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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 2:03:04 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Serenityy

Hello juliaoceania
 
these things that you mention though would not change the nature of my being. Nor would they change the nature of my partner.


A brain injury is something that can change someone completely.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Serenityy)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 2:06:33 PM   
Serenityy


Posts: 97
Status: offline 		Hello juliaoceania
 
I understand now. You were not referring to things that a person controls; like pregnancy, etc; but rather that which is not of our control.
 
Thank you for enlightening me.

_____________________________

harley

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 2:56:12 PM   
akbarbarian


Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline 		I've had submissives worry that I want a challenge, or that I'd grow tired of too much submission and yeilding.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I always want more, deeper D/s even after months or years.  You could call me a "no limits" dominant in that respect.

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 3:12:02 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		Fast Reply; to no one in particular.
 
Some stuff said here reminds me of some things I’m hearing from some of the submissive men who write me.  I think some think that submitting means a life of constant ‘play’…as if real life D/s and M/s includes eating only dog-food, acting as my only toilet, sleeping chained to the floor, washing my dishes in a tutu and heels, etc.
 
I don’t mean YOU think that…but…some seem to think the energy in a power exchange never changes.  I know it does; in the same way that our very lives are fluid, and ever changing.
 
When I’m at the grocery store with ‘my Dom’…I don’t keep one step behind him and to the left at all times.  If he’s not well, I’m quite sure his Domliness wanes a bit.  If he’s feeling particularly romantic and lovey-dovey, we would probably have gentle, loving, pretty ‘vanilla’ sex, too.
 
I like what LA said
“It needs to deepen into what it will become.  Think of it as the "hot impetuousness of youth" versus the "strong milder temper of middle age"- you really haven't LOST anything, you're still who you are.”  
 
And by my way of thinking, time, family, illness, age, kids, pregnancy, a great many things including the rest of the world…all contribute to the ebb and flow of control and authority of a D/s or M/s relationship…but it always IS.
 
Were ‘my’ Dominant to suffer some catastrophe that precluded him ever enjoying the power exchange with me in any way…that left him unable to wield the control and authority over our relationship as we had been used to…I’m sure I would stay with him the same way any long-term partner does when a spouse gets Alzheimer’s or has a stroke or suffers terminal cancer.
 
My comments before had more to do with ‘given a choice’.  I hope that makes more sense.
beverly

(in reply to akbarbarian)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 3:36:45 PM   
akbarbarian


Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92
Once Master told me he would still love me and be with me if we didn't have or continue the BDSM aspects of the relationship. He said this to emphasis how much me loves me- not just my submission. And I realized how generous and loving the comment was at the time, but later, as it resonated, it really upset my balance because my whole self image has changed since being owned by Him. I am a collared submissive- i will never be anything but His ever again and I wouldn't ever want a relationship that was not TPE. Not even with Master- i wouldn't know how to relate to Him. 
 

Maybe he thought hearing that would be reassuring.  I've had submissives who want to know they'd be accepted even if they weren't submissive, and that's really hard for me.  In their case, I think it was more a matter of their not being entirely confident and comfortable with being submissive all of the time.  In any case, your Master is one lucky man to have someone so at peace with her role as his submissive.

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to hejira92)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 3:48:45 PM   
akbarbarian


Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee
Gawd, I do wish I could run this by some sort of editor that knew how to say what I think without sounding egotistical, condescending or downright righteous!  I really don’t mean to be and if I’ve insulted anybody; I beg your pardon.

This is the only part of your comment I didn't understand, because for the life of me, I couldn't find anything that matches this description in what you wrote 

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 3:58:48 PM   
akbarbarian


Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee
If he’s not well, I’m quite sure his Domliness wanes a bit. 
 
If he’s feeling particularly romantic and lovey-dovey, we would probably have gentle, loving, pretty ‘vanilla’ sex, too.
 

