need some advice again (Full Version)

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GoreanGuy -> need some advice again (1/8/2007 9:06:27 AM)

ok my leigh and I had a confrontation today. well actually just Me. I seen her log on to MSN messenger and I said "smiles seeing his girl" and her husband, who she isnt very close to, said it was not a she but it was him. he was reading through her logs and stuff. as the conversation progressed he asked who the person she was calling "Master" and I knew her wishes about not disclosing the information to him for she has no place to go.

he had threatened the "Master" with bodily harm if he ever finds him, I gave him a name of a person I have hated for years, and he seemed happy with that in the end of the conversation he said "its good she has a friend like you"  boy would he be mad if he truly found out who he is talking to

my question is knowing she would rather be with you then her current guy, what would you tell her? break it off with him and move close to you? or you need to break it off with her because of her husband?



KatyLied -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 9:12:21 AM)

I wouldn't tell her anything.  She's an adult, it's her decision.  She needs to process the pros/cons for herself.



DeepWaters -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 9:13:47 AM)

I thought Gorean men were honor bound to tell the truth...and not put their slave girls in danger..if she is yours and has no place to go...then go collect her and give her a home...shoot the huband with a tazer if he attacks you or her in the process.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 9:22:00 AM)

So you lied to the husband and gave the name of someone you hate and think that's ok behavior?

The reality is, she wouldn't rather be with you than him- if she did, she'd leave him.  The reality is that, right now, she's decided she wants both and is having both. 

I refuse to get involved in a dishonest relationship personally- BTDT.  But you both seem to have started this affair and are ok with it being that way, so why change it now? 

Although again, your lying to the husband and giving the name of someone else really shows a lack of character on your part- far more so than getting into an affair does IMO.



sophia37 -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 9:53:21 AM)

boy was probably more clued in to who he was taking to than you think! I assume you said something along the lines of, "oh that isnt me" and her husband then says "well if I ever get my hnads on that guy, watch out!" Thats how it sounded to me from what you said anway. Youre giving him the code words so he's giving you the code words right back!

Neither you or your girl or being overly smart about your situation. She made easy access to her computer for her husband to get in to take a look so easily. Im sure you're right in there with that stuff.

You two need to talk over the situation. I mean seriously, I might rather be with my boyfriend more than with my husband too. But that does not mean that I will be. Be careful here. Her safety should be important to you. If you feel shes in danger with you in the picture, you may have to remove yourself.



MsKatHouston -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 9:56:26 AM)

"smiles seeing his girl" did not make him suspicious?  I can't really tell you what you should do but I know what I would do.  I would not be in a relationship with someone who is married without the consent of the spouse.  I would not potentially put someone else in harm's way, regardless of my feelings for the person just to save my own ass.  What does your girl say about all this?  The whole situation seems to have the potential to blow up in a big way and hurt all involved. 

She, however, is the one who has to make a decision as to what she will do and where she will go.  He has to make the decision on whether or not he wants to kick her out on her ear for cheating on him.  You only have control over your own actions.  I would look at those actions and decide if they are honorable and true and whether you want to continue in the same manner.  Up to you.  Up to her.  Up to him.  What all falls out, though will have a ripple effect on the other people.



onestandingstill -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 9:59:53 AM)

Be honorable and don't partake in the cheating to start with is the only drama free advice that seems to jump out at me.
Besides food for thought here, but if she cheats on him what makes you think when she gets bored of you she won't start seeing others and using you to foot her bills like she is him.
All the deception would make me nutso if you really wanted to know my opinion I'd run for the hills.
suzanne



missturbation -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 10:03:44 AM)

he had threatened the "Master" with bodily harm if he ever finds him, I gave him a name of a person I have hated for years, and he seemed happy with that in the end of the conversation he said "its good she has a friend like you"  boy would he be mad if he truly found out who he is talking to
I'm a little confused here. You signed in to msn and spoke to her husband so he obviosly knows that you are her Master. He threatened the Master ie you with bodily harm and yet at the end of the convo said he was glad she had a friend like you. That just doesn't fit !!
 
You gave your name as someone you have hated for years!! So you are prepared to have an affair with his wife but not accept the responsibilty for it?
 
I knew her wishes about not disclosing the information to him for she has no place to go.
my question is knowing she would rather be with you then her current guy, what would you tell her? break it off with him and move close to you?
Again first you say she has nowhere to go, then you say she could move near you?
 
or you need to break it off with her because of her husband?
As we don't know the relationship they have other than what you have said about them not being close, which is then contradicted by the husbands reaction it would be unfair to make a opinion on this. However due to the fact you are obviously not prepared to accept your responsibility in this mess if i was her i'd leave you.



Missokyst -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 10:08:54 AM)

Holey smokes.  That was as an extreme act of cowardice as I have witnessed online.  Blech.  Just reading it makes me want to wash my eyes out with soap.
Of course he knows its you!  Your greeting to her plus the fact the man can READ her logs shows him exactly who is her supposed "master". 
And what he has seen from your quick denial, and pointing the finger elsewhere is the type of man you show yourself to be.
Am I judging you?  Heck yes.  But dang man.. you put it up here.
Kyst



MsKatHouston -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 10:10:16 AM)

Another thought:  If I were you I would not assume she was being completely up front and honest with you.  She's lying to and cheating on her husband.  How do you know she's not doing the same to you?  Seems like a helluva mess.

