vanilla they would not stay in it.

These statements have occurred over and over again since I joined this site. It makes me wonder if those of us that have power exchange relationships expect them to remain the same forever and ever...


it makes this slave wonder, if a whole bunch of those same folk that post the type of posts you reference are trying this thing they call "wiitwd" on, to see if it fits,(not that there is inherently anything wrong with that) or they have convinced themselves it will be their mode of relationship drama du jour...so they play the submissive or dominant part for awhile, either within an established relationship for a time, or as part of a community that they perceive to exist, either online or in the flesh.  this slave believes that when it (either side of the power exchange relationship) doesn't mesh with an individual as a natural expression of their self, or as positive growth after awareness, the negative "change" takes place--the he or she or the relationship not being what it "used to be" reporting, whining, etc. begins.  the "acting", the "trying on" of the role fades, because keeping up an act is indeed work.
quote:


What is more important, the relationship or the power exchange?


for this slave, the relationship is one and the same as the power exchange.  the Master/slave relationship that this slave is a part of is a constant, and is very important, exactly like this slave's oxygen intake...this slave only "expects" both of those constants to change to a state of ceasing to exist at approximately the same time.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 12/23/2006 1:01:18 PM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 1:14:47 PM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
For those of you starting out, do you expect there to be change in your relationship as time goes by? How do you plan to handle the changes that might impact your power exchange, and what is more important, the power exchange or your partner?


(for reference - we've been together 5 years, with steadily increasing authority dynamic.  I became his slave *officially* in June)

Our relationship is more important to *both* of us than any sort of "idealized" dynamic.  While some things *within* our dynamic have been intentionally implemented, the dynamic itself has always been allowed to go where it needs to.

Then again, neither of us is concerned with feeling "domly" or "subly" - our d/s isn't about my subbie gushies, it's about maintaining the agreement.  I almost never "feel submissive" outside of play or sex - and even then, it's rare.  Yet the authority, which is not based on making me "feel submissive", is always there.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 1:18:32 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
Okay, I have to comment again…partly because this topic is great and comes at exactly the time when I am discussing such things with about three other people (and for three entirely different reasons!). 
 
I will start again, by saying…I do not, and I have not, had a really long-term BDSM relationship of any kind.  I did have one that was nearly a year; with a Dominant man up in Denver; about two and a half hours from me.  While he often spent weekends with me the last few months we were together; we were not living together.
 
A couple other relationships I had were more casual…and more convenient, though they too lasted for nearly a year.  They were with submissive-type men.  One was a ‘newbie’ sub, the other a long-time slave…though he too, has not actually lived this life 24/7.
 
I will also state that I do not ‘do’ online relationships.  I use online as another way to meet interesting people.  Were we interested in it becoming romantic…I always meet sooner than later.  I just cannot ‘do’ either romance or BDSM purely online.  <shrugs>  Just me.
 
Now I’m going to say things that will most likely raise the ire in many people.  I don’t mean to judge others nor suggest my way is the only way.  These are my opinions only!
 
I believe some people come to sites like this just to find a mate.  Any mate.  I also believe that many, many people do not really know what it is they want in a relationship; they just want one.  When they find themselves in a relationship, they often do not plan on how to make it work; they just kinda go with the flow. 
 
And for the same reason, I think it is very difficult to ‘switch’ within a TPE relationship, I think someone who does know what they want and who is interested in planning with a potential partner on how to make it work successfully…generally does care if it falls out; so they plan otherwise.  Those who do not care if their relationships develop (or is that fall?) into a vanilla one, likely never really ‘got’ the power exchange and were likely just playing at it, anyway.  Some even admit to it, without knowing it.
 
Again, I really do not mean to judge or throw stones at people who do things differently than I do…heck, I understand some people prefer vanilla(!), but I really do believe those who understand TPE and have felt themselves in the throws of such a relationship…and enjoyed it…couldn’t possibly NOT care if the power exchange didn’t stay a significant part of any relationship they were in.  For those who come to find a mate and play a bit while looking…well…no wonder they don’t care what it turns into…as long as they have a fine, loving, committed relationship.  I imagine that happens a lot.
 
