RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!!

RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (Full Version)

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Wanderlusty -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (12/30/2006 3:22:50 AM)
Ummmmm, isn't this D/s stuff a two way relationship? I mean, by giving up control to your Dom, you're supposed to get something back, ie. someone taking care of you and sheltering you from the storm so to speak, not just ordering you about all day. So, IMHO, if you feel like crap, that's one of those times that your Dom is supposed to comfort and protect his/her little one. I would think that even if you are considered "property" that your Master would want to take care and properly maintain his/her property. Well, cars need gas and oil changes. And sometimes they break down and need repair. How can human property be any different? Just because you're a person and not a machine, does not mean you have to run perfectly all the time. So, if you've had a bad day, or you're just feeling like crap because your hormones are out of balance, your Dom should step up to the plate and do some work to take care of your needs. What if we put a monetary value on our submission? Do you realize what an expensive piece of property you are? Submission is not free of charge. If doms had to pay cash for your services, they would not be able to afford it. But they have to give something back. It's an exchange. People keep referring to D/s as a power exchange. Well, if I give you my power, what is it in exchange for? It's in exchange for being maintained and taken care of.

dawntreader -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (12/30/2006 7:36:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: acctonthelook i have had to ask for a session because i need that moodiness, attitude and frustration knocked right out of me. it's ok to ask and it's ok to offer when the Dom/ Domme needs release too. afterwards, i feel great and have forgotten what ailed me because i now have a new ailment. lol This is pretty good advice! lol! please forgive my chuckling, but it rings so true and with humor which is not a good thing if one has just taken a sip of coffee :-)

Devilslilsister -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (12/30/2006 1:15:48 PM)
Arastella and her Mistress are both new to D/s, her Mistress more so then Arastella. They're both trying to find their way and figure out what works best for them. Becoming a slave is not an instant thing, its not something that one can take a solid beating and wala become one. Nor is it easy. Becoming a slave is a journey, a long journey. Its filled with many things and sometimes those things arent pleasant. Sometimes we get caught up in ourselves and forget to focus on our Masters/Mistresses. Its a process of working through things to better yourself so in the long run - you are able to serve your Master/Mistress the way they please. You both are learning, give yourselves credit for how far you've come. edited to add : Alot of the times He'll just ignore me and give me my space until i work through it. He expects nothing of me at that time other then to not step over any lines. If its late at night and more due from being tired, he usually sends me to bed. You could always try something like "corner" time. Something that puts you in place and helps recenter your thinking. Or maybe even having to write out what upsets you. Or If you are stepping over the line in your frustrations and what not, say for example you are getting an attitude. She could have you write a couple hundred times "i will not get an attitude when i am upset" What Rob's done alot with me in the past when we've talked about my frustrations is remind me during the conversation. ":dont get an attitude" "you dont need to shout" "you better watch your mouth" "lower your voice" He reminds me how to appropriately vent what ever is bothering me. I'm allowed to vent and he prefers it, so long as i do it an appropriate way. When he does remind me, it usually takes me a step back while i reformat what i am trying to say in the way that i am supposed too. When he reminds me (no matter what i need reminding of) thats all there is too it. A reminder, i do as i'm supposed to and things go on. BUT if a reminder doesnt work - he does walk away. He'll let me sit and stew and i generally come back later with a better attitude. You also need to learn to talk about whatever is bothering you. She cant dominate you if she doesnt know whats going on with you. From there, its up to her to decide what the appropriate action is.

Phoenix2raven -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (12/31/2006 2:24:10 AM)
raven says: Arastella, do you journal? (or blog?) either for yourself, or your Mistress, or both. it can be very helpful to journal, to explore your submission by pouring your heart and mind out onto the pages - then go back a month, a year later, and see how far you've come. you can see trends, too, things that need to be addressed. if you have a private journal, it should be a "no recrminiations" journal, meaning your Mistress can't punish you if you complain about her in it (keeping in mind your behavior outside the journal is respectful!). if you journal for your Mistress, then you can "petition" ... put in formal letter writing requests for advice, given what you've said about moodiness, i would write "i feel moody right now and i need your help to get past it." hope this helps, in addition to all the other advice in this thread!