Er, nope to both for me.  But, it can look that way on the outside in the first case.  I had a submissive who became upset when I was sick and was not physically firm and forceful, but looked kind of zombie ish for a day or so.  I still felt dominant, and in fact I got tired of her questioning me and being upset and disrecpectful so I took a firm hold of her by the wrists and held her hands at her side while I explained that even though I'm sick I can still summon strength as needed I simply shouldn't be expected to, and don't feel good doing it, while I'm under the weather.  The dominant feeling is still there, I just don't want to strut with it at such a time.

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 4:28:57 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		I wonder sometimes what our relationship would be like if Master was completely healthy. I have been His submissive and caregiver since we've been together (nearly 3 years). There are times when play has to take a back seat, but the dynamic is and has always been there.

If anything my submission seems to be growing deeper. I am more comfortable with calling Him Sir. I now wear a collar 24/7. Not only the outward signs are changing but inward as well - I "feel" my submission a lot more than I did in the beginning, even though I have a naturally subservient personality. It now has a purpose and feels right - in my first marriage I was taken advantage of and emotionally abused.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 5:37:19 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		 
You know...reading the posts by akbarbarian and Rayne58, I wonder how it is we think that 'challenges' make a person less Dominant.  Check out the basketball players, and mountian climbers and world class skiers who are disabled to the extent they 'live' in wheelchairs.  Does this affect their ability to control?  Naw, no more than does the flu, apparently!  
 
LOL, thanks AKB
beverly
 
edited cuz I'm green, not blue...

< Message edited by Bearlee -- 12/23/2006 5:39:29 PM >

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 5:50:04 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I do not think that in the long run it would impact a person's ability to dominate that they have challenges to overcome, but it might temporarily impact it until they were able to come to terms with the challenges presented to them.

My earlier examples were when individuals feel changed by their life circumstances, which it is really hard for any of us to know what we would do or how we would change when we encounter a challenge. From all that I have read and heard about from my friends concerning their relationships different people have different ways of interpreting their submissiveness or their dominance. For me it feels innate, for others it is not innate, or they changed over time, experimenting with different aspects of power exchange. Perhaps someone feels as though power exchange does not meet their needs anymore, and if that is the case their partner will have to decide whether they would want to continue on in that situation... which in my eyes it is a person that I am in a relationship with, not a dynamic.

Getting back to the topic at hand, it is not that a challenge will change a power dynamic, but it certainly can. My thoughts are on being able to adapt to the cicrumstances that life throws our way, where my priorities will be in the future.

These are just my thoughts.


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 6:25:18 PM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline 		~~ general reply ~~

Perhaps because Master and I do not base our relationship on feelings of love is why I am having a hard time following the debate here.

I will be honest; if the dynamic between us was to stop, even for a short time, it would end the relationship. No if's ands or buts about it. Master would say the same if I was to suddenly 'not feel' submissive for a time.

That is just how our relationship is based though.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 7:11:27 PM   
Travelino


Posts: 34
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

For those of you starting out, do you expect there to be change in your relationship as time goes by? How do you plan to handle the changes that might impact your power exchange, and what is more important, the power exchange or your partner?


HI there juliaoceania!

I am just starting out and will answer the pertinent queries thusly.

I have no expectations that are written stone, tis all malleable. I am also aware that relationships will change, fluctuate to peaks of ecstasy, enter valleys of sadness. This can be equated to life itself, as it too, moves in cycles. I have seen relationships slowly go downhill, and ones that continue to rise. As far as I can figure, this may have something to do with quality/quantity of the energy exchanged, over the amount of time it was exchanged. The time factor appears to be measured in years, vs. weeks or months. I will be testriding that theory, myself. I adapt to change quite well, and in a relationship, I will be influencing the change in the relationship. My job will be making the transitions seamless, for my partner. I believe the partner is the most important aspect of the relationship. Without a partner, there is no relationship.

/me tosses in two coppers into the kitty

Travelino.

