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RE: When will they learn? - 1/1/2007 7:43:51 PM   
Zensee


Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline 		Well, I discontinued reading MDG's cut and paste because it was almost five screens of single spaced, 8 point text with no apparent relevence to the OP's point. Call me stupid or call me obtuse if you prefer twenty dollar words (adjusted for inflation).

There are two separate issues : witholding your age for reasons of privacy - lying about it in order to attract people. This thread is about the second one. So get over it already, man.


Z.


_____________________________

"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." (proverb)

(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: When will they learn? - 1/1/2007 7:44:57 PM   
HatesParisHilton


Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		yes, marieToo, but I'm not asking about whether or not it's allright in general.  I want to know a yes or no from the author like she wanted a direct statement of age from the person she conversed with, and see how the cards fall RE that one question to her in specific. 

But I agree with your point. 

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: When will they learn? - 1/1/2007 8:21:50 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mgdartist

But i didnt ask for another mudslinging character assessment, but in fact specifically requested that be foregone., and for you to explain to me why what im getting at is wrong, or why im wrong. As even tho I feel youre as pompous, condescending, and judgemental a person as ive yet met online, I'd listen to what you said, as you do seem intelligent, so mere mudslinging doesnt look good on you. And if you'd write something i could respect, I'd then not feel you'd just judged and left without invoking your intellect. But you said I had every right to feel as I do, then just indicated that by excercising it, I'd entitled you to be judgemental.
But i guess we're even now, and were i to choose between being alone and a sub of your calibre.....well theres little need to go there.


I don't believe I assessed your character; I gave you my opinion on your behavior in this one particular instance.   There was no judgement on your person... I did not declare you to be something like pompous or condescending.  I know nothing about your character and have only the vaguest of impressions of you based on your own writings.

I also don't feel that describing your behavior as obstinate, irrational, and even immature constitutes mudslinging.  I did not try to discredit you by making malicious charges against you.  Less than perfect reactions to a specific issue does not necessarily condemn a person's entire character.  Most of the time.

Nevertheless, since you asked me so politely, I'll ellaborate on why I chose those descriptors for the behavior you displayed.  I'm afraid that I do not care to dissect your entire conversation and monologue at this time; I hope that you'll find sufficient argumentative fuel in the reasons I do give.

Obstinate:  I rather think it is unnecessary to convince you that you were being stubborn; it is fairly clear that throughout your conversation you were completely unyeilding... to the point where you sacrificed a potential relationship, even if only one of friendship.  Few principles I would consider grave enough to warrant such action.

Irrational:  The sheer fact that you would continue a debate to the lengths that you did is completely illogical considering the gravity with which you apparently hold your principle.  A rational conversation for someone holding a belief as strongly as you do, might go something like this:

Sub:  How old are you anyway?
Dom:  I prefer not to say at this time.
Sub:  That's not fair.  Tell me.
Dom:  I'm sorry... it's my choice and I have my preferences for a reason.  If this is something that you cannot accept, then I'm afraid there's no point in further discussion.
Sub:  If you're not going to be honest with me, we can't be friends... that's not even fair.
Dom:  I do understand and I'm sorry. 

No arguing... no trying to justify your position... no allowing the conversation to degenerate into insults.  You make your bed, you lie in it... you don't try to go around trying to convince everyone it isn't such a bad bed.

Immature:  Yes, childish.  As in not typical behavior that one might expect from a man of your age.  I'm afraid that this particular opinion might also be colored by the fact that, in addition to feeling it necessary to post this conversation and subsequent challenge, over three months past this incident you are still defying people to prove that you are wrong.   This isn't even the first time you've brought this issue to these forums. 

Unless you've had more people agreeing with your position than it appears, the mature thing might be to consider that perhaps those who have expressed disapproval have a point.

(in reply to mgdartist)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: When will they learn? - 1/1/2007 8:33:55 PM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline 		I wonder what it is with some folks; are they reading every other word posted here or what? 
 
I said he POSTED his age as X in one spot...and his age as Y in another.  I asked this guy, after several weeks of mail-exchange and at the point when we were about to set a meeting date (and when I noticed this age discrepancy), WHICH age was correct; it was not the first question out of my mouth.  Again…it was not his age I had a problem with…it was the duplicity!!! 
 
As far as my ‘booty size’?  LOL   I have no idea what that means, but I have several current pictures of myself online; close-ups of my face and whole-body shots that should give you an idea of what I look like. 
 
