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Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 6:02:14 PM   
fufured


Posts: 15
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		i am new to this l/s but as i find out more i am drawn more as a sub. 
i met a Dom on this site - the first one who actually spoke to me as a person and we hit it off.  i even took my profile off.  To get to the point, He said something that has bothered me, He said that when he owns me that he can make good money with me at play parties, etc.  is it me, maybe i don't know enough, but this really sent a red flag up and now i am just so emotional over it.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 6:07:40 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		red flag for me too ....unless you like that sort of thing.
 
talk to him, feel it out, there is definitely a difference between a pimp and a kink.....one is fun, the other could be deadly.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to fufured)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 6:10:50 PM   
liljoy


Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline 		sounds like he is not right for you unless you want to be pimped out.
at our play parties no money is allowed to exchange hands so this doesn't happen

(in reply to fufured)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 6:11:17 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		I think it's interesting people pick up on our internet lingo/abbreviations before they grasp half of the rudimentary concepts behind it. Talk to him about it. It would suck to go to a play party where you have to pay to play with everyone...

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to fufured)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 6:12:45 PM   
fufured


Posts: 15
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		i did try to say something and His reply was that i would have no say once i am His - it is Hisdecision.  made me feel like i would be going into the prostitution business.   i really like Him but i also have to respect myself first and foremost and i feel like i'm being torn apart right now.  Of course i am a big baby and take everything to the heart.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 6:13:41 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Red flags are there for a reason, dear.  When he owns you?  That should tell you something as well.  BLOCK the sucker.

(in reply to fufured)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 6:21:15 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		i am with bandit.....BLOCK....my thoughts are that if it was a kink he would want you to share in the experiance of it with him...but he is seeming very selfish with his motives .....he is also not taking into account (or so it seems) your discomfort. 2 big red flags.....

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 6:23:17 PM   
MrrPete


Posts: 614
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		RED FLAG

If he won't discuss it prior to collaring don't continue with him.

I wonder what kind of partiies he goes to that he can "make money"
with you. I've never been to a play party where anyone can make money.

I'd move on to the next one [wildly waving hand to attract attention]


_____________________________

Awrabest,

Mr. Pete

Boycott Citgo

(in reply to fufured)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 6:24:20 PM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		It can be easy to fall hard for the first person who appears to understand you and your need for submission, but please rest assured he is not the only one who will understand these needs in you. If you are not open to being handed around to others, there is nothing wrong with that, it is just not your kink. There is nothing wrong with him that it is his kink, but it certainly shows a difference between the two of you.

Like the others who have posted before me, i know of no parties nor dungeons that allow payment for services of any kind. This makes the exchange illegal, unless you are in certain counties of Nevada. It makes me wonder where he really thinks he will be taking you, or if he has any experience at all. He could be just shooting off his mouth about some fantasy he has, but has no idea how to make it a reality. In any event, you need to clarify how you feel about this with him.

You may have chosen to submit to him for now, but even slaves have the choice to leave if the going gets too tough.

Please be careful with yourself. You have a sweet disposition, and there are wolves everywhere...

Master's dorei

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 6:25:26 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Only you can decide to be his and, well, if I were you, the answer would be a big NO.  Now, he can say that he was joking, but it's not a laughing matter...especially since you are so new.  Stuff like that is funny after you've known each other for awhile.  And don't forget, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DO.  Don't let ANYONE (and I mean anyone) tell you differently.  You may not be with that person any longer, but you will be able to look at yourself in the mirror.  Block him.

(in reply to fufured)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 6:25:44 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

I think it's interesting people pick up on our internet lingo/abbreviations before they grasp half of the rudimentary concepts behind it.

 
 
i think she was attempting to abbreviate lifestyle...not doing a slashy thing

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 12/30/2006 6:29:44 PM >

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 6:30:32 PM   
wm


Posts: 12
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline 		Regardless of what anyone may think of his intended use for you, he is letting you know now. Nobody can tell you what to do, but it seem obvious to me that this is not a good match. Save both of yourselves a lot of wasted time. My advice is to let him know that you simply do not agree to this and move on.

