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Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 12:12:33 AM

brafox

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/1/2007
Status: offline

Recently I messaged a domme who i had never spoke to before and told her a litttle about me. She immediately had me download yahoo messenger and I did as she asked. Am I at that point supposed to do everything she says simply because I am a sub and she is a domme? Do I not have the right to submit to whom I wish? Respectful at all times, absolutely, but does a domme expect a sub to do as she says simply because we are engaged in a conversation? Please help, I hope I am not wrong in this case. She was angry with me immediately for not doing as she said, but I don't feel I obligated myself to her.

Post #: 1

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 12:32:48 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

The only thing you should provide anyone is common courtesy and respect. No you don't have to download anything unless that is what you want to do. I myself prefer to chat on yahoo if someone wants to chat with me, but if anyone doesn't have it or prefers to email instead, I've never had issue with that. I simply like messenger for small talk rather than the little emails back and forth, but have never imposed that rule on anyone.
The thing for you to know is that common courtety and respect is owed to you (as much as anyone regardless of label) especially when that is the way you approach. If someone treats you poorly without your prior consent/expression of submission to that kind of treatment, it is a sign to you that said person may simply not be the right counterpart for you, or said person is simply nuts. If someone shows you she is insane in her behavior with you, than take that hint and run the other way with it. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to brafox)

Post #: 2

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 12:37:05 AM

brafox

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/1/2007
Status: offline

Thank you so much. It was quite upsetting. It was downloading messenger, I was glad to do it. It was the fact that she asked for a thousand dollars. Then two hundred dollars. Now, I am a money slave, and she knew that, but I told her that I would like to get to know her better before I submit. She said I was not real. I am as real as the sky is blue, but if I gave money to every domme that said to do it, I would be living on the street. Thanks again for your feedback

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 3

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 12:58:05 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

Interesting additional details...
Not sure how to take them.
In any event you sound like you are fully aware of what you're doing from reading your profile, and I doubt any dingbat on the other side will take advantage of you or disrespect you without your consent/desire. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to brafox)

Post #: 4

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 4:52:31 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

At the point of considering a Domme you indeed have the right to do as you choose.
Anyone who tries to convince you you have no right to your preferences when you're unattached to them is not someone I'd be interested in.
Once you give yourself to someone and become their sub that's when they have a right to mold and guide you as you chose to submit your will to their care.
Till then your will is your own to do with as you please.
suzanne

(in reply to brafox)

Post #: 5

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 5:07:34 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brafox

She was angry with me immediately for not doing as she said, but I don't feel I obligated myself to her.

Imagine how she might react to real problems down the line. The fundemental ability to get along with and understand other people is as rudimentary to all relationships.

Don't let BDSM stereotypes, ideology, roles, or suppositions excuse bad or inconsiderate behavior.

A Domme may be a "domme," but she is also a person and woman living in society with work and family responsibilities.

The same is true of subs.

So why can a Domme childishly to get mad at you when she doesn't get what she wants? This raises the age old questions about the difference between being:

1) a domme or a bitch;
2) dominate or bossy;
3) authoritative or manipulative.

Most guys aren't interested in the latter, but in BDSM sometimes its not always easy to spot the difference.

After the inital rush what your really want is someone you respect and look up to, unless, of course, you are an emotional masochist.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 1/8/2007 5:13:18 AM >

(in reply to brafox)

Post #: 6

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 6:56:27 AM

demistress

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline

Let me get this straight.... you contacted a domme with the intention of getting into a financial domination relationship and then were displeased when she demanded money from you for the time invested in talking to you?

GET A LIFE!!!!

_____________________________

Mistress Heather
www.niteflirt.com/MizzSpice

Wether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 7

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 7:25:53 AM

TigressOfDs

Posts: 24
Joined: 12/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

The only thing you should provide anyone is common courtesy and respect.

If someone shows you she is insane in her behavior with you, than take that hint and run the other way with it. M

So true ! and good advice !

Ive often had a slave tell me I am to polite, and that courtesy should never be given to a slave ... to which I say BS. I am a human being that happens to be a FemDom which does not give me a license to be disrespectful to anyone.

