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Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 9:22:53 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I have lost my submission. It's been gone for a few weeks now. It happened abruptly and the circumstances causing this was beyond my control. I feel sad and relieved. I've always felt that being submissive was at my core. I'm no longer sure. I am enjoying freedom from control. I don't miss it and I don't long to have someone controlling me. This is foreign to me. My question (for those who have experienced something similar): will my submission return?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

Post #: 1

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 9:28:17 AM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

Be there now, katy.
Worry about later, later.
Sometimes the jerkoffs end up being the ones who give us what turn out to be the biggest gifts in the long run.
For now, know you are loved and valued and respected.
I know that's of little comfort, but if you can tuck it away somewhere, you might be able to take it out and look at it after some time has passed.

How many margaritas does it take for katy to get her submission back?
I dont know. Let's find out!
XO

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 2

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 9:29:37 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

IM- I really can't say.

When someone has "lost it" for a few weeks and finds freedom in it, I find it has been a complete toss up to whether they will identify as a submissive again or not.

But you already know what matters is being true to yourself and finding freedom in that. Though it can feel like a "loss" and some sense of losing status amongst the 'subs and slaves.'

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 3

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 9:30:47 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

That's me in the corner................(REM--- think about it.)

All things ebb and flow come to the fore, recede into the background....
Each to their own season....

If life were staid, stoic and static, we would never have a desire to listen to satchmo (or bruddah IZ) singing Wonderful World, becasue we wouldn't understand it n'est ce pas?

Who knows what glorious and new wending path your life will take?

You have found yourself, you are not lost, only sleeping....

You have built it, they will come.

Yoda

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 4

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 9:31:50 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Though it can feel like a "loss" and some sense of losing status amongst the 'subs and slaves.'

Yes, that's part of what it is. I no longer feel part of that special sister (and man) hood.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 9:33:43 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Each to their own season....

Definitely my favorite reading in the bible.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 6

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 9:35:43 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
Yes, that's part of what it is. I no longer feel part of that special sister (and man) hood.

But I can tell you that you can/will find a new place. I had the same issues when I went from "EmeraldSlave2" to "LuckyAlbatross."

But I didn't identify "slave" anymore within myself, and it was the right time to change to reflect that. I know that because of that, my opinions are taken in a different light, some associations I might have had become less likely, and some people who might have taken me seriously do not. But I deal, I remain true to myself, and I still have my special "place" of who I am.

It's really hard to break out of boxes, specially when they've been such comfy homes. But I promise you, the box you make for yourself will be just as sweet.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 7

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 9:50:32 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

Don't feel bad KatyLied. I lost mine too

Found I could not be what he needed me to be; and yes, it sucks. Makes you feel like you failed, like there's something wrong with you, like you don't belong....

Just pick yourself up and keep going. I find that I actually think I am just not suited for the life of a submissive/slave; my past makes me want to hold onto every ounce of control that I can. I decided though that it does not matter, as long as I can be happy with ME. That's all that should matter for you too; as long as you are happy with YOU, thats all that matters.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 8

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 9:58:17 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

Have Faith Katy,
What ever knocked your submission out of you is a sad and terrible thing. I'm sorry for your loss of it.

I'm glad you're feeling good about having some freedom.
At least there's still posatives in your life for you, that's a good sign.

If the right Dom comes along you'll know.
I think when someone who stands before you elicits your submissive response it will still be there inside you intact right where you left it.

If that does not happen and you decide the life of a sub is not missed and not for you so be it too.

Just remember what ever the person who's caused you this trauma did to you, it's not how all will treat you.
I agree with HEather having some margaritas, taking a much needed rest and then putting one foot in front of the other and seeing where it goes from there sounds like a plan.
Get in touch with what makes you happy as a human then if there's a sub in there it will come back to the surface when you're ready.
Good Luck and BIG HUGS Hon,
suzanne

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 9

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 10:08:55 AM

liks2plzlf

Posts: 390
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline

I have occaisonally thought I had overcame my sub desires, and believed I could be happy in a vanilla relationship. It is certainly easier to be in control of your life, then relinquishing it to another.But, the excitement of surrendering to a Domina always comes back. Perhaps you will become dominant, like many others on here have. I'd like that. Go Penn State! .Did you loose your submissive desire before the game?

