Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Anger and S/m Play


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Anger and S/m Play Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/9/2007 9:03:06 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
General Reply:

What I'd like to know (from anyone who cares to answer) Is do you SM anger advocates actually want to feel anger so that you can have an "anger scene"?   Or is scening while you're angry just incidental at times?

Yes to both.  Sometimes I want it, sometimes it's just where the energy is.


It just makes me wonder if desired anger during a scene could actually exacerbate the anger already being felt, rather than relieve it, thereby leading to loss of control. 

I guess alot has to do with the level of anger and the expression of it. 

Im not judging it, tho I do think anger causes physical changes in a persons body;  vision, blood pressure, added strength, higher tolerance for pain etc....not unlike alcohol or drugs really. I would have to admit that I would scene with someone that i trusted well who had had maybe a couple glasses of wine, but the anger thing would scare me, personally.  Im not saying it's wrong for others.

I also think that OneStandingStill made a good point, as far as scening in order to release frustration or scening as an escape after a bad day, which I would not equate as being the same thing as whipping someone to relieve personal frustration. 

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/9/2007 9:09:40 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

OK Two seperate answers here:
1. marietwo " What I'd like to know (from anyone who cares to answer) Is do you SM anger advocates actually want to feel anger so that you can have an "anger scene"?   Or is scening while you're angry just incidental at times"

First off I'm not really advocating it that would mean I am saying folks should do it, what I am advocating is that folks not dismiss the idea of SM play as a possible means to process anger being a safe and acceptable possibility.
Personally I don't generally generate anger so I can have the scene (Top angry bottom reciever of energy) If I happen to be angry and the idea of sceneing to relieve the anger get it out of the system rather than let it build and fester, then hey why not so long as I am in control and expect I will remain in control.



Yeah, Probably using the word advocate wasn't the best choice of words. 

I think when I hear the words anger and sm together, I automatically picture a type of situation where one person is taking their anger out on another person, rather than using the scene mutually for some type of release.  As a submissive, I know that sometimes feeling frustrated makes me crave a beating and it relieves the stress Im feeling.  but I dont think I'd want to be doing that if I were irrate with anger, because then I don't really feel pain and process pain the same way.  But Im understanding the anger/ sm thing from angles that I hadn't really considered before.

Thanks for the response.

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/9/2007 9:24:10 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

...
2. Noah
We actually have used SM with Elegant angry and recieving the energy from me to reach a catharsis, but the class we are exploring the idea of anger in SM at this time is the reverse.
The idea being that AS the Top I actually add to her anger generating more of it until she as the bottom lashes out at me.
My job being to generate/ focus her anger and give her an outlet meanwhile protecting myself from harm remaining calm and using martial arts pads to block/ absorb the anger until spent or until the rage reaches an unsafe level when a wrapup and take to the floor stop of the scene is required.
Kinda like a boxing coach getting the fighter past the anger issues that keep them from proper focus.



Thanks for your kind response, Archer. So it seems that this is a thing which can take advantage of well developed sympathies and empathies between you  and a big well of personal knowledge you have of one another. That sounds very appropriate to me.

And I'd like to endorse what I see as you moving beyond the "chapter and verse" imprecation against anger in S&M. I suppose that anyone who can't conceive of anger without conceiving of it as out of control would be wise to give it all a wide berth.  I agree, though, with the things you and others have said about not walling this part of life off from an entire category of human emotion, although I'm still interested to hear from those who have something thoughtful to say about alternative points of view.

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/9/2007 9:27:53 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear marieToo, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
As to your General Reply questions -- I can only speak for myself.
 
I don't play angry with an individual I am Topping in any scene.  However, if I am working with a masochist which taps out energy I have behind the strokes and techniques, I think/project something as to cause me to trigger anger.  Sometimes you will see a masochist chid a Sadist by saying; "Is that all you got?" And, or any other type of challenge.  Reading the masochist I'm Topping, which is familiar--I don't wait for that 'tease' or 'manipulation to flip the switch into a challenge/anger response.'  By using my own anger in a controlled way, I use my chemical body responses where I don't need a masochist to flip the switch to do so.  [Hope it makes sense]  I use it as energy fuel and not as a guise to raw anger emotions and or hateful reactions to another.  I also do not do any scenes with people I dislike or angry with. 
 
Now, that said -- a Top can provoke anger from a bottom/submissive and or slave.  Picking and not let up until the primal rage, anger, the eruption of the volcano of emotions and then maintain it a bit until all of it leaves the slave/submissive/bottom/masochist. 
 
