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Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 12:10:25 PM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline 		For the submissives:

Have you ever been topped/dominated by a relative stranger?  That is someone that you have just met, perhaps here or at at club or an event, and discussed a scene with beforehand and nothing more. No relationship outside of the scene itself. No knowledge of their life outside of the bdsm context.I suppose the best analogy would be meeting someone in a bar and going home to fuck but in this case there is a bdsm scene with informed consent.

If the answer is yes how did you feel afterward?  Was it more exciting, as exciting, less exciting or totally sucked compared to being with someone you have spent time with and got to know outside of the bdsm and why. Did you feel guilty? and if so was it because you enjoyed it or because you regretted it?

And for the tops:

The same questions, but from your perspective.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 12:24:50 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone

For the submissives:

Have you ever been topped/dominated by a relative stranger?  That is someone that you have just met, perhaps here or at at club or an event, and discussed a scene with beforehand and nothing more. No relationship outside of the scene itself. No knowledge of their life outside of the bdsm context.I suppose the best analogy would be meeting someone in a bar and going home to fuck but in this case there is a bdsm scene with informed consent.

If the answer is yes how did you feel afterward?  Was it more exciting, as exciting, less exciting or totally sucked compared to being with someone you have spent time with and got to know outside of the bdsm and why. Did you feel guilty? and if so was it because you enjoyed it or because you regretted it?

And for the tops:

The same questions, but from your perspective.



Here's an even weirder version.  I was introduced to floggers and singletails at a public party by a man I had never even engaged in conversation.  He was the husband of the submissive woman who sort of adopted me when I was fresh on the scene a decade ago.  She was bi-sexual, and it was something of education to learn that many of the submissive women in that group really wanted to top each other.  Anyway, she sort of planned everything and directed it (so there were no negotiations between me and the top).  I don't bottom to women (and am not bi-sexual to my knowledge) so it was bizarre anyway.  But the experience was mostly empty.  The spectators were impressed that a newbie could take such a beating, but the truth is that I was numbed out, more oriented towards performance than feeling, and thinking the whole time, "This is all wrong."  And it was all wrong.  It was my first and last experience in a BDSM setting for 8 years.  I'm just now ready to venture out again.

MaryT

(in reply to SlyStone)
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RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 1:15:12 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone
Have you ever been topped/dominated by a relative stranger?  That is someone that you have just met, perhaps here or at at club or an event, and discussed a scene with beforehand and nothing more. No relationship outside of the scene itself. No knowledge of their life outside of the bdsm context.I suppose the best analogy would be meeting someone in a bar and going home to fuck but in this case there is a bdsm scene with informed consent.

If the answer is yes how did you feel afterward?  Was it more exciting, as exciting, less exciting or totally sucked compared to being with someone you have spent time with and got to know outside of the bdsm and why. Did you feel guilty? and if so was it because you enjoyed it or because you regretted it?

Guilty- never.

Otherwise sometimes they totally rocked my world and sometimes they were boring as hell and sometimes I felt like screaming afterwards (although those times were almost always due to the fact that I shouldn't have been trying to play at all anyway and should have known better).

Like any scene with any person- depends on the specific experience.  I scene with someone because we have good energy and it seems like a good idea at the time. 
quote:

The same questions, but from your perspective.

Same answer, although I'm far more reluctant to top if I'm feeling a bit off-kilter.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 1:19:49 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, done it. Have T shirt. Always went well - I'm not sure why. It can't just be luck, but I can't say "I have amazing radar and I'm always right" and not sound like a moron either.

Sometimes it's easier to just go for broke with someone you *aren't* invested in, it can be really freeing. People are either capable of casual or not, I find. I never got very sexual with people I didn't have prior dialogue with, but it doesn't mean the SM wasn't great.

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 1:38:00 PM   
socalbbwsub


Posts: 1484
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, and for weeks, and a few months afterwards, I felt horrible.  But now, it's been over 2 years, I find myself fantasizing about how things could have gone differently...also, the use angle.

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 2:24:38 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone

For the submissives:

Have you ever been topped/dominated by a relative stranger?  That is someone that you have just met, perhaps here or at at club or an event, and discussed a scene with beforehand and nothing more. No relationship outside of the scene itself. No knowledge of their life outside of the bdsm context.I suppose the best analogy would be meeting someone in a bar and going home to fuck but in this case there is a bdsm scene with informed consent.

If the answer is yes how did you feel afterward?  Was it more exciting, as exciting, less exciting or totally sucked compared to being with someone you have spent time with and got to know outside of the bdsm and why. Did you feel guilty? and if so was it because you enjoyed it or because you regretted it?

