kinkiminx
Posts: 73
Joined: 10/5/2005
From: Brighton, Sussex, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: scottjk
Honestly? Failure is a part of my life in respect of being a provider of security. I'm trying to change that, but does that mean that I must reject d/s relationships until I (gods I hate this term) "master myself"?
Do I have to turn my back on this lifetyle and my search until I present the 'ideal' of a dom?
How can you learn about the lifestyle if you turn your back on it?
If a Dom needs to wait until they present the ideal of a Dom, you and every other Dom on earth will never enter the lifestyle! No one is perfect, if you can admit that, especially this publically, you're admiting to being human instead of hiding behind some sort of "perfect Dominant" persona. You've taken the option which requires guts, and you've also been honest, which sounds like courage and honesty to me; two very good qualitites in a Dom.
quote:
ORIGINAL: scottjk
If not, how do I present myself as a dom while I'm struggling with all this?
Gang, I'm at the end of my rope. I'm an honest and loving man in search and I just don't know how to present myself as a viable dom and I have doubts that I can.
By doing exactly what you are doing now and explaining honestly where you are at the moment, and where your strengths and difficulties are - Most Doms expect their subs to do this, but often neglect to do the same themselves.
From personal experience of being different, I feel its the lack of acceptance of differences which often causes the most problems for people, rather than the problem they're actually labelled with. I ran into trouble at school as I was constantly berated for poor timekeeping, late assignments etc despite it not affecting my progress as I was still getting top grades. I was given so much trouble over my organisational skills that I had enough and quit before I could stay long enough to get those grades onto formal certificates. I decided formal education didn't suit me and that I was better off making it for myself. My life only began to take shape when I accepted that they were wrong and I didn't have to be anyone except myself.
What bothers me is that because most things in a field are sheep, when a dog or a cat or a horse enters the field, it is required to attempt to deny what it is, and try to become a sheep. People are told that some qualities are essential and others aren't worth so much, when the truth is we are all different and have different strengths and weaknesses. No wonder we people end up with issues!
I also can understand honour and responsibility and would be confident in my ability to look after someone as well as the next organised person, despite having the organisational propensity of a sack of potatoes. I have a tendency to take responsibility, (though in my case, sexually and romantically I am sub.) I'd make a really terrible housewife, I forget my housework halfway through in favour of some important design or business idea which I might work on for sixteen hours flat. Routine or no routine, things get done.
And as a little note here, not all subs are the same; I don't seek security, the only security I seek from a Dom is the sort you can get from his love, honesty and his happiness in owning me. To be provided for or given security of any other nature than the emotional sort, would most likely ruin my self esteem.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Celeste43
Find a sub who has strong organizational skills. Have her set up your appointments and keep track of them.
Exactly - you can utilitse your sub's strengths to benefit both of you, as well as your own!
quote:
ORIGINAL: Celeste43
About it being a good skill for a CEO, absolutely. Makes them able to switch from one problem to another very quickly. The problem is getting to that position.
If my sources are correct, a relatively small percentage of people "have ADHD", but a significantly high percentage of successful people including many well known CEOs/Directors would qualify for a diagnosis. I've heard that people who could be diagnosed with ADHD are also 300% more likely to start their own company, eliminating the need to be get there by working for someone else. They're highly unlikely to work their way up through an existing company, and highly likely to take the risk and do it for themselves.
You sound like you'll make an excellent Dom -not only do you sound like you have many qualities which make a good Dom, you're not afraid to look at yourself honestly which means you'll be capable of constantly learning and growing as a person and becoming a better Dom.
Much more than I can say for some of the idiots I get emails from! :)
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RE: I'm an ADHD Dominant - 
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