As Mr. Hates states in his profile: “I'm very verbal and emotionally honest, but I only spend time on that with people whom are equally honest with me.  If someone tries to pull wool over my eyes, well, they won't be hearing much from me.”  …the same could be said for me…
 
PS, do people measure butts?
 
B

(in reply to HatesParisHilton)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: When will they learn? - 1/1/2007 8:41:24 PM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline 		Heyyyyyyyy…there’s a whole ‘nother thread goin’ on about just this kinda stuff….’cept the OP started it off much better than I apparently did!  …and there are many relevant answers I was looking for, too! 
 
See:  http://www.collarchat.com/m_750127/mpage_1key_/tm.htm
 
Awwwww… and I KNEW there was a reason I liked Focus…and for more than his pretty face.  What’s wrong with 6 inches?  Everyone knows six inches is this long:
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
 
right?
 
LOL, B

(in reply to MsBearlee)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: When will they learn? - 1/1/2007 8:42:16 PM   
HatesParisHilton


Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		MsBearlee, respectfully, I was not asking about your own booty size.  If you complain that some people are reading your own words less than carefully you must read theirs carefully.

I'm asking you that if you, as a female dominant, can be miffed at someone being less than honest over their age by any means, then do you feel it's alright for a male dom, interacting with a female sub, to be equally miffed if the female sub is as disengenuous about something important to the male dom?  Like booty shape/size?

Is what's good for the gose equally good for the gander RE honesty, full stop, yes or no?

and yes, people measure butts.  there is in fact a site named "40 inch plus butts" (no kidding).  and many others like it, many eros female stars have their ass-measurements listed on their sites/sections to entice male interest. Many boast "52 inches of (insert ass fetish adjective)".



< Message edited by HatesParisHilton -- 1/1/2007 8:46:41 PM >

(in reply to MsBearlee)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: When will they learn? - 1/1/2007 8:44:48 PM   
Zensee


Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsBearlee

PS, do people measure butts?
 


I do. My standard of measurement is the canewelt though I can usually get a good, fast estimate using hand-spans.

Z.


_____________________________

"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." (proverb)

(in reply to MsBearlee)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: When will they learn? - 1/1/2007 9:25:29 PM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline 		Okay, Hates, it was this sentence of yours that threw me: "I want to know a yes or no from the author like she wanted a direct statement of age from the person she conversed with, and see how the cards fall RE that one question to her in specific."
 
However, regarding your question "Is what's good for the gose equally good for the gander RE honesty, full stop, yes or no?"  I would agree, honesty is always best and my feelings are that either party, male or female, Dom or sub, has a right to ask questions and expect honest answers.
 
Now...would I interrogate another about their age right off the bat?  No.  Again, this came up because the man was posting different ages in different places.  We had been talking for quite awhile and were about to set up a meeting, when I discovered this.  It was HE who actually broke off the conversation; complaining I was too hooked on 'time'. 
 
I think some specifics are not really made for profiles (interest in rimming might be one).  I like the idea of exchanging mail to get to know someone; it’s like gradually opening up a present, isn’t it?  However, by the time we are planning to meet, I expect to know marital status, age, height, body-type, if they smoke, general health and interests…both BDSM and otherwise.   And I will share the same kind of information…including the fact that I want to loose 30#.
 
Did I answer your question?
Beverly
 
PS… Zensee…that was priceless!     LMAO

(in reply to HatesParisHilton)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: When will they learn? - 1/1/2007 9:27:39 PM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline 		Okay, Hates, it was this sentence of yours that threw me: "I want to know a yes or no from the author like she wanted a direct statement of age from the person she conversed with, and see how the cards fall RE that one question to her in specific."
 
However, regarding your question "Is what's good for the gose equally good for the gander RE honesty, full stop, yes or no?"  I would agree, honesty is always best and my feelings are that either party, male or female, Dom or sub, has a right to ask questions and expect honest answers.  Specifically; Yes!  I feel a male Dom has the equal right to be miffed if a fem sub is disengenuous about anything!
 
Now...would I interrogate another about their age right off the bat?  No.  Again, this came up because the man was posting different ages in different places.  We had been talking for quite awhile and were about to set up a meeting, when this came up.  It was HE who actually broke off the conversation; complaining I was too hooked on time. 
 
I think some specifics are not really made for profiles (interest in rimming might be one).  I like the idea of exchanging mail to get to know someone; it’s like gradually opening up a present, isn’t it?  However, by the time we are planning to meet, I expect to know marital status, age, height, body-type, if they smoke, and interests…both BDSM and otherwise.   And I will share the same kind of information…including the fact that I want to loose 30#.
 
