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juliaoceania -> RE: Regaining control of slave/submissive (12/30/2006 10:34:46 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SumterDom
Focus, that really reminds me of my beginning in this lifetyle. This sub was really my first in D/s. Priot to this were BDSM players and "bedroom" subs. The rules and protocols were borrowed from many of those located on the net. It was a case of trying to do what was expected, I guess, rather than doing what was right for me. THere is so-o much on the net about rules, protocols etc that for a newbie it can actually be confusing, or maybe overwhelming is a better term.
The first groups of folks in the lifestyle I started socializing with were largely involved in the leather lifestyle and Old Guard practises. For decades I've been very much an analytical type rather than a creative or conceptual type. So it was easier, and seemed smart, that these rules were there, and this was the way things were done. It can be dificult to determine what one really wants and needs when those considerations in the past have been luxuries that were not conducive to ones survival. I was raised in such a manner that what I wanted wasn't important. I imagine that has had a bearing on where I am now. But that's part of my seeking and not wanting to just give in. I resist that urge. The one that says to bother with it. That it's too much "work".
Just a thought from someone that is in a very loose unstrict power exchange relationship. My Daddy is not really into protocols, we act more naturally, but he has the "authority", meaning that I am well aware of who he is to me in my life, and what that means to me. Having a lot of protocols may not actually be a good thing for every couple.
Think about a dog/master relationship. The dog loves you, wants to please you, will do what you say because you are alpha and they have a loyalty to you. A submissive is not a dog, but most dog owners do not set up a bunch of protocols all the time, they are the master and the dog is owned by them. The dog does not listen when told what to do, and then the dog has to have the master re-establish who the alpha is.
Perhaps you should rethink what protocols are most pleasing to you, which ones that you desire from her, and not base this on what other people have in their relationship, but on the uniqueness that is your relationship. It seems like it would be less work to enforce more rituals and protocol than you actually feel you need in your dynamic.
But this is from the perspective of someone that has just a sprinkling of that sort of thing in my life. But when he says so, I jump. You know, someone yells all the time at me, I might not hear them after awhile, someone raises their voice rarely, and that really gets my attention.
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