< Message edited by Travelino -- 12/23/2006 7:18:06 PM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 9:24:31 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

Again, perhaps I’m being too romantic here, but I have the notion ‘twue’ BDSMers DO work harder at their relationships. 



Hello A/all,

While I have not trained horses, I have trained a number of dogs in my life.   A dog perceives the universe in a certain way.  They have a distinct need to try to claim the Alpha position in the relationship, but if they know they are not the Alpha, they are perfectly happy. 

Provided...

The Alpha in their life understands their role and accepts it.

Without putting down submissives, I want to point out that there are aspects to this sort of behavior / training which are similar.

What always amuses me when I deal with the "One Twue Way" or protocol Nazis is the generally make me wonder if they are relying on adherence to some protocol to compensate for their lack of real understanding of the dynamic of a D/s relationship.

I suppose the way I see this is that a Dominant or a submissive personality is born, not made.  I am not sure I am truly Dominant, although I understand that mind space.  I am fairly certain that I am not submissive, and while I would like to say I understand it, I really do not.

There is nothing more predictable in life than change.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 9:57:45 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I love your threads and posts, julia. I am not currently in a relationship (yet anyway) but - having lived through this past year of my own life - I have to say I emphatically agree with your main statement:

Everything changes, nothing stays the same.

Tell me about it.

I don't really think I am going to be surprised by anything that happens to me over the next year. I am confident that - whatever it might be -  I can handle it. That might sound a wee bit arrogant, but it's not meant to be. Maybe that's what this past year was preparing me for - an adventurous future? 

Not only do I not expect things to "stay the same" (anymore) - I think if they did, I might actually get a little bit bored.
 
Why should people stay the same? Isn't the whole point of being on the planet to grow and change (hopefully for the better)? 
 
I can see why someone would want "consistency" in a partner - but I'd not be into prohibiting someone's "growth" - and hopefully they wouldn't try to stop mine (if that was happening).


There have been times I thought I might actually be a "Switch" instead of a submissive - although I have no hard, real-life evidence to base that statement on, only fleeting fantasies. But I think do (really and truly) I am 95% submissive.

Maybe this is the year I will find out for sure - who knows what will happen? it might be anything...

- Susan   

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/23/2006 10:46:37 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 10:06:41 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I did not relate this thread to New Years when I first made it, but as it has developed it seems appropriate for an end of the year thread. If I asked myself if I am in a better place than I was a year ago I would have to say emphatically YES! At the same time it has been a bitter sweet sort of year too. I guess take the good with the bad.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 10:10:57 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, it's a very good "end of the year" thread, julia.
 
- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 10:23:24 PM   
akbarbarian


Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline 		On a more serious note, I've been with submissives who when the going got rough wanted to go vanilla with me.  The first two times, loving the one I was with, I didn't want to seperate from them so I accepted it.  The third time I made it clear there is no way.  Taking that away, takes away intimacy.  It's like living in a ghost town with noone around anymore because you don't want to move.  The more everything changes, the more I stay the same, and the more it's clear I am not fulfilled outside of D/s.

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 10:26:23 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I don't see anything wrong with occasional vanilla sex. But some people don't like it, I guess.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/23/2006 10:27:58 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to akbarbarian)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 10:30:29 PM   
akbarbarian


Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I don't see anything wrong with occasional vanilla sex. But some people don't like it, I guess.

- Susan

I wonder what's meant by Vanilla sex versus ???
I do know if the D/s dynamic isn't there, it's like having a really good blow up doll.  Feels like masturbating, doesn't feel meaningful. 

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 10:41:43 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		To me, "vanilla" sex is sex without any bdsm activity to it (spanking or whatever), although I agree, the D/s mind-set tends to always be there (at least for me). So maybe it really isn't "vanilla sex", I don't know...

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/23/2006 10:43:35 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to akbarbarian)
Profile   Post #: 60
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