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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/29/2006 2:39:38 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		My daughter is in a vanilla marriage and when she called me to complain about her husband's sloppy behaviour i asked her who it bothered that he left his dirty clothes around the house or his dirty dishes on the table?  Since it bothered her and not him, she should pick it up.  Period.  When i was married (vanilla) my husband evidently thought that toenails never needed clipping.  To preserve my legs, i asked him one evening if he'd ever had a pedicure and would he like one.  Caring for his feet gave him pleasure and saved me from being stabbed by his awful toes in the night.  THAT is how i got "my way".  i have never been a slave but it would seem logical that if the state of the garden, socks on the floor, etc doesn't bother him and it bothers you, you should tend the garden and pick up the socks or stop letting it bother you.  Bathroom color?  Go pick out some color swatches and present them to Him and ask permission to paint the bathroom.  If He grants permission expect to paint it yourself.

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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/29/2006 6:17:58 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail
from a book that was either in the mid thirteen or fifteen hundreds, it was written:

A woman, by simple obeisance, doth ruleth her husband.  (this is largely true, or at least affects her man to the maximumb degree she is able)
I've never heard of this book, but I would bet it wasn't written by a lady.     M

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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/29/2006 6:30:16 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dvart


I have noticed a paradox from women submissives/slaves in long term relationships. You choose to submit but on the other hand you actually seem pretty assertive even bossy. So, you accept that he has the last say in pretty much everything, but you really can't stand that awful green bathroom, his taste in clothes, the fake teak panelling in the living room, leaving socks around, his Mother, the state of the garden. I really don't buy into "he is the master I just have to accept it" because a lot of you seem the sort of women who would want to get their own way at least over small things.

So how does a slave get her own way?


This isn't my definition of a slave. A slave in my opinion doesn't boss with out expecting punishment. I certainly do not get my way in anything. I do not dictate anything in our relationship and maybe you do not believe it but that is the way it is in out relationship. Please do not generalize all slaves because you met a few wannabes.

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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/29/2006 6:51:18 AM   
Serista


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		A slave gets her own way by communicating in an open, honest and respectful matter. Any Master who thinks he (or she) has all the answers is delusional because at the end of day, the Master is still human. Most issues happen because someone stews on them for a while or feels as if they can't speak openly and then acts passive agressively. A Master/slave dynamic is still a relationship and should be treated as such.

My Master respects my opinions and demands I give them to him. It's my responsibility to tell him what I think. Though the final decision may be is, I equip him with all the facts I can. My Master has no fashion sense. He knows it, I know it and if he were to dress himself, the world would know it. One of my tasks is to make sure he has nice clothes and to pick them out every day.



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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/29/2006 7:14:02 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		But it was quoted by your favorite cracker Rick James, baby....that's what makes it special.

LOL,
Ron


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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/29/2006 7:59:33 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

My daughter is in a vanilla marriage and when she called me to complain about her husband's sloppy behaviour i asked her who it bothered that he left his dirty clothes around the house or his dirty dishes on the table?  Since it bothered her and not him, she should pick it up.  Period.  When i was married (vanilla) my husband evidently thought that toenails never needed clipping.  To preserve my legs, i asked him one evening if he'd ever had a pedicure and would he like one.  Caring for his feet gave him pleasure and saved me from being stabbed by his awful toes in the night.  THAT is how i got "my way".  i have never been a slave but it would seem logical that if the state of the garden, socks on the floor, etc doesn't bother him and it bothers you, you should tend the garden and pick up the socks or stop letting it bother you.  Bathroom color?  Go pick out some color swatches and present them to Him and ask permission to paint the bathroom.  If He grants permission expect to paint it yourself.


Actually since it's a vanilla marriage I would disagree. If the dirty clothes are on the floor, they do not get washed. If the dirty dishes are left on the table he figures out his own meal plan. If a partners toenails risk scratching me while I am sleeping, they sleep alone. If I don't like the colour of the bathroom I freakin paint it a colour I like. It's vanilla so there is no permission to be asking.


