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RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 11:01:52 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave
... I just want to be held but what do you do when the person you want to hold you is the very person that caused that need??

Decide if you can accept the cause... Decide if you can let go of the cause... if you can't ... it will always be between you and him.

If it is going to stay between you.... then you can count on the relationship being doomed...

If you can decide that the cause can be accepted and that you can let it go... then bring the issue to him.. and together the two of you can work it out and he can help accept and let it go.

WARNING.... Don't bring it to him... Expecting that you will change him!... That is an emotional trap that you will likely cause more problems.

I know that I can exept what heppend. I know Master is human I know he will do things that will hurt me without doing it on perpose but that doesnt take away the hurt. I can exept what happend and I can talk to him... but I dont think I can do that now I dont think I can have a coherent convo about it I know I wont remain level headed because I am emotionaly charged at the moment... I really just need to be held and I really need to feel alright with Master again.. and that cant happen untill I can talk to him ((sigh))

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 21

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 11:01:52 AM

kishasub

Posts: 49
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline

Just a suggestion and i hope i'm not speaking out of turn but do you keep a journal? if so could you maybe write your thoughts in there for him to read and a chance for you to let your feelings out, i'm not sure about you but if i need to tell ML something and i do my usual habit of clamming up i find writing it down helps then she can read it and then we can talk it through.
We went to my first BDSM event in the summer and i was totally ovawhelmed i hate going to places where i dont know anyone i really cant strike up a conversation with strangers but ML stayed close and if she needed to go someplace she ensured i had someone she knew and trusted to stay with me so i'd not feel swamped by bad feelings, i'm sorry your having a tough time atm and i hope you both can get thro this, i've read a lot of your post and yourself and your Master seem very close.
I wish you both well and again i apologise if i've spoke out of turn

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 22

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 11:03:08 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BDSM05478

I hate to say it but after reading his profile I think you have other things you might need to take into consideration... just my .02

what might that be??

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to BDSM05478)

Post #: 23

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 11:04:07 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

He's looking for a monogamous relationship with a switch.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 24

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 11:07:11 AM

untamedshysub

Posts: 220
Joined: 2/26/2005
Status: offline

you have to give yourself comfort. You have to be able to take care of yourself before you can give you to someone else. We all have faults and weak spots. So you found out he was human and what shall you do about it?

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 25

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 11:08:11 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BDSM05478

I hate to say it but after reading his profile I think you have other things you might need to take into consideration... just my .02

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

He's looking for a monogamous relationship with a switch.

and ...well...you are not mentioned....you always talk fondly of him....for months now....why would he not change is profile to at least mention he has a slave?

either M/s does not mean very much to him.....or worse.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 26

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 11:08:16 AM

MsLayla

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Sweden/Belgium
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BDSM05478

I hate to say it but after reading his profile I think you have other things you might need to take into consideration... just my .02

Seems like it indeed...

_____________________________

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

(in reply to BDSM05478)

Post #: 27

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 11:09:26 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

He's looking for a monogamous relationship with a switch.

I know his profile well he hasnt changed it since he sighned up here he doesnt check it much at all I know what he is looking for it was all something I expeted befor we collard and really that isnt the issue here. He hasnt even been on long enough to put me in the profile and that is something we have talked about again not an issue.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 28

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 11:09:54 AM

adaddysgirl

Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline

Well MS, you know you're going to have to talk to him about it sooner or later, right? Maybe if you can't talk right now, writing it to him (as someone else also suggested) might help. i know it has for me in the past. Either way, it's got to come out at some point. How long do you want to wait? i feel for ya....

DG

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 29

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 11:12:59 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear MagiksSlave, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In every relationship that I have known about and mainly experienced, there will be times when we're mad at one another over something. It is natural and it is important to trust each other enough to communicate what is stuck like a burr in a blanket.

Nobody is a mind reader. Sometimes things are really done and the cause and effects aren't realized unless it is brought to our attention.
Minds can be distracted and caught up in a different situation which those we trust, we don't worry about as we're mingling in a newer crowd of strangers. At times, I've been pulled here and there and so fast, that my slave became detached from me for a few moments. Especially by those who don't practice protocol--don't know how upsetting it was for me as well as my slave. I felt like meat being fought over by a bunch of buzzards.

Communication lass, is highly recommended.

Good luck to you sweet lass.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 30

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 11:16:49 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

quote:

Just a suggestion and i hope i'm not speaking out of turn but do you keep a journal? if so could you maybe write your thoughts in there for him to read and a chance for you to let your feelings out, i'm not sure about you but if i need to tell ML something and i do my usual habit of clamming up i find writing it down helps then she can read it and then we can talk it through.
We went to my first BDSM event in the summer and i was totally ovawhelmed i hate going to places where i dont know anyone i really cant strike up a conversation with strangers but ML stayed close and if she needed to go someplace she ensured i had someone she knew and trusted to stay with me so i'd not feel swamped by bad feelings, i'm sorry your having a tough time atm and i hope you both can get thro this, i've read a lot of your post and yourself and your Master seem very close.