(in reply to fufured)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 6:34:34 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think you got in too far and too fast.  Any time someone brings up something you aren't sure about, immediately and directly ask them for clarification.

Then decide if it's what you want for yourself or not.

There are plenty of people on this board who would love to get used for money at parties, and plenty who won't. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 6:41:00 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If you don't want to be pimped out (this is a fantasy for many), then you need to talk to your Dominant about it and set it as a limit. This should show you that there are many things that might be in his head that he is assuming he will get...as there are things in yours. Take it slow and wait for a significant period of time for a collar.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to fufured)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 6:50:59 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		He's full of shit, There's no pay to play at play parties. He would not be makin money off of you at play parties.

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 12/30/2006 6:54:49 PM >

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 7:00:36 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

He's full of shit, There's no pay to play at play parties. He would not be makin money off of you at play parties.

LOL and you obviously have no idea what you are talking about.

It's rare at public parties, although it can still occur in private between people or with auctions.  And at private parties, it can most certainly be quite open.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 7:05:54 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fufured

i did try to say something and His reply was that i would have no say once i am His - it is Hisdecision.  made me feel like i would be going into the prostitution business.   i really like Him but i also have to respect myself first and foremost and i feel like i'm being torn apart right now.  Of course i am a big baby and take everything to the heart.


Reading what you posted here, he is letting you know in no uncertain terms what will be expected of you as his property. I do not think this makes him "bad", but it is definitiely at odds with what you want. The best advice I can offer is find someone with as much compatibility as you can in your values and interests. He has been very open if he is telling you what to expect, it is up to you to say this is a boundary that you will not cross. I have limits, most people I know have limits (actually everyone I know has limits). You have a right to yours. If this person has desires that he will not forego for you, then it seems like it is a simple matter of incompatibility. He has the right to find someone who is into his kink... if it is not you, at least you know now, and not after the collar was put around your neck

Good luck

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to fufured)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 7:11:11 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I would say that if he is not willing to discuss what you might or might not also want out of the involvement, then he is not for you.  The idea that a slave has no say in things is great... once the slave is SURE they are a slave.  For a beginner who has no idea what her limits might be as a submissive, even considering full control and ownership is asking for problems.  Since you are new, you arent even sure if the lifestyle, persay, is for you.  Maybe you will enjoy the kink, but not the power exchange on a full time basis. Maybe you will like the TPE, but you will have limits. When you have no expeirence, you cant be expected to know what those limits are yet, and if he doesnt want to work with you to find them out, then you arent going to have anything with him.
Yes, its a good thing he is open and honest about his intentions upfront, but thats a little too extreme a situation for a newcomer to put themselves into. Especially if at first glance it makes you uncomfortable and your issue isnt addressed... the Master might be very good, but he might just not be able to handle someone new.  Not everyone knows how to deal with a from-scratch newcomer.
Just my 2 cents, but I think you should cut your losses with him and keep looking for someone with a better fit. Someone who is more willing to lead you into the lifestyle rather than throw you in head first.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 7:18:22 PM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		You are an adult woman of 40 with life experience.  It looks like you just joined this site today and met an online Dom, or is he local to you?  Have you met him real life yet?  I read one of your likes is the local BDSM community where you live.  If you wish to learn more about BDSM, and find out what your likes and interests are...and even maybe make lifestyle friends, I suggest you get out there and try to learn as much as you can before getting involved with someone so quickly.

You do not have to submit to him if you don't want to, or if your interests do not match his.  I mean if he wants things that you don't want to do, what would be the point of getting involved?  It is your decision until you decide if you want to serve him or not.  And even then, you can still get out of it if you really want to.

(in reply to fufured)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Weighing Heavily on my mind - 12/30/2006 7:20:18 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		i would personally loved to be used for money; then again, that's my preference and it's something i've discussed with my dominant, and know he wouldn't do unless i were entirely comfortable with it.

if this makes you uncomfy, there's a reason for that (and the "when" rather than "if" he owns you bit caught me, as well). "once you are his?" you being his is YOUR decision, and if you have negotiated particular limits beforehand and this is one of them, then he does not have that right. it seems to me as though he has little respect for  you as a person, to so disregard your discomfort about this.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 20
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