barelynangel -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (1/1/2007 8:48:38 AM)
Okay maybe its just me but i am trying to figure out why the OP believes there is a problem. What you say you are experiencing honestly is okay, its normal, and there is nothing to have a meltdown about them. Do you honestly believe being slave entails becoming a stepford wive impersonator? Its okay to feel as you do, i would say if you find a slave who says she doesn't go through any of that i would blatantly call her a liar or someone who really isn't being held in the bondage of slavery. If your Mistress doesn't expect you to have these feelings now and again, and SHE doesn't know how to deal with them, then perhaps, she needs to learn how to keep a slave. But it sounds like you are not giving your Mistress the benefit of the doubt in being able to handle all that it is to own a slave. Just so you know, there are many happenings of moodiness, aggravation and having to choke out yes Master when being slave, there will be days when you want to tell your Master to quit pounding his heman chest and relax a little... there are days when you will want to say, get it yourself, or i am sick of you ordering me around. Your moods and aggravation are okay, what comes into being a problem is how you handle these aspects that are very real at times in slavery. THAT, will depend on how your owner wishes you to handle them. If you don't like feeling like this because you feel its wrong, relax, i have yet to find a Master who would expect a stepford wife as a slave. Your moods are okay, what matters is your expression of them. And that, needs to be taken up with your Mistress. Its clear many don't agree, but never ever let anyone or yourself tell you that being slave equates never getting mad, moody, upset, aggravated with your owner, whoever tells you that would be lying, or simply doesn't have a clue. Be GLAD you are capable of feeling as you do, for they are probably some of the most honest feelings you will have as slave, along with intense love, need, desire, dispair. So its okay, i don't see a problem with what you are feeling at all, and i don't think they need to be fixed, but i do think they perhaps need to be expressed to your Mistress, and you need to give her the benefit of morethanlikely already knowing you will and have been feeling such. angel

beltainefaerie -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (1/2/2007 5:09:28 PM)
I was just about to mention journal writing when I saw raven's post. Indeed it can be helpful. Also, the book Slavecraft gives one slaves account of his journey into slavery. It details one slaves techniques for staying focused in submission, even on those days/tasks that make you feel moody or rebelious. You might see if reading that helps.

MasterGremlin -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (1/2/2007 6:03:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arastella I know it is my destiny to be a slave and I know it is what I want. But sometimes I have problems when I become moody or aggrivated and it is difficult for me to remain down, respectful and submissive. I wish to be everything my Mistress desires of me, but at times it becomes difficult when I get moody or upset or aggrivated. Please help!! Arastella, relax, you just had a bad day. E/everybody has them. It is hard to be submissive all the time in every situation. It doesn't mean you aren't submissive it just means you are human. Dom/mes have the same issues as well. As long as your Dom/me understands, you should be fine.

dcnovice -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (1/2/2007 11:01:40 PM)
quote: I have to say that lucyAlbatros has always the best ideas...and a good philosophy of life.... I always appreciate her posts too. Somehow, no thread seems complete till LA's weighed in. Feel that way about Master Fire as well. Both women have an amazing gift for cutting to the heart of a topic.

moftop61 -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (1/3/2007 5:34:16 PM)
Do you have a daily ritual that you follow each day upon coming home from work or the outside world. My Master insists that upon His slave coming home, when He is there, or upon His entrance into the house He be given a proper greeting. Usually, this kneeling down and kissing His boots. This ritual signals the end of the work day when the slave is trying to control the uncontrollable and the beginning of the slave's real lift, where she is in control of nothing, knows it, and does not fight against it. Sure, you will still have exceptionally bad days - that can't be helped but rituals help sooth aways some of the imperfections of day to day living. m

whipingherfeet -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (4/18/2007 7:23:07 AM)
you need the whip on your back side that will help you to be good