And for the tops:

The same questions, but from your perspective.



I have, and it was pretty fun overall.  Some instances were definitely more enjoyable than others but I've never felt guilty about it (I wasn't raised with a lot of sexual hangups so I've never had issues with guilt around my choices).

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 2:26:43 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		I figure it's a bit like casual sex; expect to get out what you put into it.  It could be a way to meet someone on the same 'wave' as you, without all the extraneous trappings of a relationship.  It can also end up like the prom nightmare from hell. 

I would suggest it works best when everyone going into it has an idea of what to expect, and nobody pushes too hard too fast (though 'too hard' and 'too fast' obviously differs widely from person to person.)

Stephan

(in reply to socalbbwsub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 2:33:14 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I have been used by an absolute stranger, but did not bottom to him.  I was ordered by my Master to avail myself to him.  He and my Master worked out the details, and my Master was in the room the entire time, and orchestrated it.  My Master will not allow me to be topped by anyone but himself.  From an onlooker's perspective, it would have looked as though I were submitting to this stranger, but I was submitting to my Master.  It was quite fulfilling as a result, as my Master was quite proud of my obedience and compliance.  It will happen again when my Master wishes it to.

As for going to a club and "scening" casually with someone, particularly a stranger, I do not foresee myself ever doing that as a single person.  It is just not something I would ever find fulfilling for myself.

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 2:57:33 PM   
RedSavageSlave


Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone

For the submissives:

Have you ever been topped/dominated by a relative stranger? 


All the time..its called customer service

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 3:10:52 PM   
spenser


Posts: 114
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		yes ,, it was a chance meet and it was well horney .

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)
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RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 3:19:15 PM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Have you ever been topped/dominated by a relative stranger?

All the time..its called customer service


Hah. If it's that same prick from india who keeps answering my calls I feel your pain.


(in reply to RedSavageSlave)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 3:21:08 PM   
xonemasterx


Posts: 59
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Boston, Massachusetts, USA
Status: offline 		I have done this a couple of times. I tend to feel uncomfortable if I have no connection to the person I am topping.

The one time I did not have that connection was unsatifying to me. She reported her enjoyment and was ready to do it again. That took time to overcome and develop a connection.

I have had great experiences as well. There seems to be something that clicks and the fun begins.

(in reply to spenser)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 3:28:11 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		Yes, I have topped dozens of people who were relative strangers.  These were people I met at a play party either at a dungeon, hotel, or private home.  There were always lots of people I knew around so I felt safe.  Yes, we negotiated the scene beforehand, and that was that.  We had no relationship outside of the scene, and no knowledge of each other's lives outside of the BDSM context.  Some went on to become friends and W/we've scened with each other again.
 
Afterwards, My feelings usually ranged from good to euphoric.  I had a few experiences that I would not repeat if given the choice, but the overwhelming percentage were positive.  None were really bad.  Some of the scenes were more exciting than the ones I have with people I know well and am in a long-term relationship with.  On a few occasions, I was the very first Domme a submissive male scened with, and it was special to both of us.  There is a particular headspace I like to get into when scening, and some subs are in tune with Me, and some aren't.  If W/we're on the same wavelength, it can be a great experience.  I seem to hit a certain type of top space and go into an altered state of consciousness.  Even if I don't hit that high, it can still be enjoyable.
 
The few scenes I wouldn't care to repeat were with bottoms that were overly directive.  They were trying to top from the bottom and I basically told them that mouthy boys get on My nerves and the scene would not continue if they did not shut up.  In all cases, they did shut up, and the scene continued.  Yes, I could have gagged them, but I think that's what a few of them wanted and I was not going to be manipulated into doing it.
 
As for guilt, no, I never experienced it.  Something that both parties wanted and enjoyed is no cause for guilt, IMO.
 
Lady Topaz  

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 3:35:27 PM   
whisperedsighs


Posts: 349
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone

For the submissives:

Have you ever been topped/dominated by a relative stranger?  That is someone that you have just met, perhaps here or at at club or an event, and discussed a scene with beforehand and nothing more. No relationship outside of the scene itself. No knowledge of their life outside of the bdsm context.I suppose the best analogy would be meeting someone in a bar and going home to fuck but in this case there is a bdsm scene with informed consent.

If the answer is yes how did you feel afterward?  Was it more exciting, as exciting, less exciting or totally sucked compared to being with someone you have spent time with and got to know outside of the bdsm and why. Did you feel guilty? and if so was it because you enjoyed it or because you regretted it?

