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RE: Please help me - 2/21/2005 3:17:00 PM   
darkpetal


Posts: 24
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlouLady

She doesn't have anyone around here and no one to help her. I didn't ask her to stay she called me desparate,needing somewhere to go. I'm going to reply to all in this.Emerald, Although I make stupid decisions I'm not a stupid person.You made a lot of good pionts and yu've also made me mad.And mad is a good thing.I handle things better mad.So thank you for the kick in the ass.
Tempest-No one else explained poly to me.Thank you and I'm not poly that's for sure!! :)
Proudsub--You have always replied in my hour need.Thank you still for beig there---Lady



good girl Lady.
someone has scratched where the sun don't sun in my opinion.
Even if she has pointed out some good points. To me its the attitude in which her comments were deliverd. IMHO, when she has gone though life and lived as many years as i have, then she can have the attitdue of superiority and slave knows best.
The ebb and flow of relationships throughout life is not a clean cut cookie cutter type of way to look at things. When the breath of life is blasted away and replaced with the scars of incredible pain, no matter how "right" one is, then their is growth and true solid roots.
i'd like to see the difference between poly and cuckhold explained in detail, not here, but at some point. Poly has been explained by those who have interviewed me in several ways. So i guess poly varies as well.
Proudsub, you rock!!
SecretDomme, your gentleness and guidance is so kind.

Lady, at the age of 26 i am not sure i would have had the strength you are needing to make a decision you must make.
The hardest decision i made at that age was to say "no" to a man who loved me enough to ask me to marry him.

May i make a suggestion? The woman who shares your house DOES have a place to go. If she chooses not to acknowledge that, then she is the one with the problem and not you and making her responsible for her housing might be the best thing you might do.
There are sides in this scenerio that we do not know about and that which you do not know. His (husband), hers (other woman), other man (her ex) and then the real way to handle this..as you might want to say...God's perspective.
So if your intent is to honor God, and your husband, may i suggest the advice of your pastor/priest who knows you, your husband and your God (values, beliefs and morals).

Bringing your hurt, your scenerio and your concerns to us means you trust us...no matter if someone smacks you up the side of the head or huggles you in your pain.
Maybe it time to trust another who can give you advice outside of lifestyle (such as minister or counselor) and spend some time before God and make your decision.

just the way i see it after reading this thread.

(in reply to BlouLady)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Please help me - 2/21/2005 3:17:44 PM   
Tempestspet


Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline 		As I said, I've no experience cause I'm not poly.... so thank you very much Emerald for helping out.

The reason though I stated that she would be happy she was there, in your frst quote of mine, is because she is the one let her come there. That was the point of reference I was using.

But again, thank you...smiles.. I do honestly apreciate your clarify...or just plain correcting me....smiles

Tempest's pet


< Message edited by Tempestspet -- 2/21/2005 3:18:25 PM >

(in reply to fencerpet19)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Please help me - 2/21/2005 3:19:49 PM   
BlouLady


Posts: 170
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		She knows about the lifestyle.

(in reply to fencerpet19)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Please help me - 2/21/2005 4:02:41 PM   
PaintedLady


Posts: 35
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline 		the thing that i keep wondering is who long this has been going on? a week? a month? i am a sometimes crazy jealous girl tho i try to be better than that. if it was me- i would wait ten days before i drugged his soup and beat him with a pipe after he passed out. to be fair if i was freaking out before the tendays were up- i'd would beg his forgiveness for being a psycho.

good luck with the whole pipe thing!

kat


_____________________________

"beware the fury of a patient man"
-John Dryen

(in reply to BlouLady)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Please help me - 2/21/2005 7:16:40 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Proudsub, you rock!!


I'm not sure what brought that on, but thanks darkpetal!!