That said, I would also mention; if there was a 'role play' scene where it was an Inquisition, in an prosecutional manner--Passion can be mistaken in a way for being angry.  Both being angry and passionate are very animated emotions.  Again, in a 'role play' scene; the anger and passion remains in the scene/role play boundaries.  I would not place myself in a scene or role play with an individual that I dislike or angry with on a person to person situation.
 
It really goes to the 'spirit of intent' when all is said and done.  Internally, the intent must be established before hand, such as catharsis, healing, stress relief, etc.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 
 
 


Lady Hugs:

Your post makes perfect reasonable sense and it just triggered my realization that with the right person, I actually enjoy having anger and frustration brought to the surface...its like a form of emotional sadism to me. 
Again, I never thought of these different areas that anger can be a part of DS SM.  Always I immediately thought about the 'whipping post' thing when I would hear people talk about this topic. Or one person coming home and saying "I had a bad day and I want to beat you till Im relieved."  Apparently there are so many different ways that "anger" or "frustration" or whathaveyou can be incorporated into wiitwd.

:)

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/9/2007 9:30:09 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
...

But Im understanding the anger/ sm thing from angles that I hadn't really considered before.

...


 So am I. What a nice thread this has turned out to be.

Thank you, all.

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/9/2007 11:10:42 PM   
MasterHXB


Posts: 48
Joined: 1/3/2007
Status: offline 		Anger has its place in the bdsm relationship. If I didnt get angrey at my slave. I couldn't do the things that are very hot in bed as well as the the control she needs from me in her life outside of bed.

(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/10/2007 1:18:05 AM   
mgdartist


Posts: 328
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: irving tx
Status: offline 		agree with MHXB. Fact is I'm rarely angry during a scene, and my lowest common denominator of feeling toward the sub is affection, simply for her submission. But from there it gets complicated, and unlike some here, often will feign anger, anytime it suits me. Even when I know she knows my anger may be contrived, also know thats often more humiliating, or if she doesnt, know it can invoke the fear from her I seek. If I'm actually angry at her, in the out of scene world, It seems natural and convenient to make use of the scenes obvious potential to resolve and release. If I'm utterly enraged with her, which is very unlikely, then I'd likely hold back, but know such anger subsides quickly with me.

_____________________________



(in reply to MasterHXB)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/10/2007 7:56:10 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I abhor anger..I will avoid it at all possible cost..To trust someone in impact play that is angry is like trusting a drunk to drive..both somewhat reckless decisions...Tempting

(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/10/2007 8:10:40 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

I abhor anger..I will avoid it at all possible cost..To trust someone in impact play that is angry is like trusting a drunk to drive..both somewhat reckless decisions...Tempting


I disagree..

Because someone is angry doesn't equate to a person being out of control or even reckless.  It doesn't mean that a person is unable to make effective decisions.

A drunk's decision making is very much affected by the alcohol that they drink.  But, a sip of alcohol will not make a person a drunk. With increasing amounts of alcohol a person's decisions will be affected and at some point those decision will become reckless.

This is much like emotions.. our emotions affect us like alcohol.  More intense the emotion the more it will affect our decisions, be it anger, sadness, joy, love etc.  Just like a person make responsible decisions of when to much alcohol will affects negatively some activities so does emotions when they are takened to far.  Nothing wrong with anger in play.. but there comes a point that one needs to decide not to play.. or not to drive.

editted to add...

this of course means that Anger is seen in the context of a continum of a specific emotion...  But... anger seen in the context as 5 bottles of alcohol reflects a point on that continum... it just depends on how you look at the word "anger"

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 1/10/2007 8:19:00 PM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/10/2007 8:57:33 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear TemptingNviceSub, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I can only speak for myself however, I do not take drugs or alcohol, wine, spirits and or liquor when I scene, before I scene and a long time after I scene.  Even cough syrup has chemicals that can alter my body's chemical balances.
 
When anger, as a raw emotion moves from controlled levels into a 'out of control' primal behavior; as we see in crime.  "In a fit of anger;"  "In a fit of passion;" "In a blind rage, etc." -- Those realms are ones most Sadists and Dominants will not participate in.  I cannot say that all Dominants and or Sadists do--but, the majority I've known through the years won't cross the line with anger, when they don't have complete control of their faculties.  They will anger management and cool down.  They have to have a sense of awareness and control of self before touching another.
 
Drunk...impaired, can come just as easily from rage, anger, passion, sub space, flying, Top space, drugs, alcohol, etc.  External and or Internal--Impairment is something to be concerned about and, this is one reason why as a Dominant; I don't scene impaired. 
 
