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RE: Telling your parents - 1/1/2007 8:32:15 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
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Strangely enough, my mother always told me I needed a strong man to 'put me in my place' and settle me down. I guess I took it to heart. ;)

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 21

RE: Telling your parents - 1/1/2007 8:47:14 PM

synrgy33

Posts: 61
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

I remember when I sat down with my parents and told them about my choices. I was going through a divorce and I wanted them to hear about what was going on in my life through ME not through my ex. I knew that my ex would make it all nasty and dirty so I wanted to prepare them. They sat and listened for calmly, then my mom looked at my dad, my dad looked at her handed her her glass and said "Would you get me another Dr Pepper." She smiled kissed him, got up and went to get him a Dr Pepper. UM HELLO?!?!?!?! And they wondered why I became submissive? As soon as my mother walked out of the room my dad leaned towards me and said "So are you going to teach me to tie knots so I can tie up your mom?" After I stopped laughing so hard I just smiled and said "um sure"

My mom had a really hard time with it for a very long time. When the discussion got brought up to my brothers and my sister.. it was weird. I'm the youngest of four. My oldest brother drug me aside and said "I should tell you about the clubs in DC... way to go sis". My other brother said "well, I love you regardless, and I always knew you were weird". Then my sister.. wells he's the only one NOT accepting but that's her malfunction not mine.

It's not easy. My parents asked a bunch of questions, nodded listened, asked some more. Over the years they decided that the less they asked the less information I gave them. LOL. My mom tended to get more then she bargained for. Recently over Christmas my mom and I talked about me Switching even. She was like "See that's how I always saw you anyways", lol. I think she finially understands. My dad is just a perv and gets a kick out of it.

Syn~

_____________________________

"You have to get past the pleasure stage, until you reach the stage of tears.Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses." -:Allophones Karr:-

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 22

RE: Telling your parents - 1/1/2007 8:59:06 PM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline

When my husband and I moved this last time, we decided it was easier to have only 'kinky' friends. Makes life so much simpler. Family on the other hand......well, the kids have pretty much figured out something is going on - especially my son. At his last visit he told me that he just wasn't into 'that S&M stuff'. Nuff said, I didn't pursue it.
I would like to tell my sister, but I know from experience that she would end up telling my mother. I don't want my mother to know simply because I think it would upset her too much for no good reason. She lives about 500 miles away so it's not like she's going to just pop in and catch one of us in the act.
The really odd thing is that my father was EXTREMELY overbearing and controlling with a terrible temper....far worse than any dom would be. You would think she would understand, but I know from our many conversations that she is very old fashioned and naive. To find out that her daughter is a Dominatrix would just be too much for her to handle and it would not only change her thoughts about me, but my husband (a dominant also) as well. Just not going there.
I do wish the OP good luck with her situation. Really wish I could offer something constructive.
Mistress Scarlet

< Message edited by MstrssScarlet -- 1/1/2007 9:01:09 PM >

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 23

RE: Telling your parents - 1/1/2007 9:04:05 PM

Presidentialwhor

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

suppose i tell her i am the one that beat the Men...(lol lol lol)....however, i really do appreciate the stories. i know she is going to bring up the topic and i am just going to tell her that "it was something that my boyfriend and i were thinking of pursuing however after talking with you and then talking to him we decided not to do it. and because i was drunk, i kind of took it further than i should have". hope that will do some DC (Damage Control).

(in reply to MstrssScarlet)

Post #: 24

RE: Telling your parents - 1/1/2007 10:07:13 PM

darksdesire

Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

I will never tell my family or friends. On the one hand, I justify the not telling by thinking of it as my bedroom choices are not something I would share with anyone, but of course, our dynamic extends beyond the bedroom and into everyday life. There are times when I experience that frustration of having to keep it a secret. We often find ourselves having to be very conscious of the way we speak to each other when we are around vanillas...for example, I need to be careful about openly asking for permission to have a glass of wine, or other things. That does get tiring and it would be nice to just be able to be who we are and not hold that back. I do understand your desire to tell your mother and applaud your efforts. I am not so brave because frankly, I just don't want to deal with the exact response you've received.

