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Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 7:30:11 AM   
Salacious40


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		Happy New Year. This is my first post so please be gentle. *smile*

I've been reading the message boards since joining and have been captivated with the sound advice, delightful sarcasm, intellectual debates and downright hysterically funny banter.

Some of the regular posters, in my opinion, have a grounded approach to the D/s dichotomy. My question is...would it be inappropriate to email someone whose advice you admire asking for their opinion/suggestion on a situation?

Thanks in advance.

e

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 7:43:13 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		A respectful email from anyone is welcome by me.  Some people may reply, some may not.  But there is nothing that goes against etiquette to email someone with a question.

Welcome to the boards.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Salacious40)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 7:49:31 AM   
Salacious40


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		Kat -

Thank you for the reply and warm welcome!

Happy New Year.

e

(in reply to Salacious40)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 7:51:40 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		e,
There is no harm in asking.

'Etiquette' will be determined by the recipient. A big part of it is you being prepared for an answer you didn't expect or contrary to what you wanted to hear. Often an "offensive" reply is a response that the recipient doesn't agree. If you take disagreement as hostility or insult it's best not to ask. There is no "best" way or "one" way; but there still should be logic, pragmatism, and experience behind the answer. It also helps to know something about the person or persons perspective. Asking "why" behind the "what" is appropriate if the "why" behind the answer isn't clear to you.

If you're in a relationship nobody you could ask, regardless of the level of on-line "respect" they have obtained can answer you more effectively than your counterpart in the relationship. They should know more subtleties about you, and more of the texture behind the inquiry. Even if the experience level may not be as great as what you perceive from the posters; the direct personal experience with you is much more valuable and is much more likely to relate to you. It is especially sad to see or get requests that ask such things as; "How do I get my master to spank me harder?" or the like. Here's a person you identify as your 'master' implying ownership in an intimate relationship and you expect better answers from someone at the other end of a keyboard instead of someone as close to the other end of a flogger? If there is any example of "bad etiquette" in a relationship I'd love to hear it.

Good luck - ask away - be ready for answers you don't expect.

(in reply to Salacious40)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 7:51:49 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I can't see why anyone would be offended.  Now you should be prepared just in case you don't hear back.  We all have busy lives and can't always get to our email...even if we want to. 

(in reply to Salacious40)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 8:10:17 AM   
Salacious40


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		Mercnbeth -

Thank you for the insightful reply.

Opinions, regardless of agreeing or disagreeing, always bring another perspective so I would look forward to the enlightenment. Sometimes it is difficult to see through the muck when it might be me creating it. Before sending out the email, I would make sure to brace myself! *smile*

I completely agree with you regarding clear communication with your counterpart. I am currently not involved with anyone. The situation was more about a situation that ended then one that needed mending.

It would have been ideal to have a friend within the community who I could confide; someone who knew me but that isn't my situation at the moment. This forum is a great resource for those in my situation.

Thank you again for the reply. I always enjoy reading your postings.

Happy New Year!

e


quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

e,
There is no harm in asking.

'Etiquette' will be determined by the recipient. A big part of it is you being prepared for an answer you didn't expect or contrary to what you wanted to hear. Often an "offensive" reply is a response that the recipient doesn't agree. If you take disagreement as hostility or insult it's best not to ask. There is no "best" way or "one" way; but there still should be logic, pragmatism, and experience behind the answer. It also helps to know something about the person or persons perspective. Asking "why" behind the "what" is appropriate if the "why" behind the answer isn't clear to you.

If you're in a relationship nobody you could ask, regardless of the level of on-line "respect" they have obtained can answer you more effectively than your counterpart in the relationship. They should know more subtleties about you, and more of the texture behind the inquiry. Even if the experience level may not be as great as what you perceive from the posters; the direct personal experience with you is much more valuable and is much more likely to relate to you. It is especially sad to see or get requests that ask such things as; "How do I get my master to spank me harder?" or the like. Here's a person you identify as your 'master' implying ownership in an intimate relationship and you expect better answers from someone at the other end of a keyboard instead of someone as close to the other end of a flogger? If there is any example of "bad etiquette" in a relationship I'd love to hear it.

