quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

Now, the other point...several people have talked, including pixel, about just ignoring the rude ones, the curious georges, etc...ok, great advice...how does one do that? I mean, have other people found some way to simply not get frustrated with time-wasters, wankers etc? If so, what is your technique? I'm not trying to be flip, I am seriously interested in learning this skill as I obviously do not have it. And, I must caution you, please don't tell me to just put on a happy face. I'm from NYC...more specifically, from Brooklyn, even more specifically, from da hood. (And no, I'm not suggesting that all New Yorkers are these mean, hardened so-and-so's) I would not classify myself as a grump by a long-shot, but I also don't live in the Merry ole Land of Oz, and wouldn't want to. I'm just saying, I consider myself to be reality-based. And I'm seeking a reality-based method by which I can let some of this stuff, how did pixel put it? "act like a duck and just let it roll off your back." Fascinating.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

Now, let me jump back to pixel: I have considered what you've said and I first of all want to point out that the "negativity," you refer to is in my journal entries, not in my profile proper. And those journal entries were used for simple ventilation...folks use their journals for all kinds of reasons and I don't think my usage of it is much different from most. Also, those entries were very experience-specific and certainly not directed at anyone who is truly sincere. Still, I do understand your point - you are addressing it's power to positively attract others...I do get it.

- snip -

Now, the other point...several people have talked, including pixel, about just ignoring the rude ones, the curious georges, etc...ok, great advice...how does one do that? I mean, have other people found some way to simply not get frustrated with time-wasters, wankers etc? If so, what is your technique? I'm not trying to be flip, I am seriously interested in learning this skill as I obviously do not have it. And, I must caution you, please don't tell me to just put on a happy face. I'm from NYC...more specifically, from Brooklyn, even more specifically, from da hood. (And no, I'm not suggesting that all New Yorkers are these mean, hardened so-and-so's) I would not classify myself as a grump by a long-shot, but I also don't live in the Merry ole Land of Oz, and wouldn't want to. I'm just saying, I consider myself to be reality-based. And I'm seeking a reality-based method by which I can let some of this stuff, how did pixel put it? "act like a duck and just let it roll off your back." Fascinating.

Oh and MzMia - thanks for the support but as I stated, I believe pixel was referring to my journal, not the profile itself.

Hi MNN!
Actually I was referring to both your profile and your journal.  Your journal is definitely more negative than your profile.  Its my opinion that both could use some positive reinforcement.  Let me also add that your profile is FAR more positive than many I have seen here on CM!   I wanted to make that point as yours is clearly NOT a poster child example of all that I was referring to!  However, even your profile uses many (sic) "DO NOT", "NO This" or "NO that" throughout it, which could be restated in some kind of positive manner or simply omitted.  No disrespect intended, but even your profile name is not exactly inspiring in that it contains "NoName".  A sub wants a Mistress who is creative and you can't even seem to come up with a name.   Not to sound harsh, but what does that say to subs about your ability to be creative when it comes to other things?  If you want a worthy sub who might even be "the best", are you offering the same?   If so, then your profile needs to reflect it, just as a commercial for an auto or some other product you might see on TV needs to do the same in 30 seconds.  Do they spend time telling consumers who qualifies to "buy" their products in the time they have to highlight all the great features they have to offer?  Do they begin with what they think is the worst of their features or what they failed at when they were designed?  I hope you see my point as a person's profile and their journal is their chance to tell what they have to offer a sub (or Domme as the case may be) of their dreams.   And for the record, I consider my profile to be far from perfect too (the latter being something which describes me to a "T")!

On to other things...  You've asked how people learn to ignore the frustrating posts from those who don't meet your expectations, anger you, or are outright offensive.  The analogy which I had used, was shortened in my post, but actually goes like this: "Be like a duck and just let the water roll off your back."  That's something of a Zen-like saying, meaning not to allow yourself to internalize something or to take it personally.  The post is a reflection of the sender, not of you.  If you take it personally, you give power to it.  But as you've noted, not doing that is easier said than done.