Did I answer your question?
Beverly

PS… Zensee…that was priceless!     LMAO


< Message edited by MsBearlee -- 1/1/2007 9:30:06 PM >

(in reply to HatesParisHilton)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: When will they learn? - 1/1/2007 9:40:06 PM   
HatesParisHilton


Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		yes, that was answered very well and completely, thanks. 

as for rimming I think that should be an option in profiles.  Personally I consider rimming to be a dominant act (at least the way *I* do it, wink).  I think a general "assplay" category is too general.  I love these boards and collarme in general but I also appreciate the specifics that b.com and alt offer, it's too bad they don't allow people to contact each other freely (which sucks).

if your current pic is accurate, would losing 30lbs be healthy?  you don't look that big.

"However, by the time we are planning to meet, I expect to know marital status, age, height, body-type, if they smoke, and interests…both BDSM and otherwise. "
 
in essence I agree, but I just don't believe anything much until an r/l meeting anyway.  I'm not being jaded, it's just that I've met more than 10 people from various sites (half of the sites non-kink and/or non sexual) and I've found it doesn't matter much.  I'd be much more upset if I found out they weren't into being spanked/enjoying assplay, that they were just "exploring it", than if they said they were 30 and ended up being 45.
 
Then again I tend to date olderwomen anyway so that's easy for ME to say, lol.
\
IN fact someone messaged me and I just changed my profile to state that I'm happy withwomen between 25-55 (depending on "things"), happiest with 30-55.  Because the profiles don't really make such things clear.

(in reply to MsBearlee)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: When will they learn? - 1/1/2007 11:26:39 PM   
KeirasSecret


Posts: 415
Joined: 8/17/2006
From: central NH
Status: offline 		MsBearlee,

As to your question “When will they learn???” probably never.

One of the reasons people lie about such things, is because they are afraid an honest answer will lead to them not even getting a chance to prove what a great person they are, and they are hoping that if and when the truth is found out the person they have lied to, will like them so much the will be able to over look it. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t.

Mgdartist,

As a friend, age is not an issue for me. When it comes to more in depth relationships it does become important, to a point. At one time I preferred to stay within 5yrs of either side of my age. I did this because it was easier to find someone with simular interests in the outside world as me. I have recently expanded that to 8 yrs, but it is not a set limit.

The reasons I would ask are, like some have said; I would not want to be with someone of an age that would make me feel like I could be their mother and I believe being with someone too far in the other direction would only bring back some bad memories from my childhood.

Interesting little story: I hadn’t asked my Dom how old he was; I assumed what was in his profile was accurate; my bad. Not too long ago the topic of age came up in reference to something other then our own ages, at which point I had told him someone else was probably too old for me because they were past the 8 yr mark. The way my Dom was inquiring about my decision made me wonder if I had been mistaken about his age, so I asked. I was told I had to wait until he got back from a trip he was taking to discuss it. It took me all of two seconds to realize his actual age did not matter to me, as I already knew he was what I wanted, regardless of his age.

I can certainly understand why someone would not want to give an age if they thought it would most likely disqualify them for no reason other then age itself. I also think that when someone withholds information, it often makes the person they are withholding from think there is more reason for it then what might actually be.

Be well,

_____________________________

It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

If the truth hurts, change it!

(in reply to MsBearlee)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: When will they learn? - 1/2/2007 1:52:10 AM   
mgdartist


Posts: 328
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: irving tx
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Zensee

Well, I discontinued reading MDG's cut and paste because it was almost five screens of single spaced, 8 point text with no apparent relevence to the OP's point. Call me stupid or call me obtuse if you prefer twenty dollar words (adjusted for inflation).

There are two separate issues : witholding your age for reasons of privacy - lying about it in order to attract people. This thread is about the second one. So get over it already, man.


Z.



hehe, hey ole buddy, hows life in the cold place?
you kiddin'? know damn well youre not stupid or obtuse from last time we danced...jeez. Hate gettin my butt kicked in any arguement, especially with a canuck, but no way I can honestly think I won that one. respect.
no I just think youre a guy who don't know how to use the "ctrl and + or- key" to enlarge or shrink the text...give it a try, works great in IE or firefox.

gotta be able to read my tiny type if your gonna kick my butt again...fairs fair....lol.


_____________________________



(in reply to Zensee)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: When will they learn? - 1/2/2007 2:23:41 AM   
mgdartist


Posts: 328
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: irving tx
Status: offline 		OK, guess I gotta clean it up. All my profile stats now read true and correct, with a few additional thrown in for you number crunchers.
Still say all your fickin categorical math don't add up to shit,  Neither does half of this drivel. From what I've seen in this world, nice guys finish last, and honest guys 2nd to last. Don't believe in karmha, didn't really lie, but was guilty of ommitting i suppose, but my opinion of lies remains (now more than ever) this:

Who the fuck are they, that I should bother to lie to them?

thanks for reaffirming it.


