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ORIGINAL: twicehappy
I believe the question in the OP was if you could live with a TOTALLY vanilla partner if you were in love. Or if you could stay in a relationship that started out as D/s then turned vanilla.  Do i have it so far?

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ORIGINAL: Serenityy
You said that you are having trouble finding submissives who wish for that all the time? Perhaps you are looking at the wrong submissives?Or perhaps you are not expressing your desires well enough?

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ORIGINAL: Lashra
So if I were to get into another vanilla relationship, Id tell him straight away I make the decisions but you do have input and if that doesn't work for you theres the door.

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ORIGINAL: twicehappy

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ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

I'm not talking about play or sex.  Sexual though I am, I'd almost give up sex to have a really submissive and yielding partner.  I'm not talking about toys or whipping either, though the whippings are nice to express my D/s oriented feelings. 

To start with you have now been slapped with the "real and twue" words so at this point i feel the need to say welcome to the boards, here is your flame retardant suit, the firewall has been extended, the bomb shelter is in the basement. Allow me if i may to comment on what i am gathering from your posts on this subject so far, if i am wrong feel free to jump in. I believe the question in the OP was if you could live with a TOTALLY vanilla partner if you were in love. Or if you could stay in a relationship that started out as D/s then turned vanilla.  Do i have it so far? As to your comments on D/s if i am reading you correctly you are not speaking of the sexual or play aspects, you are speaking of the core of a D/s or M/s relationship. To me you are attempting to discuss the constant soul searing bonedeep  submission of one soul to the domination of another. The undercurrent of the power exchange that is always undeniably  present. To those who thinks this precludes joking, laughing, holding hands or loving each other you need to be aware it does not. Nor does it interfere the day to day routines we all go through in the course of our daily lives. But in a D/s partnership that i believe the Op is attempting to describe even the day to day activities are colored and flavored by the D/s dynamic. I tease my pair, i joke with them, there are times that Scooter throws himself on the bed and tells me " i am asleep" which means i can play, touch, kiss and satisfy him in any manner i please. Is any of this vanilla? No, it is by his will that he allows this to me. No matter what activity we are engaged in the power exchange is present, he is ALWAYS  the Master, i am ALWAYS the slave. As to the OP's original question, no i could not be in a vanilla relationship no matter how much i loved. I could not be in a M/s relationship where i did not love either. I need both for a relationship to work.   DISCLAIMER: the above is the author's personal opinion and is not the opinion or policy of her owner or of the little green men that follow her around all day all day.
 
This post may or may not cite its references or sources.
 
The facts expressed here belong to everybody, the opinions to me. The distinction is yours to draw...
 
IMPORTANT: This post is intended for the use of the individual to whom I was responding and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any whining, bitching or taking personally of this post is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social fauxpas.
 
No animals were harmed in the composition of this post, although Benji is authorized to hump your leg and piss on your carpet for taking the contents of afore mentioned post and either embracing it as personal or responding with any sentence containing the words " weal" or " twue" or any other Fuddism for that matter. 
(Mnottertail holding a written grant of exception to this rule).
 
My opinion is neither copyrighted nor trademarked; If you like, I'll trade for one of yours. 
 

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ORIGINAL: cjenny

I don't have the 'wiring' to fall in love with a non Dominant man. Nearly twenty years of vanilla marriage came close to emotionally ruining me & that is one mistake I won't repeat. Every part of my being needs a Dominant partner & lover.
It sure would be easier.... if I could live vanilla.

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ORIGINAL: HatesParisHilton
frankly a ton of women in the scene are "Borderline Personality Character Disorded" which is great in the initial days but later their disorder forces them to treat you like the devil.  That is the nature of the disorder.  You can look up a ton on it on google or yahoo and I invite you to and have a laugh over the criteria "redflags" for a woman having this disorder; you'll shake your head at how many people you know like this if you've dated more than 20 people in the past 10 years.

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1:  The bulk of women do not define a real spanking as men do.  All you need for proof of this is looking at what male subs "take" in porn vs. what women do.  Women almost never take "real" spankings by the male definition, they prefer mamby pamby crap like floggers and leather paddles and rarely accept wooden soons and wooden hairbrushes used PROPERLY hard for any significant amount of "swats".  No matter what they say in profiles or in e-mail.

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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
On the pain scale though, I'd put wood far below a bullwhip and have yet to run into a piece of wood which has anywhere near the intensity of our steel butt beater or even the hog slapper. (Thinking that I should get one of those for Ownedgirlie's Master.. then she'll 'really' hate me! ::laughs::)

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She's baaaaaaaaaaaaack!!

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Oh and your last "gift" has been destroyed.

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And I'm still not talking to you.

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ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

I wish I could have been happy in a relationship where there wasn't D/s, but thru no fault of either of us, I couldn't. 
 
I just feel that the dynamic is a part of who I am, so without it, I can't be myself.  Life is hard enough without denying a part of yourself to thrive every chance it gets.  I think you end upu resenting the other person and that will eventually drive you apart in some way.
 
That's just the way it is for me.
 
Kasha

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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
What!!! How the hell did you manage to destroy a brand new pair of clover clamps in such a short time frame?? Send details and pics to the other side ASAP!  (Has several extra pairs so can ship your Master out a new set tomorrow.)

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  I love you, too.

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ORIGINAL: Firsttime

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ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

I wish I could have been happy in a relationship where there wasn't D/s, but thru no fault of either of us, I couldn't. 
 
I just feel that the dynamic is a part of who I am, so without it, I can't be myself.  Life is hard enough without denying a part of yourself to thrive every chance it gets.  I think you end upu resenting the other person and that will eventually drive you apart in some way.
 
That's just the way it is for me.
 
Kasha

I completly agree with what you said.  I am in a marriage right now with a man that will in no way even think about allowing D/s or S&M of any kind.  He won't even whisper naughty nothings.  We have been together for going on seven years and I have tried with all that I am to fight my desires and needs and it has gotten me nowhere.  We are no longer intimate in any way and it feels like we are just two people co existing together instead of sharing a life together.  He would make a wonderful husband for a completly vanilla wife but for me he is the epitimy of what I will never settle for again.
So I think my answer is a resounding NO.  I can not be in a relationship without D/s or S&M being a part of it.  That is why I am in the process of filing for a divorce and doing what I should have done to begin with and that is not denying who and what I am and that's a Dominant.  Hopefully that wasn't TMI.

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ORIGINAL: HatesParisHilton

"This just made me laugh.  If I had a dime for every wooden spoon and hairbrush that has been broken by my kevlar ass, I'd open up my own leather shop!"

yes, and that's why you are a jem rather than a female poseur sub, which is just as common as poseur dome/top.  But still how many women do you know "claiming" to be sub/bottom that can, on their ass, take and enjoy as much and as hard as YOU do?

see the difference?

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ORIGINAL: HatesParisHilton

"This just made me laugh.  If I had a dime for every wooden spoon and hairbrush that has been broken by my kevlar ass, I'd open up my own leather shop!"

yes, and that's why you are a jem rather than a female poseur sub, which is just as common as poseur dome/top.  But still how many women do you know "claiming" to be sub/bottom that can, on their ass, take and enjoy as much and as hard as YOU do?

see the difference?