At the root of what we're really talking about is anger/stress management and letting go of things which "cause you to feel angry".  No person or any event has the power to "make you angry" unless you allow it to.  That is the essence of the most important thing you can learn.  So the question becomes, once you realize that you are angry, how do you let go of it as you are learning not to let other things aggravate you and have the power over you to cause you to feel anger? 

There are a variety of ways and you will need to experiment to find what works for you.  For some, meditation works to help with all of life's annoyances.  Some use exercise to release their stresses and it works very well for them.  In the past, it has been very effective for me, especially when I was younger and raced bicycles as a hobby.  Taking a walk or listening to relaxing music can also do it for some.  Petting the dog or playing with children works for others.  You can pamper yourself with a scented bubble bath by candle light, do Yoga or get a massage when you feel things building up.  There are relaxation tapes and books with breathing techniques and other ideas/methods for dealing with stress and anger which you can also purchase. 

In the particular case of the posts that annoy you, writing about it (and other events) in a journal works for some just as you've been doing here.  I suggest however that you instead use a private journal or one posted elsewhere (IMO, part of the reason blogging has become so popular).  I don't know how well journaling has actually been working for you to release things at that moment they occur though. 

As an aside, one of the things that happens is that when we get annoyed by many different things throughout the day or week, etc., they accumulate, and then often get vented all at once when they are released by something in particular (called displaced anger).  For example, and I have no idea if this is true as its just an example: as is obvious of others here on CM, you might be releasing or focusing all of your frustrations of the day when receiving an offensive or unwanted post from a potential suitor that is not the kind you wish to receive.  One thing that might work is to print the post, crumple it up, and then throw it in the trash.  As you do, visualize yourself letting go of all the anger associated with the post.  You will want to mentally associate the physical act of tossing it in the trash with releasing all the anger from your mind and your body (try to see your face in your mind turning from anger to one of a pleasant smile as well).  If you pay attention, you'll notice that not only are you mentally & emotionally angered, but your body will feel tense as well, perhaps your stomach might not feel well or there may be some other physical manifestation that also needs released (this is why some people get ulcers). 

At first this may not work well or seem silly, but with practice, it likely will help.  Taking a deep breath, holding for a count of ten, and then slowing releasing it and mentally visualizing yourself letting go of the anger as your muscles relax is another method of also ridding yourself of the frustration over things.  There are lots more, but far too many to go into here.  I just hope something I've described strikes a chord with you and helps or gives you an idea for something else that will be effective for you.

- pixel

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

Now, the other point...several people have talked, including pixel, about just ignoring the rude ones, the curious georges, etc...ok, great advice...how does one do that? I mean, have other people found some way to simply not get frustrated with time-wasters, wankers etc? If so, what is your technique? I'm not trying to be flip, I am seriously interested in learning this skill as I obviously do not have it. And, I must caution you, please don't tell me to just put on a happy face. I'm from NYC...more specifically, from Brooklyn, even more specifically, from da hood. (And no, I'm not suggesting that all New Yorkers are these mean, hardened so-and-so's) I would not classify myself as a grump by a long-shot, but I also don't live in the Merry ole Land of Oz, and wouldn't want to. I'm just saying, I consider myself to be reality-based. And I'm seeking a reality-based method by which I can let some of this stuff, how did pixel put it? "act like a duck and just let it roll off your back." Fascinating.
MNN

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName
Thanks for the advice, all...tammyjo, where can I get one of those smush bush dolls? Had I known something like that was on the market I'd've included it on my x-mas list.

BTW, pixel, there is a big difference between feeling frustrated about a situation and taking people's comments personally. If I took personally all the horrible things that some emailers have said to me, I would've deleted my presence here a LONG time ago. Trust me when I say, I know that what people say is a reflection on them, not me.

Seriously, I AM in the market for one of those dolls.

MNN

I like your spirit!  Write your journal/profile the way YOU want it written.
I don't think you want a submissive that is looking for Mistress Make Me Feel So Good.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

I'm just really frustrated beyond belief with this search for the right sub/slave. I know that perhaps my frustration may be in and of itself self-defeating, but, wow, am I ever tired of one-line emails, subs who only want to meet via web-cam or yahoo messenger, argumentative and anxiety-ridden subs, you name `em, they've contacted me.

