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ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

In this age of instant gratification and microwave mentality the accepted norm seems to have shifted from the old school ways.

Isn't there anything faster than a microwave???


Ross

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ORIGINAL: slavejali

Maybe its a good thing things have changed. With the rate of divorces and unhappy endings these days, maybe people are finally wising up and realising "chemistry" isn't everything its cracked up to be and a successful relationship is going to rely on a lot more factors. Maybe people are trying to prevent themselves from setting themselves up for grief and that can't be a bad thing hey...making knowledgeable choices in life has to be a good thing..

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So my question for everyone is, are we over screening?

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Is writing lengthy profiles with 27 qualification demands, followed by days weeks or months of online communication really a better investment of our time and energy than exchanging an e-mail or two, a phone call or two, then meeting? 

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And what's more important, is it a more effective for finding suitable matches?

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That makes perfect sense.... except  Explain to me why almost all bdsm relarionships are so short and generally end badly?  How many bdsm couples do you know who have been together 5 years?  10?  If this new way was producing strong healthy relationships, I'd say you were right, but it aint happening.

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Explain to me why almost all bdsm relarionships are so short and generally end badly? 

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Truthfully? I believe a lot of people do not know "how" to have a relationship, let alone sustain one...and that's just not within a BDSM relationship

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ORIGINAL: TPEOwner

I've been meeting prospective bdsm partners via the internet, and before that via print classified ads for well over 20 years.  Back in the day, you wrote a few lines about who you were and what you were looking for and had a box number on your ad for replies.  Someone contacted you or vice versa, you spoke on the phone once or twice, then you met for dinner or a drink, and if it went well, you saw them again.  Very simple and quick, and the most you had to lose was a few hours of your time.

Now?  I was surfing female submissive ads on here yesterday, and I came across a woman who had 27 (yes I counted them) qualifications that a prospective dominant must meet in order for her to be interested.  Now I'm the first one to tell people not to settle for less than they want and need, but I have 7 or 8 must have's, and consider myself quite picky.  In the past 7 years that I have been actively seeking an LTR, I have yet to find anyone who met my standards (it's the trustworthy and able to trust that seems to trip them all up).

So my question for everyone is, are we over screening?  The internet gives us all the time and tools to question, disect and anylyze anyone before making any sort of decision, but it also removes all nuance, charm, charisma and chemistry.  Is there anyone who has been doing this for any length of time who hasn't found someone who seemed perfect on line, only to meet them and go "blech".  I wonder how many times the opposite might be true, but of course we never meet them to find out. Add in the on line liars and the game players who have everyone suspiscious of everyone else, and it's a miracle anyone ever meets anyone at all.

Now the safety nazis can all tune out, because I've heard it all before, but any adult who doesn't know how to arrange a safe public meeting these days isn't firing on all cylinders.  Is writing lengthy profiles with 27 prequalification demands, followed by days weeks or months of online communication really a better investment of our time and energy than exchanging an e-mail or two, a phone call or two, then meeting?  And what's more important, is it a more effective for finding suitable matches?