Reckless, is when a person knowingly and willingly continues while impaired, knowing the consequences and or effects of being impaired.  It is similar to 'spirit of intent.' 
 
Further, I will add--when I get tired and start loosing the accuracy of a skilled technique.  I stop.  I do something different.  If its necessary, I will take a rest or time out.  As I have aged, I cannot carry on a long scene, like 6-12 hours stretch.  Now, I'm lucky to keep at it for 4-5 hours. [Note: scenes will have breaks for bathroom, hydration, snack]
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/11/2007 6:47:08 AM   
Jnj


Posts: 72
Joined: 9/28/2004
Status: offline 		I really find something erotic and exhilirating about playing in anger.  When my dominant hits me, and he has anger coursing through his body, it is honest and primal.  We always encourage submissives to be as open and expressive about their feelings as possible during a scene, but tend to limit what is its acceptible for dominants to feel.  I take exception to that  - if I have created an emotion in my dominant, I want to feel it, not experience it 20 minutes later when he has had time to cool off.  I want to be hit in the moment, and having to wait until he is no longer angry takes away that spontaneous exchange for us.

Like many of the people here, I don't believe that being angry is synonymous with being out of control.  I believe it is possible for us to allow strong emotions to cloud our judgement, but really, aren't most of us past high school, where we have developped the emotional maturity to be both angry and responsible for our actions all at the same time?

On the flip side, my dominant encourages my anger in a scene.  When we do degrading, scary or difficult play, one of the stages I experience is intense anger that my dominant would put me in that situation.  Jim loves that stage, and even pushes me into it quickly some times just to get me to fight back.  Being angry as a submissive is very truthful, and when I express it, I almost feel like he is saying that he is man enough to accept (and some times exploit) any of my emotions, even the ones that don't like him.

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/11/2007 6:53:41 AM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mgdartist

agree with MHXB. Fact is I'm rarely angry during a scene, and my lowest common denominator of feeling toward the sub is affection, simply for her submission. But from there it gets complicated, and unlike some here, often will feign anger, anytime it suits me. Even when I know she knows my anger may be contrived, also know thats often more humiliating, or if she doesnt, know it can invoke the fear from her I seek. If I'm actually angry at her, in the out of scene world, It seems natural and convenient to make use of the scenes obvious potential to resolve and release. If I'm utterly enraged with her, which is very unlikely, then I'd likely hold back, but know such anger subsides quickly with me.


I noticed in one of your vids, you seemed to get genuinely irritated with the submissive and switched from the implement to hand smacking.  I wondered if it was for her sake or because "hands-on" was more satisfying to you in that moment.

MaryT

(in reply to mgdartist)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/11/2007 6:58:24 AM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

I abhor anger..I will avoid it at all possible cost..To trust someone in impact play that is angry is like trusting a drunk to drive..both somewhat reckless decisions...Tempting


I disagree..

Because someone is angry doesn't equate to a person being out of control or even reckless.  It doesn't mean that a person is unable to make effective decisions.


I agree.  There is a difference between anger and out-of-control rage.  Anger includes being miffed, slightly ticked off, etc.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/11/2007 7:26:57 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I guess I would want everyone who is curious or against playing with anger to watch a scene with my partner and myself when one or both of us is angry and see how they feel afterwards.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/11/2007 9:21:37 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		The problem is there are just too many variable to make a general rule about doing anger in a scene. Each person’s personality, what type of scene and previous history of all the issues make it such a large variable.

My first owners the husband had a terrible time being able to control his anger and therefore could not and would not ever do a scene or make any significant decision that affected the other people when he was angry. My last Master was so unemotional that I came close to being happy when he was angry and decided to do a scene as it was just nice to see the emotion come out.

There are levels of being angry and levels of scenes. I do not see the problem when a person has control of their anger and can decide what scene would be a good and safe outlet as being a bad thing. It can be just a simple good bare handed spanking and does not have to be some elaborate bondage scene with extreme things or toys.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/11/2007 9:23:21 AM   
mgdartist


Posts: 328
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: irving tx
Status: offline 		i have over 100 hrs of content. Id need to know which vid you refer to.
sorry

MGD


_____________________________



(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/11/2007 9:41:35 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		I NEVER play when angry.
 
If there is a situation that does anger Me I will wait days before playing.

I have had agressive sex while angry...very primal.