And for the tops:

The same questions, but from your perspective.



Yes I have done this many times.  Usually I have references from people at the club that we mutually know.  These scenes can range from very hot to so-so.  Depends on the chemestry at the time. 

_____________________________

oh my god that was so wrong! .... again please!

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 3:37:40 PM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your thoughts so far.

LA I had to laugh cause I forgot I could get both answers from one person. Mary T sorry for the bad experience but glad you are back.
Grlwithboy I can see how the sm part of it would work, and maybe even work better for a number of reasons, without knowing the person on the other end.
Socalbbwsub I get the "use angle"

My first time was with a women I met on AOL about a thousand years ago. I had the fantasies etc and back than they had a personal ads section and I answered her ad which was a submissive looking for a dominant.

Long story short she was older and way more experienced than me and to say that is was a case of topping from the bottom would be an understatement comparible to saying going into iraq was maybe not a great idea. Anyway it basically went down that we emailed a few times and talked on the phone a few times and next thing I knew I was driving out to her house wondering what the fuck I had gotten myself into.

In the end I would have to say it was a great experience for me and I hope for her and I would say that first night was one of the best bdsm experiences I ever had even if I didn't know what I was doing. It all came pretty naturally and I learned a lot and it was way hot.  

To the point of relative strangers in this case that is the way she wanted it to be. She didn't want to know anything about me and didn't reveal anything of herself. She knew herself and what she wanted/needed and went for it and never changed her perspective.  For a time I found it to be a perfect relationship.

But, and there's always a but isn't there, in the end, for me, it got boring and repeticious and kind of empty. That's when it ended. I don't regret the experience and there was no guilt on either side, it just fizzled out.

I am thinking that initially I find it very exciting to play with a relative stranger. There is total envolvement in the scene without any outside bullshit, no distractions, just sensation, and yes there is that element of humiliation, using someone that knows nothing about me and yet submits to my will. I think some people thumb there nose at that, say it's shallow, but I like it. But inless I am mistaken it can't last that way forever cause human nature won't allow that, or at least my human nature won't allow that. You've got to grow or die or move on.

In o other words, for me ,at some point you have to get to know each other and see where it goes, and at that point it can end on a high note, a great experience for your book of memories, or you can continue just scening togeather as before but with the added benefit of knowing who that person on the other end really is, or, you can take it to another level.

I think all three routes have value.

(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 3:42:02 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone

Mary T sorry for the bad experience but glad you are back.


Well, I could have been a lot smarter about it.

I'm glad that you're having fun with it all. 

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 4:20:20 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		I connected instantly with someone here from CM.  Almost as if we had known each other our entire lives.  All I knew, and all I wanted to know about him was his first name.  We talked by instant message for a few weeks before we met.  He gave me specific instructions on how to dress and how to be in the room...facing the wall with my back to him.  I was instructed to not look at him.  He showed me his tattoo to prove it was him and then he proceeded to blindfold me for the entire time we were together.  It was the most intense, erotic and arousing three hours that I have ever spent with another person.  I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever.  In fact, every single time that we met for the next six months was just as intense.  At another point in my life he may have well been the "one".

edited to add...I never did know more than his first name...so that does make him a stranger in my book.   That was a huge part of the appeal for me.

< Message edited by Aileen68 -- 12/27/2006 4:22:59 PM >

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 4:28:29 PM   
akbarbarian


Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline 		The closest thing for me was bringing a leather paddle with an internal steel frame to a birthday party.  There were nearly 20 of us at the party.  He had one seriously buised ass as pictures showed the next day.  He was also gay, and not in the least bit closeted, and showed a bit more interest in me after that.  Apparently I hit hard.  My ex was there as well, and her bday fell on about the same time so we all paddled her as well.

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 4:41:11 PM   
Caitriona


Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, once.  While it wasn't a bad experience, I daresay there are things we could have talked about in more detail regarding his level of experience.  We both made "mistakes" in terms of negotiations but no real harm was done.  Just another learning experience.  I didn't feel the least bit guilty about it because My Lord was present at all times, just as I prefer it.

_____________________________

Property of Shadowraven
Serving alongside ciarra

(in reply to akbarbarian)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Relative Strangers - 12/27/2006 5:17:00 PM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline
quote:

I never did know more than his first name...so that does make him a stranger in my book. That was a huge part of the appeal for me.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68


Aileen I am wondering if the choice not to reveal was his or yours or mutual or just one of those unspoken arrangements, and if at some point did you want to but to much time had gone by or would it have ruined the arrangement or was it never an option? 


(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 20
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