Dangerous Desires

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Aileen68 -> Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 11:06:29 AM)
One of my answers to a recent thread and a small email conversation with LaM a while ago has made me realize a few things about myself. I read the threads on SSC and on safe calls and the lengths that most go to in order to protect themselves. I completely understand the rationale and common sense behind all of this and I certainly don't fault anyone for following these guidelines. However, for me, I find all of this a huge turnoff. I get a thrill from knowingly putting myself out there...putting my pictures up. There is an arousal in knowing that I may be recognized, discovered, outed. Meeting in hotels without a safe call. Hell, no one even knows where I am at all for those hours. I find it highly erotic going into these situations where I purposely don't know last names, addresses, etc. I don't know, maybe for me this is a kink all in itself. I find I get turned off quickly if that element isn't there or diminishes over time. I seem to need to get more extreme each time or it begins to loose it's appeal to me. The funny thing is that in my real life I am not a risk taker at all. I like things very safe. It's only within my world of kink that I need this extreme mental and physical test. Can anyone relate to this or am I just crazy?

Rover -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 11:09:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 I find I get turned off quickly if that element isn't there or diminishes over time. I seem to need to get more extreme each time or it begins to loose it's appeal to me. That's the clinical nature of a fetish. John

DeepWaters -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 11:11:53 AM)
either you're an erotic adreline junkee, or you like a good dose of fear to get you in the mood...and no you aren't crazy Ive encountered quite a few girls who like their thrills edged with fear...and I happen to love it when they're trembling shy afraid or nervous...its a power trip ;)

spankmepink11 -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 11:14:11 AM)
I can relate completely

littlesarbonn -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 11:14:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 One of my answers to a recent thread and a small email conversation with LaM a while ago has made me realize a few things about myself. I read the threads on SSC and on safe calls and the lengths that most go to in order to protect themselves. I completely understand the rationale and common sense behind all of this and I certainly don't fault anyone for following these guidelines. However, for me, I find all of this a huge turnoff. I get a thrill from knowingly putting myself out there...putting my pictures up. There is an arousal in knowing that I may be recognized, discovered, outed. Meeting in hotels without a safe call. Hell, no one even knows where I am at all for those hours. I find it highly erotic going into these situations where I purposely don't know last names, addresses, etc. I don't know, maybe for me this is a kink all in itself. I find I get turned off quickly if that element isn't there or diminishes over time. I seem to need to get more extreme each time or it begins to loose it's appeal to me. The funny thing is that in my real life I am not a risk taker at all. I like things very safe. It's only within my world of kink that I need this extreme mental and physical test. Can anyone relate to this or am I just crazy? I don't think you're crazy for finding the lack of safety an erotic impulse. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But my advice, and it's just my advice and no one else's, is to think about the whole picture and in the few situations, such as meeting someone for the very first time, where you know not enough about someone, to take that safety route so that all of those other circumstances you wish to experience and explore less safe situations don't result in a situation where you have no way of culling out some predatory moron that is looking exactly for what you find in fantasy but isn't stable enough to keep it in fantasy himself.

meatcleaver -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 11:15:37 AM)
In my first BDSM relationship we were both flying blind and knew none of the jargon or rules, it was all off the cuff and it was the most intense experience I have ever had with a woman. We still meet up when we are in the same city but we can't rekindle the intensity of those couple of months some 16 years ago now. I have to admit to my interest fading fast when a sub has a list as long as her arm of what she expects, her conditions and her preferences, I just start to yawn and wonder if my friends will be in the bar. This is why its so more interesting to introduce a vanilla to BDSM, they are there for the perverse thrill, not for the theatre.

mstrjx -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 11:26:12 AM)
I personally have very different views from the 'norm', and I can't really defend my positions. I've never been in a difficult situation, and I've certainly never given another person the impression they were in a difficult situation. I'm also a man. I believe that we are all adults, accountable for our own actions. If you speak to someone online or on the phone and you get good vibes, you should act on them. If something seems 'off', don't meet that person. I think safe calls are unnecessary at best, and that's my gratuitous opinion. I admit that security is a non-issue with me. I'm not IN-secure, I'm NON-secure. I don't have concerns that many seem to have, and yet I still don't end up in bad situations. To me, it's not some vicarious thrill of taking huge risks in the forbidden zone. It's a meeting, a dinner, a whatever. If you play on the first date, it's because your intuition and your libido said that it was all right. Do bad things happen to nice people? Yes. I have known people who ended up in some undesireable situations. But at the end of the day, they don't bemoan the people who did them wrong, because they share the responsibility for being in the wrong place with the wrong person. They got up, they dusted themselves off. I don't think paranoia is a becoming trait. Flame away, Jeff