(in reply to Presidentialwhor)

Post #: 25

RE: Telling your parents - 1/1/2007 10:12:44 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

i am open to my family members about the fact that i am submissive, but i also have some discretion. for example, i'll be honest with my aunt that my partner holds the power in our relationship, but i'll stop at telling her that the necklace he gave me for christmas is a new collar, or that he beats me just about every time we have sex. :P my sister and i are comfortable sharing sexual details, though, so she knows my bedroom romps are less than 'nilla. my mother and father, before they passed away, knew i was submissive in relationships but also did not know how far or in what directions that extended.

i see my submissiveness as something that's a relationship dynamic that extends into the bedroom, but my descriptions may not extend that far. many relationships are that way, especially more traditional ones, and it doesn't necessarily make it kinky. my previous dominant's mother loved that about me, because she is very southern baptist and thinks that a wife should be submissive to her husband. i think it's a matter of making sure that you are framing it in a way that's more easily digestible to the person you're telling, and making sure you're not telling too much. i applaud anyone who shares something so personal with their parents...i'm sorry to the op that they are not taking it well, but i wish you luck. sometimes parents can be misguided or overprotective in their love. maybe as they spend more time around you and your partner they will understand that he doesn't treat you badly.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 1/1/2007 10:14:36 PM >

(in reply to darksdesire)

Post #: 26

RE: Telling your parents - 1/1/2007 10:23:28 PM

Presidentialwhor

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

i never told her what goes on...she is going by stereotypes...i dont believe i would ever tell her that i get beat during sex. as a matter of fact, i told her that we have never even had a sexual encounter. its funny how one sided she is making it though, like women are victims...what she doesn't know is that some Women play the top role. thats my mom and i love her but that is ignorance at its best. however, i am going to try my damage control method...and then after that....i am definitely going to drop it.

i can't wait until May 2007 when i GET OUT of her house.

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 27

RE: Telling your parents - 1/1/2007 10:46:41 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

There are a lot of jokes and joking around in my family, so topics like this do come up from time to time. However, I generally handle it by laughing a lot and changing the subject. "oh yea dad! Like that cat that Uncle Pete used to hang on the wall?" and then we go off in another direction.

They DO know that I like men with very strong personalities. We have family stories about how my grandfather reduced my grandmother to tears when they were first married because she didn't know what to do with a chicken (with the feathers and all - that's how they came back then) in order to have it for dinner. He just sat and watched her cry. And then, he asked if she was asking him what she should do. When she just nodded, he finally showed her. It set the tone for their entire marriage. When this story came up, I was laughing, saying "Now, see...that's the kind of man I want!!!" and my mother and sister were fuming. It made things abundantly clear to all of them without me having to get into the SM side of things. Course, we laugh about spanking too, so I don't know. I just know I never say "I do those things and it's fun."

On the other hand, when dad was saying he was my mom's sexetary the other day, my comment was "now there's a job where laying down on the job is part of the job description!!" He kept it going...said "yea...over the desk" I said "Countertops!" He said "table!!!" I said "Dining room table...that's what makes family dinners fun - cause YOU know what you were doing there!!" And that did it...he started laughing and couldn't stop...

We have that kind of relationship. Even so, I think he'd be far too worried about me to just laugh off spankings and floggings and whips and the like..so clarity about my life is less important than comfort about his daughter in his.

juliet

(in reply to Presidentialwhor)

Post #: 28

RE: Telling your parents - 1/1/2007 11:30:28 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

.what my parents do not know wont hurt them...they need not have any worries at this stage of their lives concerning their adult daughter..why create worries upon your parents if you are an adult..they need not know every aspect of my life, it is unnecessary IMO...Tempting

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 29

RE: Telling your parents - 1/2/2007 6:17:42 AM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

.what my parents do not know wont hurt them...they need not have any worries at this stage of their lives concerning their adult daughter..why create worries upon your parents if you are an adult..they need not know every aspect of my life, it is unnecessary IMO...Tempting

Much is to be said in the wisdom of discretion. Sometimes, we set ourselves up for grief in seeking validation from others. I totally agree with revealing parts of one's life on a need-to-know basis. It's all about self-validation and self-acceptance.

LBO

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 30

RE: Telling your parents - 1/2/2007 6:45:43 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

If you are living with her, or dependent upon her economically then you put up with it. If you are on your own, you now get to act like an adult and draw boundaries. "Mom, I'm not comfortable discussing my sex life with you. I'll talk to you next week" click and hang up, repeat word for word as needed. You do focus your conversations on how well loved you are, how respectful he is as a partner etc.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 31

RE: Telling your parents - 1/2/2007 7:47:20 AM

afeathr

Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline

I feel for you - more than you know.