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 10

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 10:35:38 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I questioned my submissiveness when my former dominant exited my life. I did not know at first if it was him that brought that out my submissiveness in me, or if it was intrinsic to my nature. In my case it is seemingly intrinsic, and I was not very happy to discover that it was to be honest. I would have rather have been vanilla, it is certainly easier to find someone IMO.

So submissive or not, there are pros and cons to both ways of being. Whether it returns or not, at least you will be ok. I think a good indicator would be dating a few vanillas and seeing how that goes. It was how I "rediscovered" my submissiveness... it was unnatural to date vanilla after experiencing Ds. But your experience may be different.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/3/2007 10:38:15 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 11

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 10:56:08 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Or you could be a "freak" like me- have a relationship based on vanilla expectations of authority, yet call your partner both "master" and "slave."

:D

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 12

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 10:59:42 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I'm sorry you are feeling down. But - consider this: Would it be so bad, if you turned out to be a Switch, maybe?

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 13

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 11:12:43 AM

LordVelvet

Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

Katy I went through a similiar time while discovering I was a Switch and how that affected Me and My life. Granted it took a long time to accept that it is ok to be that way. I wish you the best.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 14

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 11:25:43 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Well, thank god you didn't lose your virginity.........thats something you can't ever be again without some spendy surgery............oooops.........I--uh....

Bye,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to LordVelvet)

Post #: 15

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 11:37:30 AM

LordVelvet

Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

That was funny Ron, thanks for the smile

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 16

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 11:41:43 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Well, thank god you didn't lose your virginity.........thats something you can't ever be again without some spendy surgery............oooops.........I--uh....

Bye,
Ron

LMFAO Ron; now that was funny.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 17

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 12:00:23 PM

MmakeMme

Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I have lost my submission. It's been gone for a few weeks now. It happened abruptly and the circumstances causing this was beyond my control. I feel sad and relieved. I've always felt that being submissive was at my core. I'm no longer sure. I am enjoying freedom from control. I don't miss it and I don't long to have someone controlling me. This is foreign to me. My question (for those who have experienced something similar): will my submission return?

Ooh Katy, wish I could help. I had a similar reversal but mine was in the opposite order. I gotta say I prefer it (and then again, the only thing that stays the same is change ... so who knows what the future holds).

_____________________________

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 18

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 12:37:04 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I think there are many "rooms" within our minds, or perhaps "channels" within our consciousness. Sometimes we can consciously walk in and out of those rooms, or change the channel just like we do with the remote for a TV, depending on our circumstances life is presenting us. We are strong when we need to be, relaxed and friendly when we need to be, humorous when the situation calls for it, on alert and cautious in times of danger etc etc etc.

I don't think we would ever find a room labelled "submission". I believe submission itself has to be "taken". How can we ever submit to anything when its not there to submit to? How can we submit to anything when nothing is there to accept it? This could play out on different levels..the same could be said for someone with or without a partner. Just because someoe has a partner, doesn't mean that they can naturally submit, their other may not be capable/willing/whatever to take it..and so towards that end...there is no submission to be experienced at all.

Submission is found within a relationship dynamic, it cannot be experienced without "another" whatever that "other" is. Whether we are talking a relationship with God, a person, a job, a situation. To think you can would lead to insanity I think or at the very least some really desperate feelings of intense loneliness...(not a very productive state of mind).

When you think about it ... when we say "submissive"...its always "to something". That's the quality of it...

The sadness could be the memory of how lovely it is to experience that relationship dynamic within submission.
The relief could be coming to terms with the fact that there is no other at the moment to submit to, so that loneliness that comes with the desire to have something that just isn't there has been lifted from you.

You haven't lost your submission, just right now there is nothing there to surrender to...so why fret it? Your heads in a good place right now...

< Message edited by slavejali -- 1/3/2007 12:48:48 PM >

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to MmakeMme)

Post #: 19

RE: Losing My Submission - 1/3/2007 12:42:44 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
When you think about it ... when we say "submissive"...its always "to something". That's the quality of it...

I don't. For me, it is an orientation. I could be the only person alive and still identify myself as "switch."

I understand and agree with your point though- the dynamic is what we can express ourselves with and actualize ourselves. And, with a particular dynamic, things that were never revealed or expressed before, can become strong and a very intense part of them.

It really doesn't matter whether the submissive is "gone" or "transformed" or "latent." I'd much prefer to see a fulfilled and comfy Katy, than a Katy who identifies as a submissive.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 20

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