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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/29/2006 8:09:02 AM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		It is highly likely that in any long term live in coupling there are things about each party that make the other one nuts.

The fact that one party has to just accept the other, and the other party has the right to tailor their partner as much as possible towards theur liking is one way of dealing with that problem. (slavery)

The fact that both parties have to reach some agreed on middle ground is another way of dealing (vanilla)

Both of these ways are problem-solving the same problem differently. That's all.

< Message edited by Grlwithboy -- 12/29/2006 8:11:18 AM >

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/29/2006 6:14:14 PM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline 		some of us just bat our pretty eyes, give him pleasure and he will concede to reward. lol


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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/30/2006 5:56:46 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

My daughter is in a vanilla marriage and when she called me to complain about her husband's sloppy behaviour i asked her who it bothered that he left his dirty clothes around the house or his dirty dishes on the table?  Since it bothered her and not him, she should pick it up.  Period.  When i was married (vanilla) my husband evidently thought that toenails never needed clipping.  To preserve my legs, i asked him one evening if he'd ever had a pedicure and would he like one.  Caring for his feet gave him pleasure and saved me from being stabbed by his awful toes in the night.  THAT is how i got "my way".  i have never been a slave but it would seem logical that if the state of the garden, socks on the floor, etc doesn't bother him and it bothers you, you should tend the garden and pick up the socks or stop letting it bother you.  Bathroom color?  Go pick out some color swatches and present them to Him and ask permission to paint the bathroom.  If He grants permission expect to paint it yourself.


Actually since it's a vanilla marriage I would disagree. If the dirty clothes are on the floor, they do not get washed. If the dirty dishes are left on the table he figures out his own meal plan. If a partners toenails risk scratching me while I am sleeping, they sleep alone. If I don't like the colour of the bathroom I freakin paint it a colour I like. It's vanilla so there is no permission to be asking.



i nearly lost my daughter on three seperate occassions.  i learned that to let things like a dirty room or clothes on the floor bother me i was not looking at what is really important.  If i am the only one bothered by dirty socks in the living room it takes less energy for me to pick them up than to make it an argument.  Instant gratification if i pick them up and i get what i want, no socks on the floor.  i also don't draw distinct lines between D/s and vanilla.  i'm not selectively submissive, it's just the way i am and i don't expect others to be like me or think like me but the OP wanted to know how to get her way and i just offered a suggestion that worked for me.


_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/30/2006 7:06:09 AM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Serista

A slave gets her own way by communicating in an open, honest and respectful matter. Any Master who thinks he (or she) has all the answers is delusional because at the end of day, the Master is still human. Most issues happen because someone stews on them for a while or feels as if they can't speak openly and then acts passive agressively. A Master/slave dynamic is still a relationship and should be treated as such.

My Master respects my opinions and demands I give them to him. It's my responsibility to tell him what I think. Though the final decision may be is, I equip him with all the facts I can. My Master has no fashion sense. He knows it, I know it and if he were to dress himself, the world would know it. One of my tasks is to make sure he has nice clothes and to pick them out every day.





I agree (although Master, in my case, does have a fashion sense...). Master owns all my thoughts- whether good, bad or ugly (a concept that He still has to reinforce to me- I have an issue with always trying to be pleasing...but back to the point).
I am obligated to bring Him any concerns- then He will decide.
Master is always aware of my needs. Slaves/subs have needs, He says. What they do not have is wants.
 
I do not insist (g-ds forbid). I do not assert. Pouting, passive-aggressivness and anger are counter-productive. I give him my thoughts. And then I do not have to think about it any more. For me, this is one of the freedoms of being owned.
 
I think, I express and I yield.
 
It is lovely.