I have worked very hard to keep my lifestyle under wraps from my parents. My dad would probably love it, but my mother would absolutely freak. She does know that we have a "strict" relationship, but she has no clue what is entailed. Her negativity and worry would kill me as we already have problems with that (we live 2500 miles apart and she is *constantly* worried that something bad is going to happen - and bugs the crap out of me about it - it's truly excessive).

My advice would be to never talk about it again. If she brings it up, skirt the issue. When she sees that you are not hurt, abused or sad about the relationship, she will calm down. Take it from me, that's the route I always take when I make the mistake of telling my mother something that puts her over the edge.

_____________________________

afeathr

-Going where the wind blows me...

(in reply to Presidentialwhor)

Post #: 32

RE: Telling your parents - 1/2/2007 7:52:33 AM

afeathr

Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Presidentialwhor

suppose i tell her i am the one that beat the Men...(lol lol lol)....however, i really do appreciate the stories. i know she is going to bring up the topic and i am just going to tell her that "it was something that my boyfriend and i were thinking of pursuing however after talking with you and then talking to him we decided not to do it. and because i was drunk, i kind of took it further than i should have". hope that will do some DC (Damage Control).

I wouldn't do that.

You would then by lying to her, and if she found out that you lied she would be hurt and things would get weird. Better to just not say anything at all. If the conversation comes up, just politely say "I don't want to talk about it," and leave it at that. Lying will only makes things worse.

You were honest with her, no matter what your status at the time, and honesty is sometimes difficult for people to handle. Live your life, show her you are happy and well-adjusted and things will work out. The problem is that "the lifestyle" has a very negative connotation in the 'nilla world. The only way to change that is to show how we really are-- happy, fulfilled, satisfied individuals that ENJOY our lives.

_____________________________

afeathr

-Going where the wind blows me...

(in reply to Presidentialwhor)

Post #: 33

RE: Telling your parents - 1/2/2007 7:55:51 AM

LordVelvet

Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

My mother knows and My step-father I think has a clue. I have a very large bondage tatoo on MY ribs and one day he asked about it. I said " Don't ask questions that you aren't prepared for the answers of " He said nevermind.

(in reply to afeathr)

Post #: 34

RE: Telling your parents - 1/2/2007 8:33:24 AM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

Sure i told my mother - before i met my Master.... her inital concern was "he's not a sadomasochist"

While she doesnt agree with my choice, or support and cant find anything postive about it - doesnt make a diddly.

She'll say something negative and depending on my mood - i'll have something equally unpleasant to snap back at her and shut her up or i'll shrug and walk away. Generally i just walk away.

Who cares what she thinks? Its not like i'm asking her to join in. I live my life my way, not by her ways, her right or wrong, her good or bad. I've long since understood that we are on opposites of the fence alot.

sometimes you just have to agree to disagree.

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to LordVelvet)

Post #: 35

RE: Telling your parents - 1/2/2007 8:47:57 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Hi Mom! Hi Dad! I fuck!

Just like how you had me.....

Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 36

RE: Telling your parents - 1/2/2007 2:52:32 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

To the OP your mother only heard the bad stories about the lifestyle. BDSM always is shown in a bad light i don't know why(it is misunderstood). Do you think maybe you can get her to read something about it to help her understand the life you chose?

Matt's littleone

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 37

RE: Telling your parents - 1/2/2007 3:02:45 PM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

I still believe the stork brought me or I was hatched on a rock in the sun...either way I don't concern myself with my parents sex life and they have never inquired about mine.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 38

RE: Telling your parents - 1/2/2007 3:16:59 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

I still believe the stork brought me or I was hatched on a rock in the sun...either way I don't concern myself with my parents sex life and they have never inquired about mine.

Reminds me of my adult daughter and I, we have this thing we do to each other.......... sticking our fingers in our ears, close our eyes, and loudly say "LA LA LA LA LA!!!" That is the other ones cue for TMI. Of course we then go on to say it anyway, but that's just us.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to BeingChewsie)

Post #: 39

RE: Telling your parents - 1/2/2007 3:19:42 PM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

My family will never know about my lifestyle. I prefer it that way. They would not understand so why bother.

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 40

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