RE: Is this disrespect? (Full Version)

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twistedwillow -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 6:03:44 PM)

Hi Katy no im not dedicating it to him, the apology will be up for a while, and when im ready to move on, i will change my profile information to reflect that.
sorry if its confused you. 

twistedwillow



mnottertail -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 6:12:29 PM)

Well, I will keep a great deal of my thoughts on this subject matter to myself, save this:

If I were to hunt me up a girl, and found out that if it didn't work out, my fault, her fault, nobodies fault that a X-files type of ephameral profile and subsequent (oh, by my guess, this is the stuff of a 9 pager) posting would appear with every attendant psycobabbler in a tour de force of inestimable logic would weigh in (I include myself, for those already taking umbrage and sending me nasty replies privately and publicly).....well, I will give you this, you will be left alone and have plenty of time to heal, and by any right I am aware of, would be given a wide berth when you come into heat again.


Dr. Seuss 



twistedwillow -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 6:19:36 PM)

i guess luckily for me i don't find people like you attractive, so the feeling is mutual, however much i enjoy your psycho babble posts.

As for the rest,  of your post ...mehh....

edited to add apologies, you can be snarky if you want, thats your right,  i shouldn't sink so low.  enjoy your christmas mnottertail



LTRsubNW -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 6:24:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedwillow

As some may know, my relationship with my Sir is\was rocky.
I won't go into details as to the why or blame or anything like that.
But putting aise the terms of  D\s  vanilla  etc,  there were periods of time where my partner(Sir) would just disappear for weeks at a time, and as it was a long distance relationship, i had no way of knowing what was happening. He would not answer my calls, not come online, not ring me,  anything. Anyway we got together and i told him that if he wanted this relationship to continue that he needed to show me the respect of getting in contact with me.If he didnt want to talk to me that was fine,  but  to send me a text every day or two letting me know he was fine etc. To which he agreed.
So after we had made up and were back together again, and had ( so i thought ) everything sorted i put this information on my profile.

This is a new profile for me, my old one was 'nomansdoormat' . My Sir and i have talked and it looks like everything is and will be good, we sorted out a lot of things and i put my very unsubbish foot down about certain things.

Thankyou to everyone who has sent messages of support, it was a very rough time for me.
But i believe my Sir realise how fabulous i am ( blatant self promotion here ) and that he won't do anything to risk losing me again.

Sir's (very happy) dea
 
 
 

Since then he has apparently had many comments from both Doms and subs, about my lack of respect for him, and how i make him look like the submissive one.
For my part i simply don't see it,  it was slightly tounge in cheek, because i was so happy, but i certainly didn't mean to disrespect him. 
Was it disrespectuful?
Is he being over sensitive?

Sorry for the rambling post.
would love some imput on this.

twistedwillow
edited for obvious typos, etc.


Excuse me, but...What the fuck, Over?????

This guy is a total putz.

You may be in fact a doormat...and if you believe that (which, as a casual observer, I'd have to say, with the nominal facts available...you were...), then you need to shape up chic!

This guy is a putz (oh...sorry, I believe I've covered that already).

Wake up and smell the putz.

(Sorry...I just reviewed my post and I fear it may not have been clear;  THIS GUY IS A USER!).



LTRsubNW -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 6:28:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

The answer was yes,  this whole post is even more disrespectful,  down inside you even know it,  thats why your getting so touchy.



(Ayep).



mnottertail -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 6:29:16 PM)

I set forth my thought.  It was not intended to be snarky, if you took it as that, well; I am unable to fix it.   I seriously disagree with this way of doing business. Every way, shape and form.

Yet, you are your own person and at the end of the day do as you please, regardless of my tut,tut,tutting......

I am unaware of any mutual feelings, I don't like or dislike you.....I don't know you from fuckin' Eve.

I dislike what you are doing, not you (as far as I know)...It is probably a good thing that you find me unattractive then..

I do sincerely wish you better times ahead.