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/30/2006 9:11:50 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I suppose talking about things isn't considered sufficiently subby? If you're complaining about green tiles in his bathroom, then expecting him to pay $20,000 to redo the bath is wrong. If you can't stand the paint color, then ask if you can repaint it in white, spend $100 on paint, drop cloth, roller and go to town. I doubt he'd object to you painting it. However if he did just paint it to match the tiles, and bought matching shower curtain and towels you are out of luck.

I've given up on the socks thing here. But I will say I don't always rush to pick up his most favorite pair. If he leaves them in the living room and they don't get into today's wash, then he does without them until I get around to it. If he wants them for this afternoon, then he gathers them while I'm bringing out the laundry basket. He's an adult, he can decide what's more important to him.

As far as family visits go, anyone can be polite on a couple of occasions a year. If he wants to spend every Sunday there while she takes potshots at you, spend your Sundays somewhere else. You agree to submit to him but not to his mother. Make this distinction clear.

(in reply to MmakeMme)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/30/2006 11:33:13 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

My daughter is in a vanilla marriage and when she called me to complain about her husband's sloppy behaviour i asked her who it bothered that he left his dirty clothes around the house or his dirty dishes on the table?  Since it bothered her and not him, she should pick it up.  Period.  When i was married (vanilla) my husband evidently thought that toenails never needed clipping.  To preserve my legs, i asked him one evening if he'd ever had a pedicure and would he like one.  Caring for his feet gave him pleasure and saved me from being stabbed by his awful toes in the night.  THAT is how i got "my way".  i have never been a slave but it would seem logical that if the state of the garden, socks on the floor, etc doesn't bother him and it bothers you, you should tend the garden and pick up the socks or stop letting it bother you.  Bathroom color?  Go pick out some color swatches and present them to Him and ask permission to paint the bathroom.  If He grants permission expect to paint it yourself.


In a vanilla setting? That's the same reasoning as "If her nagging bothers you, do whatever she's nagging you about and she'll stop." When, in reality, a nagging person will just find something else to nag about until you sit down, talk about it, and both agree to stop the annoying behaviors.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/30/2006 11:35:50 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/30/2006 2:27:50 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline
Lol, you sound like someone I know.  I had to move to a new place to shut her up about the old house.  Then again, its a much nicer place and I had already been looking.  Just remember, I had that old wood up cause it was there befor her; I pick her socks up, and I dam sure don't want her in my kitchen.  Her ideal of cleaning leaves me grabbing the paddle, and yea,lol, I miss the pot sometimes in the bathroom.
I've also gotten her out of debit,made one brother leave the state fast[a real nutcase], gotten her new clothes and cars. 
So I can give a little advice here: stick to the big issues, state your case and let him decied for the good of the family, not just you.
Little things should stay little

(in reply to MmakeMme)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/30/2006 2:42:45 PM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

My daughter is in a vanilla marriage and when she called me to complain about her husband's sloppy behaviour i asked her who it bothered that he left his dirty clothes around the house or his dirty dishes on the table?  Since it bothered her and not him, she should pick it up.  Period.  When i was married (vanilla) my husband evidently thought that toenails never needed clipping.  To preserve my legs, i asked him one evening if he'd ever had a pedicure and would he like one.  Caring for his feet gave him pleasure and saved me from being stabbed by his awful toes in the night.  THAT is how i got "my way".  i have never been a slave but it would seem logical that if the state of the garden, socks on the floor, etc doesn't bother him and it bothers you, you should tend the garden and pick up the socks or stop letting it bother you.  Bathroom color?  Go pick out some color swatches and present them to Him and ask permission to paint the bathroom.  If He grants permission expect to paint it yourself.


