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RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/3/2007 8:18:55 AM   
LordVelvet


Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		As a male Dom, I have fantasies about being the unknown assialant. I think rape fantasies are normal for most in one way or another. Just My .02

(in reply to mymasterssub69)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/3/2007 8:23:23 AM   
TwoSeekOne


Posts: 24
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		It is a lot more common than you think... some of us live with that as part of our daily BDSM lifestyle.

(in reply to LordVelvet)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/3/2007 8:25:34 AM   
iowastud


Posts: 50
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline 		i agree with you totally. i think most people do have fantasies about that in one form or another. its just liveing them out is the hard part.

(in reply to LordVelvet)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/5/2007 1:28:59 PM   
mogigo


Posts: 57
Joined: 9/1/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks again to all, especially boigirl, you helped more than you know. I know these fantasies are common, my question was more to those who have been actually raped and partake or want to partake in this fantasy. I'm just trying to learn about myself and see if I need to set some boundaries because I was assaulted. I am seeing a therapist but it seems like even those well trained really dont understand and thats why I was asking for replies from those in my situation. ( Not that I don't appreciate the other responses, I truly do )

PS: I know this was a flame, but I'm not trying to pick up anyone. Too scared, and if you have been raped you'll know what I'm talking about.

(in reply to mymasterssub69)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/5/2007 5:13:28 PM   
MyCaptainsPet


Posts: 219
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline 		As a victim think i can give you some insight to this.

I too have rape fantasies... And enjoy them... 

The difference between a rape and a fantasy is the control.

In a fantasy, you have the control. The who. The infinate knowledge that you will NOT be killed or maimed. The ultimate fear is not there. It is a roll playing that you actually have a part in. Either it's been discussed before with the person you're going to be with OR you trust that person, on some level.  In your fantasy A then B then C happens. Again, YOU control it in some way shape and form.

Now, tell me one rape that any of that is true in?


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(in reply to mogigo)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/5/2007 6:31:44 PM   
mogigo


Posts: 57
Joined: 9/1/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks MyCaptainsPet, I understand what your saying, but I froze up once with an ex-partner and I don't ever want to feel that fear again regardless of the orgasm I get from it. I understand that rape is about control and not about sex, I guess it was the loss of control that IS what's terrifying but I want to be prepared for whatever comes my way before I actually attempt it.

Sex sucks, lol. For some of us anyway.

I've made huge progress and I want to be satisfied.
One day I guess.

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/6/2007 12:12:09 PM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mogigo

I talked to a friend who said my fantasizing is normal and it's about trying to control the situation but I can't seem to come to terms with it. I was raped as a teenager by a women and now I can't seem to get aroused by anything but a rape fantasy. My assault seems to be the worst experience of my life with all the problems that arise from sexual assault. Is there anyone in my situation that could offer some further insight. No guessing please.

Lost


I've been raped three times in my life- twice when I was 15 by the same person, and once when I was 20 by a "friend" I stayed with when out of town. I understand the confusion you have, and the difficulties that arise from such a thing very seriously.

Now, I never really experienced a rape fantasy- but I did fantasize about not having control with a partner I knew well, trusted, and was devoted to in some way, both before and after the times it happened. Though I don't want that experience to ever be repeated, having a loss of control similar to that, in a way (meaning, having sex that is consentual with someone I trust, but that I cannot dictate what will happen during explicitly), is a huge turn-on for me. I struggled for years with both letting down my own boundaries involving sex, and with coming to terms with these feelings- something that seems pretty normal, and very difficult, in my experience.

I would encourage you to look at what part of your fantasy is the biggest turn-on to you. It could be any part- and then look at that out of context of the fantasy itself. You may be surprised that it's something not as shocking or scary or weird as you might think. For me, the biggest thing is not being in control, and though I have no desire for rape-play, and no fantasies directly involving that, I found that with the right person, when I had done my healing, that loss of control aspect was something that was safe and fulfilling to me.

I really wish you the best, and good luck figuring this stuff out. It's not easy, but you're brave enough to ask the questions and seek advice, and that's a really good first step.

behindmirrors.

(in reply to mogigo)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/6/2007 12:42:23 PM   
mogigo


Posts: 57
Joined: 9/1/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks behindmirrors, I see the difference behind the posters in my situation and those who are not. : ) It really is a situation no one can understand unless they've been there.

(in reply to behindmirrors)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/6/2007 1:47:43 PM   
Nosathro


Posts: 3319
Joined: 9/25/2005
From: Orange County, California
Status: offline 		Tal and greetings
 
I have participated in a kidnap/rape fantasy.  We had talked it over and set up rules and various sernios with limits and safe words.  The person had related to me she had been raped at a young age.  As we worked out the details to me it seemed she was more excited about not being in control rather that any sexual activity.  For her it was enjoyable. 
 