Okay…back to that switchy comment.  I am a submissive who enjoys sometimes Topping others.  I enjoy the power exchange from many angles.  I know there ARE people who do live and enjoy relationships that include TPE and who DO switch.  But I bet those who can both submit and dominate the same person are few and far between.  THAT is something I cannot wrap my head around; doesn’t mean I don’t think it could happen, though.  I do not understand how I could feel completely submissive to someone…and then dominate them.  Or vice-versa.   Still, in light of these on-going conversations I mentioned…I wonder a great deal about just that.  LOL
 
Gawd, I do wish I could run this by some sort of editor that knew how to say what I think without sounding egotistical, condescending or downright righteous!  I really don’t mean to be and if I’ve insulted anybody; I beg your pardon.
 
beverly

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 1:24:29 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

...it makes this slave wonder, if a whole bunch of those same folk that post the type of posts you reference are trying this thing they call "wiitwd" on, to see if it fits,(not that there is inherently anything wrong with that) or they have convinced themselves it will be their mode of relationship drama du jour...so they play the submissive or dominant part for awhile, either within an established relationship for a time, or as part of a community that they perceive to exist, either online or in the flesh.  this slave believes that when it (either side of the power exchange relationship) doesn't mesh with an individual as a natural expression of their self, or as positive growth after awareness, the negative "change" takes place--the he or she or the relationship not being what it "used to be" reporting, whining, etc. begins. the "acting", the "trying on" of the role fades, because keeping up an act is indeed work.

quote:


What is more important, the relationship or the power exchange?


for this slave, the relationship is one and the same as the power exchange. ...


beth...thank you so much for that!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 1:30:05 PM   
Serenityy


Posts: 97
Status: offline 		Hello juliaoceania
 
Perhaps those who complain in such ways went into these relationships unsure of what they were really looking for?
 
I am submissive 24/7/365. I do not have a switch that turns my submission off and on. To pretend otherwise would cause confusion within my own soul. It is what I am, and what I always will be. The one who collars me will understand that; what's more, he will expect and demand it from me. 24/7/365
 
Power exchange dynamics are in place because we accept them within our relationships as being the right thing for us. I would have to question why one would want or expect that to change over time.

_____________________________

harley

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 1:59:57 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Serenityy

Hello juliaoceania
 
Perhaps those who complain in such ways went into these relationships unsure of what they were really looking for?
 
I am submissive 24/7/365. I do not have a switch that turns my submission off and on. To pretend otherwise would cause confusion within my own soul. It is what I am, and what I always will be. The one who collars me will understand that; what's more, he will expect and demand it from me. 24/7/365
 
Power exchange dynamics are in place because we accept them within our relationships as being the right thing for us. I would have to question why one would want or expect that to change over time.


Sometimes life happens, people get pregnant, sustain life threatening or life changing illnesses, go through different things in life, and these things can affect the power exchange relationship. Like riotgirl stated (and I believe she is pregnant) there is an ebb and a flow in her power exchange.

I can conceive of times in which that the power exchange may have to be put on the back burner, such as a dominant has an extended illness in which they must focus more energy on getting well rather than actively dominating their partner. I believe it takes energy to maintain a D/s dynamic even though it comes naturally and is intrinsic to the relationship.

I have witnessed a relationship between my mom and her mate in which she became the fulltime caregiver to a man that had suffered brain damage, my mom being a naturally submissive personality, he was a naturally dominant personality, but he was child-like toward the end. There maybe other illnesses that take strength from one person and that demand more from the other. I look at what I want to develop in my life as more than power exchange, but something that if one person cannot give, the other picks up the slack if necessary.

I think of the changes that can come along in relationships that can impact a power exchange somewhat. Impact and change does not mean "less", change is not necessarily a negative thing.

I keep flashing on something that happened to my best friend in her first power exchange dynamic. Her dom had a heart attack from taking Vioxx, their dynamic changed after that. His emotional balance changed, he had a near death experience, he became more dependent. He desired to switch with her at times. They had been involved for a year when this happened. There were all sorts of reasons the relationship failed, but this was not one of them because she found that she did indeed have a switchy side to her.

I had a three year vanilla relationship that ended because he had a severe back injury that impacted him deeply. He had to deal with his whole sense of self changing due to becoming disabled and he withdrew from me.... at that point in time I did not have clue one how to help him past this, I never planned for this change to occur. It taught me that change can come in unexpected ways, and it is how we adapt that defines us.

I do not know who said this first, but "Adapt or die" seems to be very true to me.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Serenityy)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 2:02:07 PM   
Serenityy


Posts: 97
Status: offline 		Hello juliaoceania
 
these things that you mention though would not change the nature of my being. Nor would they change the nature of my partner.

_____________________________

harley

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 40
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