Good luck - ask away - be ready for answers you don't expect.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 8:12:43 AM   
emdoub


Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline 		Happy New Year to you (and everyone else) as well!

Gentle?  Well, if I haaaave to...

A polite email, for whatever reason, is always proper.  Expecting an answer may be unrealistic, but unless the email is rude in content, it's not rude to send it.

On the other hand, posting your question here on the boards will give you the benefit of input from several sources.  If you're particularly interested in one person's response, emailing them a link to your public question should work as well as a private email, and it'll give the rest of us something to brag/bicker/chat/feud about.

Midnight Writer


_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to Salacious40)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 8:14:40 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Agree with MsKat, a respecful question is always welcome; I have made some very good friends with women who had originally contacted me just to ask a question.

Sir Dominic

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 8:31:30 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Salacious- are you kidding me?  We all love having our egos stroked like that.

Email away- it might take a bit to respond, but would hardly be rude unless the person has explicitly stated they don't want emails.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SirDominic)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 9:13:19 AM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline 		From what i can gather here, most probably would not mind a personal email.  Of course, you could always drop them a short note first and ask them if they would mind sharing advice on something before spilling your guts...lol.  Then if you get no response...or a negative response to that...then you have your answer 
 
Daddysgirl

(in reply to Salacious40)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 9:43:49 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I never mind receiving emails from others.  But my opinions are only based on my own experiences.  I have gained some great insight by talking to people on "the other side," and I am always happy to reciprocate.

(in reply to Salacious40)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 9:50:51 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		I am sure most would be open to answering your questions.I know DIANE AND I  often get mail with bdsm ,lifestyle questions....BOUNTYHUNTER

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to Salacious40)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 10:17:36 AM   
Salacious40


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		bandit

Thanks for the reply. If I send it I'll be sure to brace myself for any sort of response, even silence.

Happy New Year

e

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 10:17:59 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		I've been e-mailed once or twice by someone asking for advice. I thought it was very sweet and flattering and I gave the very best advice that I could. I think most people would be flattered.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 10:18:43 AM   
Salacious40


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		Midnight Writer

Thank you..especially for being gentle. You know how the first time can be. *smile*

I thought it would be better to ask just in case there was some unwritten rule about contacting posters. Better to ask than assume.

The idea of posting something on the board was my first thought but I refrained. Exposing a vulnerability to one person seemed a bit easier for me than exposing it to a whole board. Maybe I'll learn to be more couragious next time.

warmest regards,

e

(in reply to emdoub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 10:19:45 AM   
Salacious40


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		Sir Dominic,

Thank you for your reply. Getting a new friend out of it would be a beautiful bonus.

Happy New Year

e

(in reply to SirDominic)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 10:21:03 AM   
Salacious40


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		LuckyAlbatross

Funny, I never thought of it as an ego stroking. I was thinking it would be more of an intrusion. Nothing like a second opinion. *smile*

Thanks for your reply. Happy New Year.

e

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 10:22:26 AM   
Salacious40


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		Daddysgirl,

Great advice. I think that is the best approach to send a short note first. Thanks!

Happy New Year

e

(in reply to adaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 10:23:43 AM   
Salacious40


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		ownedgirlie

Hopefully hearing the opinion based on their experience would offer a different perspective for me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Happy New Year

e

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Etiquette question - 12/31/2006 10:24:54 AM   
Salacious40


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		BountyHunter

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's always comforting to know that so many are willing to share their thoughts and knowledge. It helps those of us a great deal that lurk in the background while trying to understand.

Happy New Year to both you and Diane.

e



(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)
Profile   Post #: 20
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