I wish you well
 
Nosathro

_____________________________

"The love of a slave girl is the deepest and most profound love that any woman can give a man. Love makes a woman a man's slave, and the wholeness of that love requires that she be, in truth, his slave." Magicians of Gor, page 31

(in reply to mogigo)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/6/2007 2:46:18 PM   
mogigo


Posts: 57
Joined: 9/1/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings Nosathro, I'm suprised you replied to my post me being one of the lowest of the lows. : ) JK. I appreciate your time.

You have my respect
Mogigo

< Message edited by mogigo -- 1/6/2007 2:48:00 PM >

(in reply to Nosathro)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/7/2007 8:53:31 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mogigo

Thanks MyCaptainsPet, I understand what your saying, but I froze up once with an ex-partner and I don't ever want to feel that fear again regardless of the orgasm I get from it. I understand that rape is about control and not about sex, I guess it was the loss of control that IS what's terrifying but I want to be prepared for whatever comes my way before I actually attempt it.

Sex sucks, lol. For some of us anyway.

I've made huge progress and I want to be satisfied.
One day I guess.

I think the thing that helps me get over the my control passing to another person fears I have is bondage more than rape play.
For me being tied tight is way more a vulnerable place to be than in a fantasy rape scene.
Knowing anything this other person wanted to do to you could happen is a terrifying and comforting concept for me.
Having a bondage scene stay consensual because the person you're with is not trying to rape you of your dignity is way hotter to me.
Every time I'm being untied from a tight bondage scene it works toward removing some of the trust issues I have against men as a whole I carry as baggage from my past abusers.
I guess it's knowing I was not in control, but my limits were respected is what heals my mistrust from former physical abuse best for me.
suzanne

(in reply to mogigo)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/7/2007 10:08:27 AM   
Nosathro


Posts: 3319
Joined: 9/25/2005
From: Orange County, California
Status: offline 		greetings mogigo
 
I believe these boards are to help and understand each other in this Lifestyle.  I am always willing to help if I can.
 
I wish you well
 
Nosathro

quote:

ORIGINAL: mogigo

Greetings Nosathro, I'm suprised you replied to my post me being one of the lowest of the lows. : ) JK. I appreciate your time.

You have my respect
Mogigo


_____________________________

"The love of a slave girl is the deepest and most profound love that any woman can give a man. Love makes a woman a man's slave, and the wholeness of that love requires that she be, in truth, his slave." Magicians of Gor, page 31

(in reply to mogigo)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/7/2007 10:28:53 AM   
desertdancer


Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline 		I think sometimes the fanticies are about control, or rather lack there of...it could go both ways.
People have these feeling because control was once striped from them, and in a "safe environment" the rape fanticy could be acted out within the persons control.  There is however the flip side of this, where because the controll was stripped from the person, they may feel more aroused or can only feel aroused when the control has been taken away from them, they fantize about rape, about the loss of controll, maybe for guilt reasons, in the back of their head they are saying "I'm not in control so I can act this way or feel that way, it's okay, it's not me, feeling slutty, it's the attacker making me feel this way"  It gives the person "permission" to feel aroused because the control to feel anything but has been taken away from them, by the imagined attacker. Please understand I am not talking about actual rape here, just reasons behind why one may have the fanticy.

It's strange to have cravings for something that is so fearsome and hurtful to ones ego, to ones self, and to the soul, especially if it's soemthing you've lived through. It's hard to look at having fanticies about soemthing so distructive, I think in the end it's all about healing, and the paths we take to get there, whether you need to feel like the guilt is off your shoulders or if your recaliming some contorll for yourself, it comes down to healing, and I think you shouldn't be to hard on yourself or over think, just feel, explore and let your spirit lead you to health...

Hope that makes sense, it's so late here..
dancer

edited because I can not spell


< Message edited by desertdancer -- 1/7/2007 10:31:08 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/7/2007 11:19:17 AM   
mogigo


Posts: 57
Joined: 9/1/2006
Status: offline 		Hits home very much. Thank you desertdancer.

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The goggles they do nothing - Radioactive Man

(in reply to desertdancer)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/7/2007 1:40:13 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I think the thing that helps me get over the my control passing to another person fears I have is bondage more than rape play. For me being tied tight is way more a vulnerable place to be than in a fantasy rape scene.
Knowing anything this other person wanted to do to you could happen is a terrifying and comforting concept for me.


Same here.. bondage.. the damn hood.. it all terrifies me.. more less so then it used too and is now has comfort added to the mix.  LOL

As far as rape fantasies.. i think i used to have them.. dun remember.. .  I've been raped, had others just have their way with me and i've escaped alot of bad situations.   I think if it were tried with me, some unknown man in my dark house, i'd be liable to kill him and then jump out my 2 story window.  Actually i'd tell my dog to attack and then jump out the window.  Could be the hormones though, but i doubt it.  i've been in too many situations where i've had to defend myself that i doubt any other response would come from me. 