Can anyone relate to this, or am I wasting my energy with this? I would sure appreciate some insight and support. Thanks.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia
I like your spirit!  Write your journal/profile the way YOU want it written.
I don't think you want a submissive that is looking for Mistress Make Me Feel So Good.

What I'm about to say, has nothing to do with MNN.  Each and every one of us is fully entitled to write their profile the way they wish to and there is certainly nothing wrong with that.  Ditto for their journal.  They may of course expect to obtain the results the content in their profile and journal reflects and merits.  In no manner did I ever suggest that a profile or journal should be written in the format of "Mistress Make Me Feel So Good".  My intent was only to convey that as a sub who does read profiles and journals before deciding whether to contact a woman, it greatly offends me and totally turns me off to read one that is filled with lots of negative comments intended for those who won't bother to read them to begin with and it only conveys to me the negative, jaded, and perhaps unrealistically perfectionistic attitude of the woman who has posted the profile.  A woman who might have otherwise seemed compatible, no longer appears attractive to me after reading her rants and often endless lists of what it is she doesn't want instead of what it is she has to offer as a woman along with what it is she actually wants from a man and a sub!  Most Dommes that post here say that want a man to get to know them as a woman, but few seem to tell us hardly anything about themselves as a woman in their profiles.   Its incredibly hard to write an introductory message, asking about a woman, whe she offers little information about herself as a woman instead of only as a Domme! 

To me, this just wreaks of an "us" vs "them" mentality instead of trying to bring the two together to help understand what it is that both want and expect from each other in order to make a connection as well as to help each other find suitable partners.  I personally think that's unfortunate.   Just my $0.02 for the day...

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia
I like your spirit!  Write your journal/profile the way YOU want it written.
I don't think you want a submissive that is looking for Mistress Make Me Feel So Good.

MzMia,
You've been a very positive influence on this forum and I've been greatly impressed with all the energy you've put into encouraging participation here over the last month or so.  However, this is one time, I have to take exception to your posted comments as it appears to be a reference to mine. 
 
What I'm about to say, has nothing to do with MNN.  Each and every one of us is fully entitled to write their profile the way they wish to and there is certainly nothing wrong with that.  Ditto for their journal.  They may of course expect to obtain the results the content in their profile and journal reflects and merits.  In no manner did I ever suggest that a profile or journal should be written in the format of "Mistress Make Me Feel So Good".  My intent was only to convey that as a sub who does read profiles and journals before deciding whether to contact a woman, it greatly offends me and totally turns me off to read one that is filled with lots of negative comments intended for those who won't bother to read them to begin with and it only conveys to me the negative, jaded, and perhaps unrealistically perfectionistic attitude of the woman who has posted the profile.  A woman who might have otherwise seemed compatible, no longer appears attractive to me after reading her rants and often endless lists of what it is she doesn't want instead of what it is she has to offer as a woman along with what it is she actually wants from a man and a sub!  Most Dommes that post here say that want a man to get to know them as a woman, but few seem to tell us hardly anything about themselves as a woman in their profiles.   Its incredibly hard to write an introductory message, asking about a woman, whe she offers little information about herself as a woman instead of only as a Domme! 
 
I hope you understand my point, that as a sub who genuinely is looking for a Dominant Woman with which to have a relationship, I genuinely dislike being lumped into the category of all those who have previously offended a woman and am not into reading about their every offense while trying to learn something about her beyond that she's angry about men who had no common sense and who most likely were not even submissive, let alone had any ability to show consideration for the desires and wishes of a woman in search of her ideal submissive!
 
To me, this just wreaks of an "us" vs "them" mentality instead of trying to bring the two together to help understand what it is that both want and expect from each other in order to make a connection as well as to help each other find suitable partners.  I personally think that's unfortunate.   Just my $0.02 for the day...
 - pixel

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

Thanks for the advice, all...tammyjo, where can I get one of those smush bush dolls? Had I known something like that was on the market I'd've included it on my x-mas list.

BTW, pixel, there is a big difference between feeling frustrated about a situation and taking people's comments personally. If I took personally all the horrible things that some emailers have said to me, I would've deleted my presence here a LONG time ago. Trust me when I say, I know that what people say is a reflection on them, not me.

