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Titles, labels, & myths.... - 2/27/2005 1:20:57 PM   
GddssBella


Posts: 343
Joined: 2/24/2004
Status: offline 		G'aftternoon all:

I've never been comfortable with the designation of "Mistress". As in the heading of this forum. In vanilla society it denotes "the other woman". Which, as any female dominant will tell you, is unacceptable. No one wants to play second fiddle.

From a friend on another group:
quote:

But when I hear the term Mistress outside of our Lifestyle, the first thing I think of ...well..er...a woman who is kept by a married man. Not a woman who has power, authority or ownership as it is also defined. Interesting how one word can have such opposite meanings.


Secondly: the brother column: "Ask a Master". Not all male dominants are qualified for that title. Simply being in the top or dom role doesn't qualify one instantly. Then again, I don't think any human being can earn that title, male or female, as life is a continuous process & one should never stop learning.

The following is a c,c,p'd post I made to the other group:

quote:

On another note, my own screen name. "GoddessBellissima". Kinda full
of itself, on it's own. My intention though was descriptive rather
than a self imposed honorific. There are 5 arch-typical roles that
female dominants generally fall into. (I will not list/describe them
all, merely give you the frame of reference & you can read for
yourselves: "The Mistress Manual" by Mistress Lorelei available
through greenerypress.com - nice lil handbook during my earlier
times) My preference is the Goddess role. She who is to be
worshipped, adored, put on a pedestal, yada, yada, yada, ad
nauseum/infinitum. I in no way identify myself as a deity. That
would be foolhardy in the extreme & pompous as hell. I simply enjoy
being pampered. What woman wouldn't?? The latter part of my screen
name was taken from a nick name an old boyfriend tagged me with. He
used to call me "Mia Bellissima". Italian for "My Beautiful". Or
some other rough translation thereof. I lopped off the possessive, &
slapped the two together. Not because my vanity demands a lofty
label but because, heck, it sounds good that way, lol.

I'm getting a burning sensation around the ears.... I can almost
HEAR the clamoring over this ~softer~ side. What about my sadistic
nature known to so many? That's simple. I do flip between the
Goddess & the Amazon at will. It's just my nature. Don't try to
figure it out. I gave up ages ago, hehe.

Personally, I'm never comfortable with titles, honorifics, etc. Even
in scene. I designate the usage of the Goddess title during a scene
though because it appears to make the sub/bottom/slave more at ease.
It establishes a heirarachy in which they can relax, give over
control & find freedom in their letting go. I think a basic "Ma'am"
is a good all around term because it denotes deference without
actually having to go into all the other factors. Such as intimacy,
romance, etc.

I certainly don't feel either gender is superior to the other.
Respect should never be given, it better damn well be earned!
Courtesy on the other hand, is just good manners. All should
practice it, especially if they'd like to have it returned.


Felt it would save time & typing. Pros? Cons?

I do so love stirring up a good storm!

Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others....




Bella
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 2/27/2005 1:49:05 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I've never been comfortable with the designation of "Mistress". As in the heading of this forum. In vanilla society it denotes "the other woman". Which, as any female dominant will tell you, is unacceptable. No one wants to play second fiddle.


Which is why I picked LadyAngelika. I have had boys & girls call me Mistress but that comes way later on in the relationship. It's like the equivalent of going steady ;)

As for the term itself, I've just appropriated it to mean what I want it to mean. If I deemed that Rutabaga was the optimal term for worship, then I'd have my subs call me Rutabaga. And believe me, they would get a hell of a smack for snickering ;)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to GddssBella)
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RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 2/27/2005 1:52:46 PM   
onceburned


Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline
quote:

"The Mistress Manual" by Mistress Lorelei


Yes, I have heard nothing but good things about that book and its one I will have to order. I like understanding the other side of the dynamic.

I recognize that the word 'mistress' carries a lot of negative baggage. So does the word 'slave'. Choosing not to use the word in preference to another seems sensible to me. And certainly the name you mention, Goddess Bellissima, has a smooth sibilance which just sounds good.

I have wondered about the honorific 'Goddess' and your explanation gives me a better understanding why a domme or domina (Jules, please come back!) might use it.

< Message edited by onceburned -- 2/27/2005 1:54:40 PM >

(in reply to GddssBella)
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RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 2/27/2005 1:56:48 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		I understand why people would want to use the term Mistress if they were in a BDSM (etc.) sort of relationship.

However I do not use it for the same reason you mentioned. I'm a bit of an English nut. I first heard the term used to describe a 'kept' woman - someone who slept with married individuals. I didn't like that a bit.