Ron Melby




valeca -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 6:45:52 PM)

How (and where) you phrase something, and whether or not it's disrespectful, is entirely up to the individual.  If He found it disrespectful, the buck stops there.  If you ask politely, you might get an explanation as to why He sees it as such.

My opinion: 
-The wording wavers on the border of disrespect. 
-The intent is questionable.
-Anything outside the Dominants opinion on what is, and isn't, disrespectful in His submissive's profile is irrelevant.

The extra bits you're free to ignore:
If an internet profile causes strife in a relationship, it's time for both parties to re-examine some priorities.




wantitnow569 -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 7:06:54 PM)

*2nd attempt at posting this*
Okay, so i'm not going to get into the whole was it disrespectful thing or not because i believe that's been answered. i guess the reason i'm posting is because this is one of my biggest pet peeves (or irritations or something).. It's when a person says to me (or to anyone) i validate your feelings but........it's the but that i think gets in the way..because here (in my opinion) is the deal: if You truly cared about my feelings You would accept them for what they are..And, in my experience, any time You try and question them, analyze them, dispute them what ends up happening is You invalidate my experience...my feelings...and i don't know about anyone else but that hurts the most....
i don't know if anyone can relate to this or not, and i'm certainly not trying to hi-jack the op's thread..but it just seemed clear to be existence in the dynamics here and it continues to bother me.....
............hmmmm...perhaps i should just stick to watching x-mas shows.
Happy Holidays all



diamonddreamlove -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 7:13:22 PM)

Yes i do every single post has appeared to be disrespectful of your sir and of the responders to your question.  Just my opinion!


diamond



subjugatedinnc -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 7:21:34 PM)

In my world, cheeky = disrespect. 




whisperedsighs -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 7:31:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jamesthehumanrug

dear willow twist
listen I recall I was first initiated by a group of fantastic beautiful females top of the artist list but one that wanted to stay with me disappeared EVERY G D GOOD WEATHER DAY AND I HAD A HOUSE AND THE WOODS WAS A MINUTE AWAY AND I KNOW SHE WAS READY TO PHOTOGRAPH IN LEATHER AND EITHER IN THE WOODS DOING AN OUTDOOR OR ON THE BEACH CLIFFS OR SOME OTHER ISOALTED PLACE AND SHE WAS A DOM SO IT DROVE ME FREAKING NUTS;HOWEVER THE BEST THING TO DO WITH PERMISSION (cause im a bottom permission counts) is to do the same and be the same; you circulate ;don’t think I can't and will keep on ,till you are ready to settle for me or not.....,or they run....,and, the rest feel for you (pity ), cause ,you have a top looker ;the best and ,you didn’t know they circulate?!! ;oh poor you ;understand?; slick attracts slick ,not homebody couch potato attracts flash from Paris get me?
you got to stimulate to get a response; I had to find equal places good enough to take photos(hey this is great for a photoshoot type outdoor place), and ,dress deck, and, go alone once or twice, then.... take the other body there to go all the way
get me?; I found abandoned hangers; caves on the crashing rock ledges, with witch places and cave next to beach mansions made of mahogany,and monoliths under the full moon; sometimes i even had to run there ahead of time and paint something like landing pad signals on the hill top runway to look like it was ready for some ufo to land ,just for effect;no one knew of these romantic private places (it was like owning an island )and, generally speaking it seemed like no one found these remote places but us so ,if she wanted to take off she knew;fine; I was busy (easy)and she had to make the choice,(while picturing it in her mind) not feel like she'd be lucky to get away and laugh ,cause I didn’t expect it(and, all the tops know what some peoples' m's are doing;) ,so don’t be stupid;and mope;get on it ,asap


This post gave me a head ache, I don't know why I even tried to read it past the first 'sentence'?  I am not even sure there is a full sentence in there any where. 



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 7:36:57 PM)

Twisted, if nothing else I hope you've learned the lesson of why we keep saying that publicly discussing your private relationship is really not a good idea.  I suppose you see all those people as your friends- but really they are meddlers, and you are continuing to encourage the meddling and even invite it into your world.