On that note..... my brother just got this really cool cop baton thing.  That sort of expands to arm length.  Smack an intruder upside the head with that and you dun have to worry about the dog getting hurt!  Course a metal ball bat would do but ::sigh:: my Master wont let me own one and the last one i had an old biker friend made it disappear = (  He thought it made me dangerous.  Darn men


< Message edited by Devilslilsister -- 1/7/2007 1:44:08 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/7/2007 2:29:31 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mogigo

I talked to a friend who said my fantasizing is normal and it's about trying to control the situation but I can't seem to come to terms with it. I was raped as a teenager by a women and now I can't seem to get aroused by anything but a rape fantasy. My assault seems to be the worst experience of my life with all the problems that arise from sexual assault. Is there anyone in my situation that could offer some further insight. No guessing please.

Lost


this slave can only say that she fantasizes about being able to participate enthusiastically and without the stereotypical "PTSD" crap that comes along with the trauma of being forced to participate in a particular sexual act all the while crying and begging not to have to do it, because it is a particular act that brings Master pleasure.  After almost four years of participation with Master in the exact same act, this slave can say that she is almost to the point where she is NOT repulsed by the act itself, which is saying a LOT.
 
this slave has never fantasized in a sexual arousal way about the particular act that was forced upon her...it's a "dry" fantasy, one of accomplishment, with no sexual overtones, it exists only in the context of not being hung up on it so that her service to Master is in a way that He finds pleasing.

(in reply to mogigo)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/7/2007 8:20:57 PM   
manwithdog


Posts: 7
Joined: 10/10/2006
Status: offline 		The Rape fantasy good I have Played it before it brings out a lot of Emo for both Players sometimes it can be a good thing.

(in reply to mogigo)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/7/2007 11:35:15 PM   
damia


Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		i don't know if it'd be considered rape...i was taken without consent by a then-boyfriend. Some people would consider that rape; some would consider it miscommunication in a relationship. i still don't know what to consider it. It has caused problems in my life, and i feel (and i have been told that this is very likely) that this was one of the things that caused my personality disorder to become as bad as it was in my teenage years.

i do have rape fantasies, mostly with total strangers. i don't know...there's something about the though that someone could just grab me and take me without ever knowing who they are that turns me on. i don't understand why. Master also has rape fantasies, particularly of taking school girls. So, we match well, because He and i both get off on the scenes a lot.

i can't tell you how to feel, or why you have rape fantasies. i also can't give you much insight, because your situation, while similar to my own, is not the same as mine. you and i are two different people who lived very different lives, and had something terrible happen to them. All i can tell you is my personal experience, and that is what i gave above.

If you want to speak further on this with me, please feel free to send me a private message, and i'll try to get back to you as soon as i can.

damia

Edited to add: As far as setting boundaries because of an assault/rape, set whatever boundaries you need, but don't let those boundaries run your life. Break them down when you're ready. When i have emotional problems or am triggered by something, i just take the time to consider why it happened, and what i can do to prevent the same thing from happening again. Counseling may help, but counseling isn't for everyone. I have a very definite fear of doctors or anyone who is like a doctor (yes, therapists and the like are included), so it doesn't help me much to go to a therapist. And some therapy techniques don't help some people, either. And if your therapist is not BDSM-friendly, maybe it's time to find one that is...that could be causing problems (therapist might say the fantasies are unhealthy and you need help suppressing them, when it may not be that at all).

Only you can know what is best for you. I hope that I at least gave you something to think about.  


< Message edited by damia -- 1/7/2007 11:42:07 PM >

(in reply to mogigo)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/7/2007 11:57:02 PM   
mogigo


Posts: 57
Joined: 9/1/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you damia, yes it helps very much, they all do.

About your first sentence, Yes it was rape make no mistake about. No consent = Rape.

There are a few good recovory sites that you can visit that may help you with your personal problems arising from sexual assault and give you support as well. I've found them to be invaluable. I too have problems with seeing my therapist face to face. Just uncomfortable. The sites can be alot easier to discuss your issues with anonymity.

PS: personality disorders seem to be the order of the day with rape survivors so you will find alot of people who understand what your going through.

I'm sorry for what happened
Stay strong

_____________________________

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(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Rape fantasies-anyone who is in my situation - 1/8/2007 1:22:13 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I was raped and have rape fantasies. I received meager counselling for the rape, but do consider myself to be "over it" (but it happened in my early twenties, in undergrad college, and I am 46 now, so a lot of time has passed).

I don't think having the rape fantasies is odd, particularly, but I had them before the rape, too. I'd think not being able to appreciate sex altogether was cause for concern, but that didn't happen afterward, either. Maybe get some counselling - it can really help, depending on the situation. Good luck.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 1/8/2007 1:29:36 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 40
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