I also agree with missturbation.  He's reading the logs that have your name on it.  He'd have to be a complete idiot to not know exactly who you are and know you were lying about not being the "Master" in question.



GoreanGuy -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 10:20:30 AM)

actually it wasnt a log he read it was a draft of an essay that she was to write... if that  really matters now



MsKatHouston -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 10:23:00 AM)

ok well, regardless...a sticky situation that I would tread very carefully with.  Good luck in what you decide. 



MstrDouglas -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 10:24:17 AM)

You gave him someone else's name, ok, but who's name did you use on your msn profile?  He has your screen name, and with any ammount of effort, he can get the rest of your information.  Isnt the WWW a great thing?  Just a little "food for thought".



pissdoll -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 10:29:51 AM)

it's really not likely to happen......

but let's say husband goes nuts over her screwing around and finds this guy who you hate (who is completely oblivious as to what is about to happen) and either beats him to permanent injury or kills him.

this thought makes me shudder.

even if he only beats the guy a little bit, it makes me shudder.


could you seriously live with this????


lack of concern toward others does not a good master make.



missturbation -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 10:30:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoreanGuy

actually it wasnt a log he read it was a draft of an essay that she was to write... if that  really matters now


So when you said
"smiles seeing his girl"
You honestly believe he doesnt know its you. The more you say the more i doubt the credibility of anything you have put.
 



MistressSassy66 -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 10:40:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

So you lied to the husband and gave the name of someone you hate and think that's ok behavior?

The reality is, she wouldn't rather be with you than him- if she did, she'd leave him.  The reality is that, right now, she's decided she wants both and is having both. 

I refuse to get involved in a dishonest relationship personally- BTDT.  But you both seem to have started this affair and are ok with it being that way, so why change it now? 

Although again, your lying to the husband and giving the name of someone else really shows a lack of character on your part- far more so than getting into an affair does IMO.



Exactly. LA
I have to say I think thats really low to involve someone whom you dont like.

Wouldnt it be cool if the husband found the dude you dont like...and they put it all together...That would be Karma in action.



AdventureSailing -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 10:44:39 AM)

If I am following this thread correctly, we (collectively) are now helping people be a liar and a cheat?  And the grand irony of a handle with Gorean in it?  No offense to anyone, but what are we doing here?



DiurnalVampire -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 10:47:54 AM)

She obviously isnt YOUR GIRL if she i still involved with her husband.  Maybe you should consider finding yourself someone who is a little freer to be with you, ratehr than sneaking around (unsuccessfully at that).  Having lied to her husband aside, you are asking for trouble.  If she is so willing to be yours, but isnt leaving this man, then what makes you think you are her only one?
If he sawa  draft of an essay she was writing, he was still talking to you online.  That means he can go back and read her logs if he so choses.  Are you happy being a hidden tidbit rather than a relationship she is proud to be part of? Being in a realtionship with someone who is on their way OUT of a bad marraige is one thing, but she doesnt sound like shes leaving any time soon.  I think yur wasting your time, unless you like it safe that way and dont want to have to worry about it getting anywhere.
And for the matter of lying, that was cowardly.  If she doesnt want him knowing about you, then she has to do a bit more to protect his access, if he can get on her messengers, then she isnt too concerned about what he might learn.

My 2 cents
DV



velvetears -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 11:05:21 AM)

IMO i think shes playing you both for fools.  If they weren't "very close" she would not allow him access to her passwords and if he had them - he wouldn't care. 

Giving him the name of someone else who you hate was cowardly and unethical.  Men of honor take responsibility for their actions, they don't hide in fear or lie and blame others.  i have a feeling, by your own admission of your character, you are getting exactly what you deserve with this "sub/slave/girl".



LadyHugs -> RE: need some advice again (1/8/2007 11:07:36 AM)

Dear GoreanGuy, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I can honestly say, that I am extremely disappointed in you GoreanGuy.
 
Either you are life naive or, your the sort of chap that is a drama junkie.
 
In my mind's eyes I see, it is pure folly to be involved with a married woman and or any woman who has affections towards others, such as a boyfriend and or fiance`.  One should be mindful that no matter who cheats first--it is cheating.  Once disclosure has occurred, the first thing to do is say bye and get going.  Law only sees marriage as a legal binding contract.  The 'other' man, has no standing in the relationship and is legally liable and may be sued, funds collected in some jurisdictions for adultary.
 
There are government and private groups to assist women who wish to be gone from a dangerous relationship and have no place to go.  If a woman has conviction she will do all she must to be gone.  And, knowing the Leather Community, they be the first to lend a hand to others in a pinch.  I've seen this many times and across the globe.
 
But, you both know the consequences of cheating --now perhaps you see some of the effects.  But, like another post put forth--once you greeted 'my/his girl' --no matter what excuses or words said after would be seen as a lie.  That would also effect court's view of your character as well.  Furthermore, the husband/boyfriend if directed in their rage to 'murder' an innocent party, even if you personally hate them; the fact remains you will be held responsible for that innocent's murder and or injuries.  It is being an accessory.  The connection will be made and links to you will be manifested.  Boys blame others for their deeds.  Men take responsibilities for their deeds.  That is what disappoints me.
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



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