Ross

(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/11/2007 1:22:36 PM   
SlaveSubtoserve


Posts: 282
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline 		i have in the past served as an anger outlet for my Mistress when She needed to vent those emotions--- sometimes anger at me but more often just at the world and i was more than happy to serve as Her pain cushion as it enabled Her to feel better which made me feel better and happy----- but the key is i knew She had control of Herself as it was an established relationship-----not sure i would want to mix in anger into any casual or semi-casual scenes though.

(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/11/2007 1:28:35 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I apologize for not sorting through the other posts and saying 'I like that answer'.

I think there's a difference, from the giving side, between being (or playing while) angry and stepping over the 'out of control' line.  This, I do not condone.

I can conceptualize how anger prior, or during, a scene can be healthy on the receiving side.  It can also be destructive, but I don't think that is the nature of the question.

For myself, it takes an inordinate amount of anything to make me angry.  It really is unthinkable that I could even BE out of control.  But even so, I can only think of less than a handful of occasions when I even contemplated a scene whilst angry.  The latest time I do recall as it was this past year, and the anger and the consequences were quite merited, but I at no point even resembled 'out of control'.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Anger and S/m Play - 1/11/2007 1:54:42 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I can deal with other people's anger fairly well, I think, in real life. I tend to stare at the angry person, (provided they are not physically about to toss me across a room like a football, or something) and say things like: "Oh. I see. Uh-huh, I understand - and look "concerned" a lot, I guess). Just to try to "talk them down" , a little, and make them (hopefully) feel "heard". 

"Out of control" does not automatically follow simply because someone may feel angry, in my estimation, (although, "out of control" is something that would scare the hell out of me, for sure, and I'd not appreciate it at all, I don't think).

On the other hand, I guess I can sometimes kind of go for that "quieter, "simmering" sort of anger, from a Dominant (on occasion). "Stern" is fine with me, too (not sure if that qualifies under the "anger" heading but think that might be the way some people's anger comes across, at times). I can deal with people who yell, but I really just abhor yelling in general (scene related, or not), and it just makes me cry, 99% of the time, if it happens. I just don't handle "yellers" very well, I guess. Yelling (screaming, whatever one calls it) actually really does tend to make me feel a bit (seriously) abused, and not in a good way.

I can appreciate fear in bdsm activity, though, and a simmering sort of anger that reigns in someone (for however long that would be) can undoubtedly provoke fear in me, and might make me wonder how they will end up venting that toward me - that can be rewarding, I think, in a bdsm scene (without adding all the "it depends" and caveats that go with that statement, and of course there would be some) .

If anyone gets really, really angry at me, (during a "scene") I really appreciate some token of affection afterward, (a kind word, a kinder glance - something) to let me know they do still really care on some level, because I can get kind of "emotionally involved"  to my own detriment sometimes if anger remains an ongoing, consistent theme, as far as activity (please dont ask how I know this about myself - it's a long, relatively boring story). 

As far as me getting angry myself, I don't usually yell at people, I am a "burst into tears" type instead, primarily. Or else I just "shut down" and tune them out, and crawl inside myself. Of course, I am referring here to real life situations that may provoke anger in me, not bdsm activity (although it is possible, I guess, that might be my reaction to a scene where extreme anger on the part of the other person was a major part of the scenario). But I think if I felt that, I'd ask to talk about it with the other person, so we could resolve it somehow (or try to do that).

I don't get angry that often, really. More often, I think I tend to feel hurt. But - I have on occasion become very angry - it's rare, but it has happened (a couple of times in my life). And you don't want to see it (trust me). Dishes get thrown across a room and broken, etc. I've said things I knew would really make apretty detrimental emotional impact on the other person, etc. Not a pretty sight. But it's very rare.

I am the kind of person who has a long, long, long fuse, but  -when I am finally at the end of it, I just write the other person off - I'm usually "done" with them - for good. But to not have to reach that point, I will usually do everything I can to "make something work" - talking, actions, etc. - whatever we have both decided might help (or me deciding alone, if the other won't particpate in discussing what ever it is that is fueling either one of our feelings of anger). 

I suppose if I could "get hold" of any anger I felt and sort of harness it, I could somehow use that in a scene. I'd need to think about how, though, a little longer. I am not sure. I think as far as any "negative" emotion being used in a scene from my submissive point of view, it would more often be frustration, vs. raw anger.

But, I don't think anger, vented properly, is a "dirty word. Anger is a pretty basic human emotion. I doubt there is a person on the planet who doesn't ever feel it (although I haven't taken a poll).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 1/11/2007 2:30:09 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Anger and S/m Play Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.105