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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 11:24:40 AM

ownedgirlie

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Thank you, Benji. I knew the OP wasn't serious. But it is a serious subject to me.

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 11:26:36 AM

gooddogbenji

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Actually, the OP was semi-serious. I am actually curious about why everyone and his little brother writes about not being a doormat, and not wanting a doormat, as if this was a huge deal.

Yours,

benji

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 11:27:05 AM

ownedgirlie

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Egos.

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 11:29:18 AM

gypsygrl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Thank you, Benji. I knew the OP wasn't serious. But it is a serious subject to me.

Its a serious subject to me too. :) I've been called a doormat, and its been said I was too submissive. And, I liked your comments.

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 11:30:58 AM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Thank you, Benji. I knew the OP wasn't serious. But it is a serious subject to me.

Its a serious subject to me too. :) I've been called a doormat, and its been said I was too submissive. And, I liked your comments.

Thank you. "Too submissive" is an interesting comment. Too submissive for what? In my personal experience, I can never be "too submissive" to my Master. Mind you, I submit to no one but him, but as I submit to him, it is as much as I possibly can.

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 11:36:56 AM

slavejali

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quote:

I can never be "too submissive" to my Master.

Me either

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 11:40:54 AM

domiguy

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I thnk that when someone posts or profile states that they are not looking for a "doormat" is just a nice and quick way of saying that they are looking for someone with a functioning brain who brings more to the table than just their "holes."

But as previously pointed out "doormats" are a functional part of a household...Maybe there is a better synonym to describe these people....perhaps..."dust bunnies." Cannot think of any worth or enhancement that a dust bunny brings to the lives of others.

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 12:01:30 PM

Level

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Me too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I'm always kind of saddened to see culturally acceptable forms of bigotry.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

If a sub is from the middle east and wears a turban and likes heroin, does that make them an "afghan"?

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 12:20:02 PM

subfever

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Here's my definition of a doormat, as it applies to any romantic relationship, D/s or otherwise:

A doormat is a person who feels taken advantage of, yet remains in the relationship knowing that his or her needs aren't being met.

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 12:26:05 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

Actually, the OP was semi-serious. I am actually curious about why everyone and his little brother writes about not being a doormat, and not wanting a doormat, as if this was a huge deal.

Yours,

benji

I think that many people that are inexperienced in this lifestyle read material of a fantasy base and think that this is what others will "expect" from them if they do not make it clear upfront that they are interested in less than TPE every second of the day. I think that there are a lot of misconceptions about what TPE is.

I think that many want a more equitable Ds parameter within their dynamic. Instead of spelling out what they want (a positive), they focus on what they do not want or what they fear (a negative).

I was always amused by men that stated this"
"I want a slut in the bedroom and a lady in public"

The above is so 1950s chauvenistic drivel in my mind...smiles. It is as though there is a belief that kinky women do not know how to behave in public and we will go around rubbing ourselves in front of family and friends saying things like "Me so horny, me give you good time"

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 12:31:44 PM

gooddogbenji

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

It is as though there is a belief that kinky women do not know how to behave in public and we will go around rubbing ourselves in front of family and friends saying things like "Me so horny, me give you good time"

What if that's what I want?

Yours,

benji

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 12:33:25 PM

Lordandmaster

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Robert Darnton's The Great Cat Massacre deals with just this topic.

quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Ever read jokes from ancient times? They tend not to be funny. It's worth thinking about why.

Actually, many of the older jokes I have read I do find funny. Not sure if we're reading the same ones - do you have a few examples?

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 12:33:33 PM

Aileen68

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I wouldn't want to be a doormat. I don't like feet.

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 12:34:02 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

It is as though there is a belief that kinky women do not know how to behave in public and we will go around rubbing ourselves in front of family and friends saying things like "Me so horny, me give you good time"

What if that's what I want?

Yours,

benji

Well you will have to find a domme who wants that too

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 12:37:21 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

I wouldn't want to be a doormat. I don't like feet.

Hey, if I was still a smoker I coulda been an ashtray!

Or since I do like my Daddy's rump I can be a chair....WEG

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 1:17:18 PM

Wildfleurs

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FR..

I think this will be a pretty interesting topic to watch in light of the Obedience=Boring topic.

C~

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 1:47:09 PM

akbarbarian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever

Here's my definition of a doormat, as it applies to any romantic relationship, D/s or otherwise:

A doormat is a person who feels taken advantage of, yet remains in the relationship knowing that his or her needs aren't being met.

That's an excellent definition of doormat. Mine is a little different, but I'm thinking yours added to mine says it better.

A doormat is someone who can't stop worrying about what everyone around her (or he) wants, including those she doesn't belong to. All this anxiety to please everyone means the owner has to compete with the unfocused desire to please anyone and everyone, which is really really bad when you want to control someone.

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 1:49:06 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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While I'm not specifically looking for a doormat, unless that is what I feel like at a given moment, I definitely steer clear of folks who feel the need to mention in profile or chat that they are not doormats.   The reason I need to steer clear of those disclaimers is that I find it's a general way of saying, to me, "I'm not comfortable submitting, and likely will never come to trust you enough to relinquish control and submit."
I feel that two, relatively self aware adults ought to be able to communicate well enough to discover one another's comfort zones without forcing the "I will only submit up to a point", as if that is a flash of news to anyone.
To me the non-doormat is similar to the "no limits slave" who is one as long as I abide by his long list of "dirty/edgy" (in his mind) things to be done to him.
Loved ownedgirlie, gypsygrl, and slavejali's comments.

M

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 2:13:17 PM

slavejali

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quote:

The reason I need to steer clear of those disclaimers is that I find it's a general way of saying, to me, "I'm not comfortable submitting, and likely will never come to trust you enough to relinquish control and submit."
I feel that two, relatively self aware adults ought to be able to communicate well enough to discover one another's comfort zones without forcing the "I will only submit up to a point", as if that is a flash of news to anyone.

Really good points..in my humble opinion.

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RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? - 1/6/2007 2:28:18 PM

daddysprop247

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I am proud to be my Master's doormat. I am proud to be anything he wants me to be at any given time. I enjoy when he puts his feet on me, whether to wipe them, rest them, or have them cleaned with my mouth.

Master says I'm only a doormat when I'm laying at the doorway, though. Otherwise, I'm a foot rest or any other component he wishes for.

Here's a great article on doormats:
http://www.humbledfemales.com/doormat.html

So often people have their own definition of a "doormat." It's always negative. I am an intelligent, thinking, feeling human being. I am whatever my Master wants at any given time. I obey him in all things. I surrender all my will and power to him. I guess that makes me a doormat. If so, I'm the happiest doormat around.

I think the term does something to people's egos, personally. I know my potential and capabilities, as does my Master. What anyone else thinks is secondary. People use the term doormat as though it's an insult, because they think someone who surrenders completely must not have a brain. Their ignorance shows, when such utilization of the word is displayed.

I wonder, when I say I am his toilet, why it is not so offensive. Or his bitch to fuck. Or his toy or object or property. "Objects" don't have brains (hey a doormat is an object) yet many a slave is proud to be her Master's object. I think we are inconsitent with our criticizms here....

beautiful response.
can't recall how many times i've been called "doormat" by outsiders trying to offend or insult me. but if that's the label they want to throw at me, i wear it proudly, because i know what it means to them: one who obeys without question or hesitation; one who does not say no; one who is utterly controlled and dependent; one who simply...submits. and i am very proud to be all of those things. besides, i know my Master just loves his lil doormat. :)

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