asassylilslave -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 11:28:03 AM)
i have never done safe calls; never met in a public place [:D]; played an hour after meeting someone....hmmm, not too safe here either like you said though, i think alot of it has to do with the unknown and the excitement that it brings

Aileen68 -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 11:44:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DeepWaters either you're an erotic adreline junkee, or you like a good dose of fear to get you in the mood...and no you aren't crazy Ive encountered quite a few girls who like their thrills edged with fear...and I happen to love it when they're trembling shy afraid or nervous...its a power trip ;) Having that element of fear is a big thing for me. When the source is a stranger it's even greater. Submitting under those circumstances nearly puts me in subspace before I'm even touched. That's something I never even knew could be possible.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 11:52:13 AM)
I suppose I can relate to it, though I'm not the same way. I was driving my co-worker and myself to lunch a few weeks ago and there was some traffic. We needed to get into the turn lane but there were just too many cars that I didn'twant to squeeze around them and risk an accident. My co-worker kept pushing me to go ahead and that I had plenty of room- but I waited until the line moved up and I was certain I had plenty of room. Today we had ice and sleet storms come through- I drove to work as normal while my co-worker stayed home and didn't want to drive in at all. Who is the riskier person? I am into a lot of things that people tend to call extreme. The truth is, I don't think I take risks at all. If I THINK something might happen, I just don't take the risk at all. That's why I don't do safecalls. If I feel I need a safecall, I just won't meet them. IMO it's simply common sense and manners if nothing else to let someone know you'll be out and when to expect you home. In case something does happen, it's not right to cause them to worry or deal with any more angst than they would have to. Fear junkies have a lot of outlets. While I don't condone your risks which involve other people's possible distress, otherwise I really just say that we all decide what risks we are willing to take for ourselves.

gypsygrl -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 12:00:38 PM)
I don't know whether or not you're crazy, but I can relate to it. :)

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 12:06:25 PM)
We all have fantasies that probably aren't a good idea to have become reality. Trust me. Master Fire

CreativeDominant -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 12:10:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 quote: ORIGINAL: DeepWaters either you're an erotic adreline junkee, or you like a good dose of fear to get you in the mood...and no you aren't crazy Ive encountered quite a few girls who like their thrills edged with fear...and I happen to love it when they're trembling shy afraid or nervous...its a power trip ;) Having that element of fear is a big thing for me. When the source is a stranger it's even greater. Submitting under those circumstances nearly puts me in subspace before I'm even touched. That's something I never even knew could be possible. I don't think you are crazy. I used to believe in at least meeting once or twice before playing with someone but I have done so without meeting the person first and you are right, there is a bigger thrill in it, though the feeling from this side of the lash is a differing enhancement of what is going on. There is a heightened element of the feeling of power and control that you have over this person. The only thing that concerns me about what you state is more from your earlier post when you noted that you find yourself taking it to more and more extremes AND that you find it gets rather boring the more you know someone. The first is scarey for your friends and loved ones because of the unknown dangers and their increasing in likelihood-of-something-bad-happening because of the seeking of extremes. The second could be bad only if your outlook is that of wanting to find a longer-term partner, knowing that the possibility of boredom exists with increasing familiarity but not doing anything about it to continue to find fresh intensity in situations with that partner.

SleeplessGypsy -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 12:14:12 PM)
I can absolutly relate, and no, You're not crazy... My younger years were spent doing exactly what I wanted when I wanted.. [:D]

spankmepink11 -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 12:19:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 quote: ORIGINAL: DeepWaters either you're an erotic adreline junkee, or you like a good dose of fear to get you in the mood...and no you aren't crazy Ive encountered quite a few girls who like their thrills edged with fear...and I happen to love it when they're trembling shy afraid or nervous...its a power trip ;) Having that element of fear is a big thing for me. When the source is a stranger it's even greater. Submitting under those circumstances nearly puts me in subspace before I'm even touched. That's something I never even knew could be possible. Something about about being completely out of my comfort zone does it for me as well as what you're describing. And yes Aileen there is nothing like hovering on the edge from the get go.