I toyed around with titles and realized that no matter what a person decides to call (her/him)self there would always be someone who may very well look down their nose at the person.

I use someone's handle if meeting them online. If they indicate they'd like to be called something else I may use that depending on the circumstances. When in person I refer to them by the name and title I am presented with. If they later prove in some fashion that the title does not suit them I shan't be calling them anything at all. I try to give the benefit of the doubt in most cases.

I think titles ought to be a personal thing. I use a title for me, myself and mine. Those close to me in a BDSM regard refer to me as Empress. But to all else I'd prefer to be called Ma'am, Madame or by the use of my handle (or real name if they happen to know it).

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to GddssBella)
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RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 2/27/2005 1:58:23 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Jules, please come back!


I second that emotion.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to onceburned)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 2/27/2005 2:08:31 PM   
LadyBeckett


Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline 		Likewise I am Lady Beckett, and boys are not allowed to call me otherwise until we have established that there is a relationship and they have permission to do so. They generally call me M'Lady, but sometimes do call me Mistress. When it gets to that point I believe I am the only woman they are thinking about. They serve Me. Their loyalty is to Me.

Like Maniac I'm not too crazy about the "Ma'am" thing, but I usually won't say anything when a submissive addresses me with it because s/he is being respectful, and I will therefore respect their demonstration. If our communication continues I will offer an alternative address. If someone addresses me as "Mistress" I will correct them immediately!

I don't know that I would designate "Rutabagas" lol, but perhaps Mango, or Passion Fruit. I could handle hearing that with sincere reverence.

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 2/27/2005 2:12:03 PM   
LadyBeckett


Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

Jules, please come back!


I second that emotion.

- LA


Okay, me too. So where is our Darling Jules anyway?


_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 2/27/2005 2:12:58 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBeckett
Like Maniac I'm not too crazy about the "Ma'am" thing, but I usually won't say anything when a submissive addresses me with it because s/he is being respectful, and I will therefore respect their demonstration. If our communication continues I will offer an alternative address. If someone addresses me as "Mistress" I will correct them immediately!


And you know I gotta love Beckett to let her call me Maniac ;)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBeckett
I don't know that I would designate "Rutabagas" lol, but perhaps Mango, or Passion Fruit. I could handle hearing that with sincere reverence.


How about Scotch Bonnet, as you are Scottish and you have the loveliest hot Fiii-urhe

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LadyBeckett)
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RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 2/27/2005 2:14:47 PM   
Sissyslave71


Posts: 226
Joined: 2/20/2005
Status: offline 		Whats in a name anyway?

My 2 cents.

_____________________________

~dani~

(in reply to LadyBeckett)
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RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 2/27/2005 2:38:29 PM   
MistressJadeMTL


Posts: 168
Joined: 12/18/2004
From: Montreal, Canada
Status: offline 		I've never liked being called "Ma'am" because that is what people call my Mom... I also don't mind being referred to as "Milady" by my subs.

I choose the name of "Mistress" because of it's original French connotations, which is "Maîtresse" - which is the term that most students use to respectfully refer to a female teacher. Since I am often in the role of teacher to my subs as well as to others in my community, I find it most appropriate and not at all "ill-meaning".

Much of a word's connotations derives from the experience one has had with that word, or how you might have seen it used in the past.



_____________________________

~ Mistress Jade Dragon

HeadMistress - FemDomme Society of Canada: http://FemDommeSociety.ca
Montreal BDSM/Fetish Calendar of events: http://ClubFetish.ca/calendar
Blog - Adventures of a HeadMistress - http://femdommesociety.ca/HeadMistress_Jade

(in reply to Sissyslave71)
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RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 2/27/2005 2:42:15 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJadeMTL

I choose the name of "Mistress" because of it's original French connotations, which is "Maîtresse" - which is the term that most students use to respectfully refer to a female teacher.


Exactement ma chère.

How lovely it is to see you here Jade :)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MistressJadeMTL)
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RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 2/27/2005 3:12:59 PM   
MistressJadeMTL


Posts: 168
Joined: 12/18/2004
From: Montreal, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

LadyAngelika wrote:
How lovely it is to see you here Jade :)


Why thank you Lady Angelika... It is nice to be back around again; the past month has been particularly hectic and I am only now finding a bit of time to "do the rounds". I believe you noticed some of the Montreal events that I posted? I wanted to share with others who might not be on some of the event mailing lists...

Hope to cross paths again soon!