I wish you both well and again i apologise if i've spoke out of turn

[mini rant and hijack]...

i just read your whole post great advice, no insults. so i was surprised to hear you appologize and i am sorry to be coming down on you like this but i need to get this off my chest.

your turn is your turn there is no number system this is not the DMV...but you know that, i know you do....you are just being polite...but why and when is it polite to appologize for having opinions and sugestions...and why would you have to apologize for having a voice and a point of view.

i know i am ranting and all but it really irks me to see women apologize for having thoughts and opinions.

maybe in some universe that is sexy...i dont know never been to Gor...but to me its just....ill shut up now.

ps welcome to the fora...

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 1/1/2007 11:28:20 AM >

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 31

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 11:25:50 AM

findmedaddy

Posts: 254
Joined: 5/18/2006
From: Maine
Status: offline

No offense intended, but the two of you are very very young. This stuff happens and keeps happening. Talk it over and move in one direction or another, and if you're able to make that the pattern for your life you'll have learned more than 99.9 percent of us did, at your age or any age.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 32

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 11:54:34 AM

gypsyssoul

Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Balti., Maryland, living in Summerville SC
Status: offline

Without a clue as to 'what else' happened

that seemed to bother you ....

i feel we are left to wonder .. was perhaps it part of that switch

side of his coming out that you 'saw' ..

the cleaning you did ... in a service oriented structure makes me wonder if

in that you still felt a part of 'him'

if it was your way to stay connected ..

i agree

the communication ... is the only answer

voice your feelings hun

best of luck

~~blessings

_____________________________

~~"I have always sought this other side, but like a flame I dare not touch, For like forbidden fruits of wild .. just one taste would be to much"...
~~ blessed be

(in reply to findmedaddy)

Post #: 33

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 12:32:58 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

He hasnt even been on long enough to put me in the profile

Do you mean hasn't been on long enough on Collarme site? because he's been around 5 months
or do you mean- long enough time online? cus well - typing
I have a slave she goes by the name of MagiksSlave
took me seconds.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 34

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 12:51:36 PM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

And it says he was just on an hour ago..so obviously someone is checking into his account.

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 35

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 12:53:18 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsyssoul

Without a clue as to 'what else' happened
that seemed to bother you ....
i feel we are left to wonder .. was perhaps it part of that switch
side of his coming out that you 'saw' ..
the cleaning you did ... in a service oriented structure makes me wonder if
in that you still felt a part of 'him'
if it was your way to stay connected ..
i agree
the communication ... is the only answer
voice your feelings hun
best of luck
~~blessings

No it had nothing to do with his switch side.. i have seen his sub side come out befor and that doesnt bother me in the least. It had nothing to do with that at all.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to gypsyssoul)

Post #: 36

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 12:55:09 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

((sigh)) I dont wish to argue at all about Masters profile. He doesnt wish to put me in it that is up to him it isnt for me to say anthing about. We have talked about it and he doesnt feel a need to change it as Master that is his porogative however that is not what this thread was started for.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 37

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 1:20:05 PM

gretchenS

Posts: 237
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

I'm going to say something out of experience here. I didn't read all the replies, so if I say something that doesn't quite fit, I'm sorry in advance, but might be worth to consider reading.

In my opinion, he wasn't being cold at you just because he was trying to mingle with his friends. He probably just missed that party interaction, where you get to talk to other people and you get to see your friends. I know my dominant kinda forgets about me for a while when we go out, that doesn't mean I'm gonna chase him around instead of trying to know someone interesting by my self on my part.

This is my advice... get this "splinter out of your finger" by telling him how you feel about that night, and the issue concerning your new point of view about him. Also, the next time you two are out on a social event like this one, drink at least three glasses of beer (or whatever breverage you can stand) and loose yourself a little. Talk to the gilrs about cleaning, talk to some guy about travel... school... people... whatever topic even if it's boring... You will find that time flys away, and a few minutes later he might hug you by behind, because he wants to show the rest that you are with him, without you even wanting the hug stuff because you are too busy talking to Timmy about bbq potatoe chips...

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 38

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 1:28:57 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Well Master wanst letting me drink... He even made sure to let the host know about that because when Master had given me the last few sips of his beer to finish the host saw and actually said to me that he thought I wasnt going to be drinking I dont know that kinda erked me a little dunno why.. funny thing is for the most part I really did have a nice time but at the end of the night I guess that cansaled out because all I wanted to do was cry.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to gretchenS)

Post #: 39

RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 1:41:16 PM

MmakeMme

Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline

This hasn't been covered here yet, so let me point out something my therapist pointed out to me.

Just because He did something that made you see Him in a whole different light does NOT mean He is a different person. He is just not the person you made Him to be in your mind (and I realize this may be with His help in building this image of Him). He has always been the person He is now - it is merely your perception that has changed.

I am so sorry you're hurting. I've been there and know how it feels. Please feel free to shout at me if you need a shoulder. ~friendly hug~

_____________________________

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

(in reply to BDSM05478)

Post #: 40

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