Aileen68 -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 12:53:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross IMO it's simply common sense and manners if nothing else to let someone know you'll be out and when to expect you home. In case something does happen, it's not right to cause them to worry or deal with any more angst than they would have to. Fear junkies have a lot of outlets. While I don't condone your risks which involve other people's possible distress, otherwise I really just say that we all decide what risks we are willing to take for ourselves. Yeah that's been an issue with me too. I'm struggling to find a comfortable middle ground. I may have to resort back to the sacrificial mom role and put a lot of things on the back burner if I can't find that compromise. edited to add...it's hard for me though because that feeling that I get is so addicting.

slavejali -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 1:12:06 PM)
While I haven't done what You're exactly talking about on a large scale, I can relate to the feeling with coming together with Master. I committed my life to him online, before even meeting him. I did not create any safety nets, heck after I picked him up from the airport, within hours we were in the middle of nowhere, where no one would hear me scream. I knew absolutely that he would change my life to how I had been living it and that was incredibly frightening yet totally full of energy at the same time. There was nothing in my mind saying this was a trial or that I had the option to back out of my promise and commitment. I saw myself as purchased, kinda like a mail order slave. thats probably pretty unsafe to most peoples minds [;)] Btw, Master says, most of the slaves he has met, no matter what they "say" about safety...when it all comes down to it, all their safety shit flies out the window realistically....the biggest pronouncers of "safety" to others, oftentimes are the ones that do not heed their own advice. (thats what he has experienced anyways). So your kink might not be as uncommon as you think....

onestandingstill -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 1:16:14 PM)
Hi Aileen, I understand your perspective because I'm opposite it actually. I am so uncomfortable with someone new it's like I'm too uptight to relax and all these horrid concerns make me stand fully on guard and not relax. Strange is fine, but familiar repetition works for me best. I agree it may be the rush of danger, or the rush of the stranger, but in all I think it's more. A brand new partner is flawless, thus perfect in your eyes. Till time progresses and you see their more human side, it's like this is superman to you. Maybe the fear of their flaws affecting your sexual response is affecting it for you once you know them better. For me it's the opposite. When I see little flaws it makes me think, hey he's human just like me, I am good enough in all my glorious imperfection for him. I also like once you know what speed and how and where your partners like to be stimulated, maybe you like the adventure of discovering that more than that being familiar to you. Just remember playing alone in a hotel room with no one knowing where you are with a stranger is like playing Russian roulette. Sooner or later something is bound to hurt you, then were are you if no one know where you went? Is hot sex worth dying for??? If so you may as well not wear condoms either, hell you run less a risk of catching STD's as you do getting hurt in some strangers hotel room alone. BE Safe, suzanne

Hisamicia -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 1:18:15 PM)
I have always used a safe call, but that was true long before discovering the lifestyle and even before the internet. It was always just standard procedure in my family to let someone know where you were going and how long you would be away. If we are traveling over 15 miles or in bad weather, we call to say we arrived safely, though back in the Dark Ages, that often took the form of a collect call to ourself or a code name. In high school (also during the Dark Ages), the first date with someone was always discussed with my girlfriends beforehand and of course I had to call afterward and tell them all about it. For me, the safe call was already a habit. I am not too concerned if a someone chooses not to use a safe call, but being told NOT to have one would raise all kind of red flags for me, no matter what side of the whip they are on. As always, this is only my opinion and experience. All people/relationships/ kinks are different. ymmv Edited because I can't type... or edit NChaka's amicia I have never been lifted so high as when I kneel at His feet.

Lordandmaster -> RE: Dangerous Desires (1/15/2007 1:24:56 PM)
It's understandable as a fantasy, but not sustainable in reality. What happens when things get so extreme that you can no longer handle them? Either you have to accept that you might get into a situation where things happen that you don't like, or you have to back off and tolerate a situation where you're not COMPLETELY out of control. You can't be both in control and not in control all at the same time. quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 I find I get turned off quickly if that element isn't there or diminishes over time. I seem to need to get more extreme each time or it begins to loose it's appeal to me.

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