Casie -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (4/18/2007 7:49:55 AM)
Your human, it's nartural for you to have bad days. Being submissive, does not take human emotion away. Sometimes you will feel aggervated, fusterated, annoyed and just down right grumpy. Thats just how it is. It how you deal with the emotions that count. Find something that helps you release those negative feelings when you have them. Weather it be meditation, music, a session, talking a walk, exersize, or even screaming in a pillow. Good luck and Best wishes Casie

whipingherfeet -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (4/18/2007 8:03:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Casiethe slave must be obey . Your human, it's nartural for you to have bad days. Being submissive, does not take human emotion away. Sometimes you will feel aggervated, fusterated, annoyed and just down right grumpy. Thats just how it is. It how you deal with the emotions that count. Find something that helps you release those negative feelings when you have them. Weather it be meditation, music, a session, talking a walk, exersize, or even screaming in a pillow. Good luck and Best wishes Casie

Suleiman -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (4/18/2007 7:01:08 PM)
Dogs are some of the most submissive creatures on the planet, but even the best of them occasionally growls. A good owner understands this. You are more than some bundle of fantasies. You are a living being, with complex drives and urges far beyond the ken of mere mortals. While it should be your goal to learn to overcome your shortcomings, there will ALWAYS be times when you're not at your best. The only sure-fire cure for snapping would be lobotomization, and even among dominants, few find the drooling to be very attractive.

myobedience -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (4/19/2007 11:59:29 AM)
Why is this ALWAYS a submission problem ?? It is a personality thing as well. Dont be telling me that this behavior all of a sudden appeared when she has a Mistress or Mistress has submissve. BS It is a C H O I C E ! To act this way or not. Even when you are PMSing... you S T I L L have a C H O I C E I find it so difficult to swallow when we find something to blame our behavior on when it is utterly and completely OUR CHOICE !! Sorry... I am having a bad day today cause I am having a personality split due to my heart palpitations, my high blood sugar, my paralysis, my headache, my DID, PTSD or what ever intial its called........ hogwash..... Our behaviour is a CHOICE !!

leili -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (4/19/2007 12:53:25 PM)
um, i always thought, here's something new, try biting your tounge, or keeping your mouth shut, didn't anyone think of that before? also talk to your Mistress and tell her how you feel.

slaveish -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (4/19/2007 3:03:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arastella I wish to be everything my Mistress desires of me, but at times it becomes difficult when I get moody or upset or aggrivated. Please help!! Fast Reply. Dig in, go to the source of your own breathing, ~force~ yourself to accept your place. If you find that it causes you great emotional pain or mental anguish most of the time, don't beat yourself up about giving up. Sometimes others' ideas of who we are or are supposed to be doesn't mesh with what we are or what we are willing to accept. You cannot give what you do not have.

simplyangelic1 -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (4/19/2007 3:05:28 PM)
While you are submissive and like being a slave, you are also human and prone to human emotions. Doesn't mean that you are any less submissive than anyone else. We all have good and bad days. So first don't beat yourself up about it when it's a bad day for you. Just remember to turn to your Mistress for support in those times you are feeling weak. Trust me, she knows all about having good days and bad days and will more than likely help you through it.

slaveish -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (4/19/2007 3:07:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leili um, i always thought, here's something new, try biting your tounge, or keeping your mouth shut, didn't anyone think of that before? also talk to your Mistress and tell her how you feel. ~nonplussed gaze~ Mouth shut. Talk to mistress. Mouth shut. Talk to mistress. I see. But my eyes are closed. ~chuckle~

Duty2Please -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (4/19/2007 3:18:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: farglebargle quote: ORIGINAL: Emperor1956 Edited to add: When I was composing this post, farglebargle submitted her calming ritual -- that is exactly the type of thing I was looking for, and far better stated than I could have done. I'm the DUDE 1/2 of the Dom/Domme couple known as Farglebargle ;) That said, it's actually the introduction to a course in Stress Reduction and Relaxation. Yeah, but which is Fargle and which is Bargle is what I wanna know. [:D]

gringuita -> RE: I have a submission issue. PLEASE HELP!!! (4/20/2007 1:53:08 PM)
I'm glad this topic was posted. I know I have problems submitting also, it's not just a red or blue pill like in the matrix... sigh there's a lot going on in any relationship that involves people, and even more in the 'lifestyle', but, it's good to know that you're not alone, and there's hope for progress while still being human. Daddy told me I'm on the 'cusp' of obedience... I'm working on crossing over to the other side more each day... and maybe, with hard work and patience I'll keep improving. Thanks again to everyone that acknowledged that there are hurtles to jump in this life and this role.

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