_____________________________



(in reply to mgdartist)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: When will they learn? - 1/2/2007 3:01:59 AM   
Zensee


Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline 		I don't do the great white north thing, MGD. I live in the Florida of Canada, man! We are too west coast to go looking for butt to kick but if there's one just hanging out there it's got temptation written all over it...

And if I boost the text size that rant will be10 pages - I just can't win. You make me sound so mean. I'm just trying to keep you out of trouble.


Z.





_____________________________

"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." (proverb)

(in reply to mgdartist)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: When will they learn? - 1/2/2007 3:07:10 AM   
delawareman


Posts: 12
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline 		I have a strict policy on honesty. Whether I'm at a party or on Collarme, I never lie about anything, including age. MGDartist man, you gotta calm down! I'm sure I've had many more disappointments over my age than you will. I am a young Dom and many people judge me immediately by my age. I don't think this is fair, but I don't see it as a reason to go around telling people I am older than I am. A key part in any relationship is honesty and, IMO, openness. I don't think it's very prudent to start a relationship (even online) without those.

(in reply to mgdartist)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: When will they learn? - 1/2/2007 3:22:04 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I just read this entire thread (whew!).  Well, we all have our preferences and our "rights".  I think Bearlee's initial point (that she wanted to clear up a discrepancy) got buried.  In her shoes, I'd prolly ask the same thing.  If he told me "somewhere inbetween the two ages", I'd prolly be ok with that, but I would wonder why he had posted two different ages and his refusal to tell me why could be a poof point for me.

Part of the problem may be that, yes, you do need to supply an age for a profile.  If "age" or rather, not disclosing your age, is one of your "rights", then put a ridiculous age; however, know that you may fall outside search parameters.  I had someone contact me that had one age in his profile but another in the narrative portion of his profile and he explained that he did that because, in his opinion, there was a cut off age and he felt he fell outside that age.  Made sense to me.

(in reply to mgdartist)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: When will they learn? - 1/2/2007 5:00:21 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mgdartist

Who the fuck are they, that I should bother to lie to them?



I love this quote. 


_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to mgdartist)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: When will they learn? - 1/2/2007 5:01:39 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsBearlee

 
I think some specifics are not really made for profiles (interest in rimming might be one).  I like the idea of exchanging mail to get to know someone; it’s like gradually opening up a present, isn’t it?  However, by the time we are planning to meet, I expect to know marital status, age, height, body-type, if they smoke, and interests…both BDSM and otherwise.   And I will share the same kind of information…including the fact that I want to loose 30#.
 


I would agree with this. I think it's pretty reasonable.

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to MsBearlee)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: When will they learn? - 1/2/2007 5:52:01 AM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

I just read this entire thread (whew!).  Well, we all have our preferences and our "rights".  I think Bearlee's initial point (that she wanted to clear up a discrepancy) got buried.  In her shoes, I'd prolly ask the same thing.  If he told me "somewhere inbetween the two ages", I'd prolly be ok with that, but I would wonder why he had posted two different ages and his refusal to tell me why could be a poof point for me.         .../quote]

Yup, that's what happened and when I asked him about it,  he said he'd taken some test that insured his 'real' age was the higher of the numbers he'd listed.  Now, you GOTTA know, a guy over 50 is gonna opt for a 'lower' number given the opportunity, right?  So...by default, I knew he was neither 55 or 62 (or whatever the numbers were), but older.  And, I'm thinking he'd have copped to it if it were just a couple years, right?  Still, he would rather not say and ended the relationship, instead.  Odd, huh?  Well, maybe not in that he kept missspelling the name he said was his.  <shrugs>  B

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: When will they learn? - 1/2/2007 5:58:24 AM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Zensee
...
And if I boost the text size that rant will be10 pages - I just can't win. You make me sound so mean. I'm just trying to keep you out of trouble. 


Hey, Z...that whole 'enlarge type' thing can also be done from the menu.  Go to 'View', choose 'Text Size'.........but it ONLY changes the text on YOUR monitor...not at the server.  (nobody else knows.......but know, it WILL affect how things print!  You can use lotsa paper...by accident!)  

Thanks MGD...I wasn't aware of the 'short cuts' because I was more familiar with IE (which doesn't offer 'em). 
B

(in reply to Zensee)
Profile   Post #: 60
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