Seriously, I AM in the market for one of those dolls.

MNN

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I understand what you are saying.  You are positive and enjoy seeing positive energy.
I think sometimes what one person perceives as negative, others don't see as negative.
Some of us enjoy reading how someone really feels, be it positive, negative, happy, sad, etc.
I don't see that as having a  bad or negative persona.
I see it as an indication of what the person has experienced.
I don't mind a submissive approaching me, with a profile that says he is disappointed and has been let down.
As long as he does not sound as if he hates women or is hateful or mean, it does not bother ME.
Actually, I don't like profiles that are "too upbeat", often I feel they are "hiding" something.
Some of the meanest and nastiest people I have encountered online, had screen names like "Kindsub4you" and
"Sweetsubmissive", "Niceguylooking" etc.  I RUN from these profiles. LOL
 I do see your point, and we have a right to peacefully disagree.
Thank you for your post.

I agree we all have different perceptions of what we read.  Those perceptions can even vary with our mood on any given day.  I too prefer to know how someone really feels.  I want to know the real woman, and not the on-line persona that she might like to project.

This is part of the difference I'm talking about.  The fakes, time-wasters, jerks and wannabees are still going to apply (they're either not going to even read the profile or would gloss past that part of it anyway).  Ditto for the married men or those who are otherwise attached.  The first example said what the person was looking for without framing anything from a negative or angry-sounding point of view or describing anything as what they didn't want instead of what they did want.   

I don't feel a need to repeat all that I've said about the rants that I've read, which as you've noted come across as hating the other gender or possibly being mean in their nature.  I only wanted to give an example that illustrated the kind of difference that a person can make in their profile just be restating some things in a more positive manner and omitting the superfluous. 

And yes, peacefully disagreeing is part of what I believe these forums are all about.  Its also how I'd hope we would all learn to understand each other better.  Thank you for reading my posts and giving consideration to my thoughts.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sissikerin
d) The FEW lifetyle subs that are out here are also overwhelmed with the huge number of "Mistresses" that are seeking tributes. Why tributes?? well because they can't come right out and say they want to be paid.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sissikerin
e) After writting email after email of any length and detail and hearing nothing at all back in response it becomes weary from our point of view as well to write lengthy emails that don't get a response.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs
As frustrating at it can be.  Believe me, being an odd ball in the lifestyle, as I am unique in many ways, I have so much against me to begin with.  But, it really is a test of faith.  If you make a 'faith' that there won't be a slave in your life/future--it will come true.  If you create your faith in a positive manner, it will come true.  After all, we do create our own heaven or hell--on Earth.
 
I am a believer, that each person has a place in destiny.  We (in general terms) are threads that creates the tapestry of this lifestyle and or the community.  Each of us touches another person in many ways and unexpectedly so.  And, I say this due to proof provided by the ladies and gentlemen who read the forums and message me in private how I've helped in some way. 
 
I am a believer, that not all of us are given our charts in our journey to find someone quickly.  Yet, those who touch us briefly fill our basket, with experience, knowledge, advice, skills, the gift of seeing in different ways, to problem solve and or to heal, teach, mentor and or be a good friend to those who can use one.  Then, when Providence decides it is now your time--it will be time.  No sooner.  No later.  Not of our timing but that of a higher power's time.
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I understand what you are saying.  You are positive and enjoy seeing positive energy.
I think sometimes what one person perceives as negative, others don't see as negative.
Some of us enjoy reading how someone really feels, be it positive, negative, happy, sad, etc.
I don't see that as having a  bad or negative persona.
I see it as an indication of what the person has experienced.
I don't mind a submissive approaching me, with a profile that says he is disappointed and has been let down.
As long as he does not sound as if he hates women or is hateful or mean, it does not bother ME.
Actually, I don't like profiles that are "too upbeat", often I feel they are "hiding" something.
Some of the meanest and nastiest people I have encountered online, had screen names like "Kindsub4you" and
"Sweetsubmissive", "Niceguylooking" etc.  I RUN from these profiles. LOL
 I do see your point, and we have a right to peacefully disagree.
Thank you for your post.