Ms.Kat
Listen carefully to what is said,take what you need,then blow the rest away with a breath of kindness. But always watch what they do, for in action there is always a clue. kd2003

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 8

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 9:58:49 AM

shamedmale

Posts: 135
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

i say the man was right anyone who barely knows someone else and demands money immediately is a total bitch if it is a woman that is. Any femdom who demands money is a bitch , i dont care if it s money domination or no , no one has the right to demand off anyone for simple conversation PERIOD, in a way im surprised at the man , if it was me I would have reported her to the local cops because to demand money off someone for simple conversation is CRIMINAL, no buts , no maybes it s CRIMINAL

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 9

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 10:20:06 AM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brafox
Recently I messaged a domme who i had never spoke to before and told her a litttle about me. She immediately had me download yahoo messenger and I did as she asked. Am I at that point supposed to do everything she says simply because I am a sub and she is a domme?

Yes. Now come over here and paint my house. And buy me a new car. And brand my initials on your forehead. Um, what was your name again?

(in reply to brafox)

Post #: 10

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 10:27:29 AM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

I like to use Yahoo for instant messaging...so if someone wants to chat with Me they need to have Yahoo IM'ing.

I have asked(key word here,asked not demanded) more than one to download it and would ask again to anyone who wants to chat.

Now whether they choose to follow up with chatting on Yahoo is completely upto them.So the answer is Yes you do have rights.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to brafox)

Post #: 11

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 10:33:01 AM

shamedmale

Posts: 135
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

hi mate, dont mind some of the Mistresses here , like in real life you get females here who are just completely off the wall, some are downright cruel and some are just way over the top. Like that Najakacharmer for instance or whatever her name is called, now she needs her head examined. Seriously there are no serfs today if she expects everybody to just worship her and have the slave doing everything, well let's just say she's not living in the real world. What a bitch!
regards
shamed

(in reply to brafox)

Post #: 12

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 10:40:54 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

There is a difference between having no rights and having someone who expects you to be in service immediately. If you declare yourself as a money slave, which she knows, its simple, she wants money. Much like telling a sissy to dress for you on cam 5minutes into the conversation. Some Ladies tend to go faster expecting a kink YOU have said you enjoyed, since it was something they already know you are into. However, being a money sub has its own pitfalls when you are trying to meet someone. The majority of women interested in subs like are not going to believe you are necessarily for real until you are willing to send your tributes. If you get a bad vibe off of something as simple as requesting you to download an IM program, however, you are going to have some serious problems. Without conversation youll never get to know someone, and if the method of conversation prefered is IMs, you need a program for it.

My 2 cents
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to shamedmale)

Post #: 13

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 10:49:34 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: demistress

Let me get this straight.... you contacted a domme with the intention of getting into a financial domination relationship and then were displeased when she demanded money from you for the time invested in talking to you?

GET A LIFE!!!!

demistress,
I didn't read anywhere in his post that he was searching to be a money slave. In fact, I got the total opposite impression from reading his profile.

In response to the OP, until a sub makes a commitment to a woman to be hers, we are totally free to do as we wish and are under absolutely no obligation to her beyond what I would call the social obligations that a person has to everyone they would meet or interact with in society. Even if we make a commitment to a woman to be Her submissive, we still have an obligation to ourselves and to her to make it clear from the beginning what each other's expectations are!

As adults we are always responsible for ourselves. Part of that responsibility is learning to negotiate with a woman to establish what our relationship with her is going to look like as Mistress and sub. You don't have to accept just any terms she wants you to take! If she has a standard contract that she wants you to agree to and you don't like a clause, you still have a choice as to whether or not to sign. If she isn't willing to budge or compromise on an issue, what does that tell you about her? Perhaps you should be saying "Thank you, it was nice to meet you! Good luck in your search to find a sub that can satisfy your requirements." as you're walking out the door!

Yes you have rights and you have choices. More than anything, you have the right to exercise those choices and you need to remember to use your brain at appropriate times before you make any commitments and sign on the dotted line! If pressured into signing something before you have time to read it, that should be a red flag to you! Ask for time to read and consider what you will be signing so you can ask any questions you may have.