_____________________________

~ Mistress Jade Dragon

HeadMistress - FemDomme Society of Canada: http://FemDommeSociety.ca
Montreal BDSM/Fetish Calendar of events: http://ClubFetish.ca/calendar
Blog - Adventures of a HeadMistress - http://femdommesociety.ca/HeadMistress_Jade

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 2/27/2005 9:46:48 PM   
MadameBette


Posts: 62
Joined: 9/8/2004
From: Long Island, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadameDahlia
However I do not use it for the same reason you mentioned. I'm a bit of an English nut. I first heard the term used to describe a 'kept' woman - someone who slept with married individuals. I didn't like that a bit.

But to all else I'd prefer to be called Ma'am, Madame or by the use of my handle (or real name if they happen to know it).


My feelings exactly. It's why I chose the name I did. Although I know many in the lifestyle use Mistress, I just don't like it.

Madame Bette

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 2/28/2005 12:53:22 AM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		I agree with the original poster's comments about respect being earned and that no gender is inherently superior to the other...but staying on topic here, I don't use any title in my screen name and I probably never will. That's just me.

My girlfriend and I are working out the kinks (so to speak) of our relationship and we know there will probably be D/s elements. If/when that happens, I'll make it clear that "Ma'am" is my prefered title of respect. Then again, my preference for "Sir" and "Ma'am" might just come from the fact that I've lived in the south for several years.

(in reply to MadameBette)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 2/28/2005 1:07:01 PM   
LadyTantalize


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline 		Actually, I ADORE the word Mistress!!! My title of "Lady T." comes from an old nickname having to do with a musician, but in scenes, play, life, etc., I prefer to hear .... "Yes, Mistress"! *smiles* I simply LOVE the word!! Screw the way others view it, it's all a matter of how you view it yourself!! I know those who pefer to be referred to as "Domme" or "Domina", and some want to be called "Ma'am". Not Me - I love to hear the word "Mistress"!! There are other definitions than being the "other woman" - I suggest focusing on those:

Mistress: a female head of household; a woman skilled in a particular subject or activity; a woman loved or courted by a man; A WOMAN IN A POSITION OF AUTHORITY OR CONTROL

(Yep, straight out of the Oxford English Dictionary)


Screw the way others view it, it's all a matter of how you view it yourself!! Take it and make it Your Own!!

Truly,

Lady T.

Mistress of the Mind-Fuck and Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle



_____________________________

Truly, Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle, Crossdressing Consultant, Punk-Rock Party Girl and Wicked SugarPuss
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee William

(in reply to GddssBella)
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RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 2/28/2005 4:56:44 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I believe you noticed some of the Montreal events that I posted?


I did! I did! I hope to see you at a few of them :)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MistressJadeMTL)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 2/28/2005 4:59:52 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyTantalize
Mistress: a female head of household; a woman skilled in a particular subject or activity; a woman loved or courted by a man; A WOMAN IN A POSITION OF AUTHORITY OR CONTROL


Uh huh. I'm thinking of the school's Head Mistress! Now there's a lovely thought :)

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LadyTantalize)
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RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 3/1/2005 11:57:00 AM   
MaitresseEden


Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline 		ok.. dancing to my own drum now.. I love to be called " Ma'am" it's a southern thing, It can be easily said, and is always respectful, regardless of whome your saying it to. I choose to be call "Maitresse" the french word for mistress, because it the french language there is some differential between the sadist kind, and the "other woman kind". and like Lady Tantalize so aptly pointed out.. The Mistress of the manner, head of the household... etc. So that world doesn't bother me either.

What does bother me is : "Miss" ( I'm not a child). I prefer Ms. in my everyday coorespondence. I detest, third person salutations, and overly long winded and verbose honorific titles. Keep it simple is my motto.

Ms. Eden

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 5/12/2005 6:38:54 PM   
Westernboy2534


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline 		Bottom line there are a lot of Doms and Dommes who are NOT WORTHY of the title. And those who are not worthy of the title do not understand it is a responsibility. Does not matter how he or she refers to themselves.

(in reply to GddssBella)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Titles, labels, & myths.... - 5/12/2005 6:55:51 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Mistress: a female head of household; a woman skilled in a particular subject or activity; a woman loved or courted by a man; A WOMAN IN A POSITION OF AUTHORITY OR CONTROL


To my husband I am his wife, to my submissive(s) I am Mistress, because I am that woman in a position of authority. To all others, I'm just ShiftedJewel, or Jewel. I don't require a Ma'am, Lady, Goddess or any other title. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, it's just what I'm comfy with.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to LadyTantalize)
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