And now you are upset with the response- even considering it to be attacking you.  I think you have very little perspective over what you are doing annd what consequences will likely follow.

Slow yourself down and think a bit.

And follow my advice that you shouldn't make a commitment to ANYONE for at least 6 months.



defiantbadgirl -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 7:48:36 PM)

I don't think it is disrespectful for a sub to expect contact from her dom or for a dom to expect contact from his sub. Without communication, no relationship exists. You did nothing wrong, he did. I wonder how those who sent the snide emails would feel if their partners rarely contacted them. I'll bet they would have a different attitude. Sounds to me like the dom was disrespectful to neglect the sub.



Devilslilsister -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 8:23:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: carolsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaryT
quote:

ORIGINAL: carolsea
HUH???
lolol

Me too - couldn't follow him at all.
MaryT


It reads like some of those spam e-mails I gotten and been curious about what they say.  Punctuation might help, but it's doubtful.


but if you take the time, he actually has insightful things to say.  I always enjoy his points



KeirasSecret -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 8:34:17 PM)

Twistedwillow,

I have only caught glimpses of a couple of the responses you have gotten so far, so if I repeat what others have said, I apologize. The other thing I would like to say before I start is that, I can only tell you what your words would mean to me if I had been the one who said them.

In almost every one of my vanilla relationships those words would have been fine. The people I would say them to would know to take them as a joke from me and if I was with them at the time they would have seen the smile on my face, gleam in my eyes and we probably would have laughed our azzes off about it after.

If I was to say that to my Dom…well I wouldn’t, but just for sake of example, not only would he be unhappy with me because what was said implies I took control (for me, a very big no, no), but it also lacked any hint of humility. Humility happens to be a very big part of the instruction I have received from Sir. It would be considered a blatant disregard for what he has taught me, if not by him, then by me. Though I’m fairly confident he would consider it that way also; I try not to assume.

One other thing I would take into consideration of the situation you now find yourself in because of what you wrote:

If I were to say that, and it would have only been done if I were not to realize it would be an issue; knowing now, I would be motivated to do what ever it took to make amends. I would reword my post on the success of our talks in a more humble manner. Humility does not promote pride.

Be well



Devilslilsister -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 8:39:36 PM)

If a Dom or plainly a guy lost contact with me for so long, i wouldnt find it disrespectful.  I'd find it uninteresting and i would most likely find something else that interested me.  My Dom used to go on random bouts of "ignore"  Yet he never disappeared.  He always checked in, mostly though, never how i liked.  LOL 

quote:

This last point to me begins to show a lack of respect that you have for him.


The profile shows a high amount of disrespect.  I think she should be honest and step up and say "yeah i have lost respect"  The profile clearly states it. 

The posters here dont need the whole sob story.  They have heard many.   I'm not too hip on the terms "Respect or disrespectful"  but to me... its like "he screwed up and now he's in the dog house and he's going to be a good boy"  When people make mistakes and honestly try and fix them, they dont need to be pushed back down again. 
To me, the profile was just confirming he's an jerk.  Which oddly looks bad on you.  Whose stupider?  The one thats stupid or the one that follows stupid?  The profile says "he was stupid, i made him smart and now things are okay"  You really just showed him in a bad light. 

One of the things you might want to remember about talking about "rocky" relationships or following some one that is aka stupid.  All it does - is make you look so much stupider.  (edited to add - i didnt mean that as a personal "you".  Just in general) 

It also looks vengeful.  It doesnt look nice or "happy"  it doesnt look like you are "working things out". 



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 8:46:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I don't think it is disrespectful for a sub to expect contact from her dom or for a dom to expect contact from his sub. Without communication, no relationship exists. You did nothing wrong, he did. I wonder how those who sent the snide emails would feel if their partners rarely contacted them. I'll bet they would have a different attitude. Sounds to me like the dom was disrespectful to neglect the sub.
Dear Defiant...but you see the issue wasnt about his actions,he had actually agreed to address her concerns..the issue was her posting their personal laundry out in public and the way she expressed her joy at the resolution......To the OP....disrespectful/best to not air dirty or clean laundry to any and all....your relationship your business ..no one elses....circumspection is a good word to keep in mind......Tempting......



themischievous1 -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 9:13:56 PM)

-wincing- I'm just cringing for you at the public apology you're exhibiting on your profile. I mean, don't get me wrong, I understand your intent but I think it's humiliating to you and fairly pointless now.

Perhaps you're under the impression that this will cause him to rethink the situation and 'take you back'? For your sake, I hope you're wrong. Personally, I think you can do ALOT better than a so called dominant who isn't reliable, dependable, or consistent in his dealings with you. He's willing to bend over backwards and text you now and then when he disappears? Wow...what a sacrifice.

Disrespectful? You? What the hell.. Do yourself a favor and move on. A dominant needs to have earned the right to respect before he can call himself disrespected and this one certainly hasn't, in my opinion.



adaddysgirl -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 11:41:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedwillow
My Sir and i have talked and it looks like everything is and will be good, we sorted out a lot of things and i put my very unsubbish foot down about certain things.
 
This would sound to me like "yeh, i told him how it was going to be from now on" (or something along that line).  Disrespectful?  i don't know....but definitely quite 'unsubbish'....lol


But i believe my Sir realise how fabulous i am ( blatant self promotion here ) and that he won't do anything to risk losing me again.
 
And this sounds like "i got him where i want him now....he knows better than to mess with me again" (or something along that line).  Again....sounds pretty 'unsubbish', no?
 
Sometimes willow, things are meant differently than they are taken.  Look, for example, at what Ron said:
 
"I set forth my thought.  It was not intended to be snarky, if you took it as that, well; I am unable to fix it."

He did not intend to be snarky, yet that is how you took it....just as you did not intend your remarks to be disrespectful, that is how others (including your partner) took them.
 
But i am wondering....did HE himself say he felt it was disrespectful...or did he say that because others found it to be?  Just wondering....
 
Daddysgirl



 
 
 




julietsierra -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/25/2006 1:14:15 AM)

Well, isn't this just the most pleasant of ways to handle things!!!

Reasons why, from my point of view, your post was disrespectful:

1) Using his behavior - regardless if you feel it was disrespectful or not - is no justification for inappropriate behavior on your part. What you engaged in was revenge - pure and simple.

2) Saying "oh, I just said that to let my friends know I was ok" is so much ... well, I need waders!  If you hadn't already aired your dirty laundry; if you hadn't already gone out there and discussed the problems you were having with so many people that it required posting the information on a profile for god's sake, that you'd issued an ultimatum and he caved to let "everyone" know you're ok, you wouldn't have had this question of your disrespect come up in the first place.

2) In point of fact, in general, friends don't really look up friends' profiles over and over again, so it appears more like you were making damn sure the rest of the world knew you had your dominant fully in hand. I would never have read your profile as a statement of happiness that you two had worked things out. I'd have read it as a gloat over the successful enforcement of your demands.

3) This thread is a continuation of your gloat - and a warning to everyone else who might be interested in you. "Do something I don't like and I'll make YOUR business public too!"

4) You were never looking for answers to the question of whether you were disrespectful or not. You were looking for accolades, approval  and acceptance for how you "handled" that dominant. If you wanted us to only answer in ways that are suitable to your frame of mind, why even ask the question in the first place? At each and every turn, you've continued to justify and make excuses for your behavior. This on it's own is pretty indicative of a lot of things - none of them real good.

5) And regarding the profile itself: You're issuing an apology for an APPARENTLY disrespectful comment? What's APPARENT is that you don't see the need beyond he said to do it, for issuing the apology. And that little process significantly diminishes the apology to just being "what you should say" rather than something you actually believe you did. An apology issued with no real intent is no apology whatsoever. 

I'm sure you'll disagree with everything I've said here, but that's all right. You certainly have that right. In the end, it really doesn't matter what *I* think. The person you were with evidently thought that you were being disrespectful and really, that's all that matters.

juliet



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