Until you have agreed to be a woman's sub, you still are free to walk without feeling as though you have failed to meet an obligation. If you later feel she is abusive, after you talk about it with her and the situation doesn't change, you still have an obligation to yourself that goes beyond any obligation you have made to the woman. Always remember that your first obligation is to remove yourself from the situation to see that you are taken care of. Its my opinion that your own mental and physical health comes first! If it doesn't, then what good would you be to a Mistress anyway?

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 14

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 10:50:58 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

quote:

ORIGINAL: brafox
Recently I messaged a domme who i had never spoke to before and told her a litttle about me. She immediately had me download yahoo messenger and I did as she asked. Am I at that point supposed to do everything she says simply because I am a sub and she is a domme?

Yes. Now come over here and paint my house. And buy me a new car. And brand my initials on your forehead. Um, what was your name again?

Yeah man, I'm sub, but if I can be mean and a complete rude ass to people and they give me money and do my chores maybe I'm in the wrong line of business here.
( just kidding as I couldn't live with myself without being able to respect myself)
Before I found BDSM those people that behave like that were suckers & preditors, now I've found BDSM lol it's the same way!!

Now mind you in committed relationships the money and chore issues are not what I feel or discuss above.
I'm speaking directly to the OP about the online and beginning stages of a relationship.
How stupid must you be to not see they are only interested in your money not in you?
If you just need to give your money away to feel good about yourself give it to a good charity, not a selfish self centered bitch.

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

Post #: 15

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 11:43:24 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

If you messaged a professional domme and knew she was a pro, then I might see how she would demand payment. You, however, have the right to shut down that messenger as soon as you saw that it wasn't what you wanted.
If however she wasn't pro and just thought you would submit quickly, then shee was out of line and you have the right to stop the conversation. Or let her know that you are not ready to submit to a stranger.
Either way, you don't have to submit simply because you are chatting.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to brafox)

Post #: 16

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 11:46:35 AM

shamedmale

Posts: 135
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

im 100% with you on this one onestandingstill, if you excuse the pun your bang on the money when you say that its better to give money if you want to to a charity and not to a selfish bitch. Thats bang on the money for me. There are too many dommes out there who are conniving bitches and pure greedy. Their greed is fuelled by their manipulative behaviour in getting men to pay them ridiculous money BUT and this is a huge money if enough men said no to them or paid them just token tributes , they would NOT be so demanding. Why? They would know they could only get so much, whereas NOW there is no limit a woman asks for $1000 and the sub gives it to her no questions asked no wonder there are so many demanding greedy manipulative dommes out there. They can get away with it and are screwing men every way because they get away with it. If enough men stood up to them and said NO and meant it they would soon become less demanding

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 17

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 11:48:28 AM

Celedane

Posts: 21
Joined: 10/17/2006
Status: offline

So did you send her 1000$, and balk at 200? That's what your text rather implied, unless she just modified the original demand to 200. Anyway, you have no obligation to anyone anywhere at any time. No matter the hat they wear. Or the hat you wear. D/l a chat program, which can speed things up is no big deal. In fact, it's better to have one that can archive communications, like messenger can. She sounds like a type who is just seeing if she can get what she wants from people prior to establishing a relationship, an easy fix.

And no, demanding and then receiving money is in no way shape or form a criminal act. If i tell anyone to give me money and they do, even if they bankrupt themselves, it was their choice to agree to do it. Unless there was a way to prove I brainwashed that person, or used some sort of illegal controls to get that.

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 18

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 11:52:07 AM

shamedmale

Posts: 135
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

well im sorry mate anyone who demands money off someone they barely know is a criminal, a DEVIOUS MANIPULATIVE CRIMINAL END OF STORY. if you do that and it sounds from your piece that you might, well lets just say, i have zero respect for you and i hope you get whats coming to you
God bless you and may he help you to get out of your devious ways
regards
shamed

(in reply to Celedane)

Post #: 19

RE: Being a submissive, do we have any rights? - 1/8/2007 11:53:22 AM

shamedmale

Posts: 135
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

it does not matter whether its man or woman who demands the money its still TOTALLY WRONG.

(in reply to Celedane)

Post #: 20

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