Actually since it's a vanilla marriage I would disagree. If the dirty clothes are on the floor, they do not get washed. If the dirty dishes are left on the table he figures out his own meal plan. If a partners toenails risk scratching me while I am sleeping, they sleep alone. If I don't like the colour of the bathroom I freakin paint it a colour I like. It's vanilla so there is no permission to be asking.



i nearly lost my daughter on three seperate occassions.  i learned that to let things like a dirty room or clothes on the floor bother me i was not looking at what is really important.  If i am the only one bothered by dirty socks in the living room it takes less energy for me to pick them up than to make it an argument.  Instant gratification if i pick them up and i get what i want, no socks on the floor.  i also don't draw distinct lines between D/s and vanilla.  i'm not selectively submissive, it's just the way i am and i don't expect others to be like me or think like me but the OP wanted to know how to get her way and i just offered a suggestion that worked for me.



Seriously in a vanilla relationship he can pick up his gawd damn dirty clothes and put it in the laundry by himself it's definitely not too difficult for him and if he doesn't want the house to look like one big pigpen he can simply make a friggin tiny effort of his own helping keeping the house clean. If I hate the bathroom color I tell him that I hate the mofo color and tell him we should try picking another color and then settle with a color that we both like. Your daughter is not his maid. If I were she I wouldn't bother picking it up and do the exactly same things as he does and wait and see if it doesn't teach him a lesson hell I wouldn't keep my mouth shut. and so sorry but I wouldn't either crawl like that for my dominant if it pissed me off even though they're my dominant they're not above the fact of helping keeping the house in place, except if I was a domestic slave of course and my role was to keep the damn house shiny - which I will never be. *rant ended*

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/30/2006 3:59:47 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		So we've finally erased the myth that doms are somehow held to a higher standard than vanillas right?  Vanillas at least can be expected to clean up their socks, while doms just can't handle the pressure?

;)

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/30/2006 4:05:12 PM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline






Way before I even considered being a submissive I was picking up behind my man, the kids, and the pets.
I guess it's just how you're wired.
If you're a Felix Unger living with an Oscar Madison you just do it because it takes less energy and does not cause an aggravate in your relationship.
Either you don't mind maid service to have a clean home, you don't care if the house is clean or you enforce by drill Sargent standards the uphill battle of trying to make people who care so little about the house being clean they don't even see it.
Vanilla or lifestyle house standards are there for all cohabitation people in my opinion.
suzanne

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/30/2006 4:40:48 PM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline 		~~ Fast reply ~~

I don't get MY own way. I can tell Master that I wish for something in particular; he can give it to me or not; but it still is not my way. It's his way

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Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/30/2006 5:31:44 PM   
impetuousone


Posts: 31
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

So we've finally erased the myth that doms are somehow held to a higher standard than vanillas right?  Vanillas at least can be expected to clean up their socks, while doms just can't handle the pressure?

;)


LA...    

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A master can tell you what he expects of you. A teacher, though awakens your own expectations.
~Patricia Neal~

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/30/2006 5:36:19 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

~~ Fast reply ~~

I don't get MY own way. I can tell Master that I wish for something in particular; he can give it to me or not; but it still is not my way. It's his way


Exactly. Well said!

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/30/2006 5:37:49 PM   
impetuousone


Posts: 31
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dvart

A genuine question from someone who wants to be in a long term D/s relationship but hasn't got there yet.

I have noticed a paradox from women submissives/slaves in long term relationships. You choose to submit but on the other hand you actually seem pretty assertive even bossy. So let's assume that you have taken a lot of care in choosing your master, you have negotiated your hard limits and months or years into the relationship it's pretty much everything that you wanted, BUT not even the perfect master is ever completely perfect and it is the little things that cause problem in any relationship.

So, you accept that he has the last say in pretty much everything, but you really can't stand that awful green bathroom, his taste in clothes, the fake teak panelling in the living room, leaving socks around, his Mother, the state of the garden. I really don't buy into "he is the master I just have to accept it" because a lot of you seem the sort of women who would want to get their own way at least over small things.

So how does a slave get her own way?


All kidding aside....are we in this to get our way or to serve?  Hmmmm.......

_____________________________

A master can tell you what he expects of you. A teacher, though awakens your own expectations.
~Patricia Neal~

(in reply to dvart)
Profile   Post #: 60
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