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to darkpetal)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Please help me - 2/21/2005 8:28:14 PM   
terah


Posts: 69
Joined: 12/17/2004
Status: offline
[size=4]HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT TO YOURSELF THE REASON WHY SHE HAS NO ONE TO HELP HER IS BECAUSE SHE HAS BURNED ALL OF HER BRIDGES. WAKE UP WOMAN

(in reply to BlouLady)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Please help me - 2/21/2005 8:54:39 PM   
slavedesires


Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PaintedLady

the thing that i keep wondering is who long this has been going on? a week? a month? i am a sometimes crazy jealous girl tho i try to be better than that. if it was me- i would wait ten days before i drugged his soup and beat him with a pipe after he passed out. to be fair if i was freaking out before the tendays were up- i'd would beg his forgiveness for being a psycho.

good luck with the whole pipe thing!

kat



LOL...but clean up before CSI gets to you.

shy


_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to PaintedLady)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Please help me - 2/21/2005 9:51:25 PM   
slavedesires


Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline 		As i was responding on another thread, i thought of you Lady.

i have no advice other than what is already given
but let me share something i read today that might help with your resolve to do as you must:
--
STRENGTH is the one virtue that allows all other virtues to exist.There is no way to know how many beautiful but delicate things have been born only to die,because they lacked the strength to survive.
--
When we put up with any situation that we don't have to put up with, it's not because we're dumb. We put up with it because we want the lesson that only that situation can teach, and we want it more than freedom itself.
Richard Bach

shy

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to BlouLady)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Please help me - 2/23/2005 5:56:14 PM   
realophelia


Posts: 168
Status: offline
quote:

Now that we are trying to live this way,and things were going great we had a complication arise. A friend needed a place to stay and lets say she's everything I'm not (physically) in all the right ways. She's vanilla,and I watch them flirt with each other and I don't know what to do. I can't turn her out she hasn't done anyhing wrong,but she is the type.


I'm sorry that you're in such a difficult situation. I can only imagine how frustrated you must feel. It sounds as if you have done all you can with your husband. Maybe your next step should be to have a serious talk with your friend. At the very least, I would try to figure out some kind of plan to get her out of there. Let us know how it goes.

Best of luck,
Ophelia

_____________________________

"And every one of them words rang true And glowed like burning coal Pouring off of every page Like it was written in my soul..."

(in reply to BlouLady)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Please help me - 2/24/2005 6:05:13 AM   
BlouLady


Posts: 170
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		I have spoken with them both. And although they don't flirt around me anymore,Sir still has shown no intrest in me and tells me he's stressed about work and "stuff".He says he needs me to be supportive,but won't tell me what.At what point do I stop being a good sub and start being a moran?

(in reply to realophelia)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Please help me - 2/24/2005 6:53:46 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		What do you mean "spoken" with them both? Were they together? What guidelines were established? Ask him to make a date with you one weekend soon so you can both de-stress and enjoy time together. Have you set up a time when she has to move out? Rent guidelines?


(in reply to BlouLady)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Please help me - 2/24/2005 8:16:55 AM   
Darthbetta


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlouLady

She knows about the lifestyle.



But does she know about you and your sirs/ husbands' dynamic ?

I think you need to have a chat with HER, not your sir.
Flirting is like being a diabetic and going to a candy shop...... You can look at the menu, drool and remember the taste, but just don't go off your diet. ........There is hell to pay if you do.[/

Discuss with her, and tell her you feel uncomfortable with things.... also could some of this just be your imagination creating more than what is really there ?

Is she physicaly "more attractive" ?

Your collar is worn 24/7......... wether you have one physicaly on or not. You need to discuss that aspect with your Sir.


(in reply to BlouLady)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Please help me - 2/24/2005 10:00:30 AM   
pandoravampire


Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline 		1. Once a cheater, always a cheater. This is not a truth, its a belief.
2 Men prefer damsels in distress to christians, they flirt better!
3. Get rid of her, before she gets rid of you.

or

allow this woman to take what is yours, then you can get out of this relationship guilt free.

(in reply to fencerpet19)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Please help me - 2/24/2005 11:27:07 AM   
Alexander


Posts: 159
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline 		The commandment though shalt not commit adultery was added to the bible by constantine and his council. Thats why it doesnt jive with the old testament. It was derived from the encratite sect.

I suggest the gnostic bible for the entire truth including the 13 books removed from the bible later on describing what actually happened to Jesus Christ.

ths simple truth is you dont want to share. God has nothing to do with it.

< Message edited by Alexander -- 2/24/2005 11:39:51 AM >

(in reply to pandoravampire)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Please help me - 2/24/2005 12:42:16 PM   
BlouLady


Posts: 170
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		It's not true that I don't want to share as in the past we have experienced threesomes together.If it's consentual then that's an entirely different situation.The marriage bed is santified.
However,if one of us doesn't agree and the other does it anyway then it's cheating.Period. And I guess you're right I don't want to share him with someone who I'm afraid may take him.

(in reply to Alexander)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Please help me - 2/24/2005 7:17:14 PM   
SecretDomme


Posts: 152
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlouLady

It's not true that I don't want to share as in the past we have experienced threesomes together.If it's consentual then that's an entirely different situation.The marriage bed is santified.
However,if one of us doesn't agree and the other does it anyway then it's cheating.Period. And I guess you're right I don't want to share him with someone who I'm afraid may take him.


Threesomes with your husband and friend in the past? That certainly sets up a new dynamic now.

(in reply to BlouLady)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Please help me - 2/25/2005 4:57:11 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I'm wondering, you say she is vanilla... is she aware of your chosen lifestyle? I'm thinking one reason your husband may be hesitant to play with you the way he did before she arrived may be because he doesn't want her to find out, or do anything with you that might make her uncomfortable. That said, this does seem pretty fishy and I'd be careful.


You know, I'm still missing the section in the handbook that says a submissive has to be treated like shit. I must have read a differant handbook.

BlouLady, I don't know you from a hill of beans, but I know men, I know women and I know relationships, and clearly you are threatened. I can't believe that the God of your understanding would want you to feel uncomfortable under your own roof in this manner.

If she has no one else, you might want to ask yourself why. She sounds like a parasite frankly. She's come into your house, and threatened your security vis a vis your husband/Master. Adultery aside, there appears to be some serious coveting going on here. She's coveting her neighbor's goods (no pun intended)

Blou, it's time for you to exercize your rights as a human being. Be strong, pack her up, and get her out of there. There is absolutely no reason why you should have to feel like an intruder in your own home because the 'friend' is crossing the line.

Perhaps by doing this, your Master/husband will understand that you are committed to him, and aren't likely to put up with any crap. In my opinion, you shouldn't have to.

This isn't about "the lifestyle". This is about you allowing another woman to threaten your comfort level under your roof. And that, my dear, is entirely unacceptable.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to fencerpet19)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Please help me - 2/25/2005 6:08:57 AM   
BlouLady


Posts: 170
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		SecretDomme, we never had a threesome with her.
Thank You Lily for understanding,but as it stands now the damage may already be done.She's looking for a place as we speak but my love has decided he can't Dom for me anymore.It was hard for him to begin with(my other threads tell you) and now he says he's to stressed.He also admitted that he finds her more physically attractive.He says she looks fragile and it's a good thing.Where as I'm not "Fat" I'm solid and can damn well hold my own.He then told me he wouldn't trade me for her and explained that I have a prettier face then hers.Are you cringing yet ladys?Also I have bigger tits.And A really wonderful personality.
I know he loves and won't do anything with her,but I know she has to go.The thing now is what do I do with what he has told me?He says maybe in time he can Dom again but he'd really rather it just "Go away".

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Please help me - 2/25/2005 6:14:34 AM   
BlouLady


Posts: 170
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		BTW I should probably add that I just had our Fifth baby three months ago so I still have some baby weight.

(in reply to BlouLady)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Please help me - 2/25/2005 6:21:59 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Couples therapy. Go. Now. Together.

This has absolutely nothing to do with Ds, bdsm or anything lifestyle specific.

(in reply